The Bible’s Viewpoint

Marital Fidelity​—What Does It Really Mean?

Most people expect marriage mates to be sexually faithful to each other. This view of marital fidelity agrees with the Bible, which says: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement.”​—Hebrews 13:4.

IS REFRAINING from sex with other partners the full extent of what it means to be faithful in marriage? What about sexual fantasies involving someone other than your marriage mate? Could a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex become a form of “infidelity”?

Are Sexual Fantasies Harmless?

The Bible presents sex as a natural and wholesome part of married life, a source of mutual joy and satisfaction. (Proverbs 5:18, 19) But many modern experts believe that it is normal​—even healthy—​for a married person to fantasize about other sexual partners. Are such fantasies harmless as long as they are not acted upon?

Sexual fantasies typically focus on personal gratification. Such self-centered behavior is contrary to the Bible’s advice for married people. Regarding sexual relations God’s Word says: “The wife does not exercise authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, also, the husband does not exercise authority over his own body, but his wife does.” (1 Corinthians 7:4) Following the Bible’s counsel prevents sex from becoming a fantasy-fueled act of lust and selfishness. As a result, both marriage mates enjoy greater happiness.​—Acts 20:35; Philippians 2:4.

Fantasies of sex outside of marriage involve mentally rehearsing actions that if carried out would cause great emotional pain to one’s mate. Will engaging in sexual fantasies increase the likelihood of committing adultery? The simple answer is yes. The Bible illustrates the link between thoughts and actions: “Each one is tried by being drawn out and enticed by his own desire. Then the desire, when it has become fertile, gives birth to sin.”​—James 1:14, 15.

Jesus said: “Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) By refusing to dwell on adulterous fantasies, you “safeguard your heart” and protect your marriage.​—Proverbs 4:23.

Why Remain Emotionally Faithful?

A successful marriage requires giving “exclusive devotion” to your mate. (Song of Solomon 8:6; Proverbs 5:15-18) What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of  both sexes outside of marriage, your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of “infidelity,” even if no sexual activity is involved. *

How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seem more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their “confidential talk” will be kept private.​—Proverbs 25:9.

Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may! ‘The heart is treacherous,’ says Jeremiah 17:9. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask yourself: ‘Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship?’​—Matthew 7:12.

An improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotional closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warned, “out of the heart come . . . adulteries.” (Matthew 15:19) However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Karen * said: “When I discovered that Mark was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involved sexually. I am not sure that I will ever trust him.”

Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself.”​—Proverbs 22:3.

Protect Your One-Flesh Bond

Our Creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship between two humans. He said that husband and wife “must become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) The one-flesh bond involves more than sexual intimacy. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strengthened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. (Proverbs 31:11; Malachi 2:14, 15; Ephesians 5:28, 33) Applying these principles will help to protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.

[Footnotes]

HAVE YOU WONDERED?

▪ Can sexual fantasies lead to actions?​—James 1:14, 15.

▪ Could a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex threaten your marriage?​—Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:19.

▪ How can you strengthen your marriage bond?​—1 Corinthians 7:4; 13:8; Ephesians 5:28, 33.

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“Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”​—Matthew 5:28