Zimene Achinyamata Amadzifunsa

Kodi Ndithetse Chibwenzi?

“Titakhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi itatu, tinkaganiza kuti zonse zili bwino. Tinagwirizana kuti tidzakhale limodzi moyo wathu wonse, ndipo tinkaona kuti zimenezo n’zosavuta.”—Anatero Jessica. *

“Ndinakopeka kwambiri ndi mnyamata wina ndipo patapita zaka zingapo, iyenso anayamba kukopeka nane. Ndinali wosangalala kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mnyamatayu. Ndinkadziwa kuti adzandisamalira bwino chifukwa anali wamkulu poyerekeza ndi ineyo.”—Anatero Carol.

M’kupita kwa nthawi, Jessica ndi Carol anathetsa zibwenzi zawo. Chifukwa chiyani? Kodi iwo anapusa pothetsa chibwenzi ndi anyamatawo, amene poyamba ankawakonda kwambiri?

TIYEREKEZERE kuti mwakhala pachibwenzi pafupifupi chaka. Poyamba munkaganiza kuti mwapeza mwamuna wapamtima. * Nthawi zina mumakumbukira chikondi chimene chinalipo mutangoyamba chibwenzicho. Koma panopa mukukayikira ngati mukukondananso. Kodi muyenera kunyalanyaza maganizo amenewo? Kodi mungadziwe bwanji ngati mukufunika kuthetsa chibwenzicho?

Choyamba muyenera kudziwa mfundo iyi ngakhale kuti mwina singakusangalatseni: Kunyalanyaza zinthu zokayikitsa pachibwenzi kuli ngati kunyalanyaza chizindikiro chokuchenjezani kuti galimoto yanu ili ndi vuto penapake. Kunyalanyaza sikungathetse vutolo, m’malo mwake kungachititse vutolo kukula. Kodi ndi zizindikiro zotani zokuchenjezani pamene muli pachibwenzi zimene simuyenera kuzinyalanyaza?

Chibwenzi chanu chikufulumira. Ngati chibwenzi chanu chikufulumira kwambiri pamakhala mavuto. Carol anati: “Tinkatumizirana maimelo, kucheza pa Intaneti ndi kuimbirana mafoni. Kucheza mwa njira imeneyi kumasokoneza maganizo kwambiri kuposa kuonana maso ndi maso, chifukwa mumayamba msanga kumasukirana kwambiri polankhulana nkhani za chikondi.” Khalani ndi mpata wodziwana bwino. Chibwenzi sichiyenera kukhala ngati udzu umene umafulumira kumera koma n’kuuma m’nthawi yochepa. M’malo mwake chiyenera kukhala ngati mtengo wabwino umene umatenga nthawi kuti ukule.

Amangoona zolakwa zanga ndiponso amandinyoza. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Ana ananena kuti: “Mnyamata amene ndinali naye pachibwenzi ankakonda kundinyoza, koma ndinkamukondabe ndipo ndinkafuna kukhala naye pafupi nthawi zonse. Ndinkalolera zinthu zimene sindinaziganizirepo n’komwe kuti ndingazilole.” Baibulo limaletsa “mawu achipongwe.” (Aefeso 4:31) Mawu onyoza, ngakhale atanenedwa popanda  kukalipa, si abwino pachibwenzi chifukwa pamafunika kukondana.—Miyambo 12:18.

Sachedwa kupsa mtima. Lemba la Miyambo 17:27 limati: “Wofatsa mtima ali wanzeru.” Mtsikana wina dzina lake Erin anapeza kuti mnyamata amene anali naye pachibwenzi sachedwa kupsa mtima. Iye anati: “Tikasemphana maganizo, ankandikankha ndipo nthawi zambiri ndinkagwa n’kuvulala.” Baibulo limalangiza Akhristu kuti: “Kuwawidwa mtima konse kwa njiru, kupsa mtima, mkwiyo . . . zichotsedwe mwa inu.” (Aefeso 4:31) Ngati munthu sadziletsa, ndiye kuti sanakhwime maganizo moti n’kukhala pachibwenzi.—2 Timoteyo 3:1, 3, 5.

Safuna ena kudziwa kuti tili pachibwenzi. “Mnyamata yemwe ndinali naye pachibwenzi sankafuna kuti anthu adziwe za chibwenzi chathu,” anatero Angela. “Iye anakwiya kwambiri bambo anga atadziwa kuti tili pachibwenzi.” Ndi zoona kuti pangakhale zifukwa zomveka zobisira kuti muli pachibwenzi. Koma kuyesa kubisa chibwenzicho kwa anthu amene ayenera kudziwa, ndiye kuti chibwenzi chanucho chili ndi vuto.

Alibe maganizo akuti tidzakwatirane. Akhristu amaona kuti chibwenzi si nkhani yamasewera, chifukwa cholinga chake ndi kuthandiza mnyamata ndi mtsikana kuona ngati angadzakwatirane. Koma zimenezi sizitanthauza kuti mukangoyamba chibwenzi ndiye kuti basi muyambenso kukonzekera ukwati. Ndipotu anthu ambiri sakwatirana ndi munthu amene anali woyamba kukhala naye pachibwenzi. Komabe munthu sayenera kukhala ndi chibwenzi ngati sanakonzekere kukwatira.

Chibwenzi chathu chimatha kenako n’kuyambiranso. Lemba la Miyambo 17:17 limati: “Bwenzi limakonda nthawi zonse.” Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mungagwirizane pa chilichonse. Koma chibwenzi chimene chimangokhalira kutha n’kuyambiranso, chimasonyeza kuti pali vuto lalikulu lofunika kuliona bwino. Ana anadzazindikira zimenezi. Iye anati: “Chibwenzi chathu chinatha maulendo ambirimbiri, ndipo zimenezi zinkandipweteketsa mutu. Ndinkalimbikira kukhala pachibwenzi chopanda phindu.”

Amafuna kuti tizigonana. “Ngati ukukana, ndiye kuti sundikonda.” “Chikondi chathu chiyenera kufika pena tsopano.” “Kugwiranagwirana si kugonana.” Amenewa ndi mawu amene anyamata amanena pofuna kunyengerera atsikana kuti agone nawo. Lemba la Yakobe 3:17 limati: “Nzeru yochokera kumwamba, choyamba, ndi yoyera.” Monga mtsikana wodzisunga, mufunikira mnyamata wamakhalidwe abwino amene angalemekeze kudzisunga kwanu. Ngati si wotero, ndiye kuti si woyenera kukhala naye pachibwenzi.

Ena andichenjezapo za iye. Baibulo limati: “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo; koma pochuluka aphungu zikhazikika.” (Miyambo 15:22) Jessica anati: “Si bwino kunyalanyaza maganizo ako pankhani ngati imeneyi. Si bwinonso kunyalanyaza zimene achibale ndi anzako apamtima akunena. Mukamapitiriza kunyalanyaza zimene ena akunena, m’pamenenso zinthu zimaipiraipira.”

Zimene takambiranazi ndi zizindikiro zochepa chabe zimene zingasonyeze kuti chibwenzi chanu chili ndi vuto. * Ngati muli pachibwenzi, kodi mnyamata amene muli naye pachibwenziyo alibe zizindikiro zimenezi? Lembani m’munsimu zinthu zilizonse zokhudza chibwenzi chanu zimene zimakudetsani nkhawa.

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 Mmene Mungathetsere Chibwenzi

Ngati mwaona kuti ndi bwino kuthetsa chibwenzi, kodi mungatani? Pali njira zambiri zimene mungatsatire, koma kumbukirani zinthu izi:

Limbani mtima. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Trina anati: “Ndinayamba kudalira kwambiri mnyamata yemwe ndinali naye pachibwenzi, moti ndinkaopa kumusiya.” Zimafuna kulimba mtima kuti munthu alankhule maganizo ake pofuna kuthetsa chibwenzi. Koma ndi bwino kulankhula maganizo ako. (Miyambo 22:3) Tikutero chifukwa zingakuthandizeni kuti mukhale ndi malire pa zimene mungalole ndi zimene simungalole pamene muli pachibwenzi, ndipo kenako m’banja.

Chitani zinthu momuganizira. Zitakhala kuti mnyamatayo ndi amene akufuna kuthetsa chibwenzi, kodi inuyo mungafune kuti achite bwanji? (Mateyo 7:12) Kunena zoona, si bwino kungomutumizira imelo kapena uthenga wa pafoni n’kumuuza kuti “Basi chatha.”

Sankhani malo oyenera. Kodi ndi bwino kulankhula naye pamaso ndi pamaso kapena pafoni? Kodi ndi bwino kulemba kalata kapena kukumana, n’kukambirana? Zingadalire mmene zinthu zilili. Koma pewani kukumana pamalo amene mnyamatayo angakuchitireni nkhanza mosavuta, ndiponso si nzeru kukhala kwanokha kumene mungakhale ndi zilakolako zoipa.—1 Atesalonika 4:3.

Nenani chilungamo. Pofotokoza chifukwa chimene mukuganizira kuti chibwenzi chithe, nenani chilungamo. Ngati mukuona kuti mnyamatayo sakuwerengerani, muuzeni. Ingonenani maganizo anu. Mwachitsanzo, m’malo monena kuti, “Nthawi zonse umandinyoza,” munganene kuti, “Ndimaona kuti ndine wonyozeka iweyo . . . [Tchulani zimene amakuchitirani]”

Inunso mvetserani. Kodi pali chimene simukumvetsa pankhaniyo? Musalole kupusitsidwa ndi zolankhula zake zokunyengererani. Komabe, muyenera kuganiza bwino ndi kuona nkhani yonse bwinobwino. Baibulo limapereka malangizo anzeru awa kwa Akhristu: ‘Khalani ofulumira kumva, odekha polankhula.’—Yakobe 1:19.

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[Mawu a M’munsi]

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE

▪ Lembani m’munsimu makhalidwe amene mumaona kuti ndi abwino ndipo mungafune kuti munthu amene mungakhale naye pachibwenzi akhale nawo. ․․․․․

▪ Kodi ndi makhalidwe ati amene mukuganiza kuti si abwino? ․․․․․

[Bokosi patsamba 20]

MUNTHU AMENE MUKUFUNA KUKHALA NAYE PACHIBWENZI, AYENERA . . .

□ kukhala wachipembedzo chanu.—1 Akorinto 7:39.

□ kulemekeza mfundo zanu za makhalidwe abwino.—1 Akorinto 6:18.

□ kukuganizirani ndiponso kuganizira anthu ena.—Afilipi 2:4.

□ kukhala ndi mbiri yabwino.—Afilipi 2:20.

[Bokosi patsamba 20]

SAMALANI NGATI CHIBWENZI CHANU . . .

□ chimakakamira zofuna zake basi.

□ chimakuchititsani kumadziimba mlandu, kudziona wopusa, kapena wopanda ntchito.

□ chimayesetsa kuti musamakhale kwambiri ndi anzanu kapena achibale.

□ chimangokhalira kufufuza kumene muli.

□ chimakonda kunena kuti mumakopana ndi anyamata ena popanda umboni weniweni.

□ chimakuopsezani kapena kukuikirani malamulo ambirimbiri.

[Chithunzi patsamba 19]

Kunyalanyaza zizindikiro zokuchenjezani pachibwenzi kuli ngati kunyalanyaza zizindikiro zokuchenjezani kuti galimoto yanu ili ndi vuto penapake

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