Mavuto Amene Mabanja Amene Ali Ndi Ana Opeza Amakumana Nawo

● Katswiri wina, dzina lake Dr. Patricia Papernow, anati: “Kuyesetsa kuthana ndi mavuto a m’banja limene lili ndi ana opeza pogwiritsa ntchito njira zimene munkatsatira m’banja lanu loyamba kuli ngati kuyenda mumzinda wa New York pogwiritsa ntchito mapu a mzinda wa Boston.”

Tiyenera kudziwa kuti mavuto amene anthu amakumana nawo m’banja la ana opeza amakhala osiyana komanso aakulu kwambiri poyerekeza ndi mavuto amene ankakumana nawo m’banja lawo loyamba. Ndipotu katswiri wina wa za maganizo, dzina lake William Merkel, ananena kuti: “Banja la ana opeza ndi lovuta kwambiri komanso silizolowereka.”

Ndiyeno ngati banja la ana opeza lili lovuta chonchi, kodi anthu am’banja lotereli angatani kuti zinthu ziziwayendera bwino? Anthu amene ali m’banja la ana opeza tingawayerekezere ndi zigamba ziwiri za chovala zimene mukuzisoka kuti zikhale nsalu imodzi. Zigambazo zimakhala zosalimba mukamayamba kusoka, koma mukamaliza zimakhala nsalu imodzi yolimba kwambiri. Zimenezi zimatheka ngati mwasoka mosamala.

Tsopano tiyeni tikambirane ena mwa mavuto amene mabanja omwe ali ndi ana opeza amakumana nawo kawirikawiri ndiponso njira zimene mabanja ena atsatira kuti athane ndi mavuto amenewa. Kenako tiona zitsanzo zamabanja anayi omwe akwanitsa kuthana ndi mavuto m’banja mwawo.

 VUTO LOYAMBA: ZIMENE MUNKAYEMBEKEZERA SIZINACHITIKE

“Nditangokwatiwa kumene ndinkayembekezera kuti ana anga opeza azindikonda komanso sachedwa kuyamba kundiona kuti ndine mayi awo. Koma tsopano zaka 8 zatha ndipo zimenezi sizinachitikebe.”—Anatero Gloria. *

NTHAWI zambiri anthu a m’mabanja a ana opeza amayembekezera zinthu zabwino. Makolo amafuna kupewa kuchita zinthu zimene ankalakwitsa ndipo amafuna apeze chikondi chimene sankachipeza m’banja lawo loyamba. Zinthu zina zimene anthuwa amayembekezera zimakhala zosatheka ndipo chifukwa cha zimenezi amakhumudwa. N’chifukwa chake Baibulo limanena kuti: “Chinthu chimene unali kuyembekeza chikalephereka, chimadwalitsa mtima.” (Miyambo 13:12) Ndiyeno kodi inuyo mungatani ngati mwakhumudwa chifukwa chakuti zimene mumayembekezera sizinatheke?

ZIMENE MUNGACHITE

Musamangosunga nkhawa zanu mumtima poganiza kuti zitha zokha. M’malo mwake, yesetsani kudziwa chimene chakuchititsani kuti mukhumudwe. Kenako ganizirani chifukwa chimene mumayembekezera kuti zimenezo zichitike. Kuchita zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kudziwa ngati zinthuzo zili zofunikadi. Pomalizira ganizirani zinthu zimene zingathekedi. Taonani zitsanzo zotsatirazi:

1. Ndikadzakwatiranso nthawi yomweyo ndidzayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi ana anga opeza.

Chifukwa? Kuyambira kale ndimafuna kuti ndizikhala m’banja la anthu okondana.

Zimene tingayembekezere: Pangapite nthawi yaitali kuti ine ndi ana anga opeza tidzayambe kukondana kwambiri. Panopa chofunika kwambiri n’choti tizilemekezana komanso aliyense azikhala mwamtendere.

2. Aliyense sadzachedwa kuzolowera banja latsopanolo.

Chifukwa? Tonse ndife okonzeka kusintha.

Zimene tingayembekezere: Nthawi zambiri anthu a m’mabanja oterewa amatenga zaka zinayi kapena 7 kuti ayambe kuzolowerana bwinobwino. Choncho tisamakhumudwe zinthu zikakhala kuti sizikuyenda bwino nthawi zina.

3. Sitizidzakangana za ndalama.

Chifukwa? Tizidzakondana kwambiri moti sitizidzakangana pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono.

Zimene tingayembekezere: Mmene aliyense ankayendetsera nkhani za ndalama m’banja lake loyamba sizingafanane ndi za wina. Choncho pangapite nthawi kuti tiyambe kugwirizana pa nkhani ya kayendetsedwe ka ndalama.

 VUTO LACHIWIRI: KUSAMVETSETSANA

“Nditangokwatiranso aliyense m’banja lathu sanachedwe kuzolowera.”—Anatero Yoshito.

“Zinanditengera zaka pafupifupi 10 kuti ndiyambe kuchita zinthu zothandiza kuti banja lathu la ana opeza liyambe kuyenda bwino.”—Anatero Tatsuki, yemwe ndi mwana wopeza wa Yoshito.

NTHAWI zambiri vuto limene anthu a m’mabanja a ana opeza amakumana nalo ndi kusamvetsetsana, ngati mmene zinalili ndi Yoshito komanso Tatsuki. Kodi kumvetsa mfundo imeneyi n’kofunika chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chakuti kuwamvetsa bwino anthu a m’banja lanu kungakuthandizeni kuti muthetsedi mwamsanga mavuto amene mungakumane nawo.

Muyenera kusamala ndi zimene mumalankhula chifukwa zingakhumudwitse kapena kulimbikitsa anthu a m’banja mwanu. N’chifukwa chake Baibulo limati: “Imfa ndiponso moyo zili mu mphamvu ya lilime.” (Miyambo 18:21) Kodi zolankhula zanu zingathandize bwanji kuti muzimvetsetsana?

ZIMENE MUNGACHITE

• M’malo mongothamangira kuweruza anthu a m’banja mwanu, muziwamvetsa komanso kuwalankhula mwachifundo. Mwachitsanzo:

Ngati mwana wanu wopeza wanena kuti, “Ndawasowa kwambiri bambo anga,” muzimumvetsa. M’malo momuuza kuti, “Koma bambo ako okulerawa amakukonda kwambiri kuposa bambo ako aja,” munganene kuti: “Ndikudziwa kuti n’zovuta kuleredwa ndi munthu wina yemwe si bambo ako enieni. Tandiuze, n’chifukwa chiyani wawasowa kwambiri?”

M’malo moimba mlandu mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu watsopanoyo ponena kuti, “Mwanayutu amachita mwano chifukwa chakuti simunamulere bwino,” yesani kumuuza zimene zingathandize. Mwina munganene kuti: “Kodi mungamuuzeko Luka kuti azichita odi akamalowa m’nyumba muno?”

• Kudyera limodzi, kuchita zosangalatsa komanso kuphunzira za Mulungu pamodzi kungakuthandizeni kuti mudziwane bwinobwino.

• Mukamakambirana zinthu pa banja panu, muzionetsetsa kuti aliyense alipo. Muzipereka mpata kwa aliyense kuti alankhule ndipo musamamudule mawu. Pokambiranapo mungayambe ndi kutchula zabwino zokhudza banja lanu latsopanolo kenako n’kutchula mbali zomwe zingafunike kukonza. Muzichita zinthu mwaulemu ngakhale kuti simukugwirizana ndi mfundo inayake ndipo muzipereka mpata kwa aliyense kuti afotokoze mmene vutolo lingathetsedwere.

 VUTO LACHITATU: KUONANA NGATI ALENDO

“Mkazi wanga ndi ana ake amakambirana nkhani kumbali, kenako onse amabwera n’kudzandikakamiza kuti nditsatire maganizo awo. Ndimangodziona ngati mlendo basi.”—Anatero Walt.

KUDZIONA ngati mlendo m’banja mwanu kungayambitsenso mavuto ena. Mwachitsanzo:

• Zimachitika kuti pamene munali pa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu watsopanoyo, ana anu ankagwirizana naye kwambiri koma mutangokwatirana zinthu zinasintha.

• Mukamakonda kwambiri mwana wanu, kaya akhale wamng’ono, mayi kapena bambo ake omupezawo akhoza kuyamba kumuchitira nsanje kwambiri.

• Nkhani zazing’ono zimatha kuyambitsa mkangano waukulu.

Ngati ana sakugwirizana ndi kholo lawo lowapeza, kholo lenileni la anawo limapanikizika. Mwachitsanzo, Carmen ananena kuti: “Mwamuna wanga akakhala kuti sakugwirizana ndi ana anga, zimandivuta kuti ndikhala kumbali ya ndani.”

Kutsatira mfundo yofunika kwambiri imene Yesu anaphunzitsa kungathandize kuthana ndi vuto limeneli. Iye anati: “Zinthu zonse zimene mukufuna kuti anthu akuchitireni, inunso muwachitire zomwezo.” (Mateyu 7:12) Kodi mabanja amene ali ndi ana opeza angatani kuti aliyense asamadzione kuti ndi mlendo m’banjamo?

ZIMENE MUNGACHITE

• Muzikonda kwambiri mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu. (Genesis 2:24) Muziyesetsa kupeza nthawi yocheza naye ndipo muzichita zinthu zothandiza kuti aliyense m’banjamo azidziwa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanuyo ndi wofunika kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, bambo asanakwatire angauze ana ake mawu otsatirawa: “Awa ndi amene adzakhale amayi anu ndipo ndikukhulupirira kuti muziwalemekeza.”

• Muziyesetsa kupeza nthawi yocheza ndi mwana wanu aliyense. Mukamapatula nthawi yocheza nawo, anawo amadziwa kuti mumawaona kuti ndi ofunika komanso mumawakonda.

• Muziyesetsa kupeza nthawi yocheza ndi mwana wanu aliyense wopeza kuti azimasuka nanu ngakhale pamene mayi ake kapena bambo ake enieni palibe.

• Musamachite zinthu zoti ana anu opeza aziona kuti banja lawo loyamba linali loipa. Sibwino kukakamiza anawo kuti azikutchulani kuti “Bambo” kapena “Mayi.” Ana okulirapo zingawatengere nthawi yaitali kuti ayambe kutchula mawu akuti “banja lathu” ponena za banja lanu latsopanolo.

• Mwana aliyense muzimupatsa ntchito zapakhomo zoti azigwira, mpando woti azikhalapo pa nthawi yachakudya komanso ngati zingatheke malo akeake ogona. Zimenezi zingagwirenso ntchito kwa ana amene amakhala ndi kholo lawo lina koma amangobwera kudzacheza.

• Mwina mungachite bwino kusamukira nyumba ina kapena kukonzanso nyumba yanuyo n’cholinga choti enawo azikhala motakasuka.

 VUTO LACHINAYI: KUPEREKA CHILANGO KWA ANA

“Ndikamapereka chilango kwa ana anga opeza, mkazi wanga Carmen iye amawaikira kumbuyo m’malo mondithandiza.”—Anatero Pablo.

“Zimandipweteka kwambiri mwamuna wanga Pablo akamapereka chilango kwa ana anga chifukwa ndimaona ngati akuwachitira nkhanza.”—Anatero Carmen.

KODI n’chifukwa chiyani nthawi zina kulera ana kumakhala kovuta m’banja la ana opeza? Chifukwa chimodzi chingakhale chakuti pa nthawi yomwe anawo anali ndi kholo limodzi ankalekeleredwa. Ndiyeno kholo lawolo likakwatira kapena kukwatiwanso, anawo amavutika kutsatira malangizo a kholo latsopanolo. Zimenezi zimachititsa kuti kholo lopezalo likamapereka chilango, kholo la anawo liziganiza kuti akuwachitira nkhanza. Zimachititsanso kuti kholo la anawo likamapereka chilango, kholo lopezalo liziona kuti chilangocho n’chofewa.

Baibulo limapereka malangizo othandiza makolo kulera bwino ana awo. Mwachitsanzo limati: “Musamapsetse mtima ana anu, koma muwalere m’malangizo a Yehova [Mulungu].” (Aefeso 6:4) Mfundo yaikulu palembali ndi yakuti, makolo ayenera kuthandiza ana awo kuti azichita zinthu mwanzeru m’malo mongowauza zoyenera kuchita. Komanso makolo ayenera kukhala okoma mtima ndiponso achikondi pamene akupereka chilango. Zimenezi zingathandize kuti anawo asamapse mtima ndi chilangocho.

ZIMENE MUNGACHITE

• Kambiranani malamulo oti ana anu azitsatira ndipo pa malamulowo mungaphatikizepo malamulo amene analipo kale. Chitsanzo chotsatirachi chikusonyeza kufunika kokhazikitsa malamulo oti ana anu azitsatira.

Mayi: Jennifer, mwana aliyense m’nyumba muno saloledwa kulemba uthenga pafoni pokhapokha amalize homuweki yake.

Jennifer (mwana wopeza): Simungandiuze zochita ngati ndinu mayi anga.

Mayi: N’zoona kuti siine mayi ako, koma ndili ndi udindo wokuuza zochita. Mwana aliyense m’nyumba muno sakuloledwa kutumiza mauthenga apafoni pokhapokha amalize kulemba homuweki yake.

• Musafulumire kukhazikitsa malamulo ambirimbiri kapena kusintha zochitika za pakhomopo. Zimene kholo lingapemphe kuti mwana wopeza azichita zingaoneke ngati zazing’ono, koma mwanayo angamaone kuti ndi zovuta chifukwa akuona kuti chilichonse chasintha kale pa moyo wake. Komabe, pangafunike kukhazikitsa malamulo ena atsopano, monga okhudza kavalidwe kapena ulemu, makamaka ngati banja latsopanolo lili ndi ana akuluakulu.

• Ngati makolo asemphana maganizo pa nkhani yopereka chilango, ayenera kukambirana kwa awiri. Pokambiranapo ayenera kuganizira kwambiri zochita za mwanayo m’malo molozana chala kuti mwanayo sanaleredwe bwino.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 3]

Nthawi zina zingaoneke kuti n’zosatheka kugwirizana ndi anthu a m’banja lanu lopeza

[Chithunzi patsamba 4]

Wina akamalankhula muzimvetsera mwatcheru kuti mudziwe mmene akumvera komanso zimene zikumudetsa nkhawa

[Chithunzi patsamba 6]

Makolo akasemphana maganizo pa nkhani yopereka chilango, azikambirana pa awiri