Bonisa Uthando Nenhlonipho Ngokulawula Ulimi Lwakho

“Yilowo nalowo kini makamthande kanjalo umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena; ngakolunye uhlangothi, umfazi kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.”—EFESU 5:33.

1, 2. Imuphi umbuzo obalulekile bonke abantu abashadile okufanele bazibuze wona, futhi ngani?

AKE sithi uthola isipho esisongwe kahle sabhalwa ukuthi: “Siphathe Ngokucophelela.” Ubungasiphatha kanjani? Ngokuqinisekile ubungaqikelela kakhulu ukuze singalimali. Kuthiwani ngesipho esiwumshado?

² Umfelokazi ongumIsrayeli, uNawomi, wathi kwabesifazane abasebasha u-Orpa noRuthe: “Kwangathi uJehova anganipha isipho, futhi nithole indawo yokuphumula yilowo nalowo endlini yomyeni wakhe.” (Ruthe 1:3-9) Lapho likhuluma ngomfazi omuhle, iBhayibheli lithi: “Ifa elivela kobaba lingumuzi nomcebo, kodwa umfazi oqondayo uvela kuJehova.” (IzAga 19:14) Uma ushadile, umngane wakho kudingeka umbheke njengesipho esivela kuNkulunkulu. Usiphatha kanjani lesi sipho osiphiwe uNkulunkulu?

3. Isiphi isiyalo sikaPawulu okungakuhle amadoda nabafazi basilalele?

³ Ngekhulu lokuqala, umphostoli uPawulu wabhalela amaKristu: “Yilowo nalowo kini makamthande kanjalo umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena; ngakolunye uhlangothi, umfazi kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” (Efesu 5:33) Cabangela indlela amadoda nabafazi abangasilalela ngayo lesi siyalo ngokuqondene nenkulumo yabo.

Qaphela “Into Engalawuleki Elimazayo”

4. Ulimi lungaba kanjani ithonya elihle noma elibi?

⁴ Umlobi weBhayibheli uJakobe uthi ulimi ‘luyinto engalawuleki elimazayo, egcwele ubuthi obubulalayo.’ (Jakobe 3:8) UJakobe wayelazi leli qiniso elibalulekile: Ulimi olungalawulwa ludala umonakalo. Ngokungangabazeki, wayesijwayele isaga seBhayibheli esithi ukuphahluka ‘kunjengokuhlaba kwenkemba.’ Kodwa futhi sona leso saga sithi “ulimi lwabahlakaniphile lungukuphulukisa.” (IzAga 12:18) Impela, amazwi angaba nethonya elinamandla. Angalimaza, noma aphulukise. Awakho amazwi amenzani umngane wakho womshado? Uma ungambuza, angathini?

5, 6. Iziphi izici ezenza kube nzima kwabanye ukulawula ulimi?

⁵ Uma emshadweni wenu sekungene inkulumo elimazayo, ningasithuthukisa isimo. Nokho, kuyodingeka umzamo. Ngani? Okokuqala, kudingeka nilwe nokungapheleli. Isono esiwufuzo sinethonya elibi endleleni esicabanga ngayo ngomunye nomunye futhi sikhulumisane  ngayo. UJakobe wabhala: “Uma umuntu engakhubeki ngezwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo, ekwazi ukulawula nomzimba wayo ngokungathi ngetomu.”—Jakobe 3:2.

⁶ Ngaphezu kokungapheleli kobuntu, isimo sekhaya umuntu avela kulo sinomthelela ekusebenziseni ulimi kabi. Abanye abantu bakhulela emakhaya anabazali ‘ababengafuni sivumelwano, bengenakho ukuzithiba, benolaka.’ (2 Thimothewu 3:1-3) Ngokuvamile, izingane ezikhulela ekhaya elinjalo ziba nezici ezifanayo lapho sezindala. Yebo, ukungapheleli nenkuliso engeyinhle akuyithetheleli inkulumo elimazayo. Nokho, ukuzazi lezi zici kusisiza siqonde ukuthi kungani kwabanye kunzima ngokukhethekile ukunqanda ulimi ekukhulumeni izinto ezilimazayo.

‘Lahlani Ukunyevuza’

7. UPetru wayesho ukuthini lapho eyala amaKristu ukuba ‘alahle zonke izinhlobo zokunyevuza’?

⁷ Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi iyini imbangela, ukusebenzisa inkulumo elimazayo emshadweni kungabonisa ukuntula uthando nenhlonipho ngomuntu oshade naye. Ngesizathu esihle, uPetru wayala amaKristu ukuba ‘alahle zonke izinhlobo zokunyevuza.’ (1 Petru 2:1) Igama lesiGreki elihunyushwe ngokuthi ‘ukunyevuza’ lisho “inkulumo ehlambalazayo.” Linikeza umqondo ‘wokucibishela abantu ngamazwi.’ Yeka ukuthi lokho kuyichaza kahle kanjani imiphumela yolimi olungalawulwa!

8, 9. Ukusebenzisa amazwi ayiziswana kungaba namuphi umphumela, futhi kungani abangane bomshado kufanele bakugweme?

⁸ Inkulumo elimazayo ingase ibonakale ingeyimbi kangako, kodwa cabanga ngalokho okwenzekayo lapho indoda noma umfazi eyisebenzisa. Ukubiza umngane womshado ngesilima, ivila, noma igovu kusikisela ukuthi ubuntu bakhe bubonke bungafingqwa ngegama elilodwa—elilulazayo nokwenza! Unya uqobo lwalo. Kuthiwani ngezinkulumo ezenza ihaba ngokushiyeka komngane womshado? Awalona yini ihaba amazwi anjengokuthi “Uhlale ushiywa isikhathi njalo nje” noma “Akwenzeki ungilalele”? Nakanjani ayokwenza umuntu azame ukuzivikela. Lokho kungaholela empikiswaneni enkulu.—Jakobe 3:5.

⁹ Ukuba namagama ayiziswana lapho nixoxa kwenza izinto zibe nzima emshadweni, futhi nalokhu kungaba nemiphumela emibi kakhulu. IzAga 25:24 zithi: “Kungcono ukuhlala echosheni lophahla kunokuhlala nomfazi othanda ingxabano endlini, nakuba niyihlanganyela.” Yebo, kungashiwo okufanayo nangendoda ethanda ingxabano. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, amazwi ahlabayo angabucekela phansi ubuhlobo, mhlawumbe enze indoda noma umfazi azizwe engathandwa, noma engathandeki imbala. Ngokusobala, ukulawula ulimi kubalulekile. Kodwa kungenziwa kanjani?

‘Lawula Ulimi Ngokungathi Ngetomu’

10. Kungani kubalulekile ukulawula ulimi?

¹⁰ UJakobe 3:8 uthi: “Ulimi, akekho noyedwa kubantu ongaluthambisa.” Nokho, njengoba umgibeli wehhashi esebenzisa amatomu ukuze aliqondise, nathi kufanele senze okusemandleni ethu ukulawula ulimi. “Uma umuntu ezibona sengathi ungumkhulekeli oqotho, kodwa nokho engalulawuli ulimi lwakhe ngokungathi ngetomu, kodwa eqhubeka ekhohlisa inhliziyo yakhe, indlela yalo muntu yokukhulekela iyize.” (Jakobe 1:26; 3:2, 3) La mazwi abonisa ukuthi indlela osebenzisa ngayo ulimi lwakho iyindaba engathí sina. Ayithinti kuphela ubuhlobo bakho nomngane wakho womshado; ithinta nobuhlobo bakho noJehova uNkulunkulu uqobo.—1 Petru 3:7.

11. Kungavinjelwa kanjani ukuphambana ukuba kungabhebhetheki kube impikiswano enkulu?

¹¹ Kuwukuhlakanipha ukuphawula indlela okhuluma ngayo nomngane wakho womshado. Uma kuba nesimo esicindezelayo, zama ukudambisa ukushuba kwesimo. Cabanga ngesimo esavela phakathi kuka-Isaka nomkakhe, uRebheka, esikuGenesise 27:46–28:4. “URebheka wayelokhu ethi ku-Isaka: ‘Ngiyakwenyanya  lokhu kuphila kwami ngenxa yamadodakazi kaHeti. Uma uJakobe engathatha umfazi emadodakazini kaHeti njengalawa avela emadodakazini ezwe, kunanzuzoni ukuphila kimi?’” Akukho lutho olubonisa ukuthi u-Isaka wasabela ngokhahlo. Kunalokho, wathuma indodana yabo uJakobe ukuba iyofuna umfazi owesaba uNkulunkulu cishe owayengeke abangele uRebheka ukucindezeleka. Ake sithi kuba nokungaboni ngaso linye phakathi kwendoda nomkayo. Ukugwema ukugxeka omunye, uchaze inkinga ngokwayo, kungavimbela ukuphambana okuncane ukuba kungabhebhetheki kube impikiswano enkulu. Ngokwesibonelo, kunokuba uthi, “Njalo nje awuhlali nami!” kunganjani uthi, “Ngingathanda sibe nesikhathi esiningana ndawonye”? Gxila enkingeni, hhayi nje kumuntu. Melana nokuthambekela kokucubungula ukuthi ubani omsulwa ubani osephutheni. AmaRoma 14:19 athi: “[Phishekelani] izinto ezibangela ukuthula nezinto ezakhayo komunye nomunye.”

Lahla ‘Ukufutheka Okubi, Intukuthelo Nolaka’

12. Ukuze silawule ulimi, yini okufanele siyithandazele futhi ngani?

¹² Ukulawula ulimi kuhilela okungaphezu kokuqaphela esikushoyo. Kakade, esikushoyo empeleni kusuka enhliziyweni. UJesu wathi: “Umuntu omuhle ukhipha okuhle engcebweni enhle yenhliziyo yakhe, kodwa umuntu omubi ukhipha okubi engcebweni yakhe embi; ngoba umlomo wakhe ukhuluma ngokuchichima kwenhliziyo.” (Luka 6:45) Ngakho, ukuze ulawule ulimi, kungase kudingeke uthandaze njengoDavide: “O Nkulunkulu, dala kimi inhliziyo ehlanzekile impela, ufake ngaphakathi kimi umoya omusha, ogxilile.”—IHubo 51:10.

13. Ukufutheka okubi, intukuthelo nolaka kungaholela kanjani ekuhlambalazeni?

¹³ UPawulu wanxusa abase-Efesu ukuba bangagwemi nje kuphela amazwi alimazayo kodwa nemizwa ewabangelayo. Wabhala: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nokuhlambalaza kanye nabo bonke ububi.” (Efesu 4:31) Phawula ukuthi ngaphambi kokuthinta ‘ukuklabalasa nokuhlambalaza,’ uPawulu wabhekisela ‘ekufuthekeni okubi nentukuthelo nolaka.’ Ukufuthelana ngaphakathi yikhona okwenza umuntu afune ukugqamuka inkulumo elimazayo. Ngakho zibuze: ‘Ingabe ngifukamele ukufutheka enhliziyweni yami? Ingabe “ngithambekele ekufuthekeni”?’ (IzAga 29:22) Uma unjalo, thandaza kuNkulunkulu ucele usizo lokunqoba lokhu kuthambekela futhi ubonise ukuzithiba ukuze uvimbele intukuthelo yakho ukuba ingagqamuki. IHubo 4:4 lithi: “Thukuthelani, kodwa ningoni. Khulumani ngenhliziyo, phezu kombhede wenu, kodwa nithule.” Uma kufika intukuthelo futhi ubona sengathi uzohluleka ukuzithiba, lalela isiyalo sezAga 17:14: “Ngaphambi kokuba kuqhume ingxabano, hamba.” Suka kuleso simo okwesikhashana ize idlule ingozi.

14. Ukubamba amagqubu kungawuthinta kanjani umshado?

¹⁴ Akulula ukulawula ulaka nentukuthelo, ikakhulu uma kubangelwa yilokho uPawulu akubiza ngokuthi “ukufutheka okubi.” Igama lesiGreki uPawulu alisebenzisa liye lachazwa ngokuthi lisho “ukucasuka ungafuni ukuba kubuyiswane” kanye ‘nokubamba amagqubu.’ Ngezinye izikhathi ubutha buba njengenkungu ethe ngci phakathi kwendoda nomkayo, futhi lesi simo singase siqhubeke isikhathi eside. Lapho indaba ingazange ixazululwe ngokugcwele, kungase kube nokweyisana. Kodwa ukubamba amagqubu akusizi. Osekwenzekile kwenzekile. Iphutha eselithethelelwe kufanele lilitshalwe. Uthando “alunamagqubu.”—1 Korinte 13:4, 5.

15. Yini eyosiza labo asebajwayela ukukhakhabisa abanye ukuba bashintshe indlela abakhuluma ngayo?

¹⁵ Kuthiwani uma wakhulela ekhaya lapho ukukhakhabisana kwakuyinto evamile futhi nawe sewakujwayela? Ungalwenza ushintsho. Kakade kunezici ezithile ekuphileni kwakho  oye wazibekela imingcele kuzo, wanquma ukungalokothi uziphathe ngendlela ethile. Ngokuqondene nenkulumo, uzokhetha ukuwubekaphi umngcele? Ingabe uyozibamba ngaphambi kokuba inkulumo yakho ihlambalaze? Uyothanda ukuzibekela umngcele ochazwe kwabase-Efesu 4:29: “Makungaphumi lizwi elibolile emilonyeni yenu.” Ukuze wenze kanjalo, kudingeka ‘uhlubule ubuntu obudala nemikhuba yabo, ugqoke ubuntu obusha, obenziwa bube busha ngolwazi olunembile ngokomfanekiso waLowo owabudala.’—Kolose 3:9, 10.

Kumelwe Nakanjani Nithululelane Izifuba

16. Kungani ukwenqaba ukukhulumisa umngane womshado kuwulimaza umshado?

¹⁶ Lapho indoda noma umfazi enqaba ukukhulumisa umngane wakhe womshado, kuba kuncane kakhulu okufezwayo futhi kungadaleka umonakalo. Lokhu akwenziwa njalo ngenjongo yokujezisa omunye, kunalokho kungase kubangelwe ukukhungatheka noma ukudikibala. Nokho, ukungakhulumisani kumane kwenze isimo sishube nakakhulu, kungasizi ekuxazululeni inkinga. Enye inkosikazi yathi, “lapho sesiphinde saqala ukukhulumisana, asibe sisayidingida leyo nkinga.”

17. AmaKristu anezinkinga emshadweni kufanele enze njani?

¹⁷ Lapho isimo siqhubeka sishubile emshadweni, akukho ukwenza ngenye indlela. IzAga 15:22 zithi: “Amacebo ayashafa lapho kungekho khona inkulumo eyisifuba, kodwa ngobuningi babeluleki kuba khona okufezwayo.” Kudingeka uhlale phansi nomngane wakho womshado nixoxe ngendaba. Qiniseka ukuthi umlalela ngengqondo evulekile nangomoya omuhle. Uma kubonakala kungenakwenzeka  lokho, kungani ningaceli usizo lwabadala bebandla lobuKristu? Banolwazi lwemiBhalo nokuhlangenwe nakho ekusebenziseni izimiso zeBhayibheli. Amadoda anjalo ‘anjengomthunzi wedwala elikhulu ezweni eligwadulekile.’—Isaya 32:2.

Ungayinqoba Le Mpi

18. Imuphi umshikashika ochazwe kumaRoma 7:18-23?

¹⁸ Ukulawula ulimi kuwumshikashika. Kunjalo nokulawula izenzo zethu. Echaza inselele ayebhekene nayo, umphostoli uPawulu wabhala: “Ngiyazi ukuthi kimi, okungukuthi, enyameni yami, akuhlali lutho oluhle; ngoba amandla okufisa akhona kimi, kodwa amandla okwenza okuhle awekho. Ngoba okuhle engikufisayo angikwenzi, kodwa okubi engingakufisi yikho engikwenza umkhuba. Manje, uma engingakufisi kuyikho engikwenzayo, akusemina okwenzayo, kodwa yisono esihlezi kimi.” Ngenxa ‘yomthetho wesono osemalungwini ethu,’ sithambekele ekulusebenziseni kabi ulimi lwethu nezinye izitho zomzimba. (Roma 7:18-23) Nokho, kumelwe siyilwe le mpi—futhi ngosizo lukaNkulunkulu singayinqoba.

19, 20. Isibonelo sikaJesu singawasiza kanjani amadoda nabafazi ukuba balawule ulimi lwabo?

¹⁹ Lapho abantu bethandana futhi behloniphana, akufanele kube namazwi okuphahluka nanokhahlo. Cabanga ngesibonelo sikaJesu Kristu kulokhu. UJesu akazange nanini abachaphe abafundi bakhe. Ngisho nangobusuku bokugcina iNdodana kaNkulunkulu isemhlabeni, lapho abaphostoli bayo bephikisana ngokuthi ubani phakathi kwabo omkhulu kunabo bonke, ayizange ibathethise. (Luka 22:24-27) IBhayibheli liyayala: “Madoda, qhubekani nithanda omkenu, njengoba nje noKristu alithanda ibandla futhi wazinikela ngenxa yalo.”—Efesu 5:25.

²⁰ Nokho, kuthiwani ngomfazi? “Kufanele abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” (Efesu 5:33) Ingabe umfazi omhloniphayo umyeni wakhe angaklabalasa lapho ekhuluma naye, amhlambalaze? UPawulu wabhala: “Ngifuna ukuba nazi ukuthi inhloko yawo wonke amadoda nguKristu; nenhloko yowesifazane yindoda; nenhloko kaKristu nguNkulunkulu.” (1 Korinte 11:3) Abafazi kufanele bazithobe ezinhlokweni zabo njengoba noKristu ezithoba kweyakhe. (Kolose 3:18) Nakuba kungekho muntu ongaphelele ongamlingisa ngokuphelele uJesu, ukulwela ‘ukulandela izinyathelo zakhe eduze’ kuyosiza amadoda nabafazi ukuba banqobe ukusebenzisa kabi ulimi.—1 Petru 2:21.

Ufundeni?

• Ulimi olungalawulwa lungawucekela kanjani phansi umshado?

• Kungani kunzima ukulawula ulimi?

• Yini esisiza ukuba silawule inkulumo yethu?

• Kufanele wenze njani lapho uba nezinkinga emshadweni?

[Imibuzo Yesifundo]

[Isithombe ekhasini 24]

Abadala banikeza usizo olusekelwe eBhayibhelini