Babyeyi, mutoze abana banyu mubigiranye urukundo

“Ibyo mukora byose mubikorane urukundo.”​—1 ABAKORINTO 16:14.

1. Iyo ababyeyi bibarutse umwana ni ibihe byiyumvo bagira?

ABENSHI mu babyeyi bemera ko kwibaruka umwana ari kimwe mu bintu bishobora gushimisha cyane kurusha ibindi mu buzima. Umubyeyi witwa Aleah yagize ati “igihe nitegerezaga ku ncuro ya mbere umwana w’umukobwa nari maze kubyara, narishimye cyane. Numvaga ari we mwana mwiza cyane kuruta abandi bose nabonye.” Icyakora, ibihe nk’ibyo bishimishije bishobora no guhangayikisha ababyeyi. Umugabo wa Aleah agira ati “icyari kimpangayikishije ni ukumenya niba nari kuzarera umukobwa wanjye neza, mutegurira kuzahangana n’ibibazo azahura na byo mu buzima.” Icyo gitekerezo gihuriweho n’ababyeyi benshi, kandi babona ko ari ngombwa gutoza abana babo mu buryo bwuje urukundo. Icyakora, ababyeyi b’Abakristo bifuza gutoza abana babo mu buryo bwuje urukundo, bahura n’ingorane. Zimwe muri izo ngorane ni izihe?

2. Ni izihe ngorane ababyeyi bahanganye na zo?

² Ubu tugeze ku iherezo ry’iminsi y’imperuka y’iyi si. Nk’uko byahanuwe, isi yuzuye abantu badakundana. Ndetse no mu bagize imiryango, hari ‘abadakunda n’ababo, indashima, abatari abera, abatirinda n’abagira urugomo’ (2 Timoteyo 3:1-5). Guhorana n’abantu nk’abo, bishobora kugira ingaruka ku buryo Abakristo bafata abagize imiryango yabo. Ikindi kandi, ababyeyi bahanganye na kamere barazwe yo kutirinda, kuvuga nabi batabigambiriye ndetse no kutagira ubushishozi mu bindi bintu.—Abaroma 3:23; Yakobo 3:2, 8, 9.

3. Ni gute ababyeyi bashobora kurera abana babo, bakaba abana barangwa n’ibyishimo?

³ Nubwo ababyeyi bahanganye n’izo ngorane, bashobora kurera abana babo, bakaba abana barangwa n’ibyishimo kandi bakunda Imana. Ababyeyi babigeraho bate? Babigeraho binyuriye mu gukurikiza inama ya Bibiliya igira iti “ibyo mukora byose mubikorane urukundo” (1 Abakorinto 16:14). Kandi koko, urukundo ni “umurunga wo gutungana rwose” (Abakolosayi 3:14). Mu ibaruwa ya mbere intumwa Pawulo yandikiye Abakorinto, yavuzemo ibintu biranga urukundo. Nimucyo dusuzume bitatu muri byo, kandi dusesengure bumwe mu buryo bwihariye ababyeyi bashobora kugaragazamo urukundo mu gihe batoza abana babo.—1 Abakorinto 13:4-8.

Ababyeyi bakwiriye kwihangana

4. Kuki ababyeyi bakwiriye kwihangana?

⁴ Pawulo yaranditse ati “urukundo rurihangana” (1 Abakorinto 13:4).  Ijambo ry’Ikigiriki ryahinduwemo “kwihangana,” ryumvikanisha kutarambirwa no gutinda kurakara. Kuki ababyeyi bagomba kwihangana? Nta gushidikanya ko ababyeyi benshi bazi impamvu bagomba kwihangana. Reka turebe zimwe muri zo. Iyo hari ikintu abana bifuza, kubisaba incuro imwe ntibikunda kubaho. Ndetse niyo umubyeyi ahakaniye umwana amaramaje, umwana akomeza gutitiriza, yizeye ko wenda umubyeyi ashobora kwisubiraho. Abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu, bashobora kugaragariza ababyeyi babo impamvu zituma bumva ko bakwiriye kwemererwa gukora ikintu runaka, kandi ababyeyi bazi neza ko kidakwiriye (Imigani 22:15). Kandi kimwe natwe twese, abana bakunze gusubira muri amwe mu makosa bakoze.—Zaburi 130:3.

5. Ni iki cyafasha ababyeyi kwihangana?

⁵ Ni iki cyafasha ababyeyi gukomeza kwihanganira abana babo? Umwami Salomo yaranditse ati “amakenga umuntu afite amubuza kwihutira kurakara” (Imigani 19:11). Iyo ababyeyi bazirikanye ko na bo bigeze kujya ‘bavuga nk’umwana muto, bagatekereza nk’umwana muto, bakibwira nk’umwana muto,’ bituma biyumvisha imyifatire y’abana babo (1 Abakorinto 13:11). Babyeyi, ese mushobora kwibuka ukuntu mwabuzaga ababyeyi banyu amahwemo, mubasaba ibintu bya cyana? Ese igihe mwari mukiri bato, mwigeze mutekereza ko ababyeyi banyu batita ku byiyumvo byanyu cyangwa ibibazo byanyu? Niba byarigeze kubabaho, bizaborohera kwiyumvisha imyifatire y’abana banyu, ndetse n’impamvu mugomba kubihanganira buri gihe, mugahora mubibutsa ibirebana n’imyanzuro mufata (Abakolosayi 4:6). Byari bikwiriye ko Yehova abwira ababyeyi b’Abisirayeli ko bagombaga “gucengeza” amategeko ye mu bana babo. (Gutegeka kwa Kabiri 6:6, 7, gereranya na NW.) Ijambo ry’Igiheburayo ryahinduwemo “gucengeza” risobanura “gusubiramo,” “guhora ugaruka ku bintu wavuze,” no “gushimangira.” Ibyo byumvikanisha ko ababyeyi bashobora gusubiriramo abana babo amategeko y’Imana incuro nyinshi kugeza igihe abana bayashyiriye mu bikorwa. Kimwe no mu buzima busanzwe, iyo umuntu yigisha biba ngombwa ko asubiramo kenshi.

6. Kuki umubyeyi wihangana atari uworora ibibi?

⁶ Ariko kandi, kuba umubyeyi agomba kwihangana ntibivuga ko agomba korora ibibi. Ijambo ry’Imana ritanga umuburo ugira uti “umwana bandaritse akoza nyina isoni.” Uwo mugani ugaragaza nanone icyatuma ababyeyi babyirinda ugira uti “umunyafu no gucyaha byigisha ubwenge” (Imigani 29:15). Icyakora, hari igihe abana bumva ko ababyeyi nta burenganzira bwo kubacyaha bafite. Ariko imiryango y’Abakristo ntiyagombye kuyoborwa mu buryo bwa demokarasi, ngo bimere nk’aho uburenganzira ababyeyi bafite bwo gushyiraho amategeko buterwa mu buryo runaka n’ibyo abana bashaka. Ahubwo, kubera ko Yehova ari we Mutware w’ikirenga w’umuryango, yahaye ababyeyi ububasha bwo gutoza abana no kubahana mu rukundo (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abefeso 3:15; 6:1-4). Nimucyo dusuzume ikindi kintu Pawulo yavuze kiranga urukundo gifitanye isano ya bugufi n’igihano.

Uko mwahana mu rukundo

7. Kuki ababyeyi b’abagwaneza bagomba guhana abana babo, kandi se guhana umwana bikubiyemo iki?

⁷ Pawulo yaranditse ati “urukundo . . . rugira neza” (1 Abakorinto 13:4). Ababyeyi b’abagwaneza by’ukuri bahana abana babo mu buryo bukwiriye. Iyo babigenje batyo baba bigana Yehova. Pawulo yaranditse ati “uwo Uwiteka akunze ni we ahana.” Zirikana ko uburyo bwo gucyaha buvugwa muri Bibiliya butumvikanisha gusa gutanga igihano; bwumvikanisha nanone gutoza ndetse no kwigisha. Intego y’igihano nk’icyo ni iyihe? Pawulo yavuze ko igihano umuntu ahawe “cyera imbuto zo gukiranuka zihesha amahoro abamenyerejwe na cyo” (Abaheburayo 12:6, 11). Iyo ababyeyi bigishije abana babo mu bugwaneza kandi bagakurikiza ibyo Imana ishaka, baba babahaye uburyo bwo kuzaba abanyamahoro no kuzaba abantu bakiranuka bamaze kuba bakuru. Iyo abana bemeye “igihano cy’Uwiteka” bagira ubwenge, ubumenyi ndetse n’ubushishozi, kandi ibyo bintu bifite agaciro kuruta ifeza n’izahabu.—Imigani 3:11-18.

8. Akenshi iyo ababyeyi badahana abana babo bigira izihe ngaruka?

 ⁸ Ku rundi ruhande, iyo ababyeyi badahana abana babo ntibaba babakunda. Salomo yahumekewe na Yehova, maze arandika ati “urinda umwana inkoni aba amwanze, ariko ukunda umwana we amuhana hakiri kare” (Imigani 13:24). Abana barerwa badahanwa mu buryo bukwiriye, bashobora kuzaba ba nyamwigendaho kandi ntibagire ibyishimo. Nyamara, byaragaragaye ko abana bafite ababyeyi babakunda ariko banabashyiriraho imipaka batajenjetse, bakunda kugira amanota meza ku ishuri, bakabana n’abandi neza, ndetse ugasanga bafite ibyishimo. Ababyeyi bahana abana babo mu bugwaneza, mu by’ukuri baba bagaragaza ko babakunda.

9. Ni iki ababyeyi b’Abakristo bagomba kwigisha abana babo, kandi se abana bagombye kubona bate ibyo basabwa?

⁹ Guhana abana mu bugwaneza no mu rukundo byumvikanisha iki? Byumvikanisha ko ababyeyi bagomba kuganira n’abana babo mu buryo bweruye, bakababwira icyo basabwa gukora. Urugero, kuva abana bakiri bato, ababyeyi b’Abakristo batangira kubigisha amahame y’ibanze yo muri Bibiliya n’ukuntu bakwifatanya mu bintu bitandukanye abasenga Yehova by’ukuri basabwa gukora (Kuva 20:12-17; Matayo 22:37-40; 28:19; Abaheburayo 10:24, 25). Abana bagomba kumenya ko ibyo bintu basabwa bitagoragozwa.

10, 11. Kuki ababyeyi bagombye kwita ku byifuzo by’abana babo mu gihe bashyiraho amategeko agenga umuryango?

¹⁰ Icyakora rimwe na rimwe, mu gihe ababyeyi bashyiraho amategeko agenga umuryango, bashobora kungurana ibitekerezo n’abana babo. Iyo abana bahawe urubuga mu biganiro byo gushyiraho ayo mategeko agenga umuryango, bishobora gutuma bayumvira. Urugero, niba ababyeyi bafashe umwanzuro wo kugena isaha abana bagomba kuba bari mu rugo, bashobora gushyiraho isaha izwi. Hari ikindi kintu ababyeyi bashobora gukora. Bashobora kwemerera abana babo bakavuga isaha bifuza kujya batahiraho, kandi bagatanga impamvu bahisemo iyo saha. Noneho, ababyeyi na bo bashobora kuvuga isaha bashaka, bagasobanura n’impamvu igaragaza ko iyo saha ikwiriye. None se mu gihe iyo saha batayumvikanyeho, kandi ko bishobora kubaho, byagenda bite? Mu mimerere imwe n’imwe, ababyeyi bashobora gufata umwanzuro wo kwemerera abana ibyo bifuza, niba bitanyuranyije n’amahame ya Bibiliya. None se ibyo bivuga ko ababyeyi baba bananiwe gukoresha ububasha bafite?

¹¹ Kugira ngo tubone igisubizo cy’icyo kibazo, reka dusuzume uburyo Yehova yakoresheje ububasha bwe mu buryo bwuje urukundo, mu birebana n’ibyo yakoreye Loti n’umuryango we. Abamarayika bamaze guherekeza Loti, umugore we n’abakobwa be bakabavana  i Sodomu, babwiye Loti bati “hungira ku musozi utarimbuka.” Ariko Loti yaravuze ati “bye kuba bityo Mwami, ndakwinginze.” Hanyuma Loti yatanze ikindi cyifuzo, aravuga ati “dore uriya mudugudu ni wo uri bugufi bwo guhungirwaho kandi ni muto. Reka nywuhungiremo, ubugingo bwanjye bukire. Nturora ko ari muto?” Ni iki Yehova yamushubije? Yaramubwiye ati “dore ku byo uvuze ibyo, ndakwemereye” (Itangiriro 19:17-22). None se ibyo bigaragaza ko Yehova yananiwe gukoresha ububasha bwe? Oya rwose! Ahubwo yitaye ku byo Loti yamusabye kandi amugaragariza ineza idasanzwe, amwemerera ibyo yifuzaga. Ese niba uri umubyeyi, hari igihe ujya wita ku bihangayikisha abana bawe mu gihe ushyiraho amategeko agenga umuryango?

12. Ni iki kizafasha umwana kumva afite umutekano?

¹² Birumvikana ko abana badakeneye kumenya gusa amategeko bagomba gukurikiza. Bagomba no kumenya ko mu gihe bishe ayo mategeko bagomba guhanwa. Mu gihe ibihano bimaze kuganirwaho kandi bakabyumvikanaho, amategeko agomba kubahirizwa. Iyo ababyeyi bahora babwira abana babo ko bari bubahanire ikosa bakoze ariko ntibabahane, mu by’ukuri ntibaba babakunda. Bibiliya igira iti “kuko iteka ry’umurimo mubi rituzura vuba, ni cyo gituma imitima y’abantu ishishikarira gukora ibibi” (Umubwiriza 8:11). Ni iby’ukuri ko umubyeyi ashobora kwirinda guhanira umwana mu ruhame cyangwa mu maso y’abandi bana, kugira ngo atamukoza isoni. Ariko iyo abana bazi ko ‘yego’ y’ababyeyi ari yego, kandi ko “oya” yabo ari oya, ndetse n’iyo byaba bikubiyemo gutanga igihano, bituma barushaho kumva bafite umutekano, kandi bakitoza kubaha ababyeyi no kubakunda.—Matayo 5:37.

13, 14. Ababyeyi bakwigana Yehova bate mu gihe batoza abana babo?

¹³ Igihano gitanzwe mu rukundo cyagombye kuba gikwiranye na kamere y’umwana. Pam agira ati “abana bacu babiri bakira igihano mu buryo butandukanye. Igihano kigize ingaruka ku mwana umwe, nta cyo kimarira undi.” Umugabo we witwa Larry yagize ati “umukobwa wacu mukuru yari yariyemeje gukora ibyo ashaka, kandi yasaga naho yitabira igihano gikaze gusa. Nyamara umukobwa wacu muto yakiraga neza amagambo adaciye ku ruhande abwiwe, kandi kuri we n’igitsure cyabaga gihagije.” Koko rero, ababyeyi barangwa n’urukundo bihatira gutahura igihano kigira ingaruka nziza kuri buri mwana mu bana babo.

¹⁴ Yehova yahaye ababyeyi urugero, kubera ko azi imbaraga ndetse n’intege nke za buri wese mu bagaragu be (Abaheburayo 4:13). Ikindi kandi, iyo Yehova atanga igihano ntakagatiza cyangwa ngo akabye kwihanganira ibibi. Ahubwo buri gihe ahana abagize ubwoko bwe “uko bikwiriye” (Yeremiya 30:11). Ese babyeyi,  muzi aho abana banyu bafite intege nke n’aho bakomeye? Ese kuba mubizi, bituma mushobora kubatoza mubigiranye urukundo kandi mukagira icyo mugeraho? Niba mubikora, ibyo bigaragaza ko mukunda abana banyu.

Mubashishikarize kuvugisha ukuri

15, 16. Ni gute ababyeyi bashobora gushishikariza abana babo kuvugisha ukuri, kandi se ni ubuhe buryo ababyeyi bamwe b’Abakristo bakoresheje kugira ngo bagere ku ntego?

¹⁵ Ikindi kintu kiranga urukundo, ni uko ‘rutishimira gukiranirwa kw’abandi ahubwo rwishimira ukuri’ (1 Abakorinto 13:6). Ni gute ababyeyi bashobora gutoza abana babo gukunda ukuri no gukiranuka? Ni iby’ingenzi ko bashishikariza abana babo kugaragaza ibyiyumvo byabo nta cyo bishisha, ndetse n’igihe ibyo abana bavuga byaba bigora ababyeyi kubyemera. Birumvikana ko iyo abana bagaragaje ibitekerezo ndetse n’ibyiyumvo byabo bihuje n’amahame akiranuka, ababyeyi bishima. Ikindi gihe ariko, amagambo umwana avuga ayavanye ku mutima ashobora kugaragaza ko afite imitekerereze ibogamira ku bibi (Itangiriro 8:21). Ababyeyi bagombye kubyakira bate? Ikintu cya mbere ababyeyi bakunda gukora ni uguhita batwama abana kubera ko bababwiye ibitekerezo nk’ibyo. Iyo ababyeyi babigenje batyo, abana ntibatinda kumva ko ibyo bagomba kuvuga ari ibyo ababyeyi babo bashaka kumva gusa. Birumvikana ko mu gihe umwana atagaragaje ikinyabupfura mu byo avuga agomba guhita akosorwa. Ariko kandi, kwigisha abana uko bagomba gutanga ibitekerezo byabo mu kinyabupfura, bitandukanye no kubategeka ibyo bavuga.

¹⁶ Ni gute ababyeyi bashobora gushishikariza abana babo kuvugisha ukuri? Aleah wavuzwe mbere, agira ati “dukora ibishoboka byose kugira ngo habeho imimerere ituma tuganira n’abana tutishishanya, kandi tukabwizanya ukuri. Iyo abana batubwiye ibintu tubona ko bishobora kuturakaza, turifata kandi tukirinda kugira umujinya.” Umugabo witwa Tom yagize ati “tujya dushishikariza umukobwa wacu kutugezaho ibitekerezo bye, ndetse n’iyo yaba atemeranya natwe. Twumva ko tugiye tumuca mu ijambo buri gihe kandi tukamutegeka ibyo dushaka, bishobora kumurakaza kandi bigatuma atatubwira ibimuri ku mutima koko. Ku rundi ruhande, iyo tumuteze amatwi na we bimushishikariza kudutega amatwi.” Mu by’ukuri, abana bagomba kumvira ababyeyi babo (Imigani 6:20). Ariko iyo ababyeyi baganira n’abana babo nta cyo bishishanya, bifasha abana kugira ubushobozi bwo gutekereza. Umugabo witwa Vincent, akaba ari se w’abana bane, yagize ati “akenshi tuganira n’abana bacu ku birebana n’ibyiza ndetse n’ibibi byo gukora ibintu runaka, bityo abana ubwabo bakibonera ingaruka zabyo. Ibyo bibafasha gutoza ubushobozi bwabo bwo gutekereza.”—Imigani 1:1-4.

17. Ni iki ababyeyi bashobora kwiringira badashidikanya?

¹⁷ Birumvikana ko nta mubyeyi n’umwe ushobora gukurikiza mu buryo butunganye inama Bibiliya itanga ku birebana no kurera abana. Ariko nubwo bimeze bityo, mushobora kwiringira ko abana banyu bazishimira cyane imihati mushyiraho mugerageza kubatoza mu bugwaneza, mubigiranye urukundo kandi mubihanganira. Nta gushidikanya ko Yehova azabaha imigisha ku bw’iyo mihati mushyiraho (Imigani 3:33). Impamvu ababyeyi bose b’Abakristo bashyiraho iyo mihati, ni ukubera ko baba bashaka ko abana babo bitoza gukunda Yehova nk’uko na bo bamukunda. Ni gute ababyeyi bagera kuri iyo ntego nziza cyane? Mu gice gikurikira, tuzasuzuma bumwe mu buryo bwihariye bakoresha.

Mbese uribuka?

• Ni gute ubushishozi bushobora gufasha umubyeyi kwihangana?

• Urukundo no guhana abana mu bugwaneza bifitanye iyihe sano?

• Kuki ari iby’ingenzi ko ababyeyi n’abana babwizanya ukuri?

[Ibibazo]

[Amafoto yo ku ipaji ya 23]

Babyeyi, ese mushobora kwibuka uko byari bimeze mukiri abana?

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 24]

Ese ushishikariza abana bawe kuvugisha ukuri kandi nta cyo bishisha?