Kodi Bambo Angatani Kuti Azigwirizana Kwambiri Ndi Mwana Wake Wamwamuna?

KODI mwana wanu anayamba wakufunsani kuti: “Bambo zonsezi munazidziwa bwanji?” N’zachidziwikire kuti pa nthawi imeneyo munanyadira chifukwa chokhala bambo. Koma ngati mwana wanuyo pa nthawi ina zinthu zinamuyendera bwino chifukwa chakuti anatsatira malangizo anzeru amene munamupatsa, n’zachidziwikire kuti munadyadira kwambiri kuposa pamenepo. *​—Miyambo 23:15, 24.

Koma kodi masiku ano mwana wanuyo amakudaliranibe komanso kukuonani ngati chitsanzo chake? Kapena mmene akukula wasiya kukudalirani? Kodi mungatani kuti mupitirizebe kugwirizana ndi mwana wanu pamene akukula? Choyamba, tiyeni tikambirane mavuto ena amene abambo amakumana nawo.

Mavuto Atatu Omwe Abambo Ambiri Amakumana Nawo

1. KUSOWA NTHAWI: M’mayiko ambiri abambo ndi amene amapeza ndalama zambiri zimene banja lawo limagwiritsa ntchito. Ndipo nthawi zambiri, ntchito imene amagwira imapangitsa kuti asamapezekepezeke pakhomo. M’madera ena, abambo amakhala ndi nthawi yochepa kwambiri yochita zinthu ndi ana awo. Mwachitsanzo, kafukufuku wina amene wachitika posachedwapa ku France wasonyeza kuti pa avereji abambo akumeneko amangotha mphindi zosakwana 12 pa tsiku akusamalira ana awo.

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE: Kodi inuyo mumakhala nthawi yaitali bwanji muli ndi mwana wanu? Kwa mlungu umodzi kapena iwiri, mungachite bwino kulemba nthawi imene mumakhala ndi mwana wanu tsiku lililonse. Mungadabwe kwambiri kuona kuti mumakhala naye nthawi yochepa kwambiri.

2. KUSOWA CHITSANZO CHABWINO: Abambo ena ali ana sankakhala ndi nthawi yambiri yocheza ndi bambo awo. Jean-Marie, amene amakhala ku France, anati: “Nthawi zambiri sindinkachitira zinthu limodzi ndi bambo anga.” Kodi zimenezi zinamukhudza bwanji? Iye anati: “Zimenezi zabweretsa mavuto ambiri amene sindinkawayembekezera. Mwachitsanzo, ndimavutika kuti ndizikambirana ndi ana anga nkhani zofunika.” Nthawi zina, ana aamuna amawadziwa bwino abambo awo koma abambowo ndi omwe sachita zinthu zoti azigwirizana ndi anawo. Bambo wina yemwe ali ndi zaka 43, dzina lake Philippe, anati: “Bambo anga sankachita zinthu zosonyeza kuti amandikonda. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, inenso ndimavutika kwambiri kusonyeza chikondi kwa mwana wanga.”

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE: Kodi mumaona kuti zimene mumachitira mwana wanu ndi zimenenso bambo anu ankakuchitirani? Kodi munatengera khalidwe linalake labwino kapena loipa la bambo anu? Kodi mumachita zinthu ziti zosonyeza kuti munatengeradi khalidwe lawo?

3. AMAUZIDWA ZOLAKWIKA: Anthu azikhalidwe  zina amanena kuti kulera ana si udindo wa bambo. Bambo wina, dzina lake Luca, amene anakulira m’dziko lina lakumadzulo kwa Ulaya, ananena kuti: “Kudera limene ndinakulira anthu ambiri ankaona kuti kulera ana ndi ntchito ya mayi.” Ndiye palinso anthu azikhalidwe zina amene amanena kuti udindo wa bambo ndi kupereka zilango zokhwima kwa ana awo basi. Anthu amenewa salimbikitsa abambo kuti azithandizanso anawo m’njira zina. Mwachitsanzo, George, yemwe anakulira m’dziko lina la ku Africa, ananena kuti: “Pa chikhalidwe chathu, abambo sasewera ndi ana awo poopera kuti anawo saziwalemekeza ngati bambo. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, inenso zinkandivuta kucheza ndi mwana wanga.”

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE: Kudera limene mumakhala, kodi anthu amaona kuti abambo ali ndi udindo wotani m’banja? Kodi amauzidwa kuti ntchito yolera ana ndi ya amayi okha? Kodi abambo amalimbikitsidwa kuti azisonyeza chikondi kwa ana awo, kapena amauzidwa kuti sayenera kuchita zimenezi?

Ngati ndinu bambo ndipo mukukumana ndi mavuto amene takambirana m’nkhani ino, kodi mungatani? Mwina mungatsatire malangizo ali m’munsiwa.

Yambani Mwana Wanu Adakali Wamng’ono

Zikuoneka kuti ana aamuna amabadwa ndi mtima wofuna kutsanzira bambo awo. Choncho, mwana wanu adakali wamng’ono, yesetsani kulimbitsa ubwenzi wanu. Kodi mungachite bwanji zimenezi? Ndipo kodi mungatani kuti muzipeza nthawi yocheza ndi mwana wanu?

Muziyesetsa kuti muzigwira ntchito za tsiku ndi tsiku ndi mwana wanuyo. Mwachitsanzo, mukamagwira ntchito zapakhomo muzigwira naye limodzi. Muzim’patsa katsache kakang’ono kapena kakhasu kuti nayenso azichita zimene mukuchitazo. Mwana wanu adzasangalala kwambiri mukamachita zimenezi chifukwa adzaona kuti akugwira ntchito ndi bambo ake amene iyeyo amawaona kuti ndi chitsanzo chake. Kugwira ntchito ndi mwana kungachititse kuti mutenge nthawi yaitali musanamalize ntchitoyo, koma kungathandize kuti inuyo ndi mwana wanuyo muzikondana kwambiri. Mukamachita zimenezi mungakhalenso mukum’phunzitsa mwanayo kuti adzakhale wolimbikira ntchito. Kale, Mulungu anauza abambo kuti azichita zinthu zosiyanasiyana limodzi ndi ana awo ndipo azigwiritsa ntchito nthawi imeneyo kuwaphunzitsa anawo. (Deuteronomo 6:6-9) Malangizo amenewa akugwirabe ntchito panopa.

Kuwonjezera pa kugwira ntchito ndi mwana wanu, muzipezanso nthawi yosewera naye. Kusewera sikumangothandiza kuti mukhale osangalala koma n’kofunikanso kwambiri m’njira zina. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti abambo akamasewera ndi ana awo amawathandiza anawo kukhala ndi mtima wofuna kudziwa zinthu zambiri komanso kukhala olimba mtima.

Bambo ndi mwana wake wamwamuna akamasewera limodzi zimathandizanso kuti azikambirana zakukhosi. Katswiri wina wachikhalidwe cha anthu, dzina lake Michel Fize, ananena kuti: “Mwana akamasewera ndi bambo ake, m’pamene amamasuka kuwauza zakukhosi kwake.” Pa nthawi yosewera, bambo angalankhule ndiponso kuchita zinthu zosonyeza kuti amakonda mwana wakeyo. Akamachita zimenezi amakhalanso akuphunzitsa mwanayo mmene angasonyezere chikondi kwa anthu ena. Bambo wina amene amakhala ku Germany, dzina lake André, anati: “Mwana wanga ali wamng’ono tinkasewera limodzi kawirikawiri. Ndinkamukumbatira ndipo nayenso anaphunzira kundisonyeza chikondi.”

Nthawi yokagona ndi nthawi inanso imene bambo angakulitse chikondi pakati pa iye ndi mwana wake. Muzimuwerengera nkhani, ndipo muzimumvetsera akamafotokoza zinthu zimene zamusangalatsa ndiponso kumudetsa nkhawa tsikulo. Mukamachita zimenezi mudzamuthandiza kuti akamakula, azipitirizabe kulankhula nanu momasuka.

Pitirizani Kuchitira Limodzi Zinthu Zimene Nonse Mumakonda

Achinyamata ena angaoneke ngati alibe chidwi ndi zimene bambo awo akuchita pofuna kuti azikhala ndi mpata wocheza nawo. Ngati mwana wanu akuoneka kuti safuna kuyankha mukamamufunsa mafunso, musafulumire kuganiza kuti safuna kuti muzikambirana. Mwina angamasuke ngati mutasintha njira imene mumalankhulira naye.

Bambo wina wa ku France, dzina lake Jacques, ankaona kuti nthawi zina mwana wake, Jérôme sankamasuka kulankhula naye. Koma m’malo momukakamiza kuti azilankhula, iye anasintha njira yochezera naye ndipo anayamba kusewera naye mpira. Jacques anati: “Tikamaliza kusewera tinkakhala pakapinga kuti tipumeko. Kawirikawiri nthawi imeneyi ndi imene mwana wanga ankamasuka. Chifukwa chakuti nthawi imeneyi tinkakhala awiriwiri, iye ankamasuka kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake ndipo zimenezi zinachititsa kuti tizikondana kwambiri.”

Koma bwanji ngati mwana wanu sakonda  masewera alionse? André amakumbukira nthawi imene iye ndi mwana wake ankakhala panja usiku n’kumayang’ana nyenyezi. Iye anati: “Tinkatenga mipando n’kukakhala panja. Ndiyeno tinkavala zamphepo, kwinaku tikumwa tiyi n’kumayang’ana nyenyezi. Tinkakambirana zinthu zambiri kuphatikizapo za Mulungu amene analenga nyenyezizo. Pa nthawi imeneyi tinkakambirananso zakukhosi kwathu.”​—Yesaya 40:25, 26.

Kodi mungatani ngati zimene mwana wanu amakonda kuchita si zimene inuyo mumakonda? Zikatere mufunika kulolera kuchita zimene mwana wanuyo amakonda. (Afilipi 2:4) Ian, yemwe amakhala ku South Africa, ananena kuti: “Ndinkakonda kwambiri kuchita masewera kuposa mwana wanga, Vaughan. Iye ankakonda kwambiri ndege komanso makompyuta. Choncho ndinayesetsa kuti nanenso ndizikonda zinthu zimenezi. Ndinkapita naye kukaonera masewera oulutsa ndege komanso kuchita naye masewera a pa kompyuta osonyeza zochitika za mundege. Ndikuona kuti Vaughan anayamba kundimasukira chifukwa choti tinkachitira limodzi zinthu zomwe iye amakonda.”

Muthandizeni Kuti Akhale Wodzidalira

“Bambo taonani chimene ndapangachi!” Kodi mwana wanu anayamba wakuuzanipo mawu amenewa mosangalala atapanga chinthu chinachake? Ngati panopa ndi wachinyamata, kodi amamasukabe kukufunsani mafunso osonyeza kuti akufuna kudziwa ngati mukusangalala ndi zimene wachita? N’kutheka kuti panopa samamasukanso. Komabe kuti adzakhale munthu wodalirika m’pofunika kuti muzichitabe naye zinthu momasuka.

Taonani chitsanzo chimene Yehova Mulungu anasonyeza pochita zinthu ndi mmodzi mwa ana ake. Yesu atatsala pang’ono kuyamba utumiki wofunika kwambiri padziko lapansi, Mulungu anasonyeza poyera mmene ankamukondera ndipo ananena kuti: “Uyu ndiye Mwana wanga wokondedwa, amene ndimakondwera naye.” (Mateyu 3:17; 5:48) N’zoona kuti muli ndi udindo wophunzitsa komanso kulangiza mwana wanu. (Aefeso 6:4) Koma kodi mumaonanso zinthu zabwino zimene wanena kapena kuchita n’kumuyamikira?

Abambo ena amavutika kuti ayamikire komanso kusonyeza chikondi kwa ana awo. Mwina anakulira m’banja limene makolo awo ankakonda kulankhula pamene mwana walakwitsa osati pamene wachita bwino. Ngati nanunso munakulira m’banja lotereli, muyenera kuyesetsa kuti muthandize mwana wanu kuti azidzidalira. Kodi mungachite bwanji zimenezi? Luca, yemwe tamutchula kale uja, amakonda kugwira ntchito zapakhomo limodzi ndi mwana wake wa zaka 15, dzina lake Manuel. Luca ananena kuti: “Nthawi zina ndimauza Manuel kuti ayambe kugwira ntchito inayake yekha ndipo ndimamuuza kuti ndimuthandiza ngati atafuna kuti ndimuthandize. Nthawi zambiri amapezeka kuti wamaliza yekha ntchitoyo bwinobwino. Akaona kuti wakwanitsa yekha ntchitoyo amasangalala ndipo zimenezi zimam’chitsa kuti asamadziderere. Akagwira bwino ntchitoyo, ndimamuyamikira. Ngati sanachite bwino ngati mmene amafunira, ndimamuyamikirabe chifukwa cha kuyesetsa kwake.”

Njira inanso imene mungathandizire mwana wanu kuti azidzidalira ndi kumulimbikitsa kuti azikwaniritsa zolinga zikuluzikulu zomwe ali nazo pa moyo wake. Ndiye kodi mungatani ngati mwana wanuyo zimamutengera nthawi yaitali, kuposa imene inuyo mumayembekezera, kuti akwaniritse zolinga zake? Nanga mungatani ngati ali ndi zolinga zabwino koma zosiyana ndi zimene inuyo mukanamusankhira? Zikatere, muyenera kusintha zimene mukuyembekezera kwa mwanayo. Jacques, yemwe tamutchula koyamba uja, anati: “Ndimayesetsa kuthandiza mwana wanga kuti akhale ndi zolinga zimene angathe kuzikwaniritsa. Koma ndimayesetsa kuti zolingazo zikhale zake, osati zanga. Komanso sindimamukakamiza kuti akwaniritse zolingazo pa nthawi imene ineyo ndikufuna.” Mungalimbikitse mwana wanu kukwaniritsa zolinga zake ngati mutamamvetsera maganizo ake, kumuyamikira pamene wachita bwino komanso kumulimbikitsa akamavutika kuchita zinthu zinazake.

N’zodziwikiratu kuti ubwenzi wanu sungakhaliretu wopanda mavuto alionse. Komabe m’kupita kwa nthawi mwana wanuyo adzapitirizabe kukukondani. Ndipotu palibe amene sangafune kuti azikondana kwambiri ndi munthu amene amamuthandiza kuti zinthu zizimuyendera bwino.

[Mawu a M’munsi]