Obaba Bangahlala Kanjani Besondelene Namadodana Abo?

“BABA kungani wena wazi konke?” Kwake kwenzeka yini umfanyana wakho wakubuza lo mbuzo ungalindele? Cishe ngaleso sikhathi waziqhenya ngokuba ubaba. Kodwa uma indodana yakho ingagcinanga lapho—uma yasisebenzisa iseluleko sakho esihlakaniphile futhi yazuza—nakanjani wajabula nakakhulu ngalokho. *—IzAga 23:15, 24.

Nokho, njengoba sekudlule iminyaka, ingabe indodana yakho isakwazisa njengoba yayenza esikhathini esedlule? Noma kubonakala sengathi njengoba ikhula ukwazisa kwayo kuyancipha? Ungahlala kanjani usondelene nendodana yakho njengoba ikhula iba yindoda? Okokuqala, masicabangele ezinye zezinselele obaba ababhekana nazo.

Izinselele Ezintathu Ezivamile

1. UKUNGABI KHONA KWESIKHATHI: Emazweni amaningi, obaba yibona abondla imindeni. Ngokuvamile, umsebenzi wabo wenza bangabi khona ekhaya cishe usuku lonke. Kwezinye izindawo, obaba bachitha isikhathi esincane kakhulu nezingane zabo. Ngokwesibonelo, inhlolo-vo eyenziwe eFrance muva nje ithole ukuthi obaba balapho bachitha imizuzu engaphansi kuka-12 ngosuku benakekela izingane zabo.

LOKHO ONGACABANGA NGAKHO: Uchitha isikhathi esingakanani nendodana yakho? Esontweni elilodwa noma amabili azayo, bhala phansi isikhathi osichitha nayo usuku nosuku.

2. UKUNGABI NASO ISIBONELO ESIHLE: Amanye amadoda ayengenabo ubuhlobo noyise. UJean-Marie, ohlala eFrance, uthi: “Ngangingenabo ubuhlobo obungako nobaba.” Lokho kuye kwamthinta kanjani? Uthi: “Kuye kwangidalela izinkinga engangingakaze ngizicabange. Ngokwesibonelo, ngikuthola kunzima ukuxoxa izinto ezakhayo namadodana ami.” Kwezinye izimo, kunamadoda abazi kahle oyise kodwa awanabo ubuhlobo obuhle nabo. UPhilippe oneminyaka engu-43 uthi: “Kwakunzima ngobaba ukungibonisa uthando. Ngenxa yalokho, kufanele ngisebenze kanzima ukuze ngibonise eyami indodana uthando.”

LOKHO ONGACABANGA NGAKHO: Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi ubuhlobo onabo noyihlo buthinta indlela ophatha ngayo indodana yakho? Ingabe uke waphawula ukuthi nawe ulingisa imikhuba kayihlo emihle noma emibi? Kanjani?

3. UKUNTULEKA KWESELULEKO ESINOKULINGANISELA: Amanye amazwe ayibukela phansi indima kababa ekukhulisweni kwezingane. ULuca owakhulela ezweni eliseNtshonalanga Yurophu uthi: “Lapho engakhulela khona, abantu babebheka  ukukhulisa izingane njengomsebenzi kamama.” Kwamanye amazwe, obaba bakhuthazwa ukuba babe abakhiphi besijeziso nje kwaphela. Ngokwesibonelo, uGeorge wakhulela ezweni elithile e-Afrika. Uthi: “Esikweni lakithi obaba abadlali nezingane zabo ngoba lokho kubehlisa isithunzi. Ngakho, bengilokhu nginenkinga yokuchitha isikhathi nendodana yami.”

LOKHO ONGACABANGA NGAKHO: Emphakathini wakini, iyiphi indima obaba abalindeleke ukuba babe nayo? Ingabe bafundiswa ukubheka ukukhulisa izingane njengomsebenzi womama? Ingabe bakhuthazwa ukuba bawabonise uthando amadodana abo noma ingabe into enjalo ayamukeleki?

Uma ungubaba obhekene neyodwa yalezi zinselele noma ngaphezulu, yini ongayenza ukuze uphumelele? Cabangela ukusikisela okulandelayo.

Qala Lapho Indodana Yakho Isencane

Kubonakala sengathi abafana bazalwa benesifiso sokulingisa oyise. Ngakho, sisebenzise kahle leso sifiso lapho indodana yakho isencane. Ungakwenza kanjani lokho? Ungasithola nini isikhathi sokuba nayo?

Uma kungenzeka, yenza imisetshenzana yansuku zonke nomfana wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, uma wenza imisebenzi yakho yasekhaya, mcele akusize. Nikeza umfana wakho umshanelo wakhe omncane noma ihalavu elincane. Akungabazeki ukuthi uyojabula afe ngokusebenza nomuntu amkhonzile noyisibonelo sakhe, uyise! Kungase kuthathe isikhathi esijana ukuqeda lowo msebenzi; kodwa njengobaba uyoqinisa ubuhlobo benu futhi uyomfundisa imikhuba emihle yokusebenza. Kudala, iBhayibheli lakhuthaza obaba ukuba benze imisetshenzana yansuku zonke nezingane zabo nokusebenzisa lezo zikhathi ukuze baxoxe nazo futhi bazifundise. (Duteronomi 6:6-9) Leso seluleko sisasebenza nanamuhla.

Ungagcini nje ngokusebenza nomfanyana wakho, yenza nesikhathi sokudlala naye. Ukudlala akugcini nje ngokuninika ithuba lokujabula ndawonye. Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi lapho obaba bedlala nezingane zabo, bazisiza ukuba zibe nomqondo ovulekile, zizethembe futhi zibe nesibindi.

Ukudlala kukababa nendodana yakhe kufeza nokunye okukhulu. UMichel Fize ongumcwaningi uthi: “Umfana usivula kakhudlwana isifuba sakhe kuyise uma bedlala.” Phakathi naleso sikhathi sokudlala, ubaba angayibonisa uthando indodana yakhe ngamazwi nangezenzo. Ngokwenza kanjalo, uyifundisa indlela yokubonisa uthando. U-André waseJalimane uthi: “Ngesikhathi indodana yami isencane sasivame ukudlala sobabili. Ngangiyanga futhi lokho kwayifundisa ukuba nayo ingibonise uthando.”

Ubaba angaqinisa uthando lwakhe ngendodana yakhe ngokusisebenzisa ngokunenzuzo isikhathi sokulala. Yifundele izindatshana njalo futhi uyilalele lapho ikuxoxela izinto ezimnandi nezinto eziyiphathe kabi phakathi nosuku. Uma wenza kanjalo, uyokwenza kube lula ngayo ukuba iqhubeke ikuvulela isifuba njengoba ikhula.

Qhubeka Ufuna Izinto Ezithandayo

Abanye abafana abeve eshumini nambili bangase babonakale bengenasithakazelo sokuxoxa noyise. Uma indodana yakho ibonakala iyigwema imibuzo yakho, ungaphethi ngokuthi ayifuni nhlobo ukukhuluma nawe. Ingase ikulungele ukukhuluma nawe uma ushintsha indlela okhuluma ngayo nayo.

UJacques, ubaba ohlala eFrance, ngezinye izikhathi ukuthola kunzima ukukhuluma nendodana yakhe uJérôme. Kunokuba azame ukuphoqa indodana yakhe ukuba ikhulume, uye washintsha indlela yakhe yokukhuluma nayo—wadlala nayo ibhola. UJacques uthi: “Ngemva kokuzilolonga, sasiphumula kancane otshanini. Ngaleso sikhathi indodana yami yayivame ukungithululela isifuba sayo. Kwakhona nje ukuthi sasindawonye, ngicabanga ukuthi kwakuyenza ibone ukuthi lesi kwakuyisikhathi eyayingasichitha inami, okwasenza saba nobuhlobo obukhethekile.”

Kuthiwani uma indodana yakho ingazithandi ezemidlalo? U-André, uwakhumbula ngenjabulo amahora awachitha nendodana yakhe bebuka izinkanyezi. Uthi: “Sasibeka izihlalo endaweni eshaya umoya obandayo wasebusuku, bese sembatha ukuze sifudumale, sibuke isibhakabhaka  esicwathile sibe siphuza itiye. Sasixoxa ngaLowo owadala izinkanyezi. Sasikhuluma ngezindaba eziyisifuba. Sasixoxa cishe ngazo zonke izinto.”—Isaya 40:25, 26.

Kuthiwani uma ungathandi ukwenza ezinye zezinto ezithandwa yindodana yakho? Uma ubhekene nesimo esinjalo, kungase kudingeke ukuba wena udele izinto ozithandayo. (Filipi 2:4) U-Ian waseNingizimu Afrika uthi: “Ngangiyithanda kakhulu imidlalo ukudlula indodana yami uVaughan. Yena wayethanda izindiza nama-computer. Ngakho, ngazama ukuzithanda lezo zinto. Ngangiya naye lapho kubukiswa khona izindiza futhi sasidlala umdlalo wokushayela izindiza kuyi-computer. Ngicabanga ukuthi uVaughan wakwazi ukukhuluma nami akhululeke ngoba sasijabulela izinto eziningi ndawonye.”

Siza Indodana Yakho Ukuba Izethembe

“Baba bheka, baba bheka!” Umfanyana wakho wake wawasho yini la mazwi lapho esekwazi ukwenza okuthile? Uma manje eseyibhobhodleyana, ingabe usawajabulela amazwi akho abonisa ukuthi uyaziqhenya ngaye? Mhlawumbe akusenjalo. Kodwa usawadinga ukuze akhule abe umuntu omdala ovuthiwe.

Phawula isibonelo uJehova uNkulunkulu ngokwakhe asibeka lapho esebenzelana nenye yamadodana akhe. Lapho uJesu esezoqala inkonzo yakhe ekhethekile emhlabeni, uNkulunkulu walubonakalisa obala uthando lwakhe ngaye. Wathi: “Lo yiNdodana yami ethandekayo, engiyamukele.” (Mathewu 3:17; 5:48) Yiqiniso, unesibopho sokuyala nokufundisa indodana yakho. (Efesu 6:4) Kodwa ingabe uyawafuna amathuba okubonisa ukuthi uyazazisa izinto ezinhle ezishoyo nezenzayo?

Amanye amadoda akuthola kuyinselele ukubonisa ukuthi ayaziqhenya ngamadodana awo nokuthi ayawathanda. Kungenzeka ukuthi akhuliswa abazali ababeqhakambisa kakhulu amaphutha kunezinto ezinhle. Uma kunjalo nangawe, kudingeka uqhubeke uzama ukusiza indodana yakho ukuba ibe nokuzethemba. Ungakwenza kanjani lokho? ULuca, ocashunwe ngaphambili, uvame ukusebenza nendodana yakhe eneminyaka engu-15, uManuel, lapho benza imisebenzi yasekhaya. Uthi: “Ngezinye izikhathi ngiye ngitshele uManuel ukuba aqale umsebenzi othile ngimtshele ukuthi ngizomsiza uma engidinga. Ezikhathini eziningi uyakwazi ukuwenza wonke umsebenzi eyedwa. Uma ekwazile ukuwuqeda eyedwa uye azizwe enelisekile futhi ezethemba. Ngiyamncoma lapho ewenze kahle. Uma ehlulekile ukuwenza ngendlela abefisa ngayo, ngiye ngimtshele ukuthi ngiyawazisa umzamo wakhe.”

Ungayisiza indodana yakho ukuba ibe nokuzethemba kakhudlwana ngokuyisekela ukuba ifinyelele imigomo emikhudlwana ekuphileni. Nokho, kuthiwani uma indodana yakho ingasheshi ukufinyelela imigomo yayo ngesikhathi obungafisa ngaso? Kuthiwani futhi uma imigomo yayo ihlukile kuleyo obungayikhethela yona, kungekhona nokho ukuthi eyayo mibi? Uma kunjalo, kungase kudingeke ukuba uphinde uhlolisise izinto ozilindele kuyo. UJacques, ocashunwe ngaphambili, uthi: “Ngiyazama ukusiza indodana yami ukuba ibeke imigomo efinyelelekayo. Kodwa ngiyazama nokuqiniseka ukuthi ibeka imigomo yayo, hhayi eyami. Ngibe sengizikhumbuza ukuthi kudingeka isebenzele ukufinyelela imigomo yayo ngesikhathi sayo.” Uma ulalela imibono yendodana yakho, uncoma amakhono enawo futhi uyikhuthaza ukuba inqobe ukungaphumeleli kwayo, uyoyisiza ukuba ifinyelele imigomo yayo.

Yiqiniso, niyobhekana nobunzima nezinselele njengobaba nendodana. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, indodana yakho cishe iyofuna ukuhlala isondelene nawe. Ngale nje kwalokho, ukhona yini umuntu ongafuni ukuhlala esondelene nomuntu omsiza ukuba aphumelele?

[Umbhalo waphansi]