1. Ukukhulumisana okuhle kuyisize njani imitjhado?

UMZALWANA othileko weCanada wathi, “Nginyula ukusebenzisa isikhathi sami nginomkami kunokusisebenzisa nomunye umuntu. Loke ithabo liyanda begodu ubuhlungu buyaphunguka nenginaye.” Indoda ethileko e-Australia yatlola: “Eminyakenethu eli-11 sindawonye, akhange khekudlule ilanga linye ngingakakhulumi nomkami. Mina naye asinakho ukungathembani namtjhana ukutshwenyeka ngokuqina komtjhadwethu. Ukukhulumisana kwaqobe nokwakhako kungunobangela walokhu.” Udade weCosta Rica wathi: “Ukukhulumisana okuhle akukanothisi umtjhadwethu kwaphela; kusenze satjhidelana noJehova, kwasivikela eenlingweni, kwasibumbanisa, kwenza nethando lethu lakhula.”

2. Ngiziphi izinto ezingenza kube budisi ukukhulumisana okuhle?

² Inga-kghani wena nowakwakho nithabela ukukhulumisana okumnandi, namkha kubudisi ngani ukuba nengcoco eyakhako? Liqiniso, kungavela ubujamo obumasikizi, ngombana umtjhado uhlanganisa abantu ababili abanesono abanobuntu obungafani, kubandakanye nemikghwa eveza isiko labo nendlela abakhuliswe ngayo. (Rom. 3:23) Ngaphezu kwalokho, isibili esitjhadileko singaba neendlela ezingafaniko zokukhuluma. Ngalokho, abarhubhululi uJohn M. Gottman noNan Silver banamabanga azwakalako wokuthi: “Kutlhoga isibindi, ukuzimisela, nokuphikelela ukubulunga ubuhlobo obuhlala isikhathi eside.”

3. Khuyini esize abatjhadileko bona baqinise imitjhado yabo?

³ Kwamambala, umtjhado ophumelelako umkhiqizo womsebenzi obudisi. Kodwana imiphumela ihlanganisa ithabo elingeze lalinganiswa. Abatjhadi abathandanako bangakuthabela kwamambala ukuphila ndawonye. (mTj. 9:9) Cabangela umtjhado onethando ka-Isaka noRabega. (Gen. 24:67) Ngitjho nangemva kobana sebanesikhatjhana  batjhadile, akukho okutjengisa ukuthi ithando labo latjhwaba. Kungatjhiwo okufanako nangabanengi abatjhadileko namhlanjesi. Iyini ifihlo yabo? Bafunde ukuveza imicabango namazizo wabo komunye nomunye ngokutjhaphulukileko kodwana ngomusa, ngokuhlawulela nokutjengisa ilemuko, ithando, ihlonipho edephileko, nokuthobeka. Njengombana sizokubona, nengabe iimfanelo ezisisekelwezi zikhona emtjhadweni, imizila yokukhulumisana ihlala ivulekile.

4, 5. Ilemuko lingasisiza njani isibili esitjhadileko bona sizwisisane ngcono? Nikela iimbonelo.

⁴ IzAga 16:20 zithi, “Ozwisisa okuthileko uyaphumelela.” Kwamambala lokho kuliqiniso emtjhadweni nekuphileni komndeni. (Funda IzAga 24:3.) Umthombo ongcono khulu welemuko nokuhlakanipha liLizwi lakaZimu. UGenesisi 2:18 usitjela ukuthi uZimu wenza umfazi bona abe mphelelisi, ingasi bona afane patsi nendoda. Indima yomfazi ibonakala endleleni akhuluma ngayo. Iye khona abantu abafani, kodwana ngokuvamileko abafazi bathanda ukukhuluma ngamazizo wabo, ngabantu, nangobudlelwana. Bayayithabela ikulumiswano efuthumeleko nethinta amazizo, ngombana ibaqinisekisa ukuthi bayathandwa. Ngakelinye ihlangothi, amadoda amanengi awanatjisakalo engako yokukhuluma ngamazizo wawo begodu atjhigamele khulu ekukhulumeni ngezinto, imiraro, neensombululo. Begodu amadoda athanda ukuhlonitjhwa.

⁵ Omunye udade weBritain wathi, “Indodakwami ifuna ukurarulula imiraro msinyana kunokuthi ingilalele. Lokho kuyangitjharaganisa nengabe engikufunako ‘yitiye nokurhawukelwa’ kwaphela.” Enye indoda yathi: “Nesisand’ ukutjhada, benginomukghwa wokufuna ukurarulula msinyana nanyana ngimuphi umraro umkami anawo. Kodwana azange kungithathe isikhathi ukufunda ukuthi kuhlekuhle ufuna indlebe elalelako kwaphela.” (IzA. 18:13; Jak. 1:19) Indoda enelemuko iyawatjheja amazizo womkayo bese ilinga ukumphatha ngokuvumelana nawo. Ngesikhathi esifanako, indoda iqinisekisa umkayo ukuthi imicabango namazizo wakhe aqakathekile kiyo. (1 Pt. 3:7) Nomfazi uyalinga ukuzwisisa umbono wendodakwakhe. Nengabe indoda nomfazi bayayizwisisa, bayithokozele, begodu bayifeze indimabo engokomTlolo, umtjhadwabo uba muhle ngendlela erarako. Ukungezelela kilokho, bayabambisana ekwenzeni ngokuvumelana neenqunto ezihlakaniphileko nezilinganiselako abazenzako.

6, 7. (a) Ngiyiphi ikambisolawulo ekumTjhumayeli 3:7 engasiza abalingani bomtjhado babe nelemuko? (b) Umfazi angayitjengisa njani ilemuko, begodu ngimuphi umzamo indoda ekufuze iwenze?

⁶ Godu isibili esitjhadileko siyazi ukuthi ‘kunesikhathi sokuthula nesikhathi sokukhuluma.’ (mTj. 3:1, 7) Udade osekatjhade iminyaka elitjhumi wathi, “Nje sengiyalemuka ukuthi kuneenkhathi lapho ukukhuluma ngokuthileko kungafaneleki khona. Nengabe indodakwami idisibezwe msebenzi namkha eminye imithwalo, ngilinda isikhatjhana ngaphambi kokukhuluma ngezinto ezithileko. Ngebanga lalokho iingcoco zethu ziyatjhelela.” Godu abafazi abanelemuko abakhuluma ngomusa, bayatjheja ukuthi ilizwi elikhethwe ngobuthakgha ‘lakhulunywa ngesikhathi esifaneleko’ liyathandeka begodu liyathokozelwa.—Funda IzAga 25:11.

⁷ Indoda emKrestu kufuze idlale indima yayo ingasi ngokulalela umkayo kwaphela kodwana nangokulwela ukuveza amazizo wayo ngokukhanyako. Umdala osekatjhade iminyaka ema-27 wathi: “Kwatlhogeka ngisebenzele ukutjela umkami amazizo wami adephileko.” Umzalwana osekaneminyaka ema-24 atjhadile uthi: “Ngivalela izinto ngaphakathi, ngicabange ukuthi, ‘Nengingakhulumi ngazo, zizokukhamba.’ Nokho, ngilemuke ukuthi akusilitshwayo lobuthakathaka ukuveza amazizwami. Nengiba nobudisi bokukhuluma, ngithandazela amezwi afaneleko nendlela afaneleko yokuwatjho. Bese ngidosa umoya ngithome ukukhuluma.” Okhunye okulisizo bujamo obufaneleko, mhlamunye isibili  nesisodwa sifunda ndawonye umtlolo welanga namkha iBhayibhili.

8. Ekwenzeni imitjhado yawo iphumelele, ngisiphi isihlohlomezelo abatjhadi abamaKrestu abanaso?

⁸ Okuqakathekileko endodeni nomfazi mthandazo nesifiso esidephileko sokuthuthukisa amakghono waso wokukhuluma. Liqiniso, kungaba budisi ukutjhentjha imikghwa esele inemirabho. Nengabe isibili sithanda uJehova, sibawa umoyakhe, begodu siqala umtjhadwaso njengocwengileko, lokho kusenza sibe nesihlohlomezelo abanengi abanganaso. Umfazi osele atjhade iminyaka ema-26 watlola: “Mina nendodakwami sithatha umbono kaJehova ngomtjhado njengoncamileko, ngalokho asikucabangi nokukucabanga ukuhlukanisa. Lokho kusenza sisebenze budisi ukurarulula imiraro ngokuyicoca ndawonye.” Ukuthembeka nokuzinikela kuZimu okunjalo kuthabisa uJehova begodu kuletha iimbusiso ezinothileko.—Rhu. 127:1.

9, 10. Ngiziphi iindlela ezilisizo isibili esitjhadileko esingaqinisa ngazo isibopho saso sethando?

⁹ Ithando, ‘elibopha ndawonye koke kuzwane,’ yifanelo eqakatheke khulu emtjhadweni. (Kol. 3:14) Ithando lamambala liyakhula njengombana isibili esithembekileko siphila ndawonye, sithaba begodu sithwalisana iintjhijilo. Siba bangani abatjhidelene khulu begodu sithabele ukuba ndawonye. Imitjhado enjalo inothiswa, ingasi ngezenzo ezimbalwa ezikulu, njengombana kuvezwa ngebeendaba, kodwana yondliwa zizenzo ezinengi ezincani—ukuhaga, amezwi anomusa, isenzo esibonisa ukucabangela, ukubobotheka kwamambala, namkha ukubuza ngokusuka ehliziyweni ukuthi “ilanga lakho likhambe njani?” Izinto ezincanezo zingenza umehluko omkhulu emtjhadweni. Esinye isibili esesitjhade iminyaka eli-19 siyafowunelana namkha sithumelane imilayezo phakathi nelanga “ukuzwa ukuthi izinto zikhamba njani kwaphela,” kutjho indoda.

¹⁰ Godu ithando litjhukumisela abatjhadi bona bafunde ngomunye nomunye. (Flp. 2:4) Bese ilwazi elinjalo lenza ithando labo libe namandla khulu naphezu kokungapheleli kwabo. Umtjhado ophumelelako owujami endaweni yinye kodwana uyanotha begodu uqine njengombana isikhathi sikhamba. Ngalokho, nengabe utjhadile, zibuze: ‘Ngimazi kuhle kangangani umlinganami? Ngiyawazwisisa amazizo nemicabango yakhe ngezinto ezithileko? Kukanengi kangangani ngicabanga ngomlinganami, mhlamunye ngicabange ngeemfanelo ezangidosela kuye kwekuthomeni?’

11. Kubayini ihlonipho iqakathekile emtjhadweni ophumelelako? Fanekisa.

¹¹ Ngitjho nemitjhadweni ethabileko, isibili esithandanako kungenzeka singavumelani ngazo zoke iinkhathi. U-Abrahamu noSara bebabanakho ukungavumelani ngezinye iinkhathi. (Gen. 21:9-11) Kodwana, ukungavumelani zange kube liboda elibahlukanisako. Kubayini? Bebaphathana ngehlonipho nangesithunzi. Ngokwesibonelo, u-Abrahamu wathi kuSara “ngiyakubawa.” (Gen. 12:11, 13, NW.) Ngakelinye ihlangothi, uSara walalela u-Abrahamu amqala ‘njengekosakhe.’ (Gen. 18:12, NW.) Nengabe abatjhadi abahloniphani, lokho kuvame ukubonakala endleleni abakhulumisana ngayo. (IzA. 12:18) Nebangalungisi umrarwabo, umtjhadwabo ukhasela eziko.—Funda uJakopo 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. Kubayini abasand’ ukutjhada ngokukhethekileko kufuze basebenze budisi ukuhlawulela ukukhulumisana ngehlonipho?

¹² Khulukhulu abasand’ ukutjhada kufuze basebenzele ukukhulumisana ngehlonipho nangomusa, ngokwenza njalo benze ukuthi kube nokukhulumisana okutjhaphulukileko nokuthembekileko emtjhadwenabo. Enye indoda iyakhumbula, “Nanyana iminyaka yokuthoma emtjhadweni ithabisa, ingabangela irarano. Njengombana ulemuka amazizo womkakho, imikghwa, neentlhogo zakhe—naye alemuka zakho—umtjhado ungabogaboga! Nokho, kuzonisiza bona nobabili nibe nokucabangela, amahlaya, neemfanelo ezinenza ninzinze njengokuthobeka, isineke, nokuthembela kuJehova.” Qala bona lokho kuliqiniso kangangani!

13. Kubayini ukuthobeka kuyifanelo eqakathekileko emtjhadweni onepilo nothabileko?

¹³ Ukukhulumisana okuhle kunjengomlanjana ogeleza kabuthaka nangokuthula etonini. “Ukuthobeka” kudlala indima eqakathekileko ekwenzeni umlanjana loyo uhlale ugeleza. (1 Pt. 3:8) Umzalwana osekaneminyaka eli-11 atjhadile uthi, “Ukuthobeka yindlela emsinya khulu yokurarulula imiraro ngombana kukutjhukumisela bona uthi, ‘Ngibawa ungilibalele.’” Umdala osekaneminyaka ema-20 asemtjhadweni othabisako uthi: “Ngezinye iinkhathi amezwi athi, ‘Ngibawa ungilibalele’ aqakatheke ukudlula athi ‘Ngiyakuthanda.’” Wangezelela: “Enye yeendlela ezimsinya khulu zokuthobeka mthandazo. Mina nomkami nesithandaza kuJehova  ndawonye, sikhunjuzwa ngokungapheleli kwethu nomusa kaZimu ongakasifaneli. Isikhumbuzo esibhacilekweso singisiza ngiqale izinto ngombono ofaneleko.”

14. Ukuzikhakhazisa kungawuthinta njani umtjhado?

¹⁴ Nokho, ukuzikhukhumeza akwenzi bona kube nokubuyisana. Kusiqabo sokukhulumisana ngombana kulwisana nesifiso kunye nesibindi sokubawa ukulitjalelwa. Kunokobana athi, “Ngibawa ungilibalele,” umuntu ozikhakhazisako ubeka amabanga. Esikhundleni sokuba nesibindi sokuvuma imitjhapho yakhe, utshwaya imitjhapho yomunye umuntu. Nekazwiswe ubuhlungu, kunokuthi alwele ukwenza ukuthula, uyakhubeka, mhlamunye azibuyiselele ngamezwi ahlabako namkha athule. (mTj. 7:9) Kwamambala, ukuzikhakhazisa kuyingozi emtjhadweni. Kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi “uZimu ujamelana nabazikhukhumezako, kodwana abazithobako ubapha umusa.”—Jak. 4:6.

15. Hlathulula ukuthi ukusebenzisa ikambisolawulo eku-Efesu 4:26, 27 kungasisiza njani isibili esitjhadileko bona siqalane nokunghwarana okungaba khona emtjhadweni.

¹⁵ Kwamambala, kungaba buntwana ukucabanga ukuthi ukuzikhakhazisa angekhe kube khona. Kutlhogeka sikutjheje bese silwisane nakho msinyana. UPowula watjela amaKrestu akunye nawo ukuthi: “Akungatjhingi ilanga nisathukuthele.” (Efe. 4:26, 27) Ukubhalelwa kulalela iLizwi lakaZimu kungabangela ukugandeleleka okungatlhogekiko. Omunye udade wanghonghoyila ngokuthi, “Khekwenzeka, mina nobabakwami sangasebenzisi u-Efesu 4:26, 27. Umphumela waba kukuthi saba nobunye bobusuku obumbi khulu ukubudlula boke!” Qala bona kungcono kangangani ukucoca ngendaba khonokho ninomnqopho wokubuyisana! Liqiniso, abalingani bomtjhado kungatlhogeka baphane isikhathi sokwehlisa umoya. Godu kuyafaneleka ukubawa isizo lakaJehova bona sibe nobujamo bomkhumbulo obufaneleko. Lokhu kubandakanya ukuba nomoya wokuthobeka, okuzokusiza udzimelele emrarweni, ingasi kuwe, ngombana lokho kungabuthuwelelisa ubujamo.—Funda kwebeKolose 3:12, 13.

16. Ukuthobeka kungasisiza njani isibili siqale amakghono ngamunye wabo anawo ngombono ofaneleko?

¹⁶ Ukuzithoba nokulemuka ukulinganiselwa kwakho kusiza umuntu otjhadileko adzimelele kilokho yena namkha umlinganakhe anobukghoni kikho. Ngokwesibonelo: Kungenzeka umfazi unamatalenta akhethekileko awasebenzisela ukuzuzisa umndeni. Nengabe indodakwakhe ithobekile begodu iyakutjheja ukulinganiselwa kwayo, ngeze izizwe ibekelwe isitjhijilo mkayo, kodwana izomkhuthaza bona asebenzise isiphiwo sakhe, ngalokho itjengise ukuthi iyamthanda begodu imqala njengoligugu. (IzA. 31:10, 28; Efe. 5:28, 29) Ngesikhathi esifanako, umfazi ozithobileko nokulemukako ukulinganiselwa kwakhe angeze azibethe isifuba ngamakghono wakhe namkha anyaze indodakwakhe. Phela bobabili “banyamanye,” begodu okulimaza munye kubalimaza bobabili.—Mat. 19:4, 5.

17. Khuyini engasiza imitjhado bona ithabe begodu idumise uZimu?

¹⁷ Akunakuzaza ukuthi ufuna umtjhadwako ube njengoka-Abrahamu noSara namkha waka-Isaka noRabega—othabisa kwamambala, ohlala isikhathi, nodumisa uJehova. Nengabe kunjalo, namathela embonweni kaZimu ngomtjhado. Funda iLizwi lakhe ukufumana ilemuko nokuhlakanipha. Hlawulela ithando lamambala—“umlilo kaJah”—ngokucabanga kuhle ngomlinganakho. (Ngm. 8:6, NW.) Sebenza budisi ukuhlawulela ukuthobeka. Phatha abangani bakho ngehloniphi. Newenza iintwezi, umtjhadwakho uzokuletha ithabo kuwe nakuYise wezulwini. (IzA. 27:11) Kwamambala, amazizwakho angafana newendoda esele itjhade iminyaka ema-27, eyatlola yathi: “Angikghoni ukucabanga ukuphila ngaphandle komkami. Umtjhadwethu uragela phambili ukhula qobe langa. Lokho kwenziwa lithando lethu ngoJehova nokuhlala sikhulumisana qobe langa.”