1. Kodi kulankhulana bwino m’banja kumathandiza bwanji?

M’BALE wina wa ku Canada ananena kuti: “Ndimakonda kucheza ndi mkazi wanga kuposa munthu wina aliyense.” Iye ananenanso kuti: “Ndikakhala limodzi ndi mkazi wanga, zinthu zambiri zimakhala zosangalatsa komanso sitivutika kupirira mavuto.” Mwamuna wina wa ku Australia analemba kuti: “Takhala m’banja zaka 11 ndipo tsiku silinadutsepo osalankhula ndi mkazi wanga. Sitidera nkhawa ngakhale pang’ono zoti banja lathu lingasokonezeke. Zili choncho chifukwa timalankhulana pafupipafupi n’kumauzana zakukhosi.” Mlongo wina wa ku Costa Rica anati: “Kulankhulana bwino kwathandiza kwambiri kuti banja lathu likhale lolimba. Kwathandizanso kuti tikhale pa ubwenzi wabwino ndi Yehova, tipewe mayesero, tikhale ogwirizana ndiponso kuti tizikondana kwambiri.”

2. N’chiyani chingachititse kuti kulankhulana m’banja kukhale kovuta?

² Kodi inuyo ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu mumalankhulana bwino? N’zoona kuti nthawi zina m’banja mukhoza kukhala mavuto chifukwa onse, mwamuna ndi mkazi, ndi opanda ungwiro. Iwo akhozanso kusiyana makhalidwe kapena kumene anakulira. (Aroma 3:23) Komanso kalankhulidwe ka mwamuna ndi mkazi wake kakhoza kukhala kosiyana. M’pake kuti akatswiri ena a zam’banja ananena kuti: “Pamafunika kulimba mtima, khama ndiponso kusataya mtima kuti banja liziyenda bwino.”

3. N’chiyani chathandiza mabanja ena kukhala olimba?

³ Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amafunika kuchita khama kuti banja lawo liziyenda bwino komanso kuti akhale osangalala. Banja limene limakondanadi likhoza kukhala losangalala kwambiri. (Mlal. 9:9) Mwachitsanzo, taganizirani za Isaki ndi Rabeka omwe ankakondana kwambiri. (Gen. 24:67) Iwo sanasiye kukondana ngakhale patapita zaka zambiri  ali m’banja. Masiku anonso pali mabanja ambiri amene akupitirizabe kukondana. Kodi chinsinsi chawo chagona pati? Iwo amakambirana momasuka koma mokoma mtima. Komanso amayesetsa kuchita zinthu mozindikira, mwachikondi, mwaulemu ndiponso modzichepetsa. M’nkhaniyi tiona kuti makhalidwe ofunikawa amathandiza kuti anthu azilankhulana bwino m’banja.

4, 5. Kodi kukhala ozindikira kumathandiza bwanji kuti anthu azimvetsetsana m’banja? Perekani zitsanzo.

⁴ Lemba la Miyambo 16:20 limati: “Munthu wosonyeza kuzindikira pa zinthu adzapeza zabwino.” Mfundo imeneyi imagwiranso ntchito m’banja. (Werengani Miyambo 24:3.) Mawu a Mulungu ndi amene angatithandize kwambiri kukhala ozindikira ndiponso anzeru. Lemba la Genesis 2:18 limanena kuti Mulungu atalenga mwamuna anamupangira mkazi kukhala mnzake womuyenerera osati wofanana naye. Izi zimaonekera tikaganizira mmene akazi amalankhulira. Akazi ambiri amakonda kulankhula za mmene akumvera ndiponso za anthu ena. Iwo amafuna kuti aziuzana zakukhosi ndi amuna awo chifukwa zimawathandiza kudziwa kuti amakondedwa. Koma amuna ambiri sakonda kwenikweni kufotokoza mmene akumvera. Iwo amakonda kulankhula za zimene zachitika, mavuto ndiponso mmene angathetsere mavutowo. Amuna amafunanso kulemekezedwa.

⁵ Mlongo wina wa ku Britain anati: “Mwamuna wanga samvetsera ndikamalankhula koma amangofulumira kunena njira yothetsera mavuto amene ndikumuuza. Zimenezi zimandikwana kwambiri chifukwa ndimangofuna kuti andimvetsere n’kunditonthoza.” Mwamuna wina analemba kuti: “Nditangolowa kumene m’banja, ndinkangofulumira kupeza njira yothetsera vuto lililonse limene mkazi wanga wandiuza. Koma pasanapite nthawi, ndinazindikira kuti iye akungofuna kuti ndizimumvetsera modekha.” (Miy. 18:13; Yak. 1:19) Mwamuna wozindikira amamvetsa mmene mkazi wake akumvera ndipo amamuthandiza mogwirizana ndi zimenezo. Iye amamutsimikizira kuti amamvetsa ndiponso kulemekeza maganizo ake. (1 Pet. 3:7) Nayenso mkazi amayesetsa kumvetsa maganizo a mwamuna wake. Mwamuna ndi mkazi akamachita zinthu mogwirizana ndi Malemba, banja limayenda bwino kwambiri. Izi zimathandiza kuti azikambirana bwino n’kumasankha zochita mwanzeru.

6, 7. (a) Kodi mfundo ya pa Mlaliki 3:7 ingathandize bwanji anthu apabanja kukhala ozindikira? (b) Kodi mkazi angasonyeze bwanji kuti ndi wozindikira? Nanga mwamuna ayenera kuyesetsa kuchita chiyani?

⁶ Anthu ozindikira amadziwanso kuti pali “nthawi yokhala chete ndi nthawi yolankhula” m’banja. (Mlal. 3:1, 7) Mlongo wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 10 ananena kuti: “Panopa ndimazindikira kuti pali nthawi zina pamene si bwino kuyamba kukambirana nkhani inayake.” Iye ananenanso kuti: “Ngati mwamuna wanga wapanikizika ndi ntchito kapena zinthu zina, ndimadikira kaye kuti padutse nthawi ndisanayambe kulankhulana naye nkhani zina. Izi zathandiza kuti tizikambirana bwino zinthu.” Mkazi wozindikira amalankhula mwaulemu. Amadziwanso kuti mwamuna wake angayamikire kwambiri ngati iye amalankhula mawu osankhidwa bwino “pa nthawi yoyenera.”—Werengani Miyambo 25:11.

⁷ Mwamuna wachikhristu ayenera kumvetsera mkazi wake akamalankhula komanso kuyesetsa kufotokozera mkazi wakeyo mmene akumvera. Mkulu wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 27 anati: “Zimandivuta kwambiri kuuza mkazi wanga zimene zili mumtima mwanga moti ndimafunika kuchita khama kwambiri.” M’bale wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 24 ananena kuti: “Ndimakonda kusunga zinthu mumtima n’kumaganiza kuti ndidzaziiwala pakapita nthawi. Koma ndazindikira kuti si kupusa kufotokoza zimene zili mumtima mwanga. Ndikasowa chonena, ndimapempha Yehova kuti andithandize kupeza mawu abwino komanso kuwanena m’njira  yoyenera. Kenako ndimalimba mtima n’kuyamba kulankhula.” Ndi bwinonso kusankha nthawi yoyenera. Mwachitsanzo, mungakambirane nkhani zina pochita lemba la tsiku kapena pamene mukuwerengera limodzi Baibulo.

8. Kodi ndi zinthu zinanso ziti zimene zimathandiza Akhristu kukhala ndi mabanja olimba?

⁸ Mwamuna ndi mkazi amayenera kupemphera ndiponso kukhala ndi mtima wofuna kusintha mmene amalankhulira. N’zoona kuti kusintha zinthu zina kumakhala kovuta. Koma ngati banja limakonda Yehova, kupempha mzimu wake ndiponso kuona kuti ukwati ndi wopatulika, limakwanitsa kuchita zinthu zimene anthu ambiri amalephera. Mkazi wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 26 analemba kuti: “Ine ndi mwamuna wanga timaona ukwati mmene Yehova amauonera choncho sitiganiza n’komwe zopatukana. Chifukwa cha zimenezi, timayesetsa kukambirana pakakhala vuto.” Yehova amakonda ndiponso kudalitsa anthu oterewa, omwe ndi okhulupirika komanso odzipereka kwa iye.—Sal. 127:1.

9, 10. Kodi anthu angatani kuti azikondana kwambiri m’banja?

⁹ Chikondi “chimagwirizanitsa anthu mwamphamvu” ndipo n’chofunika kwambiri m’banja. (Akol. 3:14) Anthu apabanja amayamba kukondana kwambiri akamachitira zinthu limodzi pa mavuto ndi pa mtendere. Iwo amagwirizana kwambiri ndipo amasangalala kukhala limodzi. Sikuti mabanja oterewa amalimba chifukwa chongochitirana zinthu zikuluzikulu mwa apa ndi apo ngati mmene amasonyezera pa TV. Koma nthawi ndi nthawi amachitirana tinthu ting’onoting’ono monga kukumbatirana, kuyamikirana, kuchitirana zinthu zina zabwino, kumwetulirana mwachikondi kapena kufunsana mmene zinthu zayendera pa tsikulo. Zinthu zing’onozing’ono ngati zimenezi zimathandiza kwambiri m’banja. M’bale wina amene wakhala m’banja mosangalala kwa zaka 19 ananena kuti akachoka panyumba tsiku lililonse, amaimbirana komanso kutumizirana mauthenga pa foni ndi mkazi wake kuti angodziwa mmene zinthu zikuyendera.

¹⁰ Anthu apabanja amene amakondana kwambiri amayesetsa kuti adziwane bwino. (Afil. 2:4) Akayamba kudziwana bwino, amakondana kwambiri ngakhale kuti aliyense amalakwitsa zina ndi zina. Anthu amene banja lawo likuyenda bwino, sikuti chikondi chawo chimangokhala pamodzimodzi. Chimakula ndiponso kulimba pamene zaka zikudutsa. Ngati muli pa banja, ndi bwino kudzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi ndimamudziwa bwino mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga? Kodi ndimamvetsa bwino maganizo ake komanso zimene  zili mumtima mwake? Kodi ndimakumbukira ndiponso kuganizira makhalidwe ake amene ndinakopeka nawo poyamba?’

11. N’chifukwa chiyani kulemekezana n’kofunika kwambiri m’banja? Perekani chitsanzo.

¹¹ Ngakhale anthu amene mabanja awo akuyenda bwino kwambiri, nthawi zina amasemphana chichewa. Mwachitsanzo, Abulahamu ndi Sara nthawi zina ankasemphana maganizo. (Gen. 21:9-11) Komabe, izi sizinasokoneze mgwirizano wawo chifukwa chakuti ankalemekezana. Pa nthawi ina pamene Abulahamu ankapempha Sara kuti achite zinazake, ananena mawu akuti “chonde.” (Gen. 12:11, 13) Nayenso Sara ankamvera Abulahamu ndipo ankamuona kuti ndi ‘mbuye wake.’ (Gen. 18:12) Ngati anthu sakulemekezana m’banja, zimaonekera ndi mmene amalankhulirana. (Miy. 12:18) Ngati iwo sayesa kuthetsa vutoli, banja lawo likhoza kusokonekera.—Werengani Yakobo 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. N’chifukwa chiyani anthu amene angolowa kumene m’banja ayenera kuyesetsa kwambiri kuti azilankhulana mwaulemu?

¹² Makamaka anthu amene angolowa kumene m’banja ayenera kuyesetsa kuti azilankhulana mokoma mtima ndiponso mwaulemu. Izi zimathandiza kuti azimasuka polankhulana. Mwamuna wina anati: “Zaka zoyambirira m’banja zimakhala zosangalatsa koma nthawi zina zingakhalenso zovuta kwambiri. Munthu angavutike kuti azolowere makhalidwe, maganizo komanso zokonda za mnzake. Komabe, zinthu zingakuyendereni bwino ngati muli ololera komanso okonda tinthabwala. Muyeneranso kukhala ndi makhalidwe ofunika kwambiri monga kudzichepetsa, kuleza mtima komanso kudalira Yehova.”

13. Kodi kudzichepetsa kungathandize bwanji m’banja?

¹³ Kulankhulana bwino m’banja kuli ngati mtsinje umene madzi ake akuyenda pang’onopang’ono kudutsa m’malo okongola. Kukhala ndi ‘maganizo odzichepetsa’ kumathandiza kuti mtsinjewu usaume. (1 Pet. 3:8) M’bale wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 11 anati: “Kukhala wodzichepetsa kumathandiza kuti muthetse mavuto mwamsanga chifukwa suvutika kupepesa.” Nayenso mkulu wina amene wakhala mosangalala m’banja zaka 20 ananena kuti: “Nthawi zina mawu oti ‘Pepani’ amakhala ofunika  kwambiri kuposa mawu oti ‘Ndimakukonda.’” Iye ananenanso kuti: “Kupemphera ndi njira yachidule yothandiza kuti tizikhala odzichepetsa. Ine ndi mkazi wanga tikapemphera limodzi, timakumbukira kuti ndife opanda ungwiro komanso kuti Mulungu watisonyeza kukoma mtima kwakukulu.” Kukumbukira zimenezi kumawathandiza kuona zinthu moyenera.

14. Kodi kunyada kungasokoneze bwanji banja?

¹⁴ Koma kunyada kumangosokoneza mgwirizano. Kumalepheretsa anthu kukambirana bwinobwino chifukwa munthu wonyada safuna kupepesa koma amakonda kupereka zifukwa zodzikhululukira. Iye salimba mtima n’kuvomereza zimene walakwitsa koma amangoloza chala mnzake. Akakhumudwa, sayesetsa kuti agwirizanenso ndi mnzake koma amakwiya n’kulankhula mawu achipongwe kapena kungokhala ndwii. (Mlal. 7:9) N’zoonadi, kunyada kungasokoneze kwambiri banja. Choncho tiyenera kukumbukira kuti “Mulungu amatsutsa odzikweza, koma odzichepetsa amawasonyeza kukoma mtima kwake kwakukulu.”—Yak. 4:6.

15. Kodi kutsatira lemba la Aefeso 4:26, 27 kungathandize bwanji anthu kuthetsa mavuto m’banja?

¹⁵ Komabe, tizikumbukira kuti nthawi zina mtima wonyada ukhoza kuonekera. Izi zikachitika, tiziyesetsa kuthana ndi vutolo nthawi yomweyo. Paulo anauza Akhristu anzake kuti: “Dzuwa lisalowe muli chikwiyire, ndipo musam’patse malo Mdyerekezi.” (Aef. 4:26, 27) Tikalephera kutsatira Mawu a Mulungu, tikhoza kukhala ndi mavuto ambiri m’banja. Mlongo wina ananena modandaula kuti: “Nthawi zina ine ndi mwamuna wanga tinkalephera kutsatira Aefeso 4:26, 27. Izi zikachitika tulo sitinkabwera.” Choncho ndi bwino kukambirana zinthu mwamsanga n’cholinga choti mugwirizanenso. Koma nthawi zina pamafunika kudikira kaye kuti mtima ukhale m’malo. Ndi bwinonso kupempha Yehova kuti akuthandizeni kukhala ndi maganizo oyenera. Iye angakuthandizeni kukhala ndi mtima wodzichepetsa umene ungakuchititseni kuganizira kwambiri za vutolo m’malo moganizira za inuyo. Kupanda kutero, zinthu zikhoza kufika poipa kwambiri.—Werengani Akolose 3:12, 13.

16. Perekani chitsanzo chosonyeza kuti mtima wodzichepetsa ndi wofunika m’banja.

¹⁶ Mtima wodzichepetsa umathandiza munthu kuganizira kwambiri zimene mwamuna kapena mkazi wake amachita bwino. Mwachitsanzo, mkazi akhoza kukhala ndi luso lapadera limene limathandiza m’banja lawo. Ngati mwamuna wake ndi wodzichepetsa, sangaone kuti mkaziyo akupikisana naye koma angamulimbikitse kugwiritsa ntchito luso lakelo. Izi zingasonyeze kuti amamuyamikira ndiponso kumukonda. (Miy. 31:10, 28; Aef. 5:28, 29) Nayenso mkaziyo akakhala wodzichepetsa, sangamadzitame kapena kuderera mwamuna wake. Pajatu, anthu akakwatirana amakhala “thupi limodzi.” Choncho chimene chingapweteke munthu mmodzi chimapwetekanso winayo.—Mat. 19:4, 5.

17. N’chiyani chingathandize banja kukhala losangalala ndiponso lolemekeza Mulungu?

¹⁷ Sitikukayikira kuti mungafune kukhala ndi banja ngati la Abulahamu ndi Sara kapena la Isaki ndi Rabeka. Mabanja amenewa anali osangalala, olimba ndiponso ankalemekeza Yehova. Ngati mukufuna kukhala ndi banja losangalala, yesetsani kuona ukwati mmene Mulungu amauonera. Phunzirani Mawu ake kuti mukhale anzeru ndiponso ozindikira. Muziganizira makhalidwe abwino a mnzanuyo kuti mukhale ndi chikondi chenicheni, chomwe chili ngati “lawi la Ya.” (Nyimbo 8:6) Yesetsani kukhala ndi mtima wodzichepetsa ndipo muzilemekeza kwambiri mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Mukamachita zimenezi, mudzakhala osangalala kwambiri m’banja komanso mudzasangalatsa Atate wanu wakumwamba. (Miy. 27:11) Mukhoza kumva mofanana ndi mwamuna wina amene wakhala m’banja zaka 27. Iye analemba kuti: “Sindingathe kukhala popanda mkazi wanga. Chikondi chathu chikukula tsiku lililonse. Izi zikuchitika chifukwa chakuti timakonda Yehova ndiponso timalankhulana nthawi zonse.”