1. Gushyikirana neza byagiye bifasha bite abashakanye?

HARI umuvandimwe wo muri Kanada wavuze ati “nishimira kumarana igihe n’umugore wanjye kuruta undi muntu uwo ari we wese. Iyo nganiriye n’umugore wanjye ku byanshimishije, ibyishimo byanjye birushaho kwiyongera, namubwira agahinda mfite kakarushaho kugabanuka.” Umugabo wo muri Ositaraliya yaranditse ati “mu myaka 11 maranye n’umugore wanjye, nta munsi urahita tutavuganye. Kuba dushyikirana neza bituma twizerana, n’ishyingiranwa ryacu rigakomera.” Hari mushiki wacu wo muri Kosita Rika wagize ati “gushyikirana neza ntibyatumye tugira ishyingiranwa ryiza gusa, ahubwo byanatumye tugirana imishyikirano ya bugufi na Yehova, biturinda ibishuko, twunga ubumwe, kandi turushaho gukundana.”

2. Ni ibihe bintu bishobora gutuma abashakanye badashyikirana neza?

² Ese wowe n’uwo mwashakanye mushyikirana neza, cyangwa kuganira bibabera ikibazo cy’ingorabahizi? Birumvikana ko abashakanye bashobora kugirana ibibazo bitewe n’uko ishyingiranwa rihuza abantu babiri badatunganye, bafite kamere zitandukanye, barerewe mu mico itandukanye, kandi bahawe uburere butandukanye (Rom 3:23). Byongeye kandi, uburyo bwo gushyikirana bw’abashakanye bushobora kuba butandukanye. Ntibitangaje rero kuba umushakashatsi mu birebana n’ishyingiranwa witwa John M. Gottman n’uwitwa Nan Silver baravuze bati “abashakanye bagomba kugira ubutwari, kwiyemeza no gushikama kugira ngo bakomeze kugirana imishyikirano irambye.”

3. Ni iki cyafashije abashakanye kugira ishyingiranwa rikomeye?

³ Mu by’ukuri, abashakanye bagomba gushyiraho imihati kugira ngo bagire ishyingiranwa ryiza. Ariko iyo mihati si imfabusa kuko ituma bagira ibyishimo byinshi. Abashakanye bakundana bagira ibyishimo mu ishyingiranwa ryabo (Umubw 9:9). Reka turebe urugero rwa Isaka na Rebeka,  bakaba bari bafite urugo rurangwa n’urukundo (Intang 24:67). Na nyuma y’igihe kirekire bashakanye, urukundo bakundanaga ntirwigeze rugabanuka. Uko ni na ko bimeze ku bashakanye benshi muri iki gihe. Ibanga ryabo ni irihe? Bitoje kugezanyaho ibitekerezo n’ibyiyumvo byabo nta cyo bakingana, kandi mu bugwaneza, bitewe n’uko barangwa n’ubushishozi, urukundo, kubahana no kwicisha bugufi. Nk’uko tugiye kubibona, iyo abashakanye bagaragaje iyo mico y’ingenzi, gushyikirana biraborohera.

4, 5. Ubushishozi bwafasha bute buri wese mu bashakanye kurushaho kumva mugenzi we? Tanga ingero.

⁴ Mu Migani 16:20 hagira hati “ugaragaza ubushishozi mu bintu azabona ibyiza.” Uko ni ko biri mu birebana n’ishyingiranwa n’imibereho yo mu muryango. (Soma mu Migani 24:3.) Ijambo ry’Imana ni ryo ryonyine rituma tugira ubushishozi n’ubwenge. Mu Ntangiriro 2:18 hatubwira ko Imana yaremye umugore kugira ngo abere umugabo icyuzuzo. Ibyo byumvikanisha ko umugabo atandukanye n’umugore, ku buryo bombi bashobora kuzuzanya. Ni yo mpamvu uburyo umugore ashyikirana butandukanye n’ubw’umugabo. Birumvikana ko abagore baba batandukanye, ariko muri rusange bakunda kuvuga ibirebana n’ibyiyumvo byabo, bakavuga ibirebana n’abandi bantu n’imibanire yabo. Bishimira kuganira n’umuntu bagahuza urugwiro kandi akababwira ibimuri ku mutima, kuko bituma bumva bakunzwe. Ku rundi ruhande, abagabo benshi ntibashishikazwa no kuvuga ibirebana n’ibyiyumvo byabo, kandi akenshi baba bashaka kuvuga ibijyanye n’akazi, ibibazo ndetse n’umuti wabyo. Ikindi kandi, abagabo baba bifuza kubahwa.

⁵ Hari mushiki wacu wo mu Bwongereza wagize ati “umugabo wanjye aba yifuza guhita atanga umuti w’ikibazo aho kuntega amatwi. Ibyo binca intege, kuko icyo mba nshaka ari ‘icyayi no kunyumva.’” Hari umugabo wanditse ati “nkimara gushyingiranwa n’umugore wanjye, nabaga nshaka guhita nkemura buri kibazo cyose yabaga afite. Icyakora, naje kubona ko mu by’ukuri icyo yabaga akeneye ari ukumutega amatwi” (Imig 18:13; Yak 1:19). Umugabo ufite ubushishozi amenya ibyiyumvo by’umugore we, kandi akagerageza kubizirikana mu byo amugirira. Nanone kandi, amwizeza ko afatana uburemere ibitekerezo n’ibyiyumvo bye (1 Pet 3:7). Ibyo bituma umugore na we agerageza kwiyumvisha uko umugabo we abona ibintu. Iyo umugabo n’umugore we basobanukiwe inshingano bahabwa n’Ibyanditswe, bakazishimira kandi bakazisohoza, bagira ishyingiranwa ryiza. Byongeye kandi, baba bashobora gushyira hamwe bagafata imyanzuro myiza kandi ishyize mu gaciro.

6, 7. (a) Ihame riboneka mu Mubwiriza 3:7 ryafasha rite abashakanye kugaragaza ubushishozi? (b) Umugore yagaragaza ate ubushishozi mu gihe aganira n’umugabo we, kandi se ni iyihe mihati umugabo yagombye gushyiraho?

⁶ Nanone kandi, abashakanye barangwa n’ubushishozi baba bazi ko hari “igihe cyo guceceka n’igihe cyo kuvuga” (Umubw 3:1, 7). Hari mushiki wacu umaze imyaka icumi ashatse wagize ati “ubu namenye ko hari igihe mba ntagomba kuzamura ikibazo. Iyo umugabo wanjye afite akazi kenshi cyangwa izindi nshingano nyinshi, mba ndetse kugira icyo mubwira. Ibyo bituma tuganira neza.” Nanone kandi, abagore bafite ubushishozi bavuga amagambo arangwa n’ineza, bazirikana ko ijambo ryiza “rivuzwe mu gihe gikwiriye” rishimisha.—Soma mu Migani 25:11.

⁷ Umugabo w’Umukristo ntiyagombye gusa gutega umugore we amatwi, ahubwo nanone yagombye kwihatira kumusobanurira neza uko yiyumva. Hari umusaza w’itorero umaze imyaka 27 ashatse wagize ati “ngomba gushyiraho imihati kugira ngo mbwire umugore wanjye ibindi ku mutima.” Undi muvandimwe umaze imyaka 24 ashatse yaravuze ati “njya nanga kuvuga ibibazo byanjye ntekereza nti ‘nintabivuga biri bugere aho bishire.’ Ariko kandi, naje kubona ko kugaragaza ibyiyumvo byanjye biterekana ko mfite intege nke. Mu gihe ndwana no kuvuga ibindi ku mutima, nsenga Imana nyisaba kumenya amagambo meza ndi buvuge, n’uburyo bwiza bwo kuyavuga. Hanyuma nishyiramo  akanyabugabo maze ngatangira kuvuga.” Nanone kandi, ni iby’ingenzi ko abashakanye bahitamo igihe gikwiriye cyo kubwirana ibibari ku mutima, wenda nk’igihe ari bonyine basuzuma isomo ry’umunsi cyangwa basoma Bibiliya.

8. Ni iki cyatuma umugabo n’umugore b’Abakristo bifuza kunonosora uko bashyikirana?

⁸ Umugabo n’umugore we baba bagomba gusenga kandi bakifuza cyane kunonosora uburyo bwabo bwo gushyikirana. Mu by’ukuri, guhindura uko bari basanzwe bashyikirana bishobora kutoroha. Ariko kandi, bazabigeraho niba bakunda Yehova, bakamusaba umwuka we wera, kandi bakabona ko ishyingiranwa ryabo ari iryera. Hari umugore umaze imyaka 26 ashatse wanditse ati “jye n’umugabo wanjye dufatana uburemere uko Yehova abona ishyingiranwa; ku bw’ibyo, ntitujya dutekereza gutandukana. Ibyo bituma twihatira kuganira ku bibazo dufite kugira ngo tubikemure.” Ubudahemuka nk’ubwo no kubaha Imana birayishimisha kandi bituma iha abashakanye imigisha myinshi.—Zab 127:1.

9, 10. Ni iki abashakanye bakora kugira ngo bakomeze umurunga w’urukundo ubahuza?

⁹ Kugira urukundo ni iby’ingenzi cyane mu ishyingiranwa, kuko ari rwo “rwunga abantu mu buryo bwuzuye” (Kolo 3:14). Uko igihe gihita, ari na ko abashakanye bahura n’ibibi n’ibyiza, urukundo nyakuri bakundana rurushaho kwiyongera. Baba incuti magara kandi bakishimira kuba bari kumwe. Ishyingiranwa nk’iryo ntirikomezwa no gukorerana ibintu bike gusa bihambaye, nk’uko bigaragara muri za filimi no kuri televiziyo, ahubwo rikomezwa n’utuntu duto duto twinshi abashakanye bakorerana, urugero nko guhoberana, kubwirana ijambo ryiza, gukorera mugenzi we ikintu kimwereka ko amwitayeho, inseko nziza, cyangwa kumubaza uko yiriwe. Utwo tuntu duto duto dushobora kugira akamaro kenshi mu ishyingiranwa. Umugabo n’umugore we bamaze imyaka 19 bashakanye kandi bishimye bavuze ko buri munsi baterefonana cyangwa bakohererezanya ubutumwa, kugira ngo buri wese abaze mugenzi we uko amerewe.

¹⁰ Urukundo runatuma abashakanye bakomeza kumenyana (Fili 2:4). Ibyo buri wese amenya kuri mugenzi we bituma urukundo rwabo rurushaho gukomera, nubwo baba badatunganye. Ishyingiranwa ryiza rirushaho gukomera uko igihe gihita. Ku bw’ibyo, niba warashatse, ibaze uti “ese nzi neza uwo twashakanye? Ese nzi ibyiyumvo bye n’uko abona ibintu? Ese njya ntekereza ku wo twashakanye, wenda ngatekereza ku mico yatumye mukunda?”

11. Kuki abashakanye bagomba kubahana kugira ngo bagire ishyingiranwa ryiza? Tanga urugero.

¹¹ Niyo abashakanye baba bafite ishyingiranwa ryiza, ntibaba batunganye, kandi si ko buri gihe babona ibintu kimwe. Aburahamu na Sara ntibahoraga bemeranya ku bintu byose (Intang 21:9-11). Ariko kandi, ibyo batumvikanagaho ntibyatumaga badakomeza kugira ibyishimo mu ishyingiranwa ryabo. Kubera iki? Ni ukubera ko buri wese yubahaga mugenzi we. Urugero, Aburahamu yabwiye Sara ati “ndakwinginze” (Intang 12:13). Sara na we yumviraga Aburahamu, kandi yabonaga ko ari “umutware” we (Intang 18:12). Iyo abashakanye batubahana, akenshi bigaragazwa n’uburyo bavugana (Imig 12:18). Iyo batagize icyo bahindura, ishyingiranwa ryabo riba riri mu kaga.—Soma muri Yakobo 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. Kuki abakimara gushyingiranwa bagombye kwihatira kugaragaza ko bubahana mu byo bavuga?

¹² Abakimara gushyingiranwa bagombye kwihatira kubwirana amagambo arangwa n’ineza kandi bakubahana, kuko bituma bashyikirana neza nta cyo bakinganye. Hari umugabo wavuze ati “nubwo mu myaka ya mbere y’ishyingiranwa abashakanye baba bafite ibyishimo byinshi, bashobora guhura n’ibintu bibaca intege. Uko ugenda umenya ibyiyumvo by’umugore wawe, ingeso ze n’ibyifuzo bye, na we akamenya ibyawe, bishobora kubahungabanya mu rugero runaka. Icyakora, ishyingiranwa ryanyu nta cyo rizaba niba mushyira mu gaciro, mukaba mutaremereza ibintu kandi mukagira umuco wo kwicisha bugufi, uwo kwihangana ndetse mukishingikiriza kuri Yehova.” Ibyo ni ukuri rwose!

13. Kuki abashakanye bagomba kugira umuco wo kwicisha bugufi kugira ngo bagire ishyingiranwa ryiza?

¹³ Iyo abashakanye bashyikirana neza, biba bimeze nk’akagezi gatemba buhoro buhoro mu busitani. ‘Kwicisha bugufi’ bigira uruhare rw’ingenzi mu gutuma ako kagezi gakomeza gutemba (1 Pet 3:8). Hari umuvandimwe umaze imyaka 11 ashatse wagize ati “kwicisha bugufi ni bwo buryo bwihuse bwo gukemura ikibazo, kuko bituma ubwira uwo mwashakanye uti ‘mbabarira.’” Umusaza w’itorero umaze imyaka 20 ashatse kandi akaba afite ibyishimo mu muryango we, yaravuze ati “rimwe na rimwe kubwira uwo mwashakanye uti ‘mbabarira’ biba bifite agaciro kenshi kuruta kumubwira ngo ‘ndagukunda.’” Yongeyeho ati “kimwe mu bintu bihita bifasha abashakanye kugaragaza umuco  wo kwicisha bugufi ni isengesho. Iyo jye n’umugore wanjye dusengeye hamwe Yehova, bituma twibuka ko tudatunganye kandi ko twese Imana yatugiriye ubuntu butagereranywa.” Ibyo bituma babona ibintu mu buryo bukwiriye.

14. Ubwibone bushobora kugira izihe ngaruka ku ishyingiranwa?

¹⁴ Ubwibone bwo butuma ibintu birushaho kuzamba. Bubuza abashakanye gushyikirana, kubera ko butuma batagira ubutwari bwo gusabana imbabazi. Aho kugira ngo umuntu w’umwibone avuge ati “rwose mbabarira” yicishije bugufi, arisobanura. Ntagira ubutwari bwo kwemera ko afite intege nke, ahubwo agereka amakosa kuri mugenzi we. Iyo mugenzi we amubabaje, ntashaka amahoro, ahubwo ararakara, wenda akihorera avuga amagambo akarishye, cyangwa agahitamo kutamuvugisha (Umubw 7:9). Koko rero, ubwibone bushobora gusenya ishyingiranwa. Ni byiza kwibuka ko “Imana irwanya abishyira hejuru, ariko abicisha bugufi ikabaha ubuntu bwayo butagereranywa.”—Yak 4:6.

15. Sobanura ukuntu gukurikiza ihame riri mu Befeso 4:26, 27 byafasha abashakanye gukemura ibibazo bashobora kugirana.

¹⁵ Gutekereza ko tutazigera tugira ubwibone byaba ari ukudashyira mu gaciro. Tugomba kubyemera kandi bwatangira kutuzamo tugahita tugira icyo dukora. Pawulo yabwiye Abakristo bagenzi be ati “izuba ntirikarenge mukirakaye kandi ntimugahe Satani urwaho” (Efe 4:26, 27). Kudakurikiza Ijambo ry’Imana bishobora kudukururira imibabaro itari ngombwa. Hari mushiki wacu wagize ati “rimwe na rimwe, jye n’umugabo wanjye ntitwajyaga dukurikiza ibivugwa mu Befeso 4:26, 27. Icyo gihe nararaga ntagohetse.” Iyo abashakanye bahise baganira ku bibazo bagamije kwiyunga, birushaho kuba byiza. Birumvikana ko hari igihe byaba ngombwa ko buri wese mu bashakanye areka mugenzi we akabanza agacururuka. Nanone kandi, birakwiriye ko basenga Yehova bamusaba ko yabafasha kugira imitekerereze ikwiriye. Muri yo hakubiyemo umuco wo kwicisha bugufi uzabafasha kwibanda ku kibazo bafitanye aho kwitekerezaho, kuko byatuma ibintu birushaho kuzamba.—Soma mu Bakolosayi 3:12, 13.

16. Umuco wo kwicisha bugufi wafasha ute buri wese mu bashakanye guha agaciro ibyo mugenzi we ashoboye?

¹⁶ Kwicisha bugufi no kwiyoroshya bifasha buri wese mu bashakanye guha agaciro ibyo mugenzi we ashoboye. Dufate urugero: umugore ashobora kuba afite ubuhanga bwihariye mu bintu runaka bifitiye umuryango akamaro. Niba umugabo yicisha bugufi kandi akiyoroshya, ntazababazwa n’uko hari ibyo umugore we amurusha, ahubwo azamutera inkunga yo gukomeza gukoresha ubwo buhanga afite. Muri ubwo buryo, umugabo azaba agaragaje ko aha umugore we agaciro kandi ko amukunda (Imig 31:10, 28; Efe 5:28, 29). Niba umugore na we yicisha bugufi kandi akiyoroshya, ntazarata ubuhanga afite cyangwa ngo asuzugure umugabo we. N’ubundi kandi, bombi baba barabaye “umubiri umwe,” kandi ikibabaza umwe kibabaza n’undi.—Mat 19:4, 5.

17. Ni iki cyafasha abashakanye kugira ibyishimo, kandi ishyingiranwa ryabo rigahesha Imana ikuzo?

¹⁷ Nta gushidikanya ko mwifuza kugira ishyingiranwa nk’irya Aburahamu na Sara cyangwa nk’irya Isaka na Rebeka, mbese rikarangwa n’ibyishimo, rikaramba kandi rigahesha Yehova ikuzo. Niba ari uko bimeze, mujye mubona ishyingiranwa nk’uko Imana iribona. Mujye mushakira ubwenge n’inama mu Ijambo ryayo. Mujye mwitoza kugira urukundo nyakuri, ari rwo ‘kirimi cy’umuriro wa Yah,’ muha agaciro imico myiza buri wese muri mwe afite (Ind 8:6). Mujye mwihatira kugaragaza umuco wo kwicisha bugufi. Mujye mwubaha abo mwashakanye. Nimubigenza mutyo, ishyingiranwa ryanyu rizatuma mugira ibyishimo kandi rishimishe So wo mu ijuru (Imig 27:11). Koko rero, mushobora kugira ibyiyumvo nk’iby’umugabo umaze imyaka 27 ashatse, wagize ati “sinjya niyumvisha uko nabaho ntari kumwe n’umugore wanjye. Ishyingiranwa ryacu rigenda rirushaho gukomera uko bwije n’uko bukeye. Ibyo biterwa n’uko jye n’umugore wanjye dukunda Yehova kandi tugashyikirana buri gihe.”