1. Kukhulumisana lokuhle kuyisite njani imishado?

LOMUNYE umzalwane waseCanada watsi: “Ngingamane ngicitse sikhatsi sami nginemfati wami kunekutsi ngihlale nalomunye umuntfu. Injabulo yami ekuphileni iyakhula nebuhlungu lenginabo buyancipha nangicoca naye.” Lenye indvodza yase-Australia yabhala loku: “Kuleminyaka lengu-11 sindzawonye, akukaze kwendlule nalinye lilanga ngingakakhulumi nemfati wami. Mine naye asesabi nobe sikhatsateke ngekucina kwemshado wetfu. Loku kubangelwa kutsi sikhulumisana njalo futsi sikhuluma ngetintfo letibalulekile.” Lomunye dzadze waseCosta Rica watsi: “Kukhulumisana lokuhle akukagcini nje ngekucinisa umshado wetfu; kusisondzete edvute naJehova, kwasivikela etilingweni, kwasenta saba nebunye futsi kwakhulisa lutsandvo lwetfu.”

2. Ngutiphi tintfo letingaphatamisa kukhulumisa lokuhle?

² Wena nemuntfu loshade naye niyakujabulela yini kukhulumisana lokuhle, nobe nikutfola kumatima kukhuluma ngetintfo letibalulekile? Kuliciniso kutsi timo letimatima tingavela, ngobe umshado uhlanganisa bantfu lababili labanesono, futsi labanebuntfu lobungafani, lobuhlanganisa similo lesiveta emasiko nendlela umuntfu lakhuliswe ngayo. (Rom. 3:23) Ngetulu kwaloko, bantfu labashadene bangaba netindlela letehlukene tekukhulumisana. Kungako-ke boJohn M. Gottman naNan Silver, labacwaninga ngemishado, batsi: “Kudzinga sibindzi, kutimisela nekusheshe ucolele kute ulondvolote buhlobo lobuhlala njalo.”

3. Yini lesite bantfu labashadene kutsi bacinise imishado yabo?

³ Kuliciniso kutsi umshado lophumelelako ungumphumela wekusebenta matima. Kodvwa imiphumela yako ifaka ekhatsi injabulo lenkhulu. Bantfu labashadene labatsandzanako bangakujabulela mbamba kuphila ndzawonye. (Shu. 9:9) Cabanga ngemshado lonelutsandvo wa-Isaka naRebheka. (Gen. 24:67) Ngisho nangemuva kwekucitsa sikhatsi lesinyenti bandzawonye  njengendvodza nemfati, kute lokukhombisa kutsi lutsandvo lwabo lwancipha. Kungashiwo lokufananako ngebantfu labanyenti labashadene lamuhla. Yini lebasitile? Bafundze kukuveta ngebucotfo nangemusa loko labakucabangako nendlela labativa ngayo, ngekutsi bakhombise kucondza, lutsandvo, inhlonipho lejulile nekutitfoba. Nyalo sitawubona kutsi nangabe umshado wakhiwa buntfu lobunjalo, kukhulumisana kuhlale kuvulekile.

4, 5. Kucondza kungabasita njani bantfu labashadene kutsi batane kahle? Niketa tibonelo.

⁴ Umbhalo weTaga 16:20 utsi: “Umuntfu lonakekela umyalo naloko lakufundziswako uyaphumelela.” Loko kuliciniso endzabeni yemshado nasekuphileni kwemndeni. (Fundza Taga 24:3.) Umtfombo loncono wekucondza nekuhlakanipha, liVi laNkulunkulu. Umbhalo waGenesisi 2:18 usitjela kutsi Nkulunkulu wadala umfati kutsi abe ngumsiti wendvodza, hhayi kutsi afane nayo. Indzima yakhe ibonakala endleleni lakhuluma ngayo. Kuliciniso kutsi bantfu abafani, kodvwa ngalokuvamile bafati bayatsandza kukhuluma ngendlela labativa ngayo, bakhulume ngebantfu nangebuhlobo babo nalabanye. Bayakujabulela kukhulunyiswa kahle nangemusa, ngobe loko kuyabacinisekisa kutsi bayatsandvwa. Ngakulolunye luhlangotsi, emadvodza lamanyenti awakavami kukhuluma ngendlela lativa ngayo, kodvwa avame kukhuluma ngemisebenti, tinkinga nangendlela yekuticatulula, futsi emadvodza afisa kuhlonishwa.

⁵ Lomunye dzadze waseBritain watsi: “Indvodza yami ifuna kucatulula tinkinga masinyane kunekutsi ingilalelisise.” Loku kumbangela kucindzeteleka lokukhulu ngobe usuke afuna kutsi indvodza yakhe imlalele futsi imvele. Lenye indvodza yabhala: “Ngesikhatsi mine nemfati wami sisandza kushada, mine bengifuna kutfola likhambi lelisheshako lanobe nguyiphi inkinga labenayo. Kodvwa-ke, ngase ngiyabona kutsi yena usuke afuna kutsi ngimlalele.” (Taga 18:13; Jak. 1:19) Indvodza lenekucondza iyayicabangela indlela umfati wayo lativa ngayo futsi yetama kumphatsa ngekuvumelana naloko. Iphindze imcinisekise ngekutsi loko lakucabangako nendlela lativa ngayo ibalulekile kuyo. (1 Phet. 3:7) Ngendlela lefanako, umfati wetama kuwucondza umbono wendvodza yakhe. Nangabe indvodza nemfati bayati kahle indzima yabo lesemiBhalweni, bayijabulela futsi bayifeza, umshado wabo uba muhle kakhulu. Ngetulu kwaloko, bayakhona kusebenta ndzawonye ekwenteni tincumo letihlakaniphile naletinengcondvo.

6, 7. (a) Simiso lesitfolakala kuMshumayeli 3:7 singabasita njani bantfu labashadene kutsi bakhombise kucondza? (b) Umfati angakukhombisa njani kucondza, futsi indvodza kufanele yente muphi umetamo?

⁶ Bantfu labashadene labanekucondza bayati nekutsi ‘kunesikhatsi sekubindza nesikhatsi sekukhuluma.’ (Shu. 3:1, 7) Lomunye dzadze losaneminyaka lelishumi ashadile watsi: “Nyalo ngiyati kutsi ngaletinye tikhatsi akusikuhle kukhuluma ngendzaba letsite. Nangabe indvodza yami ikhatsateke ngemisebenti leyehlukehlukene, ngivele ngendlulise sikhashana ngembikwekutsi ngikhulume ngendzaba letsite. Umphumela uba kutsi kukhulumisana kwetfu kuba kuhle kakhulu.” Bafati labanekucondza baphindze bakhulume ngemusa, ngobe bayati kutsi livi lelikhetfwe kahle “lelikhulunywe ngesikhatsi lesifanele” liba lihle futsi liyajabulisa.—Fundza Taga 25:11.

⁷ Indvodza lengumKhristu akukafaneli igcine ngekulalela loko umfati wayo lakushoko, kodvwa nayo kufanele yetame kuveta indlela letiva ngayo. Lomunye lomdzala welibandla losaneminyaka lengu-27 ashadile watsi: “Kudzingeka ngente umetamo kute ngitjele umfati wami loko lokusekujuleni kwenhlitiyo yami.” Umzalwane losaneminyaka lengu-24 ashadile utsi: “Ngingayifihla indlela lengitiva ngayo, ngicabange kutsi ‘nangabe ngingakhulumi ngako, kutawendlula.’ Nobe kunjalo, nyalo sengiyabona kutsi kuveta indlela lengitiva ngayo akukhombisi kutsi ngibutsakatsaka. Nangabe kumatima kuchaza indlela lengitiva ngayo,  ngithantazela emavi lafanele nendlela lekahle yekuwasho. Ngemuva kwaloko ngidvonsa umoya bese ngiyacala kukhuluma.” Lokunye lokulusito kukhuluma ngesikhatsi lesifanele, mhlawumbe nangabe laba labashadene babodvwa bafundza ndzawonye umbhalo welusuku nobe liBhayibheli.

8. Kute bente imishado yabo iphumelele, ngusiphi sifiso emaKhristu lashadene lokufanele abe naso?

⁸ Lokubalulekile kubo bobabili, indvodza nemfati, ngumthantazo nesifiso lesikhulu sekutfutfukisa emakhono abo ekukhuluma. Kuliciniso kutsi kungaba matima kushintja tintfo lotetayele. Kodvwa nangabe bantfu labashadene bamtsandza Jehova, bacela umoya wakhe, futsi batsatsa umshado wabo njengentfo lengcwele, batawuba naso leso sifiso. Lomunye umfati losaneminyaka lengu-26 ashadile wabhala loku: “Mine nendvodza yami siwutsatsa njengalokubalulekile umbono waJehova ngemshado, ngako-ke asikucabangi kwehlukana. Loku kusenta sisebente matima kute sicatulule tinkinga ngekutsi sikhulumisane ngato.” Kwetsembeka lokunjalo nekutinikela kuNkulunkulu kuyamjabulisa futsi kumenta ababusise.—Hla. 127:1.

9, 10. Ngutiphi tindlela bantfu labashadene labangakhulisa ngato lutsandvo lwabo?

⁹ Lutsandvo ‘lusibopho sekuphelela,’ futsi luyintfo lebaluleke kakhulu emshadweni. (Khol. 3:14) Lutsandvo lolucotfo luyakhula njengobe bantfu labashadene labetsembekile baphila ndzawonye, bajabule futsi babhekane netinsayeya tekuphila. Baba bangani labasondzelene kakhulu futsi bayakujabulela kuba ndzawonye. Imishado lenjalo ayikhuliswa tintfo letinkhulu nje kuphela, njengobe kuvame kubonakala kumathelevishini, kodvwa ikhuliswa tintfo letinyenti letincane—kugacana, kusho emavi lanemusa, kwenta tento tekucabangela, kumoyitela nawusho lokutsite nobe nje kutsi “belinjani lilanga lakho?” Letintfo letincane tingenta umehluko lomkhulu emshadweni. Labanye bantfu labashadene lasebaneminyaka lengu-19 bajabula emshadweni wabo bayashayelana nobe batfumelelane imilayeto. Lendvodza itsi: “Ngisuke ngifuna kuva kutsi tintfo tihamba njani.”

¹⁰ Lutsandvo luphindze lukhutsate bantfu labashadene kutsi bachubeke batane. (Fil. 2:4) Lolo lwati lwenta lutsandvo lwabo lukhule futsi lucine ngisho nobe banesono. Umshado lophumelelako awumi ndzawonye, kodvwa uyakhula futsi ucine njengobe kuchubeka sikhatsi. Ngako-ke, nangabe ushadile, tibute: ‘Ngimati kahle kangakanani loyo lengishade naye? Ngiyayicondza yini indlela lativa ngayo nalacabanga ngayo etindzabeni letitsite? Ngicabanga ngaye kangakanani, mhlawumbe ngikhumbule buntfu  bakhe lobangenta ngamtsandza kusukela ekucaleni?’

11. Yini leyenta kutsi inhlonipho ibaluleke kute umshado uphumelele? Fanekisa.

¹¹ Akusho kutsi imishado lejabulako ite tinkinga, futsi nebantfu labashadene labatsandzanako angeke bavumelane ngaso sonke sikhatsi. Abrahama naSara abazange bavumelane ngaso sonke sikhatsi. (Gen. 21:9-11) Nobe kunjalo, imibono yabo lengafani ayizange ibehlukanise. Yini leyabangela loko? Bebaphatsana ngenhlonipho. Sibonelo saloku kutsi Abrahama watsi kuSara “ngiyacela.” (Gen. 12:11, 13, NW.) Sara abemlalela Abrahama futsi amtsatsa ngekutsi ‘yinkhosi’ yakhe. (Gen. 18:12) Nangabe bantfu labashadene bangahloniphani, loko kuvame kubonakala endleleni labakhuluma ngayo nobe ngemavi abo. (Taga 12:18) Nangabe bangayilungisi leyonkinga, umshado wabo ungalengela engotini.—Fundza Jakobe 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. Yini leyenta kudzingeke bantfu labasandza kushada basebente matima kute bakhulumisane ngenhlonipho?

¹² Bantfu labasandza kushada kufanele basebente matima kute bakhulumisane ngemusa nangenhlonipho, kute kube nemoya wekukhulumisana ngekukhululeka. Lenye indvodza yatsi: “Ngisho nobe iminyaka yekucala emshadweni ingajabulisa, kodvwa ingaphindze ibangele kucindzeteleka ngaletinye tikhatsi. Njengobe wetama kwetayelana nendlela umfati wakho lativa ngayo, kwati loko latsandza kukwenta netidzingo takhe—nemfati etame kwenta lokufanako—kungenteka tintfo tihle tiba matima. Nobe kunjalo, kunganisita kakhulu kucabangelana, kuba nesimo sekuhleka, nekukhombisa kutfobeka, kubeketela nekutsembela kuJehova.” Kuliciniso loko!

13. Yini leyenta kutsi kutitfoba kube yintfo lebalulekile kute umshado uphile futsi ujabulise?

¹³ Kukhulumisana lokuhle emshadweni kufanana nemfudlana logeleta engadzeni. Kuba “nebubele nekutfobeka” kunendzima lebalulekile ekwenteni kutsi lowo mfudlana uhlale ugeleta. (1 Phet. 3:8) Lomunye umzalwane losaneminyaka lengu-11 ashadile watsi: “Kutfobeka kuyindlela lemelula yekucatulula kungevani ngobe kukwenta utsi ‘ngiyacolisa.’” Lomunye lomdzala welibandla losaneminyaka lengu-20 anemshado lojabulisako utsi: “Ngaletinye tikhatsi emavi  latsi ‘ngiyacolisa’ asuke abaluleke kakhulu kunalatsi ‘ngiyakutsandza.’” Wachubeka watsi: “Indlela lejubelako kute utfobeke kutsi uthantaze. Nangabe mine nemfati wami sithantaza kuJehova ndzawonye, siyakhumbula kutsi sinesono nekutsi sitfole umusa waNkulunkulu. Kukhumbula loko kuyangisita kutsi ngibuke tintfo ngeliso lelikahle.”

14. Kutigcabha kungawutsintsa njani umshado?

¹⁴ Kutigcabha akwenti kutsi kube nekuthula. Kuyakuvimbela kukhulumisana ngobe kubangela kutsi singabi khona sifiso nesibindzi sekucolisa. Esikhundleni sekutitfoba atsi: “Ngiyacolisa; ngicela ungicolele,” umuntfu lotigcabhako uyatitsetselela. Esikhundleni sekutsi ngesibindzi avume kutsi wente liphutsa, ukhomba emaphutsa alomunye umuntfu. Nangabe kukhona lokumvise buhlungu, uyatfukutsela mhlawumbe aze abuyisele ngemavi labuhlungu nobe advube kukhuluma, kunekutsi etame kuletsa kuthula. (Shu. 7:9) Ngako-ke, kutigcabha kungaba yingoti emshadweni. Kuhle kukhumbula kutsi “Nkulunkulu umelana nalabatigcabhako, kepha labatfobekile ubapha umusa.”—Jak. 4:6.

15. Chaza kutsi kusebentisa simiso lesitfolakala ku-Efesu 4:26, 27 kungabasita njani bantfu labashadene kutsi balungise kungevani lokungaba khona emkhatsini wabo.

¹⁵ Ecinisweni, kutigcabha kutawuvela ngaletinye tikhatsi. Kudzingeka sikhone kukubona futsi sikulungise masinyane. Naku Pawula lakutjela emaKhristu labekanye nawo: “Lilanga lingashoni solomane nitfukutsele. Ningamniki Sathane litfuba.” (Ef. 4:26, 27) Kwehluleka kulalela liVi laNkulunkulu kungabangela kucindzeteleka lokungakadzingeki. Lomunye dzadze watsi: “Ngaletinye tikhatsi mine nendvodza yami besingakwenti lokushiwo ngu-Efesu 4:26, 27. Umphumela bewuba kutsi kuvele kube matima kulala ebusuku.” Kuncono kakhulu kusheshe nicoce ngendzaba ninesifiso sekuyilungisa. Kuliciniso kutsi bantfu labashadene kungadzingeka banikane sikhatsi sekwehlisa umoya. Kuba kahle nekuthantazela lusito lwaJehova kute nibe nesimo lesihle sengcondvo. Loku kufaka ekhatsi kuba nemoya lotfobekile, lotakusita kutsi unake lenkinga kunekutsi utinake wena, uze wente simo sibe sibi kakhulu.—Fundza Kholose 3:12, 13.

16. Kutfobeka kungabasita njani bantfu labashadene kutsi bawabeke esigabeni lesifanele emakhono abo?

¹⁶ Kutfobeka nekutehlisa kungasita umuntfu loshadile kutsi anake emakhono aloyo lashade naye. Ase sifanekise: Kungenteka kutsi umfati unemakhono latsite lawasebentisela kuzuzisa umndeni wakhe. Nangabe indvodza yakhe itfobekile futsi itehlisa, angeke icabange kutsi lomfati uncintisana nayo kodvwa itamkhutsata kutsi asebentise leso sipho sakhe, ngekwenta njalo ikhombise kutsi iyamtsandza. (Taga 31:10, 28; Ef. 5:28, 29) Ngendlela lefanako, umfati lotfobekile nalotehlisako angeke agabatise ngemakhono akhe nobe ayibukele phansi indvodza yakhe. Bobabili laba labashadene ‘banyamanye,’ futsi loko lokumvisa buhlungu lomunye kutamvisa buhlungu nalona lomunye.—Mat. 19:4, 5.

17. Yini lengasita imishado yalamuhla kutsi ijabulise futsi idvumise Nkulunkulu?

¹⁷ Asingabati kutsi ufuna umshado wakho ufanane newa-Abrahama naSara nobe wa-Isaka naRebheka—umshado lojabulisako, lohlala njalo futsi lowenta kutsi kudvunyiswe Jehova. Nangabe kunjalo, namatsela embonweni waNkulunkulu ngemshado. Funa kucondza nekuhlakanipha eVini lakhe. Yetama kuba nelutsandvo lweliciniso—‘lilangabi’ laJehova—ucabange ngetintfo letinhle taloyo loshade naye. (Ngo. 8:6) Sebenta matima kute utfobeke. Mphatse ngenhlonipho umuntfu loshade naye. Nawenta njalo, umshado wakho utawujabulisa wena naBabe wakho wasezulwini. (Taga 27:11) Ngako-ke, indlela lotiva ngayo ingafana neyalendvodza leseyineminyaka lengu-27 ishadile, leyabhala kutsi: “Angikhoni kucabanga kuphila ngaphandle kwemfati wami. Umshado wetfu uyachubeka ukhula futsi ucina onkhe malanga. Loko kubangelwa kutsi sinelutsandvo ngaJehova futsi sikhulumisana sonkhe sikhatsi.”