1. Unxibelelwano oluhle luye lwaluncedo njani emitshatweni?

UMZALWANA waseKhanada wathi: “Ndikhetha ukuchitha ixesha nomfazi wam kunaye nabani na omnye. Xa ndilichitha naye ndonwaba ngakumbi iintlungu zinciphe.” Enye indoda eOstreliya yathi: “Kule minyaka ili-11 sitshatile, akukho nolunye usuku olwakha lwaphela ndingathethanga nomfazi wam. Akukho nto sinedyudyu okanye siyixhalabeleyo ngomtshato wethu. Into esincedayo, kukunxibelelana rhoqo nangokunyaniseka.” Udade waseCosta Rica wathi: “Unxibelelwano oluhle alusincedanga nje emtshatweni; luye lwasisondeza ngakumbi nakuYehova, lwasikhusela kwizilingo, lwasimanya sobabini, lwakhulisa nothando lwethu.”

2. Ziziphi izinto ezinokwenza kube nzima ukunxibelelana kakuhle emtshatweni?

² Ngaba wena neqabane lakho niyakwazi ukunxibelelana kakuhle, okanye kulucelomngeni? Yinyaniso ukuba, zinokuvela iimeko ezinzima kuba umtshato umanyanisa abantu ababini abangafezekanga nabanobuntu obungafaniyo, kuquka isithethe nendlela abakhuliswe ngayo. (Roma 3:23) Ukongezelela, kwisibini esitshatileyo omnye unokuba nendlela yokunxibelelana eyahlukileyo kweyomnye. Siyaqondakala isizathu sokuba abaphengululi ngomtshato uJohn M. Gottman noNan Silver besithi: “Kufuneka isibindi, ukuzimisela, nokuzingisa ukuze ulondoloze olu lwalamano.”

3. Yintoni enceda izibini zomeleze imitshato yazo?

³ Enyanisweni, kufuneka kusetyenzwe nzima ukuze umtshato uphumelele. Alunakuthelekiswa nanto uvuyo oluye lubekho xa uphumelele. Xa amaqabane ethandana anako ukunandipha ubomi kunye. (INtshu. 9:9) Cinga nje ngomtshato wabantu ababethandana ngokwenene uIsake noRebheka. (Gen. 24:67) Nasemva  kwethuba elide betshatile, akukho nto ibonisa ukuba uthando lwabo lwehla. Oku kuyenzeka nakwizibini ezininzi namhlanje. Zincedwa yintoni? Ziye zafunda indlela yokudlulisela iingcamango neemvakalelo zazo ngokunyaniseka, kodwa ngobubele kwelinye iqabane ngokubonisa ingqiqo, uthando, intlonelo enzulu nokuthobeka. Njengoko siza kubona, xa ezi mpawu zibalulekileyo zikho emtshatweni, zisoloko zisenza kube lula ukunxibelelana.

4, 5. Ingqiqo inomnceda njani umfazi nendoda baqondane kakuhle? Yenza umzekelo.

⁴ IMizekeliso 16:20 ithi: “Obonakalisa ingqiqo kumbandela uya kufumana okulungileyo.” Le yinyaniso kubomi bomtshato nobentsapho. (Funda iMizekeliso 24:3.) Owona mthombo wengqiqo nobulumko liLizwi likaThixo. IGenesis 2:18 isixelela ukuba uThixo wenza umfazi ukuze abe ngumphelelisi wendoda, ngoko abafani, akayokopi yayo. Indima yakhe ibonakala kwindlela anxibelelana ngayo. Ewe kona abantu abafani, kodwa abafazi bayathanda ukuthetha ngeemvakalelo zabo, ukuthetha ngabantu nezinto ezenzeka kubo. Bayamxabisa umntu othetha ngobubele, kuba oko kubenza bazive bethandwa. Wona ke amadoda amaninzi akathandi kuthetha ngeemvakalelo zawo kodwa athetha ngemisebenzi, iingxaki nezicombululo. Eyona nto ifunwa ngamadoda kukuhlonelwa.

⁵ Omnye udade eBritani uthi: “Umyeni wam usuke angxamele ukuza nesicombululo engekeva neyona nto ndiyitshoyo. Oku kuye kundidandathekise gqitha, ngakumbi xa ndifuna nje ‘ukuba andiphulaphule abonise uvelwano.’” Enye indoda yathi: “Xa sasisandul’ ukutshata, ndandidla ngokufuna isicombululo ngokukhawuleza kwingxaki zomfazi wam. Kodwa ndakhawuleza ndabona ukuba eyona nto ayifunayo kukuphulaphulwa.” (IMize. 18:13; Yak. 1:19) Indoda enengqiqo iyayibona indlela avakalelwa ngayo umfazi wayo ize izame indlela efanelekileyo yokuthetha naye. Kwangaxeshanye, iye imqinisekise ukuba izikhathalele iingcinga neemvakalelo zakhe. (1 Pet. 3:7) Naye ke umfazi onengqiqo, uye azame ukuyiqonda imbono yendoda yakhe. Xa indoda nomfazi beyiqonda, beyixabisa baze bayenze indima yabo echazwa ziZibhalo, izinto zibahambela kakuhle emtshatweni. Okubaluleke ngakumbi, baye bakwazi ukusebenzisana ekwenzeni nasekuphumezeni izigqibo zobulumko nezilungeleleneyo.

6, 7. (a) Umgaqo okwiNtshumayeli 3:7 unokuyinceda njani indoda nomfazi babonise ingqiqo? (b) Umfazi unokuyibonisa njani ingqiqo, ibe nguwuphi umgudu omele wenziwe yindoda?

⁶ Isibini esinengqiqo siyayazi nento yokuba kukho “ixesha lokuthi cwaka nexesha lokuthetha.” (INtshu. 3:1, 7) Omnye udade oneminyaka elishumi etshatile uthi: “Sendisazi ukuba kukho amaxesha angafanelekanga ukuba uphakamise umbandela othile. Xa umyeni wam exakeke ngumsebenzi okanye iimbopheleleko ezithile, ndiye ndilinde ngaphambi kokuba ndithethe ngawo. Oku kusinceda sithethe kakuhle.” Abafazi abanengqiqo bathetha ngobubele, besazi ukuba ilizwi elikhethwe kakuhle “elithethwe ngexesha elifanelekileyo” liyathandeka kwaye lixabisekile.—Funda iMizekeliso 25:11.

⁷ Indoda engumKristu imele idlale indima yayo inganeli nje ukuphulaphula oko kuthethwa ngumfazi kodwa izabalazele ukukhupha iimvakalelo zayo kakuhle. Umdala oneminyaka engama-27 etshatile uthi: “Kufuneka umgudu ukuze ndixelele umfazi wam oko kusentliziyweni.” Umzalwana oneminyaka engama-24 etshatile uthi: “Ndiye nditye tyum, kuba ndisithi ‘ingxaki iza kuziphelela.’ Kodwa, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba asibobuthathaka ukukhupha iimvakalelo. Xa kunzima ukuthetha, ndiye ndithandazele amazwi  afanelekileyo nendlela yokuwathetha. Emva koko, nditsal’ umoya, ndiqalise ukuthetha.” Enye into eluncedo kukukhetha imeko efanelekileyo, njengaxa nixubusha itekisi yosuku okanye nifunda kunye iBhayibhile.

8. Yiyiphi enye into enokukhuthaza izibini ezitshatileyo ezingamaKristu ukuze umtshato wazo uphumelele?

⁸ Kubaluleke gqitha ukuba indoda nomfazi bathandaze kunye yaye babe nomnqweno ongazenzisiyo wokuphucula unxibelelwano lwabo. Ewe kona, kunzima ukutshintsha. Kodwa into enokubanceda ize ibakhuthaze kukuthanda uYehova, bacele umoya wakhe, nokujonga umtshato wabo njengongcwele. Udade oneminyaka engama-26 etshatile uthi: “Sinomyeni wam asiyithabathi lula indlela uYehova awujonga ngayo umtshato, ngoko ayikhe ithi qatha eyokwahlukana. Oku kusincede sizibhokoxe ekucombululeni iingxaki ngokuzixubusha kunye.” Oko kunyaniseka nokuzinikela kuyamkholisa uThixo aze asisikelele.—INdu. 127:1.

9, 10. Ziziphi iindlela ezisengqiqweni ezinokunceda isibini someleze umtshato waso?

⁹ Uthando, “umxokelelwane ogqibeleleyo womanyano,” lolona phawu lubalulekileyo emtshatweni. (Kol. 3:14) Uthando lokwenene luyakhula njengoko isibini esinyanisekileyo simanyene, kumnandi okanye kukubi. Sisondelelana ngakumbi size sikuxabise ukuba kunye. Imitshato enjalo ayincedwa nje kukwenzelana izinto enkulu ezimbalwa njengokuba sibona kumajelo osasazo, kodwa yomelezwa kukusoloko nisenzelana izinto ezincinane ezintle—ukwangana, ukuncomana, izenzo zobubele, uncumo, okanye ukunyaniseka xa sibuzana indlela oluhambe ngayo usuku. Zezi zinto zincinane ezenza umahluko omkhulu emtshatweni. Esinye isibini ebesisoko sonwabile kumtshato weminyaka eli-19 siyafowunelana okanye sithumelelane iisms ebudeni bemini “ukuze sazi ukuba izinto zihamba njani,” ngokutsho komyeni.

¹⁰ Uthando luyasinyanzela esi sibini ukuba siqhubeke sifundana. (Fil. 2:4) Olo lwazi lukhulisa uthando lwaso ngakumbi nakuba singafezekanga. Umtshato ophumelelayo awumi ndawonye kodwa uqhubeka uqina njengoko ixesha lihamba. Ngoko, ukuba utshatile zibuze oku: ‘Ndilazi kangakanani iqabane lam? Ngaba ndiyayiqonda indlela elivakalelwa ngayo okanye elicinga ngayo kwimiba ethile? Lingakanani ixesha endilichitha ndicinga ngeqabane  lam, mhlawumbi ndicinga ngeempawu ezanditsalela kulo ekuqaleni?’

11. Kutheni intlonelo ibalulekileyo ukuze umtshato uphumelele? Zekelisa.

¹¹ Kwaneyona mitshato yonwabe gqitha ayigqibelelenga, yaye isibini esithandanayo asisoloko sibona ngasonye. UAbraham noSara babengasoloko bevumelana. (Gen. 21:9-11) Kodwa, ezo yantlukwano azizange zivule ithanda. Ngoba? Babephathana ngesidima nentlonelo. Ngokomzekelo, uAbraham wayesithi “khawuncede” xa ethetha noSara. (Gen. 12:11, 13) NoSara kwelakhe icala, wayemthobela uAbraham emgqala ‘njengenkosi’ yakhe. (Gen. 18:12) Xa isibini singahlonelani, oku kudla ngokubonakala kwindlela esithetha ngayo okanye kwithoni yelizwi. (IMize. 12:18) Xa singayilungisi ingxaki, umtshato waso unokwehlelwa yintlekele.—Funda ekaYakobi 3:7-10, 17, 18.

12. Kutheni isibini esisandul’ ukutshata simele sikuzabalazele ngokukhethekileyo ukuthetha ngentlonelo?

¹² Isibini esisandul’ ukutshata simele sikuzabalazele ngokukhethekileyo ukuthetha ngobubele nokuhlonelana nto leyo eya kusinceda sikwazi ukuthetha ngokukhululekileyo nangokunyaniseka. Enye indoda ithi: “Nakuba kuba mnandi kwiminyaka yokuqala nitshatile, maxa wambi inokuba lucelomngeni. Njengoko uzama ukuqonda iimvakalelo zomfazi wakho, izinto athanda ukuzenza neentswelo zakhe—abe naye ezama oko—izinto zinokusuka zonakale! Noko ke, niya kuphumelela ukuba ninengqiqo, uburharha, nokuthobeka, umonde, nize nithembele kuYehova.” Yinyaniso yodwa le wayeyithetha!

13. Kutheni ukuthobeka kungundoqo ukuze nonwabe emtshatweni?

¹³ Unxibelelwano oluhle emtshatweni lufana nomsinga oqukuqela kakuhle nozolileyo egadini. ‘Ukuthobeka engqondweni’ ngoyena ndoqo ukuze kube njalo. (1 Pet. 3:8) Umzalwana oneminyaka eli-11 etshatile uthi: “Ukuthobeka yeyona ndlela ilula yokucombulula ingxaki kuba kukunceda ukwazi ukuthi, ‘Uxolo.’” Umdala oneminyaka engama-20 kumtshato owonwabileyo,  uthi: “Maxa wambi igama elithi ‘Uxolo’ libaluleke ngaphezu kwelithi ‘Ndiyakuthanda.’” Wongeza athi: “Enye into ekhawuleza ikuncede uthobeke kukuthandaza. Xa sithandaza kunye nomfazi wam, siye sikhumbule ukungafezeki kwethu nobubele obungasifanelanga bukaThixo. Ukukhumbula oko kundinceda ndenze izinto ngendlela.”

14. Ikratshi linokuwuchaphazela njani umtshato?

¹⁴ Noko ke, lona ikratshi liyachitha. Liphelisa unxibelelwano kuba lwenza ubani angakunqweneli yaye angakwazi ukucela uxolo. Kunokuba azithobe athi, “Ndicela uxolo,” umntu onekratshi uzama ukuzithethelela. Kunokuvuma ubuthathaka bakhe, walatha kwiimpazamo zomnye. Kunokuba azabalazele uxolo xa ebuhlungu, uyakhubeka de aphindise ngamazwi arhabaxa okanye aqumbe. (INtshu. 7:9) Ikratshi linokugqiba umtshato. Simele sikhumbule ukuba “uThixo ubachasile abanekratshi, kodwa ubanika ububele obungasifanelanga abathobekileyo.”—Yak. 4:6.

15. Chaza indlela esinokuncedwa ngayo isibini esitshatileyo kukusebenzisa umgaqo okweyabase-Efese 4:26, 27 ukuze silungise iyantlukwano.

¹⁵ Besiya kuba siyazikhohlisa ukucinga ukuba asinakuze sivukwe likratshi. Simele sizibone xa sinalo size silwe nalo. UPawulos wathi kwamanye amaKristu: “Malingatshoni ilanga nicaphukile, ningamvuleli indawo uMtyholi.” (Efe. 4:26, 27) Ukungathobeli iLizwi likaThixo kungasizisela uxinezeleko olungeyomfuneko. Ebuhlungu omnye udade wathi: “Akho amaxesha esiye asasithobela isilululeko esikweyabase-Efese 4:26, 27 sinomyeni wam. Oko kwandizisela eyona ntlungu ndakha ndayiva yokungalali!” Kubhetele nithethe kwangoko ngombandela, kuba eyona njongo kukuba nixolelane! Kakade ke, amaqabane atshatileyo kusenokufuneka aphane ixesha lokukhe athobe umoya. Kubalulekile nokuthandaza ukuze uYehova awancede abe nesimo sengqondo esifanelekileyo. Oku kuquka ukuthobeka, nto leyo ikunceda unikel’ ingqalelo kwingxaki, kungekhona kuwe ukuze ungayenzi mandundu imeko.—Funda eyabaseKolose 3:12, 13.

16. Ukuthobeka kunokuwanceda njani amaqabane atshatileyo anikele ingqalelo kwizinto ezintle ezenziwa lelinye?

¹⁶ Ukuthobeka nokuthozama kunceda umntu otshatileyo anikel’ ingqalelo kwizinto ezintle ezenziwa liqabane lakhe. Ngokomzekelo: Umfazi usenokuba nesakhono esiluncedo entsatsheni. Ukuba indoda yakhe ithobekile yaye ithozamile, ayiyi kuziva icelwa umngeni nguye, kodwa iya kumkhuthaza ukuba asisebenzise, ibonisa ukuba iyamthanda kwaye iyamxabisa. (IMize. 31:10, 28; Efe. 5:28, 29) Kwangaxeshanye, umfazi othobekileyo nothozamileyo akayi kucela injezu ngobuchule bakhe okanye ayijongele phantsi indoda yakhe. Ngapha koko, ‘banyama-nye,’ yaye into exhela omnye iyamxhela nomnye.—Mat. 19:4, 5.

17. Yintoni enokunceda izise uvuyo kwimitshato yanamhlanje ukuze kudunyiswe uThixo?

¹⁷ Yinyaniso ukuba ufuna umtshato wakho ufane noka-Abraham noSara okanye kaIsake noRebheka—wonwabe ngokwenene, yaye uhlale ixesha elide, ukuze udumise uYehova. Ngoko ke, hlala unembono kaThixo ngomtshato. Funa ingqiqo nobulumko kwiLizwi lakhe. Zabalazela uthando lokwenene—“idangatye likaYa”—ngokucinga izinto ezintle ngeqabane lakho. (INgoma 8:6) Zabalazela ukuthobeka, uze uliphathe ngentlonelo iqabane lakho. Ukuba uyazenza ezi zinto, umtshato wenu uya kunivuyisa kuquka uYihlo osezulwini. (IMize. 27:11) Usenokuvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo nendoda eneminyaka engama-27 itshatile, eyathi: “Andiqondi ukuba ndingaphila ngaphandle komfazi wam. Umtshato wethu uya usomelela mihle le. Oku kubangelwa kukuthanda kwethu uYehova nokunxibelelana rhoqo.”