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STUDY ARTICLE 20

How to Comfort People When They Experience Sex Abuse

How to Comfort People When They Experience Sex Abuse

“The God of all comfort . . . de comfort us anytime wey we get problem.”​—2 COR. 1:3, 4.

SONG 134 Children Na Gift From God

WETIN WE GO LEARN? *

1-2. (a) Which example show say God make us for way wey we need comfort and to fit give comfort to people? (b) How people de cause pain for some children?

ALL of us need comfort and na wonderful thing say we fit comfort people. For example, as one small pikin de play, e come fall and wound e leg. Maybe e begin cry and run go meet Mommy or Daddy. Daddy and Mommy no go fit heal the wound, but they go fit comfort the pikin. They fit ask the pikin wetin happen, they go clean the water comot for e eye, and de tell the pikin make e no cry again. They fit even put medicine for the wound, or bandage-am. Small time, the pikin go stop to cry and fit even start de play again. As time de go, the wound go heal.

2 But sometimes, some things de cause pain for children pass that one. For some of them, person do things about sex to them. Maybe na only once, or e fit be many times for many years. No matter the number of times, this kind thing go really affect the pikin and the pain de continue. For some situation, they fit catch the person when e do this kind thing to the pikin and e go face punishment. For other situation, e fit be like say the person escape punishment. But even if they punish the person quick-quick, the pikin fit still suffer the pain even when e don grow.

3. According to 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4, wetin Jehovah want, and which questions we go answer?

3 If brother or sister for congregation experience sex abuse for small pikin and e still de suffer the pain, wetin fit help the person? (Read 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4.) The truth be say, Jehovah want make e sheep receive the love and comfort wey they need. So make we talk about three question: (1) Why people need comfort when they experience sex abuse for small pikin? (2) Who fit give them the comfort wey they need? (3) How we fit comfort them well?

WHY THEY NEED COMFORT?

4-5. (a) Why e dey important make we know say children dey different from big people? (b) If person make pikin experience sex abuse, wetin go fit happen to the trust wey the pikin get for people?

4 Some people don big but they experience sex abuse for small pikin. Even though say many years don pass, they fit still need comfort. Why? For us to understand, the first thing we need to get for mind be say children really dey different from big people. If they no treat small pikin well, the thing fit affect the pikin pass as e go affect big person if the same thing happen to the big person. Make we see some examples.

5 Na normal thing for children to trust and dey close to who train and care for them. When people dey close to children wey them de care for and the children trust them, the children de feel safe. And when other people show the children love, the children go learn to trust them. (Ps. 22:9) But the sad thing be say, many times, sex abuse of children de happen for their house. And na close family members and family friends de do this bad thing to children pass any other person. When pikin trust person and the person do things about sex to the pikin, this one go make-am hard for the pikin to trust any other person even after many years.

6. Why e be say sex abuse dey wicked and e fit affect person for bad way?

6 Children no fit protect theirself, and sex abuse na wicked thing and e fit affect pikin for bad way. If person force pikin to do things about sex many years before the pikin mature enough to understand wetin marriage and sex mean, this one fit really affect the pikin for bad way. When person make pikin experience things about sex, this one fit make the pikin get bad thinking about sex. The pikin fit feel say e dey useless and if person want be e friend, e no go trust the person.

7. (a) Why e dey easy for people to deceive children and do things about sex with them, and how this kind people fit do-am? (b) Wetin fit be the result of all those kind lie?

7 Children never learn how to think or reason well, or to see danger and protect theirself. (1 Cor. 13:11) This one really make-am dey easy for people to deceive them and do things about sex to them. This kind people de tell the children wicked lie. For example, they go blame the children for wetin happen, they go tell them make they no tell anybody wetin happen, and say nobody go listen or help them if they report. They fit still tell the children say if small pikin and big person really love each other, na normal thing make they do things about sex with each other. Many years go pass before the pikin fit understand say all this kind things na lie. When this kind pikin de grow, e fit de see e self as useless person. And e go de feel say e no deserve anybody love or comfort.

8. When people de suffer pain, why we dey sure say Jehovah fit comfort them?

8 So we no surprise say sex abuse of children de cause pain and this pain fit last for long time. Child sex abuse na really wicked sin! Bible talk say for last days people “no go get love” and “wicked people and pretenders go de bad more-more.” Child sex abuse de affect the whole world and this one make-am clear say we de live for last days. (2 Tim. 3:1-5, 13) True-true, the plans of Satan dey wicked, and na sad thing when people do things wey Devil like. But, Satan or e servants no strong reach Jehovah. God strong pass them by far. God always know all the plans wey Satan get. We dey sure say Jehovah really know the pain wey we de feel, and e go fit give us the comfort wey we need. We happy say we de serve “the God of all comfort. E de comfort us anytime wey we get problem, so that when people get any kind of problem, we fit comfort them with the help wey God don give us.” (2 Cor. 1:3, 4) But, na which people Jehovah de use give comfort?

WHO FIT COMFORT THEM?

9. According to the thing wey King David talk for Psalm 27:10, wetin Jehovah go do for people wey their family no care for them well?

9 Some people no get protection from their papa and mama for small pikin. Or, e fit be say na close family member or friend do things about sex to them when them dey small. Na this kind people we fit especially need to give comfort. David for Bible know say we fit trust Jehovah to always give us comfort. (Read Psalm 27:10.) David believe say Jehovah go be Papa to person wey e family members no treat well. How Jehovah go do-am? E de use e faithful servants for this earth. Our brothers and sisters for congregation be like family to us. For example, some people join Jesus worship Jehovah and Jesus call them e brothers, sisters, and mama.​—Matt. 12:48-50.

10. How apostle Paul explain e work as elder?

10 Make we see how congregation fit be like family. Apostle Paul work hard and na faithful elder. E show better example, and holy spirit direct Paul to write for Bible say make other people follow e example the way e follow the example of Christ. (1 Cor. 11:1) One time dey wey Paul explain e work as elder. E say: “We dey gentle when we dey with wuna. We don become like mama wey she de breastfeed her pikin and de sofri take care of her own children.” (1 Thess. 2:7) Some people for congregation fit need help and elders go need to use Bible comfort them. Like Paul, elders fit show say they get love and them de care about this people, if their words de show love and them de talk sofri-sofri.

Many times, sisters with strong faith de sabi give comfort well (Check paragraph 11) *

11. Wetin show say no be only elders fit give comfort?

11 Na only elders fit comfort person if e experience sex abuse? No. All of us get work to “de comfort each other.” (1 Thess. 4:18) Sisters with strong faith for congregation fit especially encourage other sisters when this sisters need comfort. Just as mama de comfort e pikin, na so Jehovah talk say e be. This example really match the kind comfort wey Jehovah de give. (Isa. 66:13) For Bible, some women give comfort to people. (Job 42:11) Jehovah really dey happy today to see as women for congregation de comfort other sisters wey the pain of sex abuse still de really affect! For some other situation, one or two elder fit tell sister with strong faith one-on-one say make e help another sister wey that kind pain still de affect. *

HOW WE FIT COMFORT PEOPLE?

12. Wetin we go dey careful make we no do?

12 When we de try to help brother or sister, make we dey careful so that we no go ask about things wey the person no want talk about. (1 Thess. 4:11) But, if people need and want help and comfort, wetin we fit do for them? Make we talk about five ways from Bible wey we fit comfort them.

13. According to 1 Kings 19:5-8, wetin the angel of Jehovah do for Elijah, and how we fit imitate the angel?

13 Do something to help the person. When prophet Elijah de escape death from some people, e tire for life sotey e talk say e want die. Jehovah send one powerful angel make e go see the prophet. The angel give Elijah the help wey e need for that time. E give Elijah hot food and e sofri tell Elijah make e chop. (Read 1 Kings 19:5-8.) That story make us see one simple truth and this truth fit help us: Sometimes, simple thing wey we go do for person fit really help the person. This simple thing fit be food, small gift, or something wey we write for card. This one go encourage our brothers and sisters and show them say we love and care for them. If e no dey easy for us to talk with people about how them de feel, maybe we fit still do some of this things wey we don talk to help them.

14. Wetin we fit learn from the story of Elijah?

14 Make they feel safe and relax. We fit learn another thing from the story of Elijah. Jehovah do miracle to help the prophet make e fit waka long distance go Mount Horeb. Maybe for this far place wey Jehovah do covenant with e people many years ago, Elijah feel safe. Because some people want take e life, e fit don feel say e don finally run from them. Wetin this story teach us? When people experience sex abuse for small pikin and we want give them comfort, we fit need to first help them feel safe. For example, sister wey the pain of sex abuse still de affect, fit relax more and dey free more if e dey for house, maybe de take cup of tea or juice. Make elders remember say this one fit better pass when they meet the sister for Kingdom Hall. But for another person, e fit like to talk about the matter for Kingdom Hall.

We fit heal the pain wey person de feel when we listen and dey patient, pray from our heart, and choose our word well to comfort the person (Check paragraph 15-20) *

15-16. Wetin e mean to know how to listen well?

15 De listen well. Bible give this clear advice say: “Everybody must dey ready to listen more, no de talk quick.” (Jas. 1:19) We know how to listen to people? Maybe we feel say for us to sabi listen to person well, we go just de look the person and we no go talk anything. But no be so e be. To listen well pass that one. For example, Elijah finally tell Jehovah the pain wey e de feel, and Jehovah really listen. Jehovah understand say Elijah de fear, e feel say e dey alone, and say all the work wey e don do na for nothing. Jehovah help Elijah with love so that e go fit handle each of the things wey e de worry about. True-true, God show say e don really listen to Elijah.​—1 Ki. 19:9-11, 15-18.

16 How we fit show say we love and we de feel for the brother or sister when we de listen to wetin e de talk? Sometimes, we fit show how we feel if our words no plenty but we talk-am with sense and e show say we care. You fit talk say: “I really dey sorry say that kind thing happen to you! Nobody suppose to treat pikin like that!” Maybe you fit ask one or two questions to show say you understand wetin this friend wey pain dey e heart de talk. You fit ask say, “Abeg, you fit help me understand wetin you mean?” or “That thing wey you talk, I understand-am to mean say . . . Na wetin you mean be that?” This kind things wey you talk with love fit help the person dey sure say you really de listen, and you want try to make sure say you understand.​—1 Cor. 13:4, 7.

17. Why e good make we dey patient and “no de talk quick”?

17 But make you still dey careful so that you no go “talk quick.” Make you no stop the thing wey the person de talk because you want give advice or correct the way e de think. And dey patient! When Elijah finally make Jehovah know how e de feel, the way e talk show say e de feel pain and e really dey sad. Jehovah make the faith of Elijah dey strong. But after, Elijah talk how e de feel again, and na the same things e talk. (1 Ki. 19:9, 10, 13, 14) Wetin we learn? Sometimes, as this people de feel pain for their heart they go need to talk how them de feel more than once. Like Jehovah, make we dey patient and listen to them. Instead make we try to tell them how they go solve the problem, make we show them say we de feel for them and we really care about them.​—1 Pet. 3:8.

18. When person de feel pain, why our prayer fit comfort the person?

18 Pray with the person from your heart as e de feel pain. When people really dey sad, to pray fit hard for them. Person fit feel say e no deserve to pray to Jehovah. We fit pray with this kind person to give comfort, and make we use e name for the prayer. We fit tell Jehovah how this sad brother or sister dey dear to us and the congregation. We fit pray to Jehovah make e help this e precious sheep get peace of mind and comfort. This kind prayer de really bring comfort.​—Jas. 5:16.

19. Wetin fit help us prepare to comfort person?

19 Make the word wey you choose de comfort and heal. Think before you talk. Word wey person no think before e talk fit cause pain. But better word de heal. (Prov. 12:18) So make you pray to Jehovah so that e go help you use better word to bring comfort and peace of mind to the person. And no forget say, if you want get better word to help person well, you go use Bible.​—Heb. 4:12.

20. Because of bad experience wey some brothers and sisters don face, wetin they believe, and wetin we want help them to remember?

20 Because of sex abuse wey some brothers and sisters experience for small pikin, they believe say them dey useless, they no get value, or they no dey good enough for anybody to love them. This one na big lie! So use Bible to make them remember say Jehovah really love them. (Check the box “ Comfort From Bible.”) Remember how angel sofri make prophet Daniel dey strong when e dey weak and sad. Jehovah want make that dear prophet know say e dey precious. (Dan. 10:2, 11, 19) For the same way, Jehovah value our brothers and sisters wey their heart dey sad!

21. When people do bad things and they no repent, wetin go happen to them? But wetin we don make up our mind to do for now?

21 When we comfort people, we de help them to remember say Jehovah love them. And e dey good make we no forget say Jehovah de always do the right thing and partial no dey inside. If person don experience sex abuse Jehovah know, even if nobody see wetin happen. Jehovah de see everything, and if person no want repent from sex abuse of children, Jehovah go make sure say the person go face punishment. (Num. 14:18) For now, make we do everything wey we fit do to show love to people if they don experience sex abuse. Apart from that one, we fit get comfort to know say Jehovah go heal everybody from all the pain wey Satan and this world don bring to them, and the pain no go come back again! This things don really bring pain, but small time, they no go ever come to our mind and heart again.​—Isa. 65:17.

SONG 109 Use All Your Heart Show Love

^ par. 5 Some people fit don experience sex abuse for small pikin. But even after many years, they fit still face many things. This article go help us understand why. And who fit comfort this kind people? We go still talk about-am for this topic. The last one be say, we go learn some fine ways wey we fit comfort them.

^ par. 11 If person experience sex abuse, na the person go decide whether e need to go meet doctor for help.

^ par. 76 OTHER THINGS ABOUT THE PICTURE: One sister de feel pain for heart and another sister with strong faith de comfort this sister.

^ par. 78 OTHER THINGS ABOUT THE PICTURE: When two elders visit this sad sister, the sister don invite the other sister with strong faith make e dey around.