1–2. Kansi ŵanthu ayakine akumvwa tyani akankhala pachibwenzi?

 ŴANTHU akankhala pachibwenzi, yunkhala nthawe yapadela komasoti yosangalalasa ngako kuli ove. Keno mwewo muli pachibwenzi, tukaikilalini kuti mufuna kuti mukosangalala. Ndipo ŵanthu anyinji, osangalala ngako akankhala pachibwenzi. Kalongosi muyakine waku Ethiopia zina yake Tsion, a enena kuti: “Imozi mwa nthawe zokondwelesha ngako pamoyo wangu, nipenenze pachibwenzi na mwanalume wangu. Sewo tenzekambilana nkhani zofunika ngako, ndipo tenzewamijiwa. Newo nenzewosangalala chifukwa nenzeziŵa kuti nafwana munthu wanukonda, ndipo naye onikoda.”

² Koma olo n’tetyo, mkwasu muyakine waku Netherland zina yake Alessio, enena kuti, “Venze vokondwelesha kuziŵana luweme na mwanakazi wangu panthawe yetenze pachibwenzi, koma chibwenzi chasu chenzesoti na mavuto.” Munkhani ino, tikambilane mavuto ayakine ŵangakumane nawo ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi komasoti mfundo ziyakine za m’Baibolo zamene zingaŵayavye kuti vinthu viŵayendele luweme. Tikambilanesoti vangachite ŵanthu ayakine amumpingo kuti ayavye ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi.

CHOLINGA CHAMUNGANKHALILE PACHIBWENZI

3. Kansi cholinga chonkhalila pachibwenzi n’chinji? (Miyambo 20:25)

³ Olo kuti kunkhala pachibwenzi nikosangalasa ngako, mwanalume pamozi na mwanakazi ofunika kuwona chibwenzi kunkhala chinthu chofunika ngako chifukwa niye chingachitishe kuti alungulane. Pansiku yaukwati, mwanalume na mwanakazi olumbila pamenso pa Yehova kuti akokondana nolemekezana muyake na muyake kwa moyo wawo wonse. Tikaliyelumbilila chinthu chiyakine, tufunika kuchiganizila mosamala ngako poyamba. (Ŵelengani Miyambo 20:25.) N’chimozi-mozisoti na malumbilo apaukwati. Kunkhala pachibwenzi kuyavya mwanalume na mwanakazi kuti aziŵane luweme muyake na muyake,  ndipo pavuli pake opanga chosankha chiweme. Nthawe ziyakine, ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi osankha kuti alungulane; koma nthawe ziyakine osankha kuti asilije chibwenzi chawo. Ŵanthu akasankha kuti chibwenzi chawo chisile, vutanthauzalini kuti akangiwa. Mmalo mwake, vutanthauza kuti akwanilisha cholinga chechinkhalila pachibwenzi—chibwenzi chikasila, niye kuti apanga chosankha chiweme.

4. Ndaŵa yanji tufunikila kunkhala na maganizo aweme pankhani yonkhala pachibwenzi?

⁴ Ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi ofunika kukumbukila kuti cholinga chawo nikuziŵa keno muyawo nimuweme kumanga naye banja olo yayi. Vamene ivi vutanthauza kuti mwanalume olo mwanakazi ofunikalini kuyamba chibwenzi na munthu koma pansi pantima oziŵa kuti azamangelini naye banja. Koma olo n’tetyo, ŵanthu amene ni mbeta ni ovelini ŵeka amene ofunika kunkhala na maganizo aweme pankhani yamene iyi. Tonse tufunika kukumbukila cholinga chonkhalila pachibwenzi. Mwachisanzo, ŵanthu ayakine oganiza kuti ŵanthu akayamba chibwenzi, mulimonse mwavingankhalile ofunika kuti alungulane. Kansi maganizo monga ni amene aŵa oŵakhuza tyani Akhilisitu amene ni mbeta? Kalongosi muyakine waku United States zina yake Melissa, enena kuti: “Mkwasu pamozi na kalongosi akayamba chibwenzi, Akhilisitu ayakine oganiza kuti azalungulane. Vamene ivi vuchitisha kuti Akhilisitu amene ali pachibwenzi apitilije mphela kunkhala pachibwenzi olo pavuli poziŵa kuti muyawo ni muwemelini kulungulana naye. Ŵanthu ayakine amene ni mbeta okanilatu kunkhala pachibwenzi. Vamene ivi vingayambishe mavuto akulu ngako.”

MUKOYAMBA MWAZIŴANA LUWEME

5–6. Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi ofunikila kuziŵa chinji panthawe yakali pachibwenzi? (1 Petulo 3:4)

⁵ Keno mwewo muli pachibwenzi, kansi n’chinji chingakuyavyeni kuziŵa keno mufunika kulungulana olo yayi? Mukoyamba mwaziŵana luweme muyake na muyake. N’vosakaikisha kuti mweziŵa vinthu viyakine vokhuza muyanu mukaliyenkhala naye pachibwenzi. Koma lomba pamuli pachibwenzi, mwewo muli na mwayi woziŵa “munthu wofisika wamuntima.” (Ŵelengani 1 Petulo 3:4.) Vamene ivi vutanthauza kuziŵa vinyinji vokhuza moyo wake wauzimu, minkhalidwe yake, komasoti maganizo ŵake. M’kupita kwa nthawe, mwewo muzafwane mayankho amakonsho monga ni aŵa: ‘Kansi munthu wamene uyu angankhale muweme kuti nilungulane naye?’ (Miy. 31:26, 27, 30; Aife. 5:33; 1 Tim. 5:8) ‘Kansi ningakwanishe kumusamalila nomuwonesha chikondi chakufunikila ndipo naye angakwanishe kunisamalila noniwonesha chikondi chanufunikila? Kansi newo ningakwanishe kupilila mosavuta vinthu vasachita luweme?’ b (Alo. 3:23)  Panthawe yamuziŵa vinyinji vokhuza muyanu, mukokumbukila kuti chinthu chofunika ngako nikukondalini tyala vinthu volingana, koma kuziŵa keno mungakwanishe kudjailana olo kuti mukonda vinthu vosiyana.

⁶ Kansi ni vinthu viyakine votyani vamungaphunzile vokhuza muyanu mukankhala pachibwenzi? Mukaliyeyamba kumukonda ngako muyanu, mungachite luweme kukambilana naye nkhani ziyakine zofunika ngako monga volinga vali navo pamoyo wake. Lomba tyani ponena za nkhani zachisinsi monga matenda, mavuto azachuma, olo vuto iyakine yamene imukhuza ngako pamoyo wake kuvuli? Ni nkhanilini zonse zatingakambilane kumayambililo kwachibwenzi. (Yelekezelani na Yohani 16:12.) Mukawona kuti mungakwanishelini kupeleka mayankho amakonsho ayakine achisinsi mokulumija, muujeni muyanu kuti aziŵe. Koma olo n’tetyo, m’kupita kwa nthawe muyanu azafunike kuti aziŵe mphela nkhani zamene izo kuti akwanishe kupanga chosankha chiweme. Tetyo panthawe iyakine iweme, mwewo muzafunike kunena chilungamo kuli muyanu vokhuza chisinsi chanu.

7. Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi angachite tyani kuti aziŵane luweme? (Onani bokosi yakuti. “ Keno muli pachibwenzi na munthu wamene onkhala kutali”) (Onanisoti vithunzi.)

⁷ Kansi mwewo mungachite tyani kuti mumuziŵe luweme munthu muyakine? Mungachite vamene ivi pomukonsha makonsho nomumvwishila pakufotokoza. (Miy. 20:5; Yako. 1:19) Monse aŵili mufunika kulaŵila vinthu vachendi, mwamumvwila muntima mwanu, komasoti kunena chilungamo muyanu akakukonshani. Payakine mungapange pulani kuti muchitile vinthu viyakine pamozi kuti mukwanishe kulaŵijana mosavuta monga kulyela pamozi, kunyungila pamozi, komasoti kuloŵa pamozi muutumiki. Mungaziŵane soti luweme popatula nthawe kuti mutandale na azishamwali komasoti achibale ŵanu. Kuyangijila pamene apo, mungapange pulani na cholinga chakuti muchitile vinthu viyakine pamozi kuti muwone mwakuchitila vinthu muyanu pavochitika vosiyana-siyana komasoti ŵanthu osiyana-siyana. Onani vakuchita Aschwin waku Netherlands. Ponena za Alicia wamene ni chibwenzi chake yove enena kuti: “Sewo tufufuza vinthu vamene vingatiyavye kuti tiziŵane luweme. Kanyinji-kanyinji vinthu vamene ivo vunkhala vosavuta monga kupikila pamozi, olo kukata ntchito ziyakine pamozi. Pokata ntchito monga ni zamene izi ukwanisha kuwona vinthu vakuchita luweme muyako na vasachita luweme.”

8. Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi angapindule tyani keno ophunzila mawu a Mulungu pamozi?

⁸ Mwewo mungaziŵanesoti luweme mwakuphunzila nkhani za m’Baibolo pamozi. Mukezelungulana, mukofunika kupatula nthawe kuti mukochita kulambila kwa pabanja, na cholinga chakuti mukoika  Mulungu pasogolo m’banja mwanu. (Mlal. 4:12) Lomba muwona tyani kupatula nthawe kuti mukophunzila pamozi palipano panthawe yamukali pachibwenzi? N’chendi kuti palipano mukali pachibwenzi ndipo mukaliyemanga banja, ndipo mkwasu akaliyenkhala mutu kuti akosogolela kalongosi. Koma olo n’tetyo, kuphunzila pamozi monkhazikika kungakuyavyeni kuti muziŵe mwaulili moyo wanu wauzimu. Max pamozi na Laysa, yamene ni banja yaku United States, ifwana chinthu chiyakine chopindulisha. Yove enena kuti: “Kumayambililo kwachibwenzi chasu, sewo tenzephunzila vofalisa viyakine vunena za kunkhala pachibwenzi, ukwati, komasoti moyo wam’banja. Chifukwa chophunzila nkhani zamene izo sewo tekwanisha kukambilana vokhuza nkhani zinyinji zofunika ngako zamene sembe zetivuta kuti tiziyambishe.”

VINTHU VIYAKINE VAMUFUNIKA KUGANIZILA

9. Kansi nivinthu votyani vakufunika kuganizila ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi posankha ŵanthu ŵangaujeko zachibwenzi chawo?

⁹ Kansi niŵani wamungaujeko kuti muli pachibwenzi? Mwanalume na mwanakazi niye amene ali na udindo wosankha wangaujeko. Kumayambililo kwachibwenzi chanu mungasankhe kuujako tyala ŵanthu atontho. (Miy. 17:27) Mwakuchita vamene ivi, mwewo mungapewe kukonshewa makonsho anyinji komasoti mavuto ayakine. Koma olo n’tetyo, keno muliyeujeko munthu aliyense vingachitishe kuti mukolipatula poyopa kuti ŵanthu angakuziŵeni. Yamene iyi ingankhale ngozi ikulu ngako. Tetyo, n’chinthu chanzelu kuujako ŵanthu ayakine amene angakupaseni malangizo anzelu komasoti kukuyavyani mwanjila ziyakine. (Miy. 15:22) Mwachisanzo, mungaujeko wachibale wanu, nshamwali wanu wamene niwotang’a mwauzimu, olo akulu.

10. Kansi Akhilisitu angachite tyani kuti akolemekeza Mulungu panthawe yali pachibwenzi? (Miyambo 22:3)

¹⁰ Kansi mungachite tyani kuti mukolemekeza Mulungu pamuli pachibwenzi? Chikondi chanu chikayamba kukula, mwewo muzayambe kukopeka ngako na muyanu. Kansi n’chinji chingakuyavyeni kuti mupewe kuchita chinthu chilichonse chamene Yehova angakondwelelini nacho? (1 Ako. 6:18) Mukopeŵa kulaŵijana nkhani zachiwele-wele, kunkhala mweka-mweka, komasoti kumwa ngako walwa. (Aife. 5:3) Vinthu vamene ivi, vingakulishe chilako-lako chanu chofuna kuyonana, nokuchitishani kuti muchite chinthu chiipa. Chingankhale chinthu chanzelu kukambilana nthawe na nthawe vamungachite kuti mukolemekezana muyake na muyake komasoti mfundo za Yehova? (Ŵelengani Miyambo 22:3.) Onani veyavya Dawit pamozi na Almaz amene onkhala ku Ethiopia. Yove enena kuti: “Sewo tenzetandala pagulu ya ŵanthu anyinji olo pagulu ya azishamwali ŵasu. Tenzepeŵa kunkhala seka-seka mmotoka olo m’ng’anda. Chifukwa cha vamene ivi, tekwanisha kupeŵa vinthu vamene sembe vechitisha kuti tiyesewe.”

11. Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi ofunikila kuganizila vinthu votyani posankha njila zangawoneshelane chikondi?

¹¹ Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi ofunika kuwoneshana chikondi? Mukayamba kukondana ngako muyake na muyake, mungasankhe kuti mukowoneshana chikondi munjila ziyakine zoyenelela. Koma olo n’tetyo, chilako-lako chanu chofuna kuyonana chikakula, vizakuvuteni ngako kuti musankhe luweme. (Nyimbo ya Solomo. 1:2; 2:6) Komasoti mukayamba kuwoneshana chikondi, vingakuvuteni ngako kuukata ntima ndipo mungachite chinthu chiipa pamenso pa Yehova. (Miy. 6:27) Tetyo, kumayambililo kwachibwenzi chanu, kambilannani mfundo za Yehova komasoti vinthu vatimukochita komasoti vatimukopeŵa powoneshana chikondi. c (1 Ates. 4:3–7) Monga ŵanthu amene muli pachibwenzi, likonsheni kuti: ‘Kansi ŵanthu am’dela yasu angatiwone tyani keno tuwoneshana chikondi? Kansi kuchita vamene ivi kungakulishe chilako-lako cha aliyense wa sewo?’

12. Keno ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi osemphana maganizo, kansi ofunika kuganizila chinji?

¹² Kansi mungachite tyani mukasemphana maganizo? Keno musemphana maganizo kaŵili-kaŵili  kansi vutanthauza kuti nimwe osayenelelana? Osati ngako-ngako; ŵanthu onse amene ali m’banja osemphana maganizo nthawe ziyakine. Banja yunkhala yotang’a keno mwanalume pamozi na mwanakazi olemekezana, komasoti keno onse ni okonzeka kuchinja kuti akatijane na vakufuna muyawo. Tetyo, vamuchita posilija kusamvwana palipano vuwonesha mwati izankhalile banja yanu kusogolo. Monga ŵanthu amene muli pachibwenzi, likonsheni kuti: ‘Kansi tukwanisha kukambilana nkhani iyakine modekha komasoti mwaulemu? Kansi tonse tukwanisha kuvomekeja tikaphoniyesha vinthu noyeja-yeja kuchinja? Kansi tonse tukulumija kugonjela, kupepesa, komasoti kukhululuka?’ (Aife. 4:31, 32) Koma ziŵani kuti keno nthawe zonse munkhalila kusemphana maganizo olo kukangana mukali pachibwenzi, muzapitilije kuchita vamene ivo olo pavuli pakuti mwamanga banja. Mukaziŵa kuti muyanu wamuli naye pachibwenzi angankhale lini muweme kulungulana naye, kusilija chibwenzi chingankhale chosankha chiweme ngako kuli monse aŵili. d

13. Kansi n’chinji chingayavye Akhilisitu kuziŵa kukula kwa nthawe yangankhale pachibwenzi?

¹³ Kansi mufunika kunkhala pachibwenzi kwanthawe itali tyani? Tikaleka kukatishila ntchito nthawe yokwanila kuti tiganizile tikaliyepanga chosankha chiyakine, kanyinji-kanyinji vinthu vutiyendelini luweme. (Miy. 21:5) Tetyo, mufunika kunkhala pachibwenzi kwanthawe itali kuti muziŵane luweme na muyanu. Koma olo n’tetyo, mufunikalini kunkhala pachibwenzi kwanthawe itali kupambana mwamufunikila. Komasoti Baibolo yunena kuti: “Chinthu chewenzeyembekezela chikakanga ntima ulwala.” (Miy. 13:12) Kuyangijila pamene apo, mukankhala nthawe itali ngako muli pamozi, vingakuvuteni kulilesha mukayesewa kuti muchite chiwele-wele. (1 Ako. 7:9) Mmalo moganizila ngako kukula kwa nthawe yamungankhale pachibwenzi, mungachite luweme kulikonsha kuti, ‘Kansi nikalifunika kuziŵa chinji vokhuza munthu wamene uyu kuti nipange chosankha?’

KANSI ŴANTHU AYAKINE ANGACHITE TYANI KUTI AYAVYE ŴANTHU AMENE ALI PACHIBWENZI?

14. Kansi ŵanthu ayakine angachite tyani poyavya ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi? (Onanisoti chithunzi.)

¹⁴ Keno pali Akhilisitu ayakine ŵatuziŵa kuti ali pachibwenzi, kansi tingachite tyani kuti tiŵayavye? Tingaŵaite kuti tizalye nawo chakulya, kuchita nawo kulambila kwa pabanja, olo kuchita vinthu viyakine vosangalasa. (Alo. 12:13) Vochitika monga nivamene ivi, vingaŵayavye kuti aziŵane luweme ngako. Kansi ove ofunikila munthu wangayende naye, kuŵalipilila thilansipoti, olo malo ŵangakwanishe kutandala paŵeka? Keno n’tetyo, kansi mungalipeleke kuti muŵayavye? (Agal. 6:10) Alicia, watatomola poyamba efotokoza vinthu venzetembeja  ngako yove, ndipo enena kuti, “Sewo telimbikisiwa ngako enekwasu ayakine pechitiuja kuti tingalute kuyoŵanyungila tikafuna malo ŵatingatandalile na mwanalume wangu, koma powonekela kuli ŵanthu ayakine.” Ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi akakusengani kuti muyende nawo, mungalekelenji kuwona kuti wamene uyo nimwayi wanu? Mukonkhala osamala popewa kuŵasiya ali ŵeka-ŵeka, koma mukonkhalasoti tchelu kuti muziŵe akafunikila nthawe komasoti malo pamungafunikile kuŵapasa mpata kuti alaŵijane nkhani zawo zachisinsi.—Afil. 2:4.

15. Kansi azishamwali angachitesoti tyani kuti ayavye ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi? (Miyambo 12:18)

¹⁵ Sewo tingayavyesoti ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi kupitila mu vinthu vatulaŵila olo pa vinthu vatupeŵa kulaŵila. Nthawe ziyakine, sewo tufunikila kunkhala olilesha. (Ŵelengani Miyambo 12:18.) Mwachisanzo, sewo tingafunishishe kuujako ayakine kuti mkwasu na kalongosi ali pachibwenzi, koma nthawe ziyakine ove angakonde kuti afotokoze ŵeka nkhani yamene iyo kuli ŵanthu. Sewo tufunika kupewa kutonja ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi, olo kuŵazuzula pankhani zawo zachisinsi zamene sewo zutikhuzalini. (Miy. 20:19; Alo. 14:10; 1 Ates. 4:11) Kuyangijila pamene apo, sewo tufunikila kupeŵa kulaŵila vinthu olo kukonsha makonsho amene angachitishe ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi kulimvwa kuti niwokakamijika kulungulana. Kalongosi muyakine zina yake Elise pamozi na mwanalume wake pokumbukila enena kuti, “Sewo techita nsoni ngako ŵanthu ayakine pechitikonsha vatikuti tizachite pa nthawe yaukwati pamene sewo tenze tikaliye kambilanako za nkhani yamene iyo.”

16. Kansi tufunikila kuchita tyani ŵanthu ayakine akasankha kuti chibwenzi chawo chisile?

¹⁶ Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi angachite tyani akafuna kuti chibwenzi chawo chisile? Sewo tufunika kupeŵa kukonsha nkhani zachisinsi olo kuimba mulandu munthu muyakine chibwenzi chikasila. (1 Pet. 4:15) Kalongosi muyakine zina yake Lea enena kuti: “Ŵanthu enzeniuja kuti ŵanthu ayakine ankhala ofufuza kuti aziŵe chifukwa chechitisha kuti mkwasu pamozi na newo tisilije chibwenzi chasu. Newo nekhumudwa ngako.” Monga nimwatafotokozela poyamba, ŵanthu akasilija chibwenzi vutanthauzalini kuti akangiwa. Kanyinji-kanyinji, kusila kwachibwenzi kutanthauza kuti cholinga chake chakwanishika—chibwenzi chikasila ove onkhala kuti akwanisha kupanga chosankha chiweme. Koma olo n’tetyo, chibwenzi chikasila mwanalume na mwanakazi angakhumudwe komasoti angalimvwe kuti ali ŵeka. Tetyo, tingachite luweme kusakila njila kuti tiŵayavye.—Miy. 17:17.

17. Kansi ŵanthu amene ali pachibwenzi ofunikila kupitilija kuchita tyani?

¹⁷ Molingana na mwatawonela, kunkhala pachibwenzi kungankhale na mavuto ŵake, koma kungankhalesoti kosangalasa. Pokumbukila, Jessica enena kuti: “Kuti ninene chilungamo, kunkhala pachibwenzi kwenze chintchito chikulu ngako. Koma nenzewosangalala chifukwa nenzeziŵa kuti nukatishila ntchito nthawe pamozi na mphamvu zangu kuti nimuziŵe luweme mwanalume wangu.” Keno mwewo muli pachibwenzi, pitilijani kuchita khama kuti muziŵane luweme na muyanu. Mukachita tetyo, chibwenzi chanu chikoyenda luweme—ndipo chizayavye monse aŵili kuti mupange chosankha mwanzelu.