KODI zimene zimachitikira Will ndi Rachel zimakuchitikiraninso inuyo? Onse awiri amafuna kuti azikambirana pakakhala vuto, koma nthawi zambiri zimenezi sizitheka ndipo aliyense amaona kuti zinthu sizikuyenda. Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho?

Amuna amalankhula mosiyana kwambiri ndi akazi ndipo zofuna zawonso zimasiyana kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri akazi amafuna kuuza munthu wina maganizo awo ndipo amafotokoza maganizo awowo momasuka. Koma amuna ambiri amaganiza kuti njira yokhazikitsira mtendere ndi kuthetsa vuto mwamsanga komanso kupewa zinthu zimene zingabweretse mavuto. Ndiyeno kodi mungatani kuti muzilankhula bwinobwino ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ngakhale kuti pali kusiyana kumeneku? Chofunika ndi kuyesetsa kuchita zinthu zosonyeza kuti mumalemekeza mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.

Munthu waulemu amaona kuti anthu ena ndi ofunika ndipo amayesetsa kumvetsa maganizo awo. N’kutheka kuti kuyambira muli mwana, munaphunzira kulemekeza anthu amene ali ndi udindo woposa wanu kapena amene amadziwa zambiri kuposa inuyo. Koma pa nkhani ya banja zimakhala zovuta kuti mulemekeze mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, chifukwa mumafanana naye pa zinthu zambiri. Linda, amene wakhala m’banja zaka 8, ananena kuti: “Ndinkadziwa kuti Phil amamvetsera moleza mtima anthu ena akamamufotokozera nkhani, ndipo ndinkafuna kuti inenso azindimvetsa ndikamamufotokozera zakukhosi kwanga.” Mwina inunso mumamvetsera moleza mtima ndiponso kulankhula mwaulemu kwa anzanu kapenanso kwa ena amene mwangokumana nawo kumene. Koma funso ndi lakuti, kodi mumachitanso chimodzimodzi ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu?

Kusapatsana ulemu kumachititsa kuti m’banja musakhale mtendere ndipo zimenezi zimayambitsa mikangano. Wolamulira wina wanzeru ananena kuti: “Kukhala ndi mkate wouma pali bata, kuli bwino kuposa nyumba yodzaza ndi nyama . . . pali mkangano.” (Miyambo 17:1) Baibulo limalangiza mwamuna kuti azilemekeza mkazi wake. (1 Petulo 3:7) Nayenso “mkazi azilemekeza kwambiri mwamuna wake.”​—Aefeso 5:33.

 Kodi mungatani kuti muzilankhulana mwaulemu? Taonani malangizo othandizawa opezeka m’Baibulo.

Vuto Limene Limakhalapo:

Anthu ambiri amakonda kulankhula koma sakonda kumvetsera wina akamalankhula. Kodi inunso muli ndi vuto lomweli? Baibulo limanena kuti “munthu aliyense woyankhira nkhani asanaimvetsetse n’ngopusa.” (Miyambo 18:13) Choncho musanayambe kulankhula muzimvetsera kaye. Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani kuchita zimenezi n’kofunika? Mayi wina, dzina lake Kara, wakhala m’banja zaka 26. Iye ananena kuti: “Mtima wanga umakhazikika mwamuna wanga akamvetsa maganizo anga. Ndikamamufotokozera mavuto anga, cholinga changa sichikhala choti awathetse nthawi yomweyo, kapena kuti agwirizane nane kuti zimene ndikunenazo ndi vutodi kapenanso kuti afufuze kuti vutolo layamba bwanji. Ndimangofuna kuti amvetsere zimene ndikumufotokozerazo ndipo asonyeze kuti akundimvetsa.”

Koma palinso amuna ndi akazi ena amene sakonda kufotokoza mmene akumvera. Anthu oterewa sasangalala mkazi kapena mwamuna wawo akamawakakamiza kuti anene maganizo awo. Lorrie, yemwe wangokwatiwa kumene, anazindikira kuti mwamuna wake amatenga nthawi yaitali asanafotokoze maganizo ake. Iye ananena kuti: “Ndimafunika kuleza mtima kuti afike pomasuka n’kunena maganizo ake.”

Zimene Mungachite:

Ngati pali nkhani yofunika kuti mukambirane, koma mukuona kuti mwina ingachititse kuti musiyane maganizo, ndibwino kuyambitsa nkhaniyo pamene nonse muli osangalala komanso pamene zinthu zili bwino. Ndiyeno kodi mungatani ngati mnzanuyo sakufuna kunena maganizo ake pa nkhaniyo? Zindikirani kuti “maganizo a mumtima mwa munthu ali ngati madzi akuya, koma munthu wozindikira ndi amene amawatunga.” (Miyambo 20:5) Ngati mungakoke mofulumira kwambiri chotungira madzi m’chitsime, madzi ambiri angatayike. Mofanana ndi zimenezi, ngati mungamulankhule mnzanuyo mwamphamvu kwambiri kapenanso momukakamiza, angayambe kudzitchinjiriza ndipo mungachititse kuti asalankhule zakukhosi kwake pa nkhani imene mukukambiranayo. M’malomwake funsani mafunso mokoma mtima komanso mwaulemu ndipo ngati mukuona kuti mnzanuyo akuchedwa kufotokoza maganizo ake, dikirani moleza mtima.

Pamene mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akulankhula, muyenera kukhala “wofulumira kumva, wodekha polankhula, wosafulumira kukwiya.” (Yakobo 1:19) Munthu wodziwa kumvetsera samangomva zimene wina akunena, koma amayesetsanso kumvetsa chifukwa chake munthuyo akunena zimenezo. Choncho mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamalankhula, yesetsani kumvetsa mmene iye akumvera. Malinga ndi mmene mukumvetserera, mnzanuyo angathe kudziwa ngati mukumumvetsera mwaulemu kapena ayi.

Yesu anatiphunzitsa zimene tingachite kuti tizitha kumvetsera bwino wina akamalankhula. Mwachitsanzo, munthu wina wodwala atafika kwa iye n’kumupempha kuti amuchiritse, Yesu sanangothetsa vutolo nthawi yomweyo. Choyamba Yesu anamvetsera kaye pempho la munthuyo ndipo anakhudzidwa ndi zimene munthuyo ananena. Kenako anachiritsa munthuyo. (Maliko 1:40-42) Inunso muzitsatira chitsanzo cha Yesu chimenechi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamalankhula. Musaiwale kuti nthawi zambiri zimene mnzanuyo amafuna ndi zoti musonyeze kuti mukumvetsadi vuto lakelo. Nthawi zina cholinga chake sichikhala choti muthetse vuto lakelo nthawi yomweyo. Choncho yesetsani kumvetsera mwatcheru pamene iye akulankhula komanso yesetsani kumva mmene iye akumvera. Mukatero ndi pamene muyenera kupeza njira imene mungamuthandizire. Mukamachita zimenezi, mudzasonyeza kuti mumalemekeza mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu.

Vuto Limene Limakhalapo:

Linda, amene tamugwira mawu poyamba uja, ananena kuti: “Vuto ndi lakuti mapulogalamu anthabwala a pa TV amaonetsa ngati kuti kulankhula zinthu zoipa zokhudza mwamuna kapena mkazi wako, komanso kumulankhula mawu achipongwe kapena onyoza kulibe vuto.” Ena anakulira m’mabanja oti anthu ake ankakonda kulankhulana mopanda ulemu. Anthu oterewa akakwatira kapena kukwatiwa, zimawavuta kulankhula mwaulemu. Mayi wina, dzina lake Ivy, yemwe amakhala ku Canada ananena kuti: “Ndinakulira m’banja limene anthu ake ankakonda kunyozana, kulalata, ndiponso kutchulana mayina achipongwe.”

Zimene Mungachite:

Mukamalankhula ndi ena zokhudza mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu, muzilankhula mawu “alionse olimbikitsa monga mmene kungafunikire, kuti asangalatse owamva.” (Aefeso 4:29) Lankhulani zinthu zimene zingachititse kuti anthu amene  mukulankhula nawowo azimulemekeza mkazi kapena mwamuna wanuyo osati kudana naye.

Ngakhale pamene muli awiriwiri, pewani kulankhulana mwachipongwe kapena kutchulana mayina onyoza. Pa nthawi inayake, kalekale mu Isiraeli, Mikala anakwiya kwambiri ndi mwamuna wake, Mfumu Davide. Iye ananyoza Davide ndipo anamunena kuti ankachita zinthu “monga mmene munthu wopanda nzeru” angachitire. Zimene analankhulazo zinakhumudwitsa Davide ndipo Yehova sanasangalale nazo. (2 Samueli 6:20-23) Kodi pamenepa tikuphunzirapo chiyani? Tikuphunzirapo kuti, tizisankha bwino mawu tikamalankhula ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wathu. (Akolose 4:6) Phil, yemwe wakhala m’banja zaka 8, anavomereza kuti mpaka pano iye ndi mkazi wake nthawi zina amasiyanabe maganizo. Iye anazindikira kuti nthawi zina zolankhula zake zimangochititsa kuti zinthu ziipireipire. Iye anati: “Ndinazindikira kuti kuyesetsa kuti uwine mkangano n’kosathandiza. Chofunika kwambiri ndi kukambirana m’njira imene ingathandize kuti muzigwirizana kwambiri.”

Kale kwambiri, mayi wina wachikulire amene analinso wamasiye anauza apongozi ake aakazi kuti “aliyense apeze mpumulo m’nyumba ya mwamuna wake.” (Rute 1:9) Choncho mwamuna ndi mkazi akamalemekezana, amapangitsa nyumba yawo kukhala malo opezerapo “mpumulo.”

Vuto Limene Limakhalapo:

Anthu ena akangokwatirana kumene amakhala ndi maganizo olakwika. Iwo amaganiza kuti Baibulo likamati okwatirana amakhala “thupi limodzi” ndiye kuti ayenera kukhala ndi makhalidwe komanso maganizo ofanana pa chilichonse. (Mateyu 19:5) Koma pasanapite nthawi anthu oterewa amazindikira kuti zimenezi n’zosatheka. Choncho kusiyana maganizo pa zinthu zosiyanasiyana kumachititsa kuti azingokhalira kukangana. Linda anati: “Vuto lalikulu m’banja mwathu ndi lakuti kawirikawiri Phil samada nkhawa ndi zinthu ngati mmene ineyo ndimachitira. Nthawi zina ndimapezeka kuti ine ndili ndi nkhawa koma iye akungooneka wosangalala. Zimenezi zimandikwiyitsa chifukwa zimaoneka kuti zinthu zina sizimamukhudza ngati mmene zimandikhudzira ineyo.”

Zimene Mungachite:

Vomerezani kuti mnzanuyo ndi wosiyana ndi inu ndipo musaganize kuti iye si munthu wabwino chifukwa chakuti amaona zinthu zina mosiyana ndi inu. Mwachitsanzo, maso anu amagwira ntchito yosiyana ndi imene makutu anu amagwira. Komabe kuti muwoloke msewu bwinobwino, maso ndi makutu anu amagwira ntchito mogwirizana. Adrienne, amene wakhala m’banja pafupifupi zaka 30, anati: “Ineyo ndi mwamuna wanga timaona kuti palibe vuto ndi kusiyana maganizo pa zinthu zosiyanasiyana, malinga ngati maganizowo sakutsutsana ndi Mawu a Mulungu. Timadziwa kuti, ngakhale kuti tinakwatirana ndife anthu awiri osiyana.”

Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali ndi maganizo osiyana ndi anu kapena ngati sakuchita zimene inuyo mukuchita, pewani kuganizira kwambiri zofuna zanu. M’malomwake chitani zinthu mosonyeza kuti mukumuganizira. (Afilipi 2:4) Kyle, mwamuna wa Adrienne, anavomereza mfundo imeneyi, ndipo anati: “Si kuti nthawi zonse ndimamvetsa kapena kuvomereza maganizo a mkazi wanga. Koma ndimakumbukira kuti ndimamukonda kwambiri ndipo iye ndi wofunika kwambiri kuposa mfundo zanga. Mkazi wanga akakhala wosangalala, inenso ndimakhala wosangalala kwambiri.”

Kupatsana ulemu ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kuti banja likhale losangalala komanso lolimba. Linda uja ananena kuti: “Anthu okwatirana akamalemekezana, amakhala mosangalala komanso mwamtendere. M’pakedi kuti anthu okwatirana aziyesetsa kulemekezana.”