Linda anathetsa ukwati ndi mwamuna wake woyamba ndipo amasangalala kuti anakwatiwa ndi Herman. Choncho monga mmene taonera m’chitsanzo cha Herman ndi Linda, munthu akakwatira kapena kukwatiwanso amakumana ndi mavuto omwe mwina sankakumana nawo m’banja lake loyamba. *

Ngati munakwatira kapena kukwatiwanso, kodi mumaona bwanji banja lanu latsopanolo? Mayi wina, dzina lake Tamara, ananena kuti: “Munthu ukwatiwa koyamba umaona kuti ukwati wanu udzakhala mpaka kalekale. Koma ukakwatiwanso sumaganiza zimenezo chifukwa umadziwa kuti banja lako loyamba linatha.”

Komabe anthu ambiri omwe ali pabanja ndi osangalala ngakhale kuti anakwatiranso. Choncho n’zotheka inunso kumasangalala. Kodi mungatani kuti zimenezi zitheke? Tiyeni tikambirane mavuto atatu amene anthu omwe akwatiranso  amakumana nawo komanso mmene Baibulo lingawathandizire. *

Mayi wina wa ku South Africa, dzina lake Ellen, ananena kuti: “Zimandivuta kuiwala mwamuna wanga woyamba. Zimenezi zimachitika tikapita kumalo kumene ndinkakonda kupita ndi mwamuna wanga woyamba. Nthawi zina ndimayamba kuyerekezera zochita za mwamuna wanga woyamba ndi za mwamuna wanga amene ndili naye panopa.” Ngati munakwatirana ndi munthu woti anakwatirapo mukhoza kumakwiya ngati kawirikawiri amakonda kukamba za banja lake loyamba.

ZOMWE MUNGACHITE: Muyenera kuvomereza kuti n’zosatheka inuyo kapena mnzanuyo kuiwaliratu za banja lanu loyamba, makamaka ngati banjalo linakhala nthawi yaitali. Ndipotu anthu ena amanena kuti anaitanapo mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo ndi dzina la mkazi kapena mwamuna wawo woyamba. Kodi inuyo mungatani kuti muthane ndi mavuto ngati amenewa? Baibulo limalangiza kuti: “Mukhale amaganizo amodzi,” kapena kuti muzimvetsetsana.—1 Petulo 3:8.

Musaletseretu mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti asamalankhule chilichonse chokhudza banja lake loyamba. Ngati akulankhula za banja lake loyamba, mungachite bwino kumvetsera mwachifundo komanso mokoma mtima. Musafulumire kuganiza kuti akamalankhula za banja lake loyamba ndiye kuti akukuyerekezani ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake woyambayo. Ian, yemwe anakwatiranso zaka 10 zapitazo, ananena kuti: “Mkazi wanga Kaitlyn sankakhumudwa ndikamalankhula za mkazi wanga woyamba yemwe anamwalira. M’malo mwake ankamvetsa kuti zochita za mkazi wanga zinandithandiza kuti ndikhale mwamuna wabwino.” Dziwani kuti kukambirana zokhudza banja lanu loyamba kungathandizenso kuti muzikondana kwambiri.

Muziganizira kwambiri za makhalidwe abwino amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali nawo. N’zoona kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu angakhale kuti alibe makhalidwe ena amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu woyamba anali nawo. Koma ayenera kuti ali ndi makhalidwe ena abwino amene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu woyambayo analibe. Choncho, muziyesetsa kulimbitsa banja lanu “osati modziyerekezera ndi munthu wina,” koma muziganizira zimene zinakuchititsani kuti mukonde mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu watsopanoyu. (Agalatiya 6:4) Edmond, yemwe anakwatiranso, ananena kuti: “Anthu amakhala osiyana. Mkazi amene muli naye panopa sangafanane ndi amene munali naye poyamba.”

Kodi mungapewe bwanji kusokoneza banja lanu latsopano chifukwa choganizira kwambiri za banja lanu loyamba? Jared ananena kuti: “Ndinauza mkazi wanga kuti banja langa loyamba linali ngati buku limene ineyo ndi mkazi wanga woyamba tinkalembamo. Nthawi zina ndikhoza kumawerenga buku limeneli n’kumakumbukira zinthu zabwino zimene tinkachitira limodzi. Koma ndinamuuza kuti sindiyembekezera kuti tizichita zimene ndinkachita ndi mkazi wanga woyambayo. Panopa, ineyo ndi mkazi wanga tinayamba moyo wina ndipo nafenso tikulemba buku lathu mosangalala.”

Javier, yemwe anakwatiranso patatha zaka 6 banja lake litatha, ananena kuti: “Titangokwatirana kumene, mkazi wanga ankaona kuti anzanga ena ankamuyerekezera ndi mkazi wanga woyamba ndipo sankamukonda.” Pomwe mwamuna wina dzina lake Leo ananena kuti: “Anthu ena anachita kuuza mkazi wanga ine ndili pompo kuti ankakonda kwambiri mwamuna woyamba wamkazi wangayo ndipo amamusowa kwambiri.”

ZOMWE MUNGACHITE: Muziganizira mmene anzanuwo akumvera. Ian, yemwe tamutchula kale uja, ananena kuti: “Ndikuganiza kuti anthu amavutika kuzolowerana ndi munthu watsopano amene wakwatirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wa mnzawo.” Choncho, ndi bwino kukhala “ololera, ndi ofatsa kwa anthu onse.” (Tito 3:2) Pamafunika nthawi kuti achibale komanso anzanu azolowerane ndi banja lanu latsopanolo. Chifukwa chakuti mwayamba banja latsopano, muziyembekezeranso kuti anzanu ocheza nawo akhoza kusintha. Javier, yemwe tamutchula kale uja, ananena kuti patapita nthawi, iye ndi mkazi wake anayamba kuchezanso ndi anzawo amene ankacheza nawo kale. Ananenanso kuti: “Koma  tinapezanso limodzi anzathu ena atsopano ndipo zimenezi zimatithandiza kuti tikhale osangalala.”

Mukamacheza ndi anzanu omwe munayamba kucheza nawo kalekale, muziganizira mmene mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akumvera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati pocheza mwayamba kukamba nkhani yokhudza banja lanu loyamba, muyenera kupeza njira yothetsera nkhaniyo kapena kupeza njira yoti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanuyo asakhumudwe. Baibulo limanena kuti ngati munthu “amalankhula mosaganizira,” mawu ake amakhala “olasa ngati lupanga.” Koma munthu wanzeru amaganiza kaye asanalankhule. Ndipo mawu ake ‘amachiritsa’ amene abayidwa ndi lupangalo.—Miyambo 12:18.

Andrew, yemwe mkazi wake woyamba anamuthawa, ananena kuti: “Ndinkaopa kuti ndikakwatiranso, mkaziyo adzandithawa.” Patapita nthawi, Andrew anakwatira Riley, yemwe adakali naye mpaka pano. Iye anati: “Nthawi zina ndinkangoona ngati sindine mwamuna wabwino ngati mmene analili mwamuna woyamba wa Riley. Moti ndinkaopa kuti akadzaona kuti sindine mwamuna wabwino adzandisiya n’kukakwatiwanso ndi mwamuna wina.”

ZOMWE MUNGACHITE: Muzikambirana momasuka zinthu zimene zimakudetsani nkhawa. Baibulo limanena kuti: “Zolingalira sizikwaniritsidwa ngati anthu sakambirana moona mtima.” (Miyambo 15:22) Kukambirana moona mtima kunathandiza kuti Andrew ndi Riley azikhulupirirana. Andrew anati: “Ndinamuuza Riley kuti tikadzakumana ndi vuto linalake sindidzathetsa ukwati pofuna kuthawa vutolo. Riley anandilonjezanso zomwezo. Panopa ndimam’khulupirira ndi mtima wanga wonse.”

Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu anachitiridwa zosakhulupirika m’banja lake loyamba, inuyo muzichita zonse zomwe mungathe kuti azikukhulupirirani. Mwachitsanzo, Michel ndi Sabine, omwe aliyense banja linatha, anagwirizana kuti aziuzana wina akakumana kapena kulankhulana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wake woyamba. Sabine ananena kuti: “Zimenezi zatithandiza kuti tizikhulupirirana.”—Aefeso 4:25.

Anthu ambiri amene anakwatiranso amakhala osangalala ndipo inunso mukhoza kukhala osangalala. Zimenezi n’zotheka chifukwa inuyo mwadziwa makhalidwe abwino kapena oipa amene muli nawo ndiponso zimene mungachite kuti mukhale munthu wabwino. Andrew, yemwe tamutchula poyamba uja ananena kuti: “Ndimasangalala kwambiri chifukwa chakuti ndinakwatirana ndi Riley. Panopa tatha zaka 13 tili m’banja ndipo timakondana kwambiri moti sitikufuna chilichonse chidzasokoneze chikondi chimenechi.”