Sohn ekspert chrai fi diskraib weh peepl feel wen dehn looz sohnbadi weh dehn lov eena det, bot noh evribadi deel wid dis di sayhn way. Yu tink dat bikaaz evribadi deel wid dis kaina sadnis eena wahn difrent way ih meenz dat sohn peepl feel les sad dan adaz er dat dehn noh di shoa dehn sadnis eena di prapa way? Noh reeli. Eevn doa ih ku help wi wen wi shoa how sad wi feel, dehn noh ga no “karek way” fi goh chroo dis payn. Di way how yu shoa how yu feel dipen pahn yu kolcha, persnaliti, an weh aal yu gaahn chroo eena laif, an ih aalso dipen pahn di way how di persn yu lov mi ded.

Peepl mait noh noa weh fi ekspek wen sohnbadi weh dehn lov ded, soh dehn noh noa how dehn wahn riyak. Bot dehn ga sertn tingz weh yu kud ekspek. Kansida som a dehn:

Yu mait feel laik yu noh noa weh fi du. Yu mait krai, dehn mait ga taimz wen yu reeli waahn si di persn, ahn yu mait feel gud som dayz ahn sodn-wan yu mait feel terabl. Yu sadnis mait geh schranga bikaaz a di memriz weh yu ga wid di persn weh ded er maybi bikaaz a weh yu jreem bowt ahn. Bot rait afta di persn ded, yu mait shak bowt weh hapm ahn yu mait tink dat weh hapm kyaahn bee chroo. Tiina memba how shee mi feel wen ih hozban, Timo, mi ded sodn-wan. Shee seh: “At fers, Ai mi feel laas. Ah kudn eevn krai; Ai neva noa weh fi du. Ih mi soh bad dat sohntaim ih mi haad fi mek Ah breed anaal. Ah jos kudn bileev weh mi hapm.”

Sohntaim yu mait aalso feel angshos, beks, an eevn gilti. Ivan seh: “Afta wi son, Eric, weh mi 24 yaaz oal mi ded, mee ahn mi waif, Yolanda, mi beks bad! Wi mi sopraiz fi feel dis way bikaaz wi mi neva tink da way bowt wiself. Wi mi aalso feel gilti bikaaz wi mi-di wanda if wi kuda mi du moa fi help wi son.” Alejandro waif mi ded afta wahn lang batl wid wahn siknis, ahn hihn mi feel gilti tu. Hihn seh: “At fers, Ai mi feel dat if Gaad di alow mi fi sofa soh moch, da mos bikaaz Ai da wahn bad persn. Den Ah mi feel gilti bikaaz da-mi laik if Ah mi-di blaym Gaad fi weh mi hapm.” Memba Kostas? Hihn seh: “Wahn fyoo taimz Ah mi eevn feel beks wid Sophia bikaaz shee gaahn ded. Bot den Ah mi feel gilti fi feel da way deh. Aftaraal, shee neva chooz fi ded.”

Yu mait kyaahn kanchroal yu tinkin. Dehn mait ga taimz dat yu kyaahn kanchroal yu tinkin. Fi egzampl, yu mait feel laik if yu ku hyaa, si, er feel laik if di persn stil deh rong. Er sohn peepl mait fain it haad fi foakos er fi memba tingz. Tiina seh: “Sohntaim Ah wuda di taak tu sohnbadi ahn sayhn taim di tink bowt sohnting els. Ai wuda di tink bowt evriting weh mi hapm wen Timo mi ded. Ah mi kyaahn reeli foakos ahn dat mi mek Ah feel foschraytid.”

Yu mait waahn deh bai yuself. Wahn persn weh sad bikaaz sohnbadi weh ih lov ded mait kyaahn deh rong adaz. Kostas seh: “Wen Ah mi deh rong marid peepl, Ah mi feel owta plays. Bot Ah mi aalso feel da way deh wen Ah mi deh rong singl peepl.” Memba Yolanda hoo da Ivan waif? Shee seh: “Ih mi reeli haad fi deh rong peepl weh komplayn bowt lee tingz kompyaa tu fi wee big prablemz! Ahn sohntaim, wi wuda deh rong adaz weh wuda tel wi bowt how gud dehn chiljren di du. Ai mi hapi fi dehn, bot sayhn taim Ah mi feel sad bikaaz Ah wuda memba mi son. Mee ahn mi hozban mi andastan dat laif kantinyu, bot wee jos neva waahn hyaa weh dehn ga fi seh.”

Ih ku mek yu ga helt prablemz. Yu mait waahn eet les, yu mait looz wayt, er yu mait ga prablem fi faal  asleep. Dis da weh Aaron memba mi hapm afta ih pa ded: “Ai mi ga chrobl fi jrap asleep. Ai wuda wayk op saym taim evri nait di tink bowt how mi pa mi ded.”

Alejandro memba dat hihn mi ga sohn helt prablemz weh hihn ner di dakta dehn mi noa da wat. Hihn mi seh: “Lata taim di dakta dehn wuda si mi ahn ron sohn tes pahn mi ahn tel mi dat Ah aarait. Ai mi ga wahn feelin dat weh mi-di bada mi da-mi di sadnis weh Ah mi-di feel bikaaz sohnbadi weh Ah lov ded.” Di simtomz weh Alejandro mi gat, gaahn afta sohn taim. Eevn soh, ih mi gud dat hihn gaahn si wahn dakta. Wen yu veri sad, ih eezi fi mek yu geh sik, yu helt prablemz ku geh wers, er yu ku eevn geh wahn difrent helt prablem.

Ih mait bee haad fi mek yu du impoatant werk. Ivan seh: “Afta Eric mi ded, wi neva onli haftu tel wi relitiv ahn fren dehn, bot wi mi aalso haftu tel ih baas an ih lanlaad. Wi mi aalso haftu deel wid lata leegal dakyuments. Den, wi mi haftu goh chroo Eric persnal tingz. Bot ih mi haad fi foakos bikaaz wi mi taiyad eena wahn mental, imoashanal, ahn fizikal way.”

Fi som peepl, doh, di chalenj kohn layta, wen dehn need fi deel wid mataz weh di persn weh ded yoostu tek kayr a. Dat da weh Tiina gaahn chroo; shee seh: “Timo yoostu du aala wi bank werk ahn tek kyaa a bizniz mataz. Bot now dis da mai rispansabiliti, an Ai feel eevn moa schres owt. Ai neva noa if Ai kuda du aala dehnya tingz di rait way.”

Yu mait tink dat ih veri haad fi deel wid di payn wi goh chroo wen sohnbadi weh wi lov ded. Da chroo, di sadnis yu feel afta yu looz sohnbadi eena det veri schrang, bot if yu noa weh fi ekspek, yu wahn ku deel wid di sadnis. Memba, doh, noh evribadi wahn goh chroo aala di feelinz weh wi jos menshan. Ih komfertin fi noa dat ih naamal fi feel dis kaina payn wen sohnbadi weh wi lov ded.

Weh fi ekspek? Di sadnis weh yu feel wen sohnbadi weh yu lov ded noh laas fareva. Dis noh meen dat yu laif wahn bee laik bifoa er dat yu wahn ferget di persn weh ded. Bot lee bit bai lee bit yu wahn feel les payn. Di sadnis mait kohn bak wen yu memba sertn tingz er joorin wahn aniversri. Bot afta sohn taim, moas peepl staat tu feel beta ahn dehn ku foakos pahn dehn laif agen. Dis naamali hapm wen di persn geh help fahn famili er frenz ahn wen ih chrai ih bes fi koap wid di sichuwayshan.

How lang ih wahn tek? Fi som peepl, dehn staat tu feel beta eena wahn fyoo monts. Fi adaz, ih mait tek dehn wan er too yaaz bifoa dehn staat tu feel lee beta. Ahn som peepl need eevn moa taim. * Alejandro seh: “Ai mi feel da terabl sadnis fi bowt chree yaaz.”

Ga payshens wid yuself, ahn tek wan day at a taim. Andastan dat di sadnis yu di feel noh wahn laas fareva. Now dat yu noa aala dis, weh yu ku du fi feel beta ahn noh sofa fi tu lang?