Tactful Yet Firm
Study 14
Tactful Yet Firm
1. Why should we cultivate tactfulness?
1 When Jesus sent out his disciples to preach, he made it clear that they were to show discretion in what they said and did. Though he promised that he would be with them, they were not to act in a way that would cause needless difficulties. (Matt. 10:16) Even among themselves, Christians ought to use discretion in their speech and actions so as not to hurt one another thoughtlessly. (Prov. 12:8, 18) So there is a need to cultivate tactfulness.
2. What is the meaning of tact?
2 Tact is defined as “discernment of what is appropriate to say or do in dealing with others,” and the “ability to deal with others without giving offense.” Being tactful means being gracious enough in speaking and acting to spare others from having hurt feelings. We do not want to cause offense by the manner in which we say and do things. However, this does not mean that we will never offend others by what we say or do, because the Bible’s message itself is offensive to some. (Rom. 9:33; 2 Cor. 2:15, 16) Hence, while we are tactful in manner, we are also firm for God’s truth.
3. Explain how the fruitage of the spirit is the basis for tactfulness.
3 In our everyday life it is not difficult to be tactful if we manifest the fruitage of God’s spirit. That fruitage is the basis, or foundation, for tactfulness. (Gal. 5:22, 23) For example, a person who is moved by love does not want to irritate others, but has a sincere desire to help them. One who manifests kindness is going to be gentle in his way of doing things. And one who has cultivated self-control and remains calm under trying circumstances is most likely to win another person over to his point of view. An excitable or hotheaded person, on the other hand, is likely to say things bluntly and thereby arouse the antagonism of those to whom he speaks. (Prov. 15:18) Our speech and our actions should be such as will attract reasonable minds, not repel them.
4-8. (a) How can we show tactfulness in our house-to-house ministry? (b) Does tact require compromise? What does it involve?
4 Applying tactfulness in the field ministry. In the house-to-house ministry, you can show tactfulness by starting your conversation with matters that are of concern to the householder and showing how God’s kingdom will provide the remedy. Appeal to the person’s love of righteousness, to his reason and to his desire for better things. Ridicule or condemnation of his religious views will only close his mind. So, instead of talking on matters that stir up controversy, appeal to the things people generally accept as right. If it is necessary to pass on to something more controversial, first find some point of agreement with the householder and stress that agreement. If you can impress on the mind of the householder the hope-inspiring truths of the Kingdom and its blessings, other matters will in due time be corrected as the person comes to appreciate God’s undeserved kindness.
5 The tactful person makes every effort to encourage the one to whom he is talking to enter into the conversation and reveal his views. Paul endeavored to think from the viewpoint of those to whom he witnessed, thus being better able to bring to bear powerful arguments in favor of the good news. (1 Cor. 9:20-22) We need to do the same. A sympathetic viewing of other people’s circumstances, why they are what they are, why they believe and speak as they do, will help one to deal with them tactfully, with empathy. It may be that different circumstances in life, different experiences, or relying on a different authority accounts for the way they think. Once you have some clue to the thinking of the other party, you can lead into your presentation of the good news in a positive way rather than giving needless offense because of not knowing how the other person thinks and his reasons for thinking that way.
6 Considering the other person’s viewpoint does not imply a compromising of what is right. Tact is not a distortion of facts. At all times there must be firm adherence to what is right. Otherwise a person may find that instead of being tactful he is compromising the truth. He may find that he is moved by fear of man rather than by love of righteousness. Yet, while tact does not involve compromising the truth, it does involve timing, that is, determining the right time to give out certain information. Sometimes it is tactful simply to ignore something that is said. It may be best to leave certain things for later, until a person is ready for them. As Jesus said to his disciples: “I have many things yet to say to you, but you are not able to bear them at present.” (John 16:12) So while we may not agree with the one with whom we are talking, we do not immediately have to point out every mistaken idea. If we did, it might serve only to close his mind and prevent further discussion.
7 When a householder, in the course of conversation, brings up many things from the Bible that he says are wrong, it is difficult in a brief time tactfully to refute every objection. Often it is best simply to ignore most of them and discuss only what bears on the particular matter under consideration. Or the householder may try to draw you into worldly arguments. Tactfully avoid involvement, giving the Bible’s answer to such worldly problems. In this way you will imitate the example of Jesus.—Matt. 22:15-22.
8 When meeting an angry householder, be tactful and yet firm. Do not compromise the truth just to try to calm him down. Rather, try to understand why he feels as he does, perhaps even asking him why he has that viewpoint. If he comments, you might say that, in turn, you would like to inform him as to why you feel the way you do. But no matter how far you are able to pursue the conversation, tactfulness will get the best results. Remember the counsel at Proverbs 15:1: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” However, if some persons show themselves to be unreasonable, then it is best simply to leave.—Matt. 7:6.
9, 10. Is tact required when dealing with our Christian brothers?
9 Tactful with Christian brothers. Not only should we cultivate tact in dealing with those who do not know Jehovah, but it is also required when dealing with our spiritual brothers. At times brothers and sisters who are very tactful in the field ministry may forget the need to be tactful in their brotherly relationships. Gentleness in speech and deeds is vital within Jehovah’s organization for building up a spirit of love and unity and having good everyday relations. Paul said: “Let us work what is good toward all, but especially toward those related to us in the faith.”—Gal. 6:10.
10 We are interested in our brothers, particularly their spiritual interests, because we are all in Jehovah’s organization. (Phil. 2:2, 4) However, the tactful person appreciates that while taking an interest in his brothers he should not pry into their personal matters, perhaps asking embarrassing questions that he has no business asking. Tactfulness will help us to avoid becoming “a busybody in other people’s matters.”—1 Pet. 4:15.
11. How do the Scriptures indicate the need for tactfulness on the part of elders in the congregation?
11 Tactfulness is especially important for elders who are handling problems in the congregation. When the apostle Paul gave Timothy instructions on how to deal with wayward ones in the Christian congregation, he stressed the need to be gentle and kind, saying: “A slave of the Lord does not need to fight, but needs to be gentle toward all, . . . keeping himself restrained under evil, instructing with mildness those not favorably disposed; as perhaps . . . they may come back to their proper senses out from the snare of the Devil.” (2 Tim. 2:24-26) Likewise the apostle advised using a “spirit of mildness” when approaching a brother who has taken a false step before being aware of it. (Gal. 6:1) In counseling such ones elders need to be tactful, but at the same time firm for the principles of righteousness.
12, 13. Why is tact important within our homes?
12 Our tactfulness in dealing with others should include those within the family circle. There is no reason to be blunt or unkind to persons within the family because we know them well. They too deserve to be dealt with tactfully. They will be repelled by blunt, sarcastic or harsh expressions. And if other family members are not servants of Jehovah, does that mean we can dispense with tactfulness when talking to them? By no means, for tactfulness in dealing with unbelievers may result in their accepting true worship someday.—1 Pet. 3:1, 2.
13 The use of theocratic tact produces much good fruit whether we are dealing with the public, our spiritual brothers and sisters, or our own families. It has a pleasing effect on the hearer, as Proverbs 16:24 shows: “Pleasant sayings are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and a healing to the bones.” By all means, then, cultivate tactfulness, motivated by a strong desire to benefit everyone you meet.
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