How Our Family Was Reunited

As told by Lars and Judith Westergaard

THEIR home looks like a normal setting for any happy family in Denmark. It is a comfortable house with a pleasant garden, situated in a peaceful village. Indoors, a large photograph on the wall shows the healthy and smiling children of the family.

The father, Lars, is an elder in a congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses. His wife, Judith, is a pioneer (a full-time evangelizer). Though they are a happy couple, that has not always been the case. Lars and Judith have been through trouble and bitterness that resulted in divorce and the splitting up of their family. Now, though, their family is reunited. Why? They themselves explain what happened.

Lars and Judith don’t mind telling what went so terribly wrong with their marriage and how they were reunited. They feel that their experience might help others.

It Began So Well

Lars: Our marriage was sheer happiness when it began, in April 1973. The whole world seemed open to us. We knew neither the Bible nor Jehovah’s Witnesses, but we were convinced that we could make the world a much better place to live in if all people worked hard enough at it. So we involved ourselves in many political efforts. Our happiness grew as our family was increased by three healthy and lively boys—Martin, Thomas, and Jonas.

Judith: I had an executive position in a branch of the civil service. At the same time, I was engaged in political and labor union activities. I gradually was given leading positions.

Lars: As for me, my job was in a large labor union, and I advanced to an important position. Our careers were soaring, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

Drifting Apart

Lars: But we were so engrossed in our separate activities that we spent less and less time with each other. We were working for the same political party but in separate spheres of it. Our three boys were cared for by others, either privately or in day-care institutions. Since both of us were thinking of our own matters, our family life became disorganized. If both of us happened to be at home, loud quarrels often erupted. Then I started using alcohol as a kind of soothing medicine.

Judith: Of course, we still felt love for each other and the children, but our love was never cultivated the way it should have been; it seemed to wither. Our relationship became very negative, and the children suffered as a result.

 Lars: In a desperate attempt to get our family back on track, I decided to quit my job. In 1985 we moved out of the city to the village where we live now. Matters improved for a little while, but my wife and I continued to be centered on our separate concerns. Finally, in February 1989, our 16 years of marriage ended in divorce. Our family was in ruins.

Judith: It was terrible to see our own family torn apart and to see how the children suffered. We were so bitter that we could not even agree on shared custody of the boys, so I got custody of all three of them.

Lars: Judith and I had made a few bewildered efforts to keep our crumbling family together. We even prayed to God for help. But we knew so little about God.

Judith: Our prayers left us with the feeling that God didn’t listen. We are thankful that since then we have seen that God does listen to prayers.

Lars: We had no idea that we needed to put forth effort and make changes ourselves. So the divorce became a sad reality.

An Unexpected Turn for Lars

Lars: While I was living alone, events took a completely unexpected turn for me. One day I accepted two magazines from Jehovah’s Witnesses. Before that time I had automatically turned the Witnesses away. But as I looked through those magazines, I saw that the Witnesses actually believe in both God and Jesus Christ. That was a big surprise. I had no idea that they were Christians.

About the same time, I moved in with a woman I had met. It turned out that she had been one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. When I started asking questions, she showed me in the Bible that Jehovah is the name of God. So “Jehovah’s Witnesses” means “God’s Witnesses”!

The woman arranged for me to attend a public talk at an Assembly Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses. What I saw there really stimulated my interest. I visited the local Kingdom Hall to learn more, and a Bible study was established. It didn’t take long for me to realize that the way I was living was wrong, so I moved away from my female acquaintance and went to live alone in my hometown. After some hesitation I contacted Jehovah’s Witnesses there and continued my study of the Bible.

Yet, I still had some doubts. Were Jehovah’s Witnesses really God’s people? What about all the things I had learned as a child? Since I had been raised as a Seventh-Day Adventist, I now contacted an Adventist minister. He agreed to study with me every Wednesday, while Jehovah’s Witnesses studied with me every Monday. What I wanted was a clear answer from both groups on four specific matters: the return of Christ, the resurrection, the doctrine of the Trinity, and the way the congregation should be organized. It took me only a few months to erase all doubts. In each of the four areas—and in everything else—only the beliefs of Jehovah’s Witnesses were fully Bible based. As a consequence, I happily began to take part in all congregation activities and soon made a dedication to Jehovah. In May 1990, I was baptized.

 What About Judith?

Judith: At the culmination of our marital crisis, I had started going to church again. When I heard that Lars was becoming one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I was far from pleased. Our youngest son, ten-year-old Jonas, sometimes visited his father, but I forbade Lars to take Jonas to any meetings of the Witnesses. Lars appealed to the authorities, but they were on my side.

I had met another man. Also, I had become more involved in politics and all kinds of community work. So if anyone had talked about a possible reunion of our family at that time, it would have seemed impossible.

In search of ammunition against Jehovah’s Witnesses, I went to the minister of the local parish, who admitted straight away that he knew nothing about the Witnesses and had no literature about them. All he could say was that I had better keep away from them. That, of course, did nothing to change my negative view of Jehovah’s Witnesses. But then I was forced to meet them in a way I had never expected.

My brother who lives in Sweden had become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I was invited to his wedding at a Kingdom Hall! That experience made a drastic change in my view of the Witnesses. To my amazement they were not the dull people I had always envisioned. They were kind and happy, even showing a good sense of humor.

Meanwhile, my ex-husband, Lars, had completely changed. He was more responsible, spent time with the children, was kind and controlled in his speech, and did not drink immoderately as he had in the past. His personality was so appealing! He was now just the kind of man I had always wanted him to be. It was such a frustrating thought that I was no longer married to him and that perhaps someday another woman would marry him!

Then I planned a subtle “attack.” Once while Jonas was staying with his father, I arranged to travel up to see Jonas and Lars with two of my sisters on the pretext that the two aunts should have an opportunity to see their nephew. We met in an amusement park. While the aunts took care of the boy, Lars and I found a bench and sat down.

To my surprise, as soon as I brought up the subject of our future, Lars took a book out of his pocket. It was called Making Your Family Life Happy. * He handed the book to me and suggested that I read the chapters on the role of the husband and the wife in a family. He made a special point of recommending that I look up the scriptures.

Then, when Lars and I got up from the bench, I wanted to take his arm, but he kindly rejected that. Lars had no intention of forming a new alliance with me without knowing my view of his new faith. That offended me somewhat, but then I realized that his attitude was quite reasonable and would be to my own benefit if he ever became my husband again.

All of this made me more curious than ever about Jehovah’s Witnesses. The next day, I contacted a woman who I knew was a Witness, and we arranged for her and her husband to give me the information I wanted about their religion. They had Bible answers to all my many questions. I was able to see that what Jehovah’s Witnesses teach is solidly founded on the Bible. On one point after another, I had to surrender to the truth.

During that period I resigned from the Evangelical  Lutheran Church and terminated my political activities. I even quit smoking. That was the hardest step of all. My Bible study began in August 1990, and in April 1991, I was baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Their Second Wedding

Judith: Now we were both baptized Witnesses. Though we had gone separate ways, we had both made a study of the Bible. Thanks to its fine teachings, we were different from what we had been before. We still cared for each other, perhaps in an even deeper way than before. So there we were, free to marry again—and that is what we did. We exchanged our vows for the second time, but this time in the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Lars: The incredible had happened—our family was united again! What happiness and joy we now felt!

Judith: The wedding was attended by our sons, many relatives, and many new and old friends. It was a marvelous experience. Among the guests were some who had known us during our previous marriage; they were pleased to see us together again and were surprised to see the genuine joy among Jehovah’s Witnesses.

The Children

Lars: Since our baptism we have had the joy of seeing two of our sons make the choice to dedicate their lives to Jehovah.

Judith: Jonas has appreciated the truth from the Bible ever since he got acquainted with it as a boy when he visited his father. He was only ten when he told me that he wanted to move in with his dad because, as he explained it, “Dad follows the Bible.” Jonas was baptized when he was 14. He has completed his education, and now he is a full-time minister.

Lars: Our oldest son, Martin, is now 27. The changes that he saw us make gave him a lot to think about. He left home and settled in a different part of the country. Two years ago he started studying the Bible with the local congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses there. After only five months, he was ready to be baptized. He continues with fine plans for his future life as a Christian.

Our middle son, Thomas, is not presently one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. We still love him, of course, and have a fine relationship with him. He is happy about the change that took place in our family. And we all agree that thanks to the principles we parents learned from the Bible, our family has been reunited. What a blessing it is for us that we can now frequently gather our family under one roof, with all three boys and both parents together!

Our Life Today

Lars: We are not saying that we have become perfect. But we have learned something—that love and mutual respect are key factors in a living marriage. The foundation our marriage is built on now is very different from what it was before. Now both of us have accepted an authority higher than ourselves, for we both recognize that we are living for Jehovah. Judith and I feel truly united and look to the future with confidence.

Judith: I guess we are living proof that Jehovah is the best marriage and family counselor there is.

[Footnote]

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Lars and Judith at the time of their first wedding, in 1973

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Three boys lost their united family and found it again

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Lars and Judith today, reunited by following Bible principles