The Kind of Father Children Need

CHILDREN need a father who loves them, who is there for them, and who does whatever he can to help them grow into responsible, trustworthy adults. That children need this kind of father has not been given due recognition.

True, mothers deliver babies into the world, and the importance of being a good mother can hardly be overstated. But noting that the father plays an equally vital role, The Wilson Quarterly said: “The decline of fatherhood is a major force behind many of the most disturbing problems that plague American society”​—and, we might add, those of the rest of the world.

The Brazilian newspaper Jornal da Tarde reports on a study that concluded that many behavioral problems of youths​—such as aggressiveness, unruliness, poor performance in school, and apathy—​are often “the result of an absent father.” And the Italian book Gli imperfetti genitori (The Imperfect Parents), by Marcello Bernardi, emphasizes that to develop successfully, children ideally need two parents.

Family Life Can Be Improved

Even if a negligent father has contributed to problems in the family or has been largely responsible for them, it doesn’t mean matters cannot be corrected and family life improved. How? What does the father need to do?

Clearly, children need family structure, a sense that someone with their welfare in mind is in control. When that need isn’t met, as often occurs today, the lives of children are adversely affected. Yet, the situation is never hopeless, whether there is a father in the picture or not. “A father of fatherless boys,” the Bible says at Psalm 68:5, “is God in his holy dwelling.” *

How to Obtain Help

That God’s help is vital for success and that it can be obtained is evidenced by the situation described by Lidia, the girl from Poland mentioned in the preceding article. What was family life like in her home? How did the family receive God’s help?

Franciszek, Lidia’s father, admits that when his children were young, he neglected his family, just as his daughter reported. He says: “I didn’t care what our children were doing. I didn’t display affection, and there wasn’t any bond between us.” So he was unaware  that when Lidia was 14, she and his younger son and daughter were already carousing, smoking, drinking, and getting into fights.

Finally, Franciszek came to realize the trouble his children were getting into, and he was shocked into doing something about it. “I prayed to God for help,” he says. Remarkably, soon afterward Jehovah’s Witnesses called at his home, and he and his wife agreed to study the Bible. In time, the parents started applying its teachings in their lives. What was the effect upon the children?

Franciszek explains: “They began to notice that I had quit drinking and was becoming a better father. They wanted to get to know Jehovah’s Witnesses better. They also began to study the Bible and quit their bad associations.” The son, Rafał, says of his father: “I came to love him as a friend.” He adds: “The street gang suddenly became unimportant. We were busy with spiritual activities.”

Franciszek is now a Christian elder in a congregation of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and he is still involved with his family and the spiritual growth of each one. His wife and Lidia are pioneers, full-time evangelizers. Rafał and his younger sister, Sylwia, share whole-souled in Bible study, in commenting at Christian meetings, and in sharing their faith with others.

He Practiced What He Taught

Consider, too, what happened with Luis, the father of Macarena. Recall that she is the 21-year-old girl in Spain who was quoted in the opening article. Luis’ way of life had been patterned after that of his own alcoholic father. As Macarena said, he would disappear with his friends for days at a time. Moreover, he treated his wife like a servant rather than an appreciated partner. Their marriage was at a breaking point, and Macarena and her younger siblings were traumatized.

In time, however, Luis agreed to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. He explains: “I began to spend time with my wife and my children. We talked together, had meals together, and studied the Bible together. We also shared in doing household chores and in recreation.” Macarena says: “I started to feel the presence of a kind father who showed genuine interest in his family.”

Significantly, not only did Luis encourage his family to serve God but he practiced what he taught. He left “a thriving business enterprise,” Macarena explains, “because it took up too much time and he wanted to give more attention to family matters.” The effect was remarkable. “His example has taught me how to keep a simple eye and to put spiritual things in first place,” Macarena says. She now serves as a pioneer, and her mother and younger siblings are active members of the Christian congregation.

The Railway Executive’s Decision

Clearly, the kind of father children need is one who makes decisions with the welfare of his children in mind. The teenage son of Takeshi Tamura, the Japanese executive mentioned in the preceding article, had become involved with unsavory associates and appeared to be heading for real trouble. That was in 1986, the year that Takeshi decided to give up his responsible position with the Japanese National Railways. How does Takeshi feel about his decision now, more than 18 years later?

“It is perhaps the best decision I ever made,” he said recently. “Spending more time with my son and doing things together, including studying the Bible with him, had a remarkable effect. We became friends, and he cut off his bad associations and improper behavior.”

Takeshi’s wife had become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses a few years earlier, and it was her exemplary conduct that moved her husband to look into the Bible and become more involved with the family. Eventually he, his son, and his daughter all became Witnesses.  Takeshi and his son now serve as elders in their respective congregations, and his wife and daughter are pioneers.

Fathers Need Help

Many fathers, despite realizing that they are neglecting their children, do not know what to do for them. The Spanish newspaper La Vanguardia carried the headline “42 Percent of [Spanish] Parents Admit That They Don’t Know How to Bring Up Their Teenage Children.” But the same can be said regarding the fathers of preteens as well as toddlers. Contrary to the thinking of many, these younger ones also need the presence and attention of a devoted father.

What more can be learned about how to become a good father? Who are the best examples for fathers, and what can be learned from them? Our concluding article will examine these questions.

[Footnote]

[Pictures on page 7]

Fathers who provided what their children needed

Franciszek and his family

Luis and his family

Takeshi and his family