Facing the Challenges of Teen Motherhood

TEENAGE pregnancy brings with it the burden of facing adult decisions. “I feel like I’m 40 years old,” says one teenage mother. “I missed out on my whole childhood.” Indeed, in the wake of learning that she is pregnant, a young girl may feel absolutely overwhelmed by fear and anxiety.

If you are a pregnant teen, you may feel that way yourself. Little is accomplished, however, by allowing yourself to be paralyzed by negative emotions. “He that is watching the wind will not sow seed,” says the Bible, “and he that is looking at the clouds will not reap.” (Ecclesiastes 7:8; 11:4) A farmer who becomes immobilized by worries about the weather will fail to take necessary action. Avoid becoming immobilized yourself. Sooner or later you must move forward and shoulder your load of responsibilities.​—Galatians 6:5.

What are your options? Some may tell you to consider abortion. But this is not an option for those who want to turn to pleasing God, as the Bible makes it clear that abortion is against God’s law. (Exodus 20:13; 21:22, 23; Psalm 139:14-16) In God’s eyes the life of any embryo​—including one conceived out of wedlock—​is precious.

What about marrying the baby’s father and raising your child together? At the very least, marriage might spare you some embarrassment. But even when a young father feels a moral responsibility to assist with his child’s upbringing, marriage is not always a wise option. * The fact that a young man is able to procreate hardly means that he has the emotional and mental abilities needed to be a good husband and father. Nor does it mean that he can support a wife and child financially. Moreover, if the young man does not share your religious beliefs, entering into a marriage with him could defy the Bible’s admonition to marry “only in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) Experience shows that rushing into a premature​—and perhaps short-lived—​marriage may only result in additional pain and suffering.

What about putting the baby up for adoption? While this is obviously better than abortion, you should consider the fact that despite the adverse circumstances, you do have the opportunity to nurture and raise your child.

Facing the Challenges

Admittedly, raising a child without a mate is not easy. However, by following Bible principles to the best of your ability and by trusting in God for strength and guidance, you can successfully face many challenges. Here are some steps you can take that will help you to cope.

● Mend your relationship with God. Realize that premarital sex is a sin against God​—an offense against his high moral standards. (Galatians 5:19-21; 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 4) Thus, a vital first step is to repent and ask God’s forgiveness. (Psalm 32:5; 1 John 2:1, 2) True, you may feel unworthy of his help. However, Jehovah promises to forgive, and he assists those who repent of their wrongs. (Isaiah 55:6, 7) At Isaiah 1:18, Jehovah says: “Though the sins of you people should prove to be as scarlet [weighty, serious], they will be  made white just like snow [completely cleansed].” The Bible also encourages wrongdoers to take advantage of the spiritual help offered by appointed congregation elders.​—James 5:14, 15.

● Cease engaging in premarital sex. That will likely mean breaking off your relationship with the father of your child. To continue in that relationship outside of marriage would only expose you to pressure to continue engaging in conduct displeasing to God. Never forget that God’s laws, though strict, are there to protect us. Nicole, quoted earlier in this series, recalls: “I came to realize that God is right. He wants to benefit us.”​—Isaiah 48:17, 18.

● Tell your parents. You may rightly fear that your parents will be angry with you. True, they will be upset and worried when they learn of your pregnancy. They may even feel that they have failed you as parents and blame themselves for your misconduct. However, if your parents are truly God-fearing, the storm of hurt and pain will likely pass in time. They are your parents, and in spite of your mistakes, they love you. Observing your repentant attitude, they will no doubt be moved to imitate the father of the prodigal son and extend loving forgiveness.​—Luke 15:11-32.

● Demonstrate gratitude. Parents, relatives, and friends often prove to be a great source of help and support. Your parents, for example, may arrange for you to get medical care. After  your baby is born, they may help you to learn the basics of infant care; they may also offer their services as baby-sitters. Nicole says of her mother, “I had the baby, but she did much to help me.” Friends may likewise help, perhaps discreetly providing you with baby clothing and other items that could prove useful. (Proverbs 17:17) When you are shown kindness, follow the Bible’s advice and ‘show yourself thankful.’ (Colossians 3:15) Verbal expressions of appreciation can prevent such ones from feeling that their loving deeds have been taken for granted.

● Learn parenting skills. Of course, you do not want to be dependent on your family and friends forever. So start developing the skills that will help you to gain a measure of competence in caring for your child and in running a household. Learning to take care of a very needy human is challenging. There is much for you to learn about nutrition, health, and other aspects of child care. Interestingly, the Bible encourages older Christian women to urge younger women to be “workers at home.” (Titus 2:5) No doubt your mother​—and perhaps other older members of the Christian congregation—​can give you some valuable training in this regard.

● Handle money wisely. The Bible says that “money is for a protection.” (Ecclesiastes 7:12) The arrival of a baby will result in considerable financial demands.

You may first want to avail yourself of any public aid for which you qualify. Oftentimes, though, a girl must still depend upon her parents financially. If that is true in your case, it would be wise and considerate on your part to cut costs as much as possible. Although you would no doubt prefer to have new items for your baby, perhaps you can save money by shopping at secondhand stores or yard sales.

● Try to get some education. “The wise are the ones that treasure up knowledge,” says Proverbs 10:14. While this is especially true of Bible knowledge, it is also true of secular education. You need to develop the necessary skills to make a living.

Admittedly, it is difficult to go to school while caring for  a baby. However, a lack of basic education could condemn you and your child to a life of poverty, welfare dependence, low earnings, poor housing, or malnutrition. So if it is at all possible, continue going to school. Nicole’s mother insisted that she finish school, and as a result, Nicole was later able to get training to support herself as a paralegal.

Why not do some research as to what educational opportunities are available? If attending a classroom is too difficult, you might see if you are able to study at home. Study courses by correspondence, for example, might prove practical for your situation.

You Can Succeed

Raising a child out of wedlock is challenging for a young girl. But it is possible for you to succeed! With patience, determination, and the help of Jehovah God, you can become a loving, capable, competent parent. And children of unwed mothers can grow up to be well-adjusted adults. Why, you may experience the joy of seeing your child respond to your molding and training and become a lover of God.​—Ephesians 6:4.

Nicole puts it this way: “With God’s help​—and against all odds—​I had the joy of helping my little girl become a kind, respectful, and responsible young lady. Looking at her reminds me of all the sleepless nights but also fills me with happiness.”

How, though, should adults treat teen mothers and their offspring? Is there any way to help young ones avoid the pain of teen pregnancy in the first place?

[Footnote]

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Teen mothers face many challenges in raising their young ones

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Rushing into a premature marriage is not the answer

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Christian elders can help erring youths to mend their relationship with God

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It is wise for single mothers to finish their basic schooling