Step 5

Establish and Maintain Routines

Why take this step? Routines are a major part of adult life. Work, worship, and even recreation usually follow set routines. Parents handicap their children if they do not teach them to structure their time and to stick to a schedule. On the other hand, “studies show that having rules and structure makes a child feel safe and secure and teaches self-control and self-reliance,” says Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a professor of psychology.

The challenge: Life is hectic. Many parents work long hours, so they may have little time to spend with their children on a regular basis. Establishing and maintaining routines requires self-discipline and determination to overcome a child’s initial resistance to conforming to the routines.

The solution: Apply, in principle, the Bible’s counsel to “let all things take place decently and by arrangement.” (1 Corinthians 14:40) For example, while their children are very young, many parents wisely establish a firm, regular bedtime. However, bedtime should be made pleasant. Tatiana, who lives in Greece and is a mother of two young girls, says: “When the children are in bed, I caress them and tell them what Mommy did while they were in school. I then ask them if they would like to tell me some of the things they did that day. They are relaxed. Often they open up to me.”

Kostas, Tatiana’s husband, reads stories to the girls. “They comment on the story,” he says, “and often the discussion drifts to their personal concerns. It never works if I just demand that the girls tell me what’s worrying them.” Of course, as the children grow older, you will want to adjust the bedtime appropriately. But if you maintain the routine, your children will likely continue to use this time to talk to you.

In addition, families will wisely make it a habit to eat at least one meal a day together. To establish this habit, mealtimes may need to be a little flexible. “I sometimes come home from work late,” says Charles, father of two girls. “My wife might give the girls a snack to hold them over, but she always has everyone wait until we can have our meal as a family. We discuss our day’s activities, review a Bible text, talk about problems, and laugh together. I can’t stress enough how important this routine has been to the happiness of our family.”

To master this step, do not let the pursuit of material possessions crowd out family routines. Apply the Bible’s advice to “make sure of the more important things.”​—Philippians 1:10.

What else can parents do to improve communication with their children?

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“Let all things take place decently and by arrangement.”​—1 Corinthians 14:40