Deep and Lasting Pain

RECENTLY, a researcher wanted to learn how the passing of time affects the feelings of those who are grieving the loss of loved ones in death. He sent questionnaires to a number of parents whose children had died several years before. Not all the parents responded. A father named Vladimir, who lost his son five years earlier, explained that he still finds it too difficult to speak about his son. a

Such long-lasting sorrow is not uncommon among bereaved parents. Ten years ago William lost his 18-year-old son in a drowning accident. William writes, “The pain of that loss is still with me, and I will have it as long as I live.” Five years after Lucy lost her son to an unexpected illness, she wrote: “For the first few days, I kept thinking, ‘It can’t be true.’ I felt as if I were having a bad dream and would soon wake up. After some time I started to realize that it was true, that he was not coming home. My son died five years ago, but at times, when I am alone, I still cry about him.”

Why do bereaved parents, such as Vladimir, William, and Lucy, feel so much deep and lasting pain? Let us consider some reasons.

Why So Much Sorrow?

When a baby is born into a family, the parents experience emotions that are found in no other human relationship. Just holding their little one, watching it sleep, or seeing its wide smile brings them profound happiness and satisfaction. Loving parents cherish their children. They train them to behave properly and to be courteous. (1 Thessalonians 2:7, 11) As the children develop in response to these efforts, parents feel proud and begin nurturing great hopes regarding them.

Caring parents work hard to provide for their offspring. They may regularly set aside money or material goods so as to be able to help their children to start a family of their own in time. (2 Corinthians 12:14) This tremendous expenditure of emotion, time, effort, and money points to one conclusion​—parents raise their children to live, not to die. When a child dies, the work of raising him is incomplete, and the parents’ hopes for him are dashed. The warm love and  affection that flow from the parents to the child are cut off, blocked by the stone wall of death. The place that their son or daughter once occupied in their hearts is now empty. The parents feel a deep sorrow that is not easily dispelled.

The Bible confirms that bereaved parents bear intense and persistent pain. Describing what happened when the patriarch Jacob heard that his son Joseph had been killed, the Bible says: “Jacob ripped his mantles apart and put sackcloth upon his hips and carried on mourning over his son for many days. And all his sons and all his daughters kept rising up to comfort him, but he kept refusing to take comfort and saying: ‘For I shall go down mourning to my son into Sheol [or, the grave]!’” Years later, Jacob still grieved for his son, who he presumed was dead. (Genesis 37:34, 35; 42:36-38) Another Bible example involves a faithful woman named Naomi who lived through the death of her two sons. Deeply saddened, she wanted to change her name from Naomi, meaning “My Pleasantness,” to Mara, meaning “Bitter.”​—Ruth 1:3-5, 20, 21, footnote.

However, the Bible goes beyond acknowledging the grief that parents experience. It also indicates how Jehovah gives strength to those who are grieving. In the next article, we will consider some of the ways in which God supplies comfort to those who mourn.

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