1-2. (a) When may we find it especially difficult to forgive someone? (b) How did Denise show forgiveness?

 DO YOU find it difficult to forgive others? Many of us do, especially when someone says or does something that hurts us deeply. However, we can overcome our hurt feelings and be forgiving. For example, consider the experience of a sister named Denise, a who showed extraordinary forgiveness. In 2017, Denise and her family had just visited the newly opened World Headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses. While they were on their way home, another driver lost control of his car and hit their vehicle. Denise lost consciousness in the accident. When she woke up, she learned that her children were badly injured and that her husband, Brian, had been killed. Reflecting on that moment, Denise says, “I felt broken and confused.” Later, she learned that the driver had not been impaired or distracted, and she prayed to Jehovah for peace.

² The driver who hit them was charged with manslaughter. If convicted, he could be imprisoned. However, the court informed Denise that the outcome of the man’s sentencing depended on her testimony. Denise says: “I felt as if somebody had cut open my stitches and dumped a gallon of salt in my wound, as I had to relive the worst moments of my life.” Just a few weeks later, Denise sat in a courtroom and prepared to address the man who had  caused her family so much pain. What did she say? Denise asked the judge to show mercy to the man. b When she finished speaking, the judge broke down in tears. He said: “In all my 25 years as a judge, I have never heard anything like this in my courtroom. I never hear the victim’s family plead for mercy in behalf of the defendant. I never hear words of love and forgiveness.”

 3. What moved Denise to forgive?

³ What helped Denise to be forgiving? She meditated on Jehovah’s forgiveness. (Mic. 7:18) When we appreciate the forgiveness that Jehovah has shown us, we will be motivated to be forgiving toward others.

 4. What does Jehovah want us to do? (Ephesians 4:32)

⁴ Jehovah wants us to forgive others just as freely as he has forgiven us. (Read Ephesians 4:32.) He expects us to be ready to forgive those who hurt us. (Ps. 86:5; Luke 17:4) In this article, we will consider three things that will help us to be more forgiving.

DO NOT IGNORE YOUR FEELINGS

 5. According to Proverbs 12:18, how might we feel when someone offends us?

⁵ We may be deeply hurt because of what someone says or does to us, especially if that person is a close friend or family member. (Ps. 55:12-14) At times, the emotional pain we suffer can be likened to being stabbed. (Read Proverbs 12:18.) We may try to suppress or ignore our hurt feelings. But doing so might be like getting stabbed and then leaving the knife in the wound. Similarly, we cannot expect our hurt feelings to get better if we simply ignore them.

 6. How may we react when someone offends us?

⁶ When someone offends us, our initial reaction may be to get angry. The Bible acknowledges that we may become wrathful. However, it warns against allowing that emotion to dominate us. (Ps. 4:4; Eph. 4:26) Why? Because our emotions often lead to actions. And anger seldom leads to good results. (Jas. 1:20) Remember, getting angry is a reaction, but remaining angry is a choice.

 7. What other feelings might we experience when someone hurts us?

⁷ When we have been treated badly, we might feel other painful emotions. For example, a sister named Ann says: “When I was a child, my dad left my mom and married my nanny. I felt abandoned. When they had children, I felt replaced. I grew up feeling unwanted.” A sister named Georgette describes how she felt when her husband was unfaithful to her: “We had been friends since childhood. We were pioneer partners! My heart was broken.” And a sister named Naomi says: “I never imagined that my husband would hurt me. So when he confessed that he had been viewing pornography and hiding it from me, I felt deceived and betrayed.”

 8. (a) What are some reasons why we should forgive others? (b) What benefits do we receive when we forgive? (See the box “ What if We Have Been Traumatized by Someone?”)

 ⁸ We cannot control what others say or do to us, but we can try to control our response. And often the best response is to forgive. Why? Because we love Jehovah, and he wants us to be forgiving. If we remain angry and do not forgive, we are likely to act foolishly and perhaps suffer physically. (Prov. 14:17, 29, 30) Note the example of a sister named Christine. She says: “When I am consumed by my hurt feelings, I smile less. I tend to make poor food choices. I don’t get enough sleep, and it’s more difficult to control my emotions, which in turn affects my marriage and my relationships with others.”

 9. Why should we let go of resentment?

⁹ Even if the person who hurt us never takes responsibility for his actions, we can lessen the damage he caused us. How? Georgette, mentioned earlier, says: “It took some time, but I let go of my resentment and anger toward my ex-husband. As a result, I felt immense peace.” When we let go of resentment, we prevent our heart from becoming damaged by bitterness. We also give ourselves a gift​—we can start to move on and enjoy our life once again. (Prov. 11:17) But what if after acknowledging your feelings, you are still not ready to forgive?

DEALING WITH YOUR FEELINGS

10. Why should we allow ourselves time to heal emotionally? (See also pictures.)

¹⁰ How can you overcome hurt feelings? One way is by giving yourself time to heal. After receiving medical care, a person who has been severely injured needs time to heal physically. In a similar way, we may need time to heal emotionally before we are ready to forgive someone from the heart.​—Eccl. 3:3; 1 Pet. 1:22.

11. How can prayer help you to be forgiving?

 ¹¹ Pray, asking Jehovah to help you to be forgiving. c Ann, mentioned earlier, explains how prayer helped her. She says: “I asked Jehovah to forgive each of us in the family for things we did not handle well. Then I wrote a letter to my dad and his new wife and told them that I forgave them.” Ann admits that doing so was not easy. But she says: “I hope that by my trying to imitate Jehovah’s forgiveness, my dad and his wife will be moved to learn more about Jehovah.”

12. Why should we trust Jehovah instead of our feelings? (Proverbs 3:5, 6)

¹² Trust Jehovah, not your feelings. (Read Proverbs 3:5, 6.) Jehovah always knows what is best for us. (Isa. 55:8, 9) And he will never ask us to do something that will harm us. Thus, when he encourages us to be forgiving, we can be confident that doing so will benefit us. (Ps. 40:4; Isa. 48:17, 18) On the other hand, if we trust our feelings, we may never be able to forgive. (Prov. 14:12; Jer. 17:9) Naomi, quoted earlier, says: “At first, I felt justified for not forgiving my husband for viewing pornography. I was afraid that he would hurt me again or that he would forget how much damage he caused. And I reasoned that Jehovah understood my feelings. But I began to realize that just because Jehovah understands my feelings, it does not mean that he agrees with them. He knows how I feel and that it takes time to heal, but he also wants me to be forgiving.” d

CREATE POSITIVE FEELINGS

13. According to Romans 12:18-21, what do we need to do?

¹³ When we forgive someone who hurt us deeply, we want to do more than simply decide not to talk about what happened. If the person who hurt us is  also our Christian brother or sister, our goal is to make peace. (Matt. 5:23, 24) We choose to replace our anger with mercy and our resentment with forgiveness. (Read Romans 12:18-21; 1 Pet. 3:9) What can help us to do that?

14. What should we strive to do, and why?

¹⁴ We should strive to see the person who offended us as Jehovah does. Jehovah chooses to look for the good in people. (2 Chron. 16:9; Ps. 130:3) We will usually find what we are looking for in people​—be it the good or the bad. When we look for the good in others, we will find it easier to forgive them. For example, a brother named Jarrod says, “I find it easier to forgive a brother when I compare his offense to the long list of things that I like about him.”

15. Why may it be helpful to tell someone that you have forgiven him?

¹⁵ Another important thing to consider doing is to tell the person that you have forgiven him or her. Why? Note  what Naomi, quoted earlier, says: “My husband asked me, ‘Have you forgiven me?’ When I opened my mouth to say, ‘I forgive you,’ I choked. I realized that I hadn’t truly forgiven him in my heart. In time, I was able to express those three powerful words, ‘I forgive you.’ I couldn’t believe the relief it brought to my teary-eyed husband and the closure that I felt. Since then, I have rebuilt my trust in him and we are best friends again.”

16. What have you learned about forgiveness?

¹⁶ Jehovah wants us to be forgiving. (Col. 3:13) Even so, we may struggle to forgive others. But we can do it if we do not ignore our feelings and make the effort to deal with them. Then we can create new, positive feelings.​—See the box “ Three Steps to Forgiveness.”

FOCUS ON THE BENEFITS OF BEING FORGIVING

17. How does being forgiving benefit us?

¹⁷ We have many reasons to be forgiving. Consider just some of them. First, we imitate and please our merciful Father, Jehovah. (Luke 6:36) Second, we show gratitude for the forgiveness Jehovah has kindly extended to us. (Matt. 6:12) And third, we enjoy better health and keep our friendships strong.

18-19. What may result from our being forgiving?

¹⁸ When we forgive others, we may experience unexpected blessings. For example, note what happened to Denise, mentioned earlier. Although she did not know it at the time, the man who caused the accident planned to end his life after his trial. However, he was so moved by Denise’s forgiveness that he began studying the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses.

¹⁹ We may feel that forgiving someone is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do​—but it may also be one of the most rewarding. (Matt. 5:7) Therefore, may we all do our best to imitate Jehovah’s forgiveness.