Ulo weji kufukilanga nge vapwevo nalunga navahanjikanga mazu akulisakwilila. Vaka-kulimbata vavavulu vanalitwamina kutala havilinga vyamwaza vyavaka-mahyavo nakuvalingisa jino vahone kupwa namuchima wakusakwilila. Mukanda vavuluka ngwavo Emotional Infidelity, muka-kukafwa vaka-kulimbata ambile ngwenyi, vaka-kulimbata vavavulu vaze vejilenga kuli ikiye, “kavahanjikilenga chikuma havyuma vize vyasolokelenga muuloko, oloze vahanjikilenga kaha haukalu weka. Omu vejilenga muofesi yami vangulwezelenga vyuma vapwile nakusaka kwalumuna muulo wavo, keshi vize kavasakile kwalumunako. Chuma veji kulimbenjanga ava vaka-kulimbata shina kuhona kulisolwela zangi mwomwo yakuhona kulisakwililanga.”

Enu namuka-mahyenu munahase kuhonesa ngachili ukalu kanou?

Mazu akusakwilila eji kukehesangako ukalu muulo. Kachi nge lunga napwevo navafwilanga kumona vilinga vyamwaza vyamuka-mahyavo, kaha navafukila muulo wavo. Mazu akulisakwilila anahase kukafwa vaka-kulimbata vahone kulilaminanga koko.

Mapwevo. Mukanda waEmotional Infidelity wamba ngwawo: “Mapwevo vavavulu kavamona kulema chavyuma veji kukilikitanga malunga javo hakutondela vakatanga yavo vyuma vyasakiwa.” Mujingalila jimwe ukalu kana weji kusolokanga nakuli lunga napwevo vaze vatwama hamilimo.

Malunga. Kakavulu malunga kavamona kulema chamilimo veji kuzatanga mapwevo javo yakufwana nge, kulela vana, nakuwahisa hemboko. Pwevo walijina lyaFiona  * uze natwame muulo hamyaka kafwe yitatu ambile ngwenyi: “Tuvosena tweji kulimbenjanga, kaha nge ngunalimbenje ngweji kwivwanga kupihya. Shikaho kachi nge lunga lyami mwangulweza ngwenyi ngunazate kanawa milimo yakukanda yakufwana nge kukosakosa, nakukomba, nakungomala, kaha ngweji kwivwanga ngwami hanga anguzangila lika chamokomoko navyuma ngweji kuluwisanga. Kaha ngweji kuwahililanga nakwivwa ngwami nangukundwiza.”

Kachi nge mutu mwamona ngwenyi muka-mahyenyi kamumona kupwa wamulemuko, kaha chinahase kuneha ukalu muulo wavo. Pwevo umwe walijina lyaValerie ambile ngwenyi: “Kachi nge mutu mwamona ngwenyi muka-mahyenyi kamusakwililako, kaha nahase kumulingisa apandame kuli mutu weka uze eji kumusakwililanga.”

Kekesenu vilinga vyamuka-mahyenu. Muchalumingo nachikavangizaho, fwilenu kukekesa kanawa vilinga vyamwaza eji kusololanga muka-mahyenu. Kaha nawa talenu havyuma eji kulinga muka-mahyenu hazuvo mangana mutwame kanawa, vize pamo mweji kulelesanga. Kuheta kusongo yachalumingo, sonekenu jino (1) vilinga vyamwaza vize munazange kuli muka-mahyenu (2) navyuma vize alinganga muka-mahyenu mangana mutwame kanawa.—Lushimbi lwamuMbimbiliya: Wavaka-Fwilipi 4:8.

Mwomwo ika chapwila chachilemu kukekesanga vilinga vyamuka-mahyenu? Pwevo umwe walijina lyaErika ambile ngwenyi: “Kachi nge munalimbate nakutwama kafwe myaka yayindende, mutu nahase kuputuka kumona muka-mahyenyi kupwa wamokomoko. Mutu mwalitwamina kutala havyuma vyamwaza eji kulinganga muka-mahyenyi, oloze mwatala kaha havyuma vize keshi nakulingako.”

Lihulisenu ngwenu: ‘Kutala ngweji kuhombwanyisanga milimo eji kuzatanga muka-mahyami tahi?’ Chakutaliho, nge lunga lyenu nawahisako vyuma vimwe kuzuvo, kutala kamweshi kumusakwilila mwomwo yakushinganyeka ngwenu mulimo kana ikiye atela kuuzata tahi? Kachi nge mwambata, kutala mweji kumonanga kukilikita chapuwenu hakulela vana kupwa himulimo uze atela kuzata nakuhona kumusakwilila tahi? Mwatela kufwila kusakwililanga muka-mahyenu hamilimo yosena eji kuzatanga numba yipwa yayindende chipwe yayinene yize nayiminganyalisa mutanga yenu.—Lushimbi lwamuMbimbiliya: Wavaka-Loma 12:10.

Sololenunga kusakwilila chenu. Mbimbiliya yamba ngwayo katwatela kusakwilila kahako, oloze twatela ‘Kusolola kusakwilila chetu.’ (Wavaka-Kolose 3:15) Shikaho lijilisenu kupwanga namuchima wakusakwilila muka-mahyenu. Lunga umwe walijina lyaJames ambile ngwenyi, “Nge puwami mwangusakwilila havyuma ngunalingi, cheji kungulingisanga nguzate nangolo ngupwenga ngulunga wamwenemwene nakufwila nawa kukilikita chikuma muulo wetu.”—Lushimbi lwamuMbimbiliya: Wavaka-Kolose 4:6.

Vaka-kulimbata vaze veji kulisakwililanga veji kujikijisanga malo avo. Lunga umwe walijina lyaMichael ambile ngwenyi, “Nge vaze valimbata navatalanga kaha havyuma vyamwaza vize veji kulinganga vaka-mahyavo, kaha malo avo nawafukilanga. Kachi nge nakwepuka ukalu, kaha kaveshi kulahila kujiha uloko mwomwo vanatalenga havyuma vyamwaza veji kulinganga vaka-mahyavo shimbu yosena.”