1, 2. Ababelethi nabantwana bazizwa njani ngomunye nomunye, kodwana ngezinye iinkhathi ngibuphi ubudisi abaqalana nabo?

“NENGABE ngendlela ethileko bewungafumana ukuthi ababelethi bakho bazokuhlongakala kusasa, yini ebewungafuna ukubatjela yona khulu namhlanjesi?” Lo mbuzo owabuzwa amakhulu wabantwana e-United States. Kunokudzimelela emirarweni ekhona namtjhana ukungavumelani okungenzeka kuyabatshwenya, abantwana abamaphesenti ama-95 bathi bangabatjela ababelethi ukuthi: “Ngibawa ningilibalele” nokuthi “Nginithanda khulu.”—For Parents Only, etlolwe nguShaunti Feldhahn noLisa Rice.

² Ngokuvamileko, abantwana bayabathanda ababelethi babo, nababelethi bayabathanda abantwababo. Lokhu kuliqiniso khulukhulu emindenini yamaKrestu. Nanyana ababelethi nabantwana bakhanukela ukutjhidelana, ngezinye iinkhathi ukukhulumisana kubudisi. Ngitjho nalokha ingcoco ingaba ngetjhaphulukileko, kubayini ezinye izinto kugegedwa ukukhulunywa ngazo? Ngiziphi ezinye izinto ezivimbela ikulumiswano ehle? Singazihlula njani?

3. (a) Kubayini ukukhulumisana okuhle kusitjhijilo emindenini eminengi? (b)Kubayini ukuba ndawonye bekungasi mraro emindenini yakwa-Israyeli wekadeni?

³ Iimndeni eminengi ikufumana kubudisi ukuba nesikhathi esaneleko sokucoca ngezinto ezakhako. Lokho bekungasi yinto ehlala yenzeka. UMosi weluleka abobaba abama-Israyeli wathi: “Uwabuyekeze [amezwi kaZimu] njalo ebantwaneni bakho ngokuzimisela, ukhulume ngawo nawuhlezi emzinakho, nalokha nawukhamba endleleni, nawulalako nalokha nawuvukako.” (Dut. 6:6, 7) Abantwana bebaba nabommabo ilanga loke ekhaya nofana nabobababo esimini namtjhana emsebenzini.  Bekuba nesikhathi esinengi sokobana abantwana bacoce nababelethi babo. Yeke, ababelethi bekufuze bazi iintlhogo, iimfiso nobuntu babantwababo. Ngokunjalo abantwana bebanesikhathi esaneleko sokubazi kuhle ababelethi babo.

4. Kubayini ukukhulumisana kumraro emindenini eminengi namhlanjesi?

⁴ Kodwana namhlanjesi izinto sezigaya ngomunye umhlathi! Kezinye iinarha, abantwana bathoma emakhretjhe basesebancani, ngezinye iinkhathi nebaneminyaka eembili ubudala. Abobaba nabomma abanengi besebenza kude nemakhaya. Isikhathi esincani ababelethi nabantwana ababa naso ndawonye, ukukhulumisana kuthikaziswa nanyana kuqedwe makhomphyutha, ithelevitjhini nezinye izinto ze-elekthroniki. Ebujamweni obunengi, abantwana baziphilela ukuphila kwabo nababelethi baziphilela kwabo; abazani. Iingcoco ezakhako kungenzeka zingabi khona ngokupheleleko.

5, 6. Abanye ababelethi basithenga njani isikhathi sokuba nabantwababo?

⁵ Ungakghona na ukuthenga isikhathi kwezinye izinto bona ube nesikhathi esingeziweko nomndenakho? (Funda u-Efesu 5:15, 16.) Eminye imindeni iyavumelana bona iphungule isikhathi sokubukela ithelevitjhini nofana sokusebenzisa ikhomphyutha. Eminye ilwela bona okunganani idle isidlo esisodwa ngelanga ndawonye. Qala bona ilungiselelo lokukhulekela komndeni linikela ababelethi nabantwana ithuba elihle kangangani lokutjhidelana nokucoca ngezinto ezingokomoya ebujamweni obutjhaphulukileko! Ukubekela eqadi i-awara linye nofana ngaphezulu ngeveke bona nenze lokhu sithomo esihle, kodwana kutlhogeka okungeziweko bona nibe neengcoco ezidephileko. Ngebanga lalokho, kufuze nicoce ngaso soke isikhathi. Ngaphambi kobana umntwanakho aye esikolweni, khuluma okuthileko okukhuthazako, cocani ngomTlolo welanga nofana uthandaze nomntwanakho. Ukwenza njalo kungenza umehluko omkhulu elangeni lakhe.

⁶ Abanye ababelethi bakghona ukwenza amatjhuguluko endleleni ebaphila ngayo bona babe nesikhathi esingeziweko nabantwababo.  Ngokwesibonelo, uLaura, * umma onabantwana ababili, walisa umsebenzi wesikhathi esizeleko ngebanga lalokhu. Uthi: “Ekuseni soke besiphuma sigijima siye emsebenzini nofana esikolweni. Ntambama, nengibuyela ekhaya, bengithola abantwabami sebalele balaliswe yimbelesi. Ukulisa kwami emsebenzini kwatjho bona kufuze siphile ngemali encani kodwana nginamazizo wokobana kwanje sengiyayazi imicabango neemraro yabantwabami. Ngilalela abakutjhoko nebathandazako begodu ngiyakghona ukubanqophisa, ukubakhuthaza, nokubafundisa.”

7. Khuyini abantwana nababelethi abavame ukulila ngayo?

⁷ Ngemva kokucoca nelutjha elinengi, abatloli bencwadi ethi, For Parents Only bakhuluma ngenye into ekhandela ukukhulumisana. Bathi: “Isinghonghoyilo esikhamba phambili sabantwana ngababelethi babo kukobana, ‘Ababalaleli.’” Akusibo bodwa abantwana abalila ngalokhu. Kanengi ababelethi balila ngento efanako ngabantwababo. Bona kuhlale kunokukhulumisana, amalunga womndeni kufuze alalele—alalele kwamambala—lokha omunye nekakhulumako.—Funda uJakopo 1:19.

8. Ababelethi bangabalalela njani kwamambala abantwababo?

⁸ Babelethi, niyabalalela kwamambala abantwabenu? Lokhu kungaba budisi nenidiniweko nofana ingcoco neyibonakala ingakaqakatheki. Kodwana lokho okubonakala kungakaqakatheki kungaba ngokuqakatheke khulu emntwanenenu. ‘Ukurhaba ukuzwa’ kutjho ukungatjheji kwaphela lokho umntwana akutjhoko kodwana nendlela akutjho ngayo. Iphimbo nokusikinyeka komzimba kumatshwayo weendlela umntwana azizwa ngayo. Kuqakathekile nokubuza imibuzo. IBhayibhili ithi, “Amasu engqondweni yomuntu anjengamanzi azikileko, onelwazi uyawakhelela.” (IzA. 20:5.) Ilemuko nokwahlulela okuhle kuyatlhogeka khulu newufuna umntwana aveze akucabangako ngeendaba ezilumelako.

9. Kubayini abantwana kufuze balalele ababelethi babo?

⁹ Bantwana, niyabalalela na ababelethi benu? ILizwi lakaZimu lithi: “Ndodanami, lalela isiyeleliso sakayihlo, ungalahli ifundiso kanyoko.” (IzA. 1:8) Khumbulani, ababelethi benu bayanithanda begodu bahlale banifisela okuhle, ngalokho kukuhlakanipha ukubalalela nokubathobela. (Efe. 6:1) Kulula ukulalela nekunokukhulumisana okuhle nalapho wazi bona uyathandwa. Batjeleni ababelethi benu indlela enizizwa ngayo. Lokhu kuzobasiza bona banizwisise. Kodwana, nani kufuze nilinge ukubazwisisa.

10. Sifundani ekulandiseni kweBhayibhili kwakaRerhobhowamu?

¹⁰ Kutlhogeka ukutjheja lokha iintanga zakho zikululeka. Zingakutjela lokho ofuna ukukuzwa kodwana kungenzeka isiluleko sazo singakusizi. Eqinisweni, singakulimaza ngitjho nokukulimaza. Njengombana banganakho ukuhlakanipha nokuhlangabezanwe nakho kwabantu abadala, abatjha abanengi abanawo umbono wesikhathi eside ngezinto begodu kungenzeka bangakwazi ukubona imiphumela yezenzo ezithileko. Khumbula isibonelo sendodana yeKosi uSolomoni, uRerhobhowamu. Lokha iba yikosi yakwa-Israyeli, beyizokwenza ngokuhlakanipha ngokusebenzisa isiluleko samadoda amadala. Kunalokho, wasebenzisa isiluleko sobudlhayela samasokana akhule nawo. Ngebanga lalokho, iinkhonzi ezinengi zombuso wakhe akhenge zisamsekela. (1 Kh. 12:1-17) Kunokulingisa ikambo engakahlakaniphi kaRerhobhowamu, sebenza budisi ukubulunga ukukhulumisana okuhle nababelethi bakho. Coca nabo ngezinto ozicabangako. Zuza esilulekweni sabo begodu ufunde ekuhlakanipheni kwabo.—IzA. 13:20.

11. Kungaba namuphi umphumela ababelethi nebangangenekiko?

 ¹¹ Babelethi, neningafuni bona abantwabenu bafune isiluleko ebanganini babo, zenzeni ningeneke, akube lula ukukhuluma nani. Udade osesemutjha watlola: “Ngithi nengikhuluma ngebizo lomsana ababelethi bami batshwenyeke. Lokho kungenza ngingatjhaphuluki begodu ngingasazimiseli ukuragela phambili.” Omunye udade osesemutjha watlola: “Ilutjha elinengi liyasifuna isiluleko sababelethi kodwana ababelethi balo balithatha lula, ngalokho lizokuya kiloyo ozolinikela sona, ngitjho nebantwini abanganakho okuhlangabezanwe nakho.” Nenizimisele ukubalalela ngesineke abantwana benu kinanyana ngiyiphi indaba, pheze nizokufumana bona bazokucoca nani ngokutjhaphulukileko begodu bazosithabela isinqophiso senu.

12. Indlela ababelethi abasabela ngayo ingayivimbela njani ikulumiswano nabantwababo?

¹² Esinye isiqabo sokukhulumisana sibangelwa kukuthi ababelethi basabele kumbi namkha ngamawala kilokho abantwababo abakutjhoko. Kuyazwisiseka, ababelethi abangamaKrestu bafuna ukuvikela abantwababo. ‘Emihleni yokuphela’ le, iingozi ezingokomoya nezinye zirhagele. (2 Tm. 3:1-5) Nokho, lokho ababelethi abangakuqala njengokuvikela, abantwana bona bangakuqala njengokweqisa.

13. Kubayini ababelethi kufuze bayelele ngokuveza imibonwabo msinyana khulu?

¹³ Kukuhlakanipha ngababelethi bona bangavezi imibonwabo msinyana. Liqiniso, akusilula ngaso soke isikhathi ukuthula umntwanakho nekakutjela into egandelelako. Kuqakathekile ukulalelisisa ngaphambi kokuphendula. IKosi ehlakaniphileko uSolomoni yatlola: “Ophendula angakezwa kubudlhadlha nehlazo kuye.” (IzA. 18:13) Newehlisa umoya, abantwabakho bazokuragela phambili bakhuluma begodu kunengi ozokuzwa. Kufuze uthome ngokuyizwa yoke indaba bona ukwazi ukuba lisizo. Kungenzeka bona akutjhoko kuveza ‘ubuhlungu’ obusehliziyweni etshwenyekileko. (Job. 6:1-3) Njengababelethi abanethando, sebenzisani iindlebe zenu bona nifumane ukuzwisisa nelimi lenu bona nilatjhwe.

14. Kubayini abantwana, kufuze bariyade ukukhuluma?

¹⁴ Bantwana, nani kufuze ‘niriyade ukukhuluma,’ ninganghonghoyili khonokho kilokho ababelethi benu abakutjhoko, ngombana banomthwalo wefanelo abawuphathiswe nguZimu wokunibandula. (IzA. 22:6) Kungenzeka bona bakhe baqalana nobujamo obufanako nalobo oqalane nabo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, bayazisola ngemitjhapho abayenzako nabasesebancani begodu bafuna ngokusuka ehliziyweni ukunivikela ekwenzeni imitjhapho efanako. Ngalokho, qala ababelethi bakho njengabasizi ingasi amanaba; njengabayelelisi ingasi abaphikisi. (Funda IzAga 1:5.) “Hlonipha uyihlo nonyoko,” begodu ubatjengise bona uyabathanda njengombana bakuthanda. Lokho kuzokwenza kube bulula ngabo ‘ukukukhulisela efundisweni nemyalweni kaJehova.’—Efe. 6:2, 4.

15. Yini ezosisiza bona singaphelelwa sineke begodu sidineke nesisebenzelana nabantu esibathandako?

¹⁵ Asibi nesineke ngaso soke isikhathi nesisebenzelana nabantu esibathandako. Umpostoli uPowula watlolela “abazalwana abacwengekileko nabathembekileko kuKrestu abaseKolose,” amezwi athi: “Madoda, thandani abafazi benu ningabakhahlamezi. Bobaba, ningabathukuthelisi abantwana benu, khona bangazukudana.” (Kol. 1:1, 2; 3:19, 21) UPowula wabawa be-Efesu: “Akuphele koke: ubumunyu, itukuthelo, ilaka, ukubangelana itjhada, ukukhulumana kumbi, nabo boke ubumbi.” (Efe. 4:31) Ukuhlawulela ukubekezela, umusa nokuzibamba—kuyingcenye  yesithelo somoya kaZimu—kuzosisiza bona sihlale sinomoya ophasi nalapho sigandelelekile.

16. UJesu wabanqophisa njani abafundi bakhe, begodu kubayini lokhu kubabazeka?

¹⁶ Cabanga ngesibonelo sakaJesu. Cabanga ngokugandeleleka okukhulu egade anakho esidlweni santambama samaswaphela anabapostoli bakhe. Bekazi bona ema-irini ambalwa uzokufa kabuthaka begodu kabuhlungu. Ukucwengiswa kwebizo lakaYise nokuphuluswa komndeni wabantu kusame ekuthembekeni kwakhe. Nanyana kunjalo, esidlweneso, “kwaqubuka ipikiswano phakathi kwabo [kwabapostoli] kobana ngubani wabo othathwa bona ngomkhulu.” UJesu akhenge abathuke nofana abathukuthelele. Kunalokho, wabonisana nabo ngomoya ophasi. Wabakhumbuza ukuthi banamathela kuye eenkhathini ezibudisi. Nanyana uSathana bekafuna ukubahlunga njengekoroyi, uJesu watjho amezwi ebekatjengisa bona bekathemba ukuthi bazozibonakalisa bathembekile. Wenza isivumelwano nabo.—Luk. 22:24-32.

17. Yini ezokusiza abantwana bahlale banomoya ophasi?

¹⁷ Abantwana nabo kutlhogeka bahlale banomoya ophasi. Khulukhulu nebangena eenkhathini zobutjha, kungenzeka babe namazizo wokobana isinqophiso sababelethi sitjengisa ukungabathembi. Nanyana ngezinye iinkhathi kungabonakala kunjalo, tjhejani bona ukutshwenyeka kwababelethi benu ngani, bantwana, kutjengisa bona bayanithanda. Ngokubalalela ngomoya ophasi begodu nibambisane nabo, nizokuzuza ihlonipho yabo nizokuduma ngokuba babantu abanokuthenjelwa. Ukuziphatha okunjalo kunganizuzela ikululeko engeziweko kezinye iingcenye zokuphila. Kukuhlakanipha ukutjengisa ukuzibamba. Isaga esihlakaniphileko sithi: “Isidlhadlha sigugeka khulu ngamazizwaso, kodwana ohlakaniphileko uyasidambisa.”—IzA. 29:11.

18. Ithando linamuphi umphumela ekukhulumisaneni?

¹⁸ Ngalokho babelethi nabantwana abathandekako, ningapheli amandla nengabe ukukhulumisana emndeninenu akukatjhaphuluki ngendlela eningathanda bona kube ngayo. Ragelani phambili nisebenzela kilokhu, begodu nikhamba eqinisweni. (3 Jw. 4) Ephasini elitjha, abantu abapheleleko bazokwazi ukusebenzelana ngendlela epheleleko, ngaphandle kokungazwisisani nokurhitjhana. Nokho, okwanje, soke senza izinto esizisola ngazo kamva. Ngakho ningasabi ukubawa ukulitjalelwa. Libalelanani ngokutjhaphulukileko. ‘Nihlanganiswe ethandweni.’ (Kol. 2:2) Ithando linamandla. ‘Ithando liyabekezela, ithando linesisa. Alinasicasucasu. Alibibhi imilandu. Lembesa yoke into, likholwa yoke into, lirhuluphela yoke into begodu linyamezelela koke.’ (1 Ko. 13:4-7) Ragelani phambili nihlawulela ithando, khona ukukhulumisana kuzokuphumelela, kunilethele ithabo emndeninenu begodu kube lidumo kuJehova.