UHerman noLinda bathabile njengombana batholana. ULinda, owatlhala indodakhe yokuthoma, ubiza uHerman ngokuthi “yindodakhe yamabhudango.” Nanyana kunjalo, bayavuma bona umtjhado wesibili ungaletha iintjhijilo ezingakhenge zibe khona emtjhadweni wokuthoma. b

Nengabe utjhadile godu, uzizwa njani ngomtjhadwakho wesibili? Umfazi ibizo lakhe elinguTamara, owatjhada godu ngemva kweminyaka emithathu atlhalile, uthi: “Newutjhada kokuthoma, kuba namazizo akhethekileko wokobana umtjhadwakho uzokuhlala unomphela. Kodwana ngomtjhado wesibili, kungenzeka ungabinawo amazizo anjalo, ngombana uhlale ukhumbula bona umtjhado wokuthoma akhenge uphumelele.”

Nanyana kunjalo, abatjhadi abanengi bafumana ithabo lamambala nelihlala unomphela ngemva kobana batjhade kwesibili. Benza umtjhadwabo uphumelele—newakho ungaphumelela! Njani? Cabanga ngeentjhijilo  eentathu ezijayelekileko nangendlela iinkambisolawulo zeBhayibheli ezingakusiza ngayo bona uhlangabezane nazo. c

U-Ellen, ohlala eSewula Afrika uthi, “Angikwazi ukuzikhohlwa lula iinkumbulo zomtjhadwami wokuthoma, khulukhulu nesikhamba iindawo ezifanako nalezo indodami yokuthoma ebesivakatjhela kizo. Ngezinye iinkhathi ngigcina ngimadanisa indodami yanje nendodami yokuthoma.” Ngakelinye ihlangothi, nengabe umlinganakho khe watjhada ngaphambili, kungenzeka usilingeke nengabe lo otjhade naye ukhuluma kanengi ngomtjhado loyo.

ISIPHAKAMISO: Lamukele iqiniso lokobana akunangqondo ukulindela bona kuzokuba lula ngawe nofana umlinganakho ukukhohlwa umtjhado wokuthoma, khulukhulu nengabe wahlala iminyaka eminengi. Eqinisweni, abanye abantu bayavuma bona ngokungakahlosi babiza abalingani babo bomtjhado ngamagama wabantu egade batjhade nabo ngaphambili! Ungaqalana njani nobujamo obunjalo? IBhayibheli iyaluleka, “Lingani ukuzwisisana.”—1 Pitrosi 3:8, New Century Version.

Ungabi nomona bewuthi awufuni ukuzwa litho ngomtjhado wokuthoma. Nengabe umlinganakho utlhoga ukukhuluma ngokuphila komlinganakhe wokuthoma, mlalele ngomusa. Godu, ungarhabi uphethe ngokuthi uyakumadanisa. U-Ian, owatjhada godu eminyakeni elitjhumi edlulileko uthi, “Umkami uKaitlyn gade angakuqali njengento embi ukukhuluma ngomkami ongasekho. Kunalokho, wakuqala njengendlela yokufunda lokho okungenze ngaba ngikho namhlanje.” Ungafumana bona iingcoco ezinjalo zingakusiza wakhe ubuhlobo obutjhideleneko nomlinganakho omutjha.

Dzimelela eemfanelweni eziveleleko nezihle zomuntu otjhade naye nje. Liqiniso, umlinganakho kungenzeka angabi nazo iimfanelo ezithileko nofana amakghono umlinganakho wokuthoma ebeka nawo. Kodwana umlinganakho wanje kungenzeka wenza kuhle khulu kezinye izinto. Ngalokho, qinisa isisekelo somtjhadwakho wanje, ‘ingasi ngokuzimadanisa nomunye umuntu,’ kodwana ngokumlingisa begodu uthokozele lokho okuthandako ngomlinganakho. (Galatiya 6:4) Indoda ibizo layo elingu-Edmond, owatjhada kabili, ukubeka ngendlela le, “Njengombana ubuhlobo babantu ababili bungafani, ngalokho ayikho imitjhado eembili efanako.”

Yini ongayenza bona ulinganisele kuhle hlangana kweenkumbulo ezihle zemtjhadweni wokuthoma nomtjhado omutjha? UJared uthi, “Ngakhe ngahlathululela umkami bona umtjhadwami wokuthoma bewunjengencwadi ehle etlolwe ngimi nomkami wokuthoma. Qobe, bengiyivula begodu ngiyifunde ngicabange ngezinto ezihle esibe nazo. Kodwana angisaphili encwadini leyo. Kunalokho, mina nomkami sitlola incwadethu ndawonye, begodu la kulapho ngiphila khona ngokuthabileko.”

UJavier, owatjhada godu eminyakeni esithandathu ngemva kokutlhala uthi, “Ngemva kwesikhathi esithileko sitjhadile, umkami wacabanga bona abangani bami abambalwa bebamlinga.” Indoda ibizo layo elinguLeo yaqalana nobujamo obuhlukileko. Iyalandisa, “Abanye abantu bebatjela umkami ngendlela ebebayithanda begodu bayikhumbula ngayo indodakhe yangaphambili—phambi kwami!”

ISIPHAKAMISO: Linga ukuzifaka ebujamweni babangani bakho. U-Ian, odzubhulwe ngaphambili uthi, “Ngicabanga bona abangani bakade ngezinye iinkhathi abatjhaphuluki begodu kubazwisa ubuhlungu ukuba nesikhathi nomuntu nengabe angasekho ebekatjhade naye abamjayeleko.” Ngalokho ‘ibani ngabathobekileko nikhombise ukuba nomoya ophasi kibo boke’ abantu. (Titosi 3:2) Nikela abangani nomndenakho ithuba lokujayelana nobujamo. Njengombana umtjhadwakho utjhentjhile, ngalokho nobuhlobo/nabangani bakho bangatjhentjha. UJavier, okukhulunywe ngaye phambilini, uthi njengombana isikhathi sikhamba, yena nomkakhe bavuselela ubungani bakade. Uyangezelela, “Kodwana godu silinga ukuba nabangani abatjha njengabantu abatjhadileko begodu lokho kuyasisiza.”

 Cabangela amazizo womlinganakho newuba nesikhathi nabangani bakade. Ngokwesibonelo, nengabe umtjhadwakho wokuthoma uyavela engcocweni, sebenzisa ukuhlakanipha nokwahlulela okuhle ukwenzela bona umlinganakho wanje angazizwa avalelwe ngaphandle. Isaga seBhayibheli sithi, “Umuntu nekakhuluma ngokungacabangi, amezwi lawo angahlaba njengesabula. Kodwana umuntu ohlakaniphileko uyazitjheja izinto azitjhoko. Amezwakhe angalapha abezwa ubuhlungu.”—IzAga 12:18, Holy Bible—Easy-to-Read Version.

U-Andrew, owatjhiywa mkakhe wokuthoma uthi, “Bengisaba bona ngizokutjhiywa godu.” Ngokukhamba kwesikhathi, watjhada nomkakhe wanje, uRiley. “Bengihlala ngizibuza bona ngizakhe ngenze kuhle njengendoda kaRiley yokuthoma. Bengitshwenyeka ngokobana uzokuqunta ukungitjhiya ahlale nomunye ngombana ngingenzi kuhle ngokwaneleko.”

ISIPHAKAMISO: Coca ngokutjhaphulukileko nomlinganakho ngezinto ezikutshwenyako. IBhayibheli ithi, “Lapha kunganakubonisana khona, amaqhinga ayatjhabalala.” (IzAga 15:22) Ekugcineni ukubonisana kusize u-Andrew noRiley bona bathembane. U-Andrew uthi, “Ngatjela uRiley bona angekhe ngakhetha ukutlhala njengendlela elula yokuphuma emirarweni begodu naye wangiqinisekisa ngento efanako. Kancanikancani, ngathoma ukumthemba ngokupheleleko.”

Nengabe umlinganakho wanje watjhiywa emtjhadweni wangaphambili, yenza okusemandlenakho bona umlinganakho akuthembe. Ngokwesibonelo, uMichel noSabine, umtjhadwabo wokuthoma owaphela ngokutlhala, bavumelana bona bazokukhuluma nengabe bathintana nabalingani babo bokuthoma. USabine uthi, “Isibophwesi sasenza sazizwa siphephile begodu sivikelekile.”—Efesu 4:25.

Imitjhado eminengi yesibili iphumelele, newakho ungaphumelela. Ngaphezu kwakho koke, nekumadaniswa nesikhathi utjhade ngaso kokuthoma, pheze kwanje uzazi ngcono. U-Andrew okukhulunywe ngaye ngaphambili, uthi, “Ngafumana induduzo ekulu ngokutjhada noRiley. Ngemva kobana sineminyaka eli-13 sitjhadile, sinobuhlobo obutjhidelene khulu—esingafuni bona busilahlekele.”