MUNTHU wina wofedwa akulemba kuti: “Pamene ndinali mwana mu England, ndinaphunzitsidwa kusasonyeza poyera mmene ndinali kumverera. Ndikukumbukira atate anga, omwe kale anali msilikali, akumandiuza ataluma mano ndi ukali kuti, ‘Usalire!’ pamene ndinamva kupweteka. Sindikukumbukira kaya ngati amayi anga anapsompsonapo kapena kukupatira aliyense wa anafe (tinali anayi). Ndinali ndi zaka 56 pamene ndinaona atate akumwalira. Ndinadzimva wotayikidwa kwambiri. Komabe, poyamba, sindinakhoze kulira.”

M’mafuko ena, anthu amasonyeza poyera mmene amamverera. Kaya ali achimwemwe kapena achisoni, ena amadziŵa mmene iwo akumverera. Komabe, m’mbali zina za dziko, makamaka kumpoto kwa Ulaya ndi Britain, anthu, makamaka amuna, azoloŵetsedwa kubisa mmene amamverera, kupondereza malingaliro awo amphamvu. Koma pamene mwatayikidwa wokondedwa wanu, kodi kuli kolakwa mwa njira inayake kusonyeza chisoni chanu? Kodi Baibulo limanenanji?

Baibulo linalembedwa ndi Ahebri a m’chigawo chakummaŵa cha Mediterranean, omwe anali anthu osonyeza poyera mmene anamverera. Lili ndi zitsanzo zambiri za anthu omwe anasonyeza chisoni chawo poyera. Mfumu Davide analira kaamba ka kutayikidwa mwana wake wophedwayo Amnoni. Kwenikweni, iye “analira ndi kulira kwakukulu ndithu.” (2 Samueli 13:28-39) Iye anagwidwa ndi chisoni ngakhale pa imfa ya mwana wachiwembuyo Abisalomu, yemwe anayesayesa kulanda ufumuwo. Cholembedwa cha Baibulo chimatiuza kuti: “Ndipo [Davide] mfumuyo inagwidwa ndi chisoni, nikwera ku chipinda chosanja pa chipatacho, nilira misozi; niyenda, nitero, Mwana wanga Abisalomu, mwana wanga Abisalomu; mwana wanga! Mwenzi nditakufera ine, Abisalomu, mwana wanga, mwana wanga!” (2 Samueli 18:33) Davide analira mofanana ndi tate aliyense. Ndipo ndikangati nanga pamene makolo alakalaka kuti bwenzi akanafa ndiwo mmalo mwa ana awo! Kumaonekera kukhala kwachilendo kwambiri kuti mwana ayambe kufa mmalo mwa kholo.

Kodi Yesu anachita motani pa imfa ya bwenzi lake Lazaro? Iye analira atayandikira manda ake. (Yohane 11:30-38) Pambuyo pake, Mariya wa Magadala analira pamene anayandikira manda a Yesu. (Yohane 20:11-16) Zoona, Mkristu womvetsetsa chiyembekezo cha m’Baibulo cha chiukiriro samakhala ndi chisoni mwa njira yosatonthozeka, monga momwe amachitira ena  opanda maziko enieni a Baibulo a zikhulupiriro zawo ponena za mkhalidwe wa akufa. Koma pokhala munthu amene mwachibadwa amakhudzidwa mtima, Mkristu woona, ngakhale kuti ali ndi chiyembekezo cha chiukiriro, amagwidwa ndi chisoni ndi kulira imfa ya wokondedwa aliyense.​—1 Atesalonika 4:13, 14.

Bwanji ponena za mmene timachitira lerolino? Kodi kumakukhalirani kovuta kapena kochititsa manyazi kusonyeza mmene mumamverera? Kodi aphungu amalangizanji? Malingaliro awo amakono kaŵirikaŵiri amangosonyeza nzeru youziridwa yakalekale ya Baibulo. Iwo amanena kuti tiyenera kusonyeza chisoni chathu, osati kuchipondereza. Zimenezi zimatikumbutsa za amuna akale okhulupirika, onga Yobu, Davide, ndi Yeremiya, omwe mawu awo osonyeza chisoni akupezeka m’Baibulo. Ndithudi, iwo sanatsendereze chisoni chawo. Chifukwa chake, sikuli kwanzeru kudzilekanitsa ndi anthu ena. (Miyambo 18:1) Inde, kulira maliro kumasonyezedwa m’njira zosiyanasiyana m’zitaganya  zosiyanasiyana, ndiponso zimadalira pa zikhulupiriro zofala zachipembedzo. *

Bwanji ngati mufuna kulira? Kulira kuli chibadwa cha munthu. Kumbukiraninso chochitika cha imfa ya Lazaro, pamene Yesu ‘anadzuma mumzimu, . . . nalira.’ (Yohane 11:33, 35) Motero iye anasonyeza kuti kulira kuli mchitidwe wachibadwa pa imfa ya wokondedwa.

Zimenezi zikuchirikizidwa ndi chochitika cha mayi wina, Anne, amene khanda lake Rachel linafa ndi nthenda ya SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Mwamuna wake anati: “Chinthu chodabwitsa chinali chakuti Anne kapena ineyo sitinalire misozi pamaliropo. Ena onse anali kulira.” Poyankha zimenezi, Anne anati: “Inde, komatu ine ndalira kwambiri kaamba ka aŵirife. Ndikuganiza kuti zinandipweteka kwambiri kwa milungu ingapo pambuyo pa tsokalo, pamene tsopano ndinatsala ndekha tsiku lina m’nyumba. Ndinalira tsiku lonselo. Koma ndikhulupirira kuti kunandithandiza. Ndinamvapo bwino pambuyo pake. Ndinafunikira kulira imfa ya khanda langa. Ndikukhulupiriradi kuti anthu ogwidwa ndi chisoni ayenera kuloledwa kulira. Ngakhale kuti nkwachibadwa kwa ena kunena kuti, ‘Musalire,’ zimenezi sizimathandiza kwenikweni.”

Kodi ena achita motani pamene akhwethemuka ndi imfa ya wokondedwa? Mwachitsanzo, talingalirani za Juanita. Iye amadzimva mmene kumamvekera kufedwa khanda. Mkaziyu anapita padera kasanu. Tsopano analinso ndi pathupi pena. Chotero pamene ngozi ya galimoto inamchititsa kusungidwa m’chipatala, momvekera bwino iye anali wodera nkhaŵa kwambiri. Patapita milungu iŵiri mimba inauka​—miyezi yake isanakwane. Kanthaŵi pang’ono pambuyo pake, Vanessa wachichepereyo anabadwa​—akumalemera makilogalamu 0.9 chabe. “Ndinasangalala kwambiri,” akukumbukira motero Juanita. “Tsopano ndinali mayi!”

Koma chimwemwe chake chinali chakanthaŵi chabe. Pambuyo pa masiku anayi Vanessa anamwalira. Juanita akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinadzimva kukhala wopanda pake kwambiri.  Ndinalandidwa umayi wanga. Ndinadzimva wosakwanira. Kunali kopweteka kubwerera kunyumba m’chipinda chimene tinakonzera Vanessa ndi kuyang’ana mateŵera amene ndinamgulira. Kwa miyezi ingapo yotsatira, ndinali kukumbukira tsiku la kubadwa kwake. Sindinafune kuyanjana ndi munthu aliyense.”

Kodi kumeneko ndi kuchita monkitsa? Kungakhale kovuta kwa ena kumvetsetsa, koma kwa awo amene akumana nazo, onga Juanita, amanena kuti anamva chisoni pa khanda lawo mongadi momwe akanachitira pa munthu amene wakhalapo kwa nthaŵi yotalikirapo. Kwa nthaŵi yaitali mwanayo asanabadwe, iwo amatero, iye amakondedwa ndi makolo ake. Pamakhala mgwirizano wapadera ndi mayi. Khandalo likamwalira, mayiyo amamva kuti munthu weniweni watayika. Ndipo zimenezo nzimene ena ayenera kuzindikira.

Mayi wina anafotokoza mmene anamverera pamene anauzidwa kuti mwana wake wamwamuna wa zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi anafa mwadzidzidzi ndi nthenda ya mtima yobadwa nayo. “Ndinamva mosiyanasiyana​—kuzizira m’mawondo, kusakhulupirira, liwongo, ndi kukwiyira mwamuna wanga ndi dokotala kaamba ka kusazindikira mmene nthenda yake inaliri yowopsa.”

Mkwiyo ukhoza kukhala chizindikiro china cha chisoni. Ungakhale mkwiyo kulinga kwa madokotala ndi manesi, mukumalingalira kuti akanapereka chisamaliro chokulirapo kwa wakufayo. Kapena ungakhale mkwiyo kulinga kwa mabwenzi ndi achibale amene, angaonekere kukhala akunena kapena kuchita zinthu zosayenera. Ena amakwiyira wakufayo chifukwa cha kunyalanyaza thanzi lake. Stella anati: “Ndikukumbukira kukhala nditakwiyira mwamuna wanga chifukwa ndinadziŵa kuti sakadamwalira. Anali wodwala kwambiri, koma ananyalanyaza machenjezo a dokotala.” Ndipo nthaŵi zina pamakhala kukwiyira wakufayo chifukwa cha zovuta zimene imfa yake imadzetsa pa otsalawo.

Ena amadzimva kukhala aliwongo chifukwa cha mkwiyo​—ndiko kuti, angadzione kukhala oipa chifukwa chakuti amakwiya. Ena amadziimba mlandu wa imfa ya wokondedwa wawo. “Sakanamwalira,” iwo amaganiza motero, “ndikadangompititsa msanga kwa dokotala” kapena “ndikadampititsa kwa dokotala wina” kapena “ndikadamchititsa kusamalira bwinopo thanzi lake.”

Kwa ena liwongo lawo limaposa pamenepo, makamaka ngati wokondedwa wawo anafa  mwadzidzidzi, mosayembekezereka. Iwo amayamba kukumbukira nthaŵi pamene anakwiyira wakufayo kapena pamene anakangana naye. Kapena angalingalire kuti sanali abwino kwambiri kwa wakufayo.

Nyengo ya kumva chisoni ya amayi ambiri ili m’chigwirizano ndi zimene akatswiri ambiri amanena, kuti kufedwa mwana kumasiya bala lachikhalire m’moyo wa makolo, makamaka mayi.

Kufedwa mnzanu wa muukwati kuli mtundu wina wa nsautso, makamaka ngati aŵirinu munali ndi moyo wokangalika pamodzi. Kungatanthauze kutha kwa moyo wochitira zinthu pamodzi, kuyenda maulendo, kugwira ntchito, zosangulutsa, ndi kudalirana.

Eunice akufotokoza zimene zinachitika pamene mwamuna wake anafa mwadzidzidzi ndi nthenda ya mtima. “Kwa mlungu woyamba, ndinali wosweka maganizo, monga kuti thupi langa linaleka kugwira ntchito. Sindinathe ngakhale kulaŵa chinthu kapena kununkhiza. Komabe, nzeru yanga ya kuganiza inapitirizabe mwa patalipatali. Chifukwa chakuti ndinali ndi mwamuna wanga pamene anali kuyesa kumchirikiza ndi chipangizo cha CPR ndi mankhwala, sindinavutitsidwe ndi malingaliro anthaŵi zonse a kusavomereza  chochitikacho. Komabe, ndinathedwa nzeru kwambiri, monga kuti ndinali kupenyerera galimoto likukagwera kuphompho ndipo palibe zimene ndikanachita.”

Kodi iye analira? “Ndithudi ndinatero, makamaka pamene ndinaŵerenga mazana ambirimbiri a makadi achisoni amene ndinalandira. Ndinalira ndi khadi lililonse. Zinandithandiza kupirira tsiku lonselo. Koma sizinandithandize mpang’ono pomwe pamene ndinafunsidwa kaŵirikaŵiri kuti ndinali kupeza bwanji. Kunali kodziŵikiratu kuti sindinali bwino.”

Kodi nchiyani chimene chinathandiza Eunice kupirira chisoni chake? “Mosazindikira, ndinapanga chosankha chakuti ndiyenera kupitirizabe ndi moyo wanga,” iye akutero. “Komabe, chimene chimandipwetekabe ndi pamene ndikumbukira kuti mwamuna wanga, yemwe anakonda moyo kwambiri, palibenso kuti asangalale nawo.”

Alembi a buku lakuti Leavetaking​—When and How to Say Goodbye akulangiza kuti: “Musalole anthu ena kukulamulirani mmene mungachitire kapena mmene muyenera kumverera. Mchitidwe wa kumva chisoni umachitika mosiyanasiyana kwa munthu aliyense. Ena angalingalire​—ndi kukudziŵitsani kuti akulingalira​—kuti mukumva chisoni mopambanitsa kapena kuti simukumva chisoni kwenikweni. Akhululukireni ndi kuiŵala zimenezo. Mwa kuyesa kudzikanikizira mumkhalidwe wosonkhezeredwa ndi ena kapena ndi chitaganya chonsecho, mumachedwetsa kubwerera kwanu pa mkhalidwe wabwino wa maganizo.”

Ndithudi, anthu osiyanasiyana amachita ndi chisoni chawo mwa njira zosiyanasiyana. Sitikuyesa kupereka lingaliro lakuti njira ina ndiyo kwenikweni ili yabwinopo kuposa inayo kwa munthu aliyense. Komabe, pamabuka ngozi pamene munthuyo sachitapo kanthu, pamene wolirayo sakhoza kuvomereza kuti mkhalidwe uli weniweni. Pamenepo chithandizo chingafunikire cha mabwenzi achifundo. Baibulo limati: “Bwenzi [loona, NW] limakonda nthaŵi zonse; ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize pooneka tsoka.” Chotero musawope kufunafuna chithandizo, kulankhula, ndi kulira.​—Miyambo 17:17.

Chisoni chili mchitidwe wachibadwa pamene mwafedwa, ndipo sikulakwa pamene chisoni chanucho chionekera kwa ena. Koma pali mafunso enanso amene afunikira mayankho: ‘Kodi ndingakhale motani ndi chisoni changa? Kodi nkwachibadwa kumva liwongo ndi mkwiyo? Kodi ndingachite motani pamene ndimvera motero? Kodi nchiyani chingandithanize kupirira kutayikidwa kumeneko ndi chisonicho?’ Chigawo chotsatira chidzayankha mafunso ameneŵa ndi ena.