Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Bwanji Ngati Makolo Anga Akuona Kuti Sindinafike Pokhala N’chibwenzi?

Inuyo amayi, ndinu wotsalira. Si m’ma 1950 muno ayi. Aliyense ali n’chibwenzi! Si kuti ndidakali kamwana kanu kakang’ono.”—Anatero mtsikana wazaka 16 dzina lake Janie. *

KUUZIDWA kuti simunafike pokhala n’chibwenzi kungakukhumudwitseni. Mnyamata wina ananena kuti, “Ndimafuna kutsatira zimene Baibulo limanena zakuti ndizilemekeza atate ndi amayi anga, koma sindikuona kuti iwo akulondola. Sindikudziŵa n’komwe kuti ndingakambirane nawo bwanji zimenezi.” Monga mnyamatayu, inunso mungaone ngati kuti makolo anu sakulingalira bwino ndiponso sakukuganizirani. Mwina mwapeza winawake amene mukum’konda kwambiri ndipo mukufuna kuti mum’dziŵe bwino. Mwinanso mukuganiza kuti nanunso mukakhala n’chibwenzi ndiye kuti mufanana ndi anzanu. Michelle ananena kuti, “Amakuchititsa ndi anzako. Ngati ulibe chibwenzi anzako a kusukulu amaona ngati uli ndi vuto.”

Mlangizi wina wa zam’banja ananena kuti: “Palibe nkhani ina imene makolo amaoneka ngati osaganiza bwino yoposa nkhani ya kukhala n’chibwenzi.” Koma kodi chifukwa chakuti inuyo mukuona ngati makolo anu sakuganiza bwino, ndiye kuti zilidi choncho? Komabe, Mulungu anawapatsa makolo anuwo udindo wokuphunzitsani, kukutetezani, ndi kukutsogolerani. (Deuteronomo 6:6, 7) Kodi n’kutheka kuti mwina makolo anu akukuderani nkhaŵa pazifukwa zomveka bwino? Kholo lina linanena kuti, “ndikuchita kuona mavuto ake, ndipo zikundiopsa kwambiri.” Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani makolo ambiri amada nkhaŵa ana awo akafulumira kukhala n’chibwenzi ?

Chilakolako Choopsa

Mtsikana wina wazaka 14 wotchedwa Beth anadandaula kuti, “Makolo anga amaonetsa ngati kuti kukonda munthu winawake n’kulakwa.” Komabe, ngati makolo anu ali Akristu amadziŵa bwino kuti Mulungu analenga amuna ndi akazi kuti azikopana. (Genesis 2:18-23) Iwo amadziŵa kuti kukopana kumeneku n’kwachibadwa, ndipo kuti n’kogwirizana ndi cholinga cha Mlengi wathu chakuti anthu ‘adzadze dziko lapansi.’—Genesis 1:28.

Kuwonjezera apo, makolo anu amadziŵa kuti “pa unamwali” wake munthu amalakalaka kwambiri kugonana ndi wina. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Iwo amadziŵanso kuti simunaphunzire kuletsa chilakolako choterechi. Mukayamba kukhala nthaŵi yaitali ndi wina amene si mkazi kapena mwamuna mnzanu, kaya pamasom’pamaso kaya m’patelefoni, ngakhale patakhala pakalata yapapositi kapena yapakompyuta, mumayamba kukopeka kwambiri. Mwina mungafunse kuti ‘ndiye cholakwika n’chiyani pamenepa?’ Chabwino, kodi muli ndi njira yanji yovomerezeka imene mungakhutiritsire kukhumbanaku? Kodi ndinu wokonzekadi kuthetsa  chilakolako chimenechi m’njira yoyenerera pochita ukwati? N’zokayikitsa.

Motero kuyamba kukhala n’chibwenzi mudakali aang’ono kumaputa mavuto aakulu kwambiri. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Kodi mwamuna angatenge moto pachifuwa chake, osatentha zobvala zake?” (Miyambo 6:27) Nthaŵi zambiri, kuyamba kukhala n’chibwenzi mudakali aang’ono mapeto ake amakhala kugonana musanaloŵe m’banja, ndipo zimenezi zimachititsa achinyamata kutenga mimba za patchire ndiponso matenda opatsirana pogonana. (1 Atesalonika 4:4-6) Mwachitsanzo, wachinyamata wina wotchedwa Tammy, anali kuganiza kuti makolo ake akumulakwira akamamuletsa kukhala n’chibwenzi. Motero anayamba chibwenzi mwachinsinsi ndi winawake kusukulu. Komabe, posakhalitsa Tammy anatenga mimba, ndipo moyo wake unasintha. Tsopano iye akuvomereza motere: “Kukhala n’chibwenzi si kokoma monga mmene anthu amanenera.”

Nanga bwanji ngati achinyamata amene ali pachibwenzi atasamala kwambiri kupeŵa kugwiranagwirana kosayenera? Ngakhale atatero, n’zotheka ndithu kuti angagalamutse kapena angautse chikondi nthaŵi yake isanakwane. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:7) Kudzutsa chilakolako chimene sichingathe kukhutiritsidwa moyenerera mpaka patatha zaka zambiri mapeto ake kungakukhumudwitseni ndiponso kukupweketsani moyo kwambiri.

Mfundo zina zimene muyenera kuziganizira ndi izi: Kodi munafikapodi poti n’kutha kudziŵa zimene muyenera kuona mukafuna munthu womanga naye banja? (Miyambo 1:4) Komanso, kodi muli nawo kale makhalidwe ndiponso maluso ofunikira kuti mukhale mwamuna kapena mkazi wokondedwa ndiponso wolemekezedwa? Kodi mungakwanitsedi kupirira ndi kufunitsitsa kuti mupitirize kukhala paubwenzi wanthaŵi yaitali? N’zosadabwitsa kuti zibwenzi zambiri za achinyamata okondana, mwachisoni zimatha mwamsanga zedi. N’zochepa zimene zimadzasanduka mabanja okhalitsa.

Motero mtsikana wotchedwa Monica amene ali ndi zaka 18 anatchula mfundo yofunika kwambiri yakuti: “Anzanga onse kusukulu ankandiuza nkhani za zibwenzi zawo. Koma iwo mwina anakwatiwa adakali ana kapena zibwenzi zawo zinatha mowawa chifukwa chakuti sanali okonzeka kukwatiŵa.” Mnyamata wina wotchedwa Brandon ananenanso kuti: “N’zofoola kwambiri ukazindikira kuti sunafikepo poti n’kudzipereka kwa munthu wina koma n’kuona kuti watero kale chifukwa uli ndi chibwenzi. Kodi ungathetse bwanji chibwenzicho popanda kumukhumudwitsa winayo?”

Mosakayikira makolo anu akufuna kuti musapeze zowawa ndiponso zofoola zimenezi ponenetsa kuti musayambe kupeza chibwenzi mpaka mutakula ndithu kufika poti n’kumanga banja. Kunena zoona, iwo akungochita mogwirizana ndi malangizo ouziridwa opezeka pa Mlaliki 11:10 akuti: “Chotsani zopweteka m’mtima mwako, nulekanitse zoipa ndi thupi lako.”

Masukani

Komabe, zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti simungachezerane ndi anyamata kapena atsikana amene sali akazi kapena amuna anzanu. Koma kodi pali chifukwa chanji chochezera ndi munthu m’modzi yekha? Pankhani ina, Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kumasuka pa macheza. (2 Akorinto 6:12, 13) Amenewo ndi malangizo abwinodi kwa achinyamata. Njira ina yochitira zimenezi ndiyo kucheza m’magulu  a anyamata ndi atsikana omwe. Tammy anatchula maganizo ake ponena kuti, “Ndikuona kuti kucheza kotereku n’kumene kuli kosangalatsa kwambiri. Ndibwino kukhala ndi anzako ambiri.” Monica ananenanso kuti, “zomacheza pagulu n’zabwinodi chifukwa chakuti umaona anthu ochita zinthu zosiyanasiyana ndipo zimakuchititsa kuzindikira kuti pali anthu ambiri amene sunakumane nawo.”

Makolo anu mwina angakhalenso ofunitsitsa kukuthandizani kuti muchite zotheka kuti mudzasangalale pocheza ndi achinyamata anzanu. Anne, yemwe ndi mayi wa ana aŵiri, analongosola kuti: “Timayesetsa nthaŵi zonse kuti nyumba yathu ikhale malo osangalatsa akuti ana athu azisangalala kukhalako. Timaitana anzawo, n’kuwapatsa zakudya zosangulutsa mkamwa, ndi kuwalola kuseŵera maseŵera osiyanasiyana. Potero anawa saona kuti ayenera kuchita kuchoka panyumba kuti akasangalale.”

N’zoona kuti ngakhale pagulu muyenerabe kukhala wosamala kuti musachite chidwi kwambiri ndi munthu mmodzi yekha. Achinyamata ena amaganiza kuti ngati pauŵiri wawo akhala pamodzi ndi anthu ena ndiye kuti sichibwenzi chenicheni ayi. Peŵani kudzinyenga kotereku. (Salmo 36:2) Ngati nthaŵi zonse pamene muli ndi anzanu mumapatuka n’kukhala pamodzi ndi winawake, n’chimodzimodzi n’kukhala naye pachibwenzi. * Yesetsani kuchita zinthu moganiza bwino mukamagwirizana ndi anthu amene sali akazi kapena amuna anzanu.—1 Timoteo 5:2.

Phindu la Kudikira

N’zowawa kukuuzani kuti simunafike poti n’kukhala n’chibwenzi. Koma sikuti makolo anu akungofuna kukuwawitsani mutu ayi. M’malo mwake, iwo akuyesa kuchita zotheka kuti akuthandizeni ndiponso kukutetezani. Choncho m’malo mongokhulupirira mtima wanu wokha n’kunyalanyaza malangizo awo, bwanji osagwiritsa bwino ntchito nzeru zawo zachikuluzo? Mwachitsanzo, bwanji osadzafunsira malangizo awo nthaŵi ina mukadzapeza vuto pocheza ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzanu? Miyambo 28:26 amatikumbutsa kuti: “Wokhulupirira mtima wake wake ali wopusa.” Mtsikana wamng’ono wotchedwa Connie ananena kuti: “Mnyamata akamandifuna chibwenzi, chimene chimandilimbitsa mtima kuti ndithe kumukana n’chakuti ndimakambirana ndi mayi anga zankhaniyi. Iwo amandiuza zimene zinachitikira anzawo ndiponso abale awo m’mbuyomo. Zimandithandizadi kwabasi.”

Kudikira pang’ono chabe musanakhale n’chibwenzi sikungakulepheretseni kukhwima m’maganizo kapena kukhala omasuka. Chifukwa chakuti simunayambe kukhala ndi maudindo a anthu aakulu otomera mbeta ndiponso kumanga banja, muli womasuka ‘kukondwera ndi unyamata wanu.’ (Mlaliki 11:9) Kudikira kungakupatseninso mpata wakuti khalidwe lanu lisinthe, n’kumachita zachikulu ndiponso, chofunika kwambiri, kuti mukule mwauzimu. (Maliro 3:26, 27) Monga mmene m’Kristu wina wachinyamata ananenera, “muyenera kudzipereka kwa Yehova musanadzipereke kwa wina aliyense.”

Mukamakula ndipo aliyense akayamba kuona kuti mukukuladi, makolo anu adzayamba kusintha mmene amakuonerani. (1 Timoteo 4:15) Ndipo mukadzafikapodi poti n’kukhala n’chibwenzi, mosakayikira adzakuvomerezani kutero.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 29]

Kuchita chidwi mwapadera ndi munthu amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu . . .

. . . nthaŵi zambiri kumadzutsa chikondi chosayenera

[Zithunzi patsamba 30]

M’malo mongochita chidwi ndi munthu mmodzi yekha, masukani pocheza ndi anthu osiyanasiyana