Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingam’kane Bwanji?

“M’chilimwe momwemu, mbale wina mumpingo wathu anayamba kundifuna. Sindinam’konde ayi. Vuto n’lakuti ndinalephera kukana poopa kum’pweteketsa mtima,” anatero Elizabeth. *

“NDIKUKUFUNA.” Kodi mnyamata anayamba wakuuzanipo zimenezo? Pokhala mtsikana, * mwina munasangalala n’kukhutira, mwinanso n’kukhala n’chimwemwe chodzala tsaya! Komanso, n’kutheka kuti mwina munasokonezeka mutu moti n’kusoŵa choyankha.

Ngati wina wakuuzani kuti wakukondani, zimavutitsa maganizo kwambiri. Makamaka zimakhala choncho ngati utafika msinkhu woti n’kukwatiwa ndipo utha kuyankha zimenezo! * Komabe, mmene mungayankhire zimadalira ndi munthu amene akukufunaniyo. Ngati ali munthu wokhwima maganizo ndipo mukuona kuti mwakopeka naye, kuyankha kwake sikungakuvuteni. Koma bwanji ngati akuonekeratu kuti sakuyenera kukhala mnzanu? Kapena bwanji ngati ali ndi makhalidwe abwino, koma chabe simukum’konda?

Komanso, taganizani nkhani ya mtsikana amene wakhala pachibwenzi ndi winawake nthaŵi yaitali ndithu ndipo wazindikira kuti sakufuna kuti moyo wake wonse akakhale ndi munthuyo. M’malo mothetsa chibwenzicho, akupitiriza. Iye akufunsa kuti: “Kodi ndingam’kane bwanji?”

Ngati Sunam’konde

Kalekale m’nthaŵi za makolo a m’Baibulo, anthu ankakwatira munthu amene makolo awo asankha. (Genesis 24:2-4, 8) Kumayiko a Azungu, Akristu ambiri ali ndi ufulu wosankha okha munthu amene akufuna kukwatirana naye. Baibulo lili ndi mfundo yofunika imodzi, kuti Mkristu akwatiwe “koma mwa Ambuye.”—1 Akorinto 7:39.

Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kukwatiwa ndi wina aliyense wokhulupirira mnzanu amene akukufunani kapena amene mwakhala naye pachibwenzi kwa nthaŵi yochepa? Chabwino, taganizani za chitsanzo cha m’Baibulo cha mtsikana wa ku Middle East m’mudzi wa Sunemu. Mfumu yawo Solomo anamuona n’kum’konda kwambiri. Komabe atayesetsa kum’funsira, mtsikanayo anakana ndipo anachondereranso akazi antchito a mfumu kuti: “Musautse,  ngakhale kugalamutsa chikondi, mpaka chikafuna mwini.” (Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:7) Mtsikana wanzeru ameneyu sanafune kuti ena ayese kum’sokoneza maganizo ake. Kungoti sanam’konde Solomo, pakuti anakondana ndi mbusa wofatsa.

Zimenezi zimaphunzitsa amene akuganiza zokwatiwa lerolino phunziro lofunika kwambiri ili: Sungangokonda wina aliyense. Ndiye ngakhale mtsikana atakhala pachibwenzi ndi wina wake kwa kanthaŵi, angaone kuti sakum’kondanso. Mwina zingakhale choncho chifukwa choona zofooka zina pa zochita za winayo. Kapena kuti mwina sakukopeka naye. Kungakhale kupusa kunyalanyaza maganizo oterowo. Kungowanyalanyaza basi sikungawathetse. * “Ndinkam’kayikira kwambiri,” anatero Tamara akunena za mnyamata amene anali naye pachibwenzi. “Si kuti ndinkam’kayikira pa zinthu zing’onozing’ono koma pa zinthu zikuluzikulu zimene zinkandivutitsa maganizo mpaka kufika pondiopsa ndikakhala naye.” Anadzazindikira kuti zinali bwino kwambiri kungothetsa chibwenzi chawocho chifukwa cha zokayikitsa zimenezo.

Chifukwa Chake Kukana Kuli Kovuta

Komabe, kungolankhula chabe zokana mnyamata kungakhale kosavuta. Ngati Elizabeth uja tam’tchula poyamba nkhani ino, mwina mungaope kum’pweteketsa mtima. Indedi, tiyenera kuganizira ena. Baibulo limalimbikitsa Akristu ‘kuvala mtima wachifundo’ ndi kuchitira ena zimene iwonso akufuna kuti enawo awachitire. (Akolose 3:12; Mateyu 7:12) Ndiye kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kungochita ngati mukum’konda kuchitira kuti musam’khumudwitse kapena kum’pweteketsa mtima mnyamatayo? N’zosakayikitsa kuti iye posapita nthaŵi angadziŵe maganizo anu, ndipo kusakhala woona mtima ndi kutalikitsa nthaŵi kwanu osam’dziŵitsa maganizo anu zidzangowonjezera kum’pweteketsa mtimako. Koma chopweteka kwambiri chingakhale kukwatirana ndi mnyamatayo chabe chifukwa chakuti mukum’mvera chisoni. Kum’mvera wina chisoni si chiyambi chabwino pofuna kumanga banja.

Koma mwina mukulimbana ndi maganizo akuti, ‘Ngati sindikwatiwa naye, mwina sindipezanso mwayi.’ Ngati mmene nkhani ina m’magazini a Teen inanenera, mtsikana angaganize kuti: “‘Si amene ndikufuna,’ koma chonchobe—sinanga sukufuna kukhala wekha.” N’zoonadi kuti mumafunitsitsa kukhala ndi mnzanu. Komabe, kukhutiritsa chilakolako chimenechi bwinobwino sikukutanthauza kungopeza wina aliyense kukhala mnzanu. Zimenezi zimafuna kupeza wina amene mungam’kondedi ndipo amene angathe kukwaniritsa maudindo a banja a m’Malemba. (Aefeso 5:33) Ndiyetu musathamangire kuganiza zongokwatiwa basi! Ambiri adandaulapo pokwatiwa msanga.

Pomaliza, ena angapitirize kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mnyamata ngakhale zikuonekeratu kuti mnyamatayo ali ndi zofooka zikuluzikulu. ‘Ngati n’takhalabe naye pang’ono kaye, angasinthe,’ iwo amaganiza choncho. Kodi zimenezo n’zomvekadi? Ndiponsotu, zizoloŵezi zoipa ndi khalidwe la munthu zimazika mizu kwambiri ndipo zimavuta kuzisintha. Ndipo ngakhale atasintha mwadzidzidzi, kodi mungatsimikizedi kuti wasinthiratu? Nthaŵi ina yake, mtsikana wina dzina lake Karen anaganiza mwanzeru zothetsa chibwenzi ndi mnyamata wina pamene anazindikira kuti anasiyana zolinga zawo. “Zinali  zovuta chifukwa ndinakopeka naye. Koma ndinaona kuti zinali bwino kuti nditero,” anatero.

Samalani

Kunenadi zoona, kum’kana wina si nkhani yamaseŵera. Nkhaniyi muyenera kuitenga bwino ngati katundu yemwe angathe kusweka amene am’pakira mwinamwake. Naŵa malingaliro angapo amene angathandize.

Uzani nkhaniyo makolo anu kapena wina wachikulire mumpingo. Angakuthandizeni kuona ngati zimene mukuganizazo mwina zili zosatheka.

Lankhulani zomveka ndiponso mosapita m’mbali. Musam’pangitse kuti akayikire zimene mukuganiza. Kungonena kuti “Ayi ndakana” kumachititsa mphwayi ambiri amene angakufuneni. Ngati zitakhala zofunika, kanani potchula mawu amphamvu ngati oti, “Iŵalani zimenezo, sindikukufunani.” Samalani kuti musaoneke ngati mutha kusintha maganizo anu atakuumirirani n’kuyamba kum’konda. Kuneneratu motsimikiza kuti simum’konda kungam’thandize kuti asasokonezeke maganizo ndipo zingam’chititse kuti aiŵale msanga.

Lankhulani moona mtima ndiponso mwanzeru. Miyambo 12:18 imati: “Alipo wonena mwansontho ngati kupyoza kwa lupanga.” Pamene mufunika kulankhula mosapita m’mbali, Baibulo limati mawu athu akhale “m’chisomo, okoleretsa.”—Akolose 4:6.

Musasinthe maganizo anu. Anzanu amene angadziŵe pang’ono zimene zakuchititsani kuti muganize choncho angakulimbikitseni kuti muganizenso bwino ndi kum’lola mnyamatayo. Komabe dziŵani kuti pamapeto pake zimene musankhe zidzatsata inuyo, osati anzanuwo.

Chitani zonena zanu. N’kutheka kuti poyamba aŵirinu munali anthu ogwirizana, ndipo mwachibadwa mungafune kuti zinthu zikanakhalabe choncho. Koma nthaŵi zambiri zimenezo si zothandiza ndiponso si zotheka. Iye wakhala akuganiza za inu pokukondani. Kodi n’chilungamo kuganiza kuti angangonyalanyaza maganizo amenewo n’kukhala ngati palibe chimene chinachitika? Choncho pamene zili bwino kuti inuyo muchitirane zabwino, kulankhulana pafoni nthaŵi zonse kapena kutha nthaŵi yaitali muli nonse pamacheza ena zingangokolezera kum’vutitsa mtima. Zimenezo zingakhale kum’yesa nzeru, ndipo kuteroko n’kusam’komera mtima mnzanu.

Mtumwi Paulo analimbikitsa Akristu ‘kulankhulana zoona’ wina ndi mnzake. (Aefeso 4:25) Kuchita zimenezo kungakhale kovuta, koma zingakuthandizeni aŵirinu kuti aliyense apitirize ndi zake.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 29]

Sungangokonda wina aliyense

[Chithunzi patsamba 30]

Ponena maganizo anu, lankhulani zomveka ndiponso mosapita m’mbali