Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Pali Vuto Ngati Nditakhala Pachibwenzi Ndidakali Wamng’ono?

“Chaposachedwapa, anyamata ena kusukulu akhala akundifunsira chibwenzi.” Anatero ndi mtsikana wazaka 11, dzina lake Becky. *

‘Ana ambiri pasukulu pathu amakhala ndi zibwenzi. Sizachilendo n’komwe kuona anyamata ndi atsikana akugwiranagwirana poyerayera,’ anatero Liana yemwe akuphunzira fomu 2.

ACHINYAMATA ambiri amayamba kuchita zibwenzi adakali aang’ono kwambiri. Ofalitsa zinthu zosiyanasiyana amati kumeneko ndiye kukhala, ngati kuti ndi maseŵera abwinobwino. Mtsikana wina dzina lake Oneyda yemwe ali ndi zaka 12 ananena kuti: “Pafupifupi aliyense pasukulu pathu ali n’chibwenzi.” Mtsikana wina anati: “Ndikukumbukira ana a musitandadi 3 amene anali ndi zibwenzi kwa nthaŵi yaitali.” Ndipo ananenanso kuti: “Ndinayamba kutengeka maganizo ofuna kukhala n’chibwenzi ndili ndi zaka 11.”

Inde, n’zomveka kuti mukakhala mulibe chibwenzi, mungaone ngati mukutsalira. Anzanu angayambedi kukunyozani ndiponso kukusekani chifukwa chakuti simukuchita nawo zibwenzi. Poona kuti anali wamng’ono, Jenifer anawakana anyamata amene ankamufuna chibwenzi. Zitatero anyamatawo anatani? Jenifer akukumbukira kuti: “Anandiseka ndipo ankandichitira zining’a.” Palibe munthu aliyense amene amafuna kusekedwa. Koma kodi muyenera kupeza chibwenzi chifukwa chongoti anthu ena akutero? Kodi makamaka kukhala n’chibwenzi n’kutani? Ndipo kodi cholinga chake n’chiyani?

Kodi Kukhala N’chibwenzi N’kutani?

‘Sitiri pachibwenzi. Ndi mnzanga basi.’ Achinyamata ambiri amatero, ngakhale kuti amacheza kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndi mnyamata kapena mtsikana. Zilibe kanthu kuti inuyo mumati n’kutani, kaya mumati n’chibwenzi, n’kuyendera limodzi kapena n’kungogwirizana basi, mfundo n’njakuti mnyamata ndi mtsikana akayamba kukondana kwambiri n’kuyamba kumatha nthaŵi yaitali ali limodzi akungocheza, kaŵirikaŵiri anthuŵa sikuti amakhala akungogwirizana chabe. Ndipo kukhala pachibwenzi si kuonana pamaso m’pamaso kokha. Anthu akhozanso kukhala pachibwenzi pokambirana tinkhani pa malo ochezera a pa intaneti, poimbirana telefoni, polemberana makalata kapena potumizirana uthenga kudzera pakompyuta.

Funso n’lakuti, Kodi n’koopsa bwanji kutha nthaŵi yaitali muli ndi mtsikana kapena mnyamata?

Kuopsa Kwake Kochita Zibwenzi

Pa Miyambo 30:19, Baibulo limakamba za “njira ya mwamuna ndi namwali.” Mawu ameneŵa amasonyeza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi amayamba kugwirizana mwandondomeko ina yake. Anthuŵa akakula n’kumatsatira chikhalidwe chochokera  kwa Mulungu, kukhala pachibwenzi kungawapangitse kuti azikondana ndipo pamapeto pake n’kudzachita ukwati wolemekezeka. Ndipotu, Mulungu analenga mwamuna ndi mkazi kuti azifunana. Koma bwanji ngati simunakule kwenikweni n’kufika poti mungaloŵe m’banja? Mukapeza chibwenzi mudakali aang’ono, ndiye kuti mukungodziitanira nokha tsoka.

Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chakuti mukamakhala nthaŵi yaitali muli ndi mtsikana kapena mnyamata, zimangochitika zokha kuti mumayamba kumukonda kwambiri. Posakhalitsa, mumayamba kulakalaka mutaonana nayenso. Mukasiyana mumangomuganizirabe. Komabe kaŵirikaŵiri, munthu mmodzi ndiye amaganiza chonchi, ndipo motero amangovutika ndi mtima. Ndipo ngakhale mutati nonse mukuganizirana, ngati wina sanafike poti n’kuloŵa m’banja, zoterezi zimakhumudwitsa ndiponso zimapweteketsa mtima. Nanga pamenepa, kodi kugwirizana koteroko kungakufikitseni kuti? Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umati: “Kodi mwamuna angatenge moto pa chifuwa chake, osatentha zovala zake?”—Miyambo 6:27.

Taonani zimene zinam’chitikira mtsikana wotchedwa Nina. Iye anasimba kuti: “Ndinadziŵana ndi mnyamata wina kudzera pa intaneti. Masiku onse tinkacheza wina ali kwina kwa maola angapo kudzera pakompyuta pamalo ochezera. Ndinayamba kum’ganizira kwambiri, ndipo moyo wanga wonse unali pa iye. Sitinakhale nthaŵi yaitali tikugwirizanabe. Titaleka kugwirizana ndinasokonezeka mutu. Kenaka anandiimbira foni n’kundiuza kuti adzipha chifukwa chakuti tinaleka kugwirizana. Zimenezi zinandisokoneza mutu kwambiri kuposa kale.” Pokumbukira nthaŵi imeneyo, Nina akuti: “Ndithudi zinali zopanda pake! Tinaleka kugwirizana zaka ziŵiri zapitazo, koma mpaka pano zimandipatsabe maganizo.” Kungoti Nina anali wamng’ono mosati n’kuyamba kumaganizirana kwambiri ndi munthu wina.

N’zochititsa chidwi kuti Baibulo likamakamba za “njira ya mwamuna ndi namwali,” n’kutheka kuti limakhala likunenanso za kugonana. Anthu amasiku ano akakhala pachibwenzi, nthaŵi zambiri chibwenzicho chimangokhala poyambira kugonana. Poyamba amangokambirana tinkhani tina ndi tina. Kenaka, mwina amadzayamba kuchita zinthu zina zosonyezana chikondi. Kuchita zinthu zosonyezana chikondi n’koyenera mnyamata ndi mtsikana wachikulire amene atsimikizadi kuti akwatirana. Koma kwa mnyamata ndi mtsikana amene sanafike msinkhu wokwatira kapena kukwatiwa, makhalidwe oterowo amangowatenthetsa mtima mosafunikira. “Chikondi” chotere chingakule n’kufika posafunikira kapenanso ponyansa. Chingathenso kum’pangitsa munthu kuchita zinthu zina za dama. *

Dama limabweretsa zinthu zopweteka kwambiri. Anthu ena amene amachita dama amatenga matenda opatsirana mwakugonana. Ena amanyozeka kwambiri ndipo chikumbumtima chawo chimawavutitsa kwambiri. Atsikana ena aang’ono amapezeka kuti ali ndi mimba. Mpake ndithu kuti Baibulo limapereka lamulo ili lakuti: “Thaŵani dama”! (1 Akorinto 6:13, 18; 1 Atesalonika 4:3) Kupeŵa kuchita zibwenzi mudakali aang’ono kungakuthandizeni kumvera lamulo limeneli.

 Nthaŵi Yopeza Chibwenzi

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti simudzatha n’komwe kupeza chibwenzi. Koma ngati zaka zanu sizinafike 20, n’kutheka kuti muli pamsinkhu umene Baibulo limati “unamwali.” (1 Akorinto 7:36) Mukungoyamba kumene kukula kuti mukhale mwamuna kapena mkazi wachikulire. Pa nthaŵi imeneyi mpamene thupi lanu, maganizo ndiponso chilakolako cha kugonana zimayamba kukhala zokhwima. Maganizo anu, ngakhalenso chilakolako chogonana chimafika pachimake penipeni. Komabe chilakolako chimenechi sichichedwa n’komwe kusintha. Ndiye chifukwa chake chikondi cha anthu amene sanakwanitse zaka 20 chimaoneka kuti sichichedwa kutha. Mtsikana wina akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinkati ndikakhala pachibwenzi, chibwenzicho chimangokhala kwa mlungu umodzi n’kuchithetsa.”

Kunenadi zoona, palibe phindu lililonse kukhala pachibwenzi munthu udakali “pa unamwali.” Ndibwino kwambiri kudikira mpaka mutafika podzidziŵa bwinobwino kuti ndinu munthu wotani, kudziŵa zinthu zimene mumakonda ndi zimene simuzikonda ndiponso zinthu zimene mumalakalaka mutadzachita. Komanso muyenera kukhala munthu wachikulire ndithu amene angakwanitse kuchita zinthu zofunika m’banja. Mwachitsanzo, Yehova amafuna kuti mwamuna asamalire banja lake, mwakuthupi ndiponso mwauzimu. Ngati ndinu mnyamata amene simunakwanitse zaka 20, kodi mwakonzeka kupeza ntchito ndiponso kusamalira mkazi wanu mwinanso ndi ana? Kodi mungathe kuwathandiza kuti akhalabe anthu okonda zinthu zauzimu? Nanga bwanji ngati muli mtsikana? Mkazi amafunika kuti azikonda ndiponso kum’lemekeza mwamuna wake; ayenera kuthandizana naye zimene waganiza kuchita. Kodi mwakonzeka kuchitadi zimenezi kwa nthaŵi yaitali? Komanso, kodi mwakonzeka kumadzayang’anira banja lanu masiku onse, pokonza zakudya ndiponso kusamalira ana anu?—Aefeso 5:22-25, 28-31; 1 Timoteo 5:8.

Tipereke chitsanzo ichi: Ku mayiko a azungu achinyamata amalakalaka kuyendetsa galimoto ya banja lawo. Koma kodi wachinyamata ayenera kuchitanji kuti am’lole kuyendetsa galimotoyo? M’mayiko ambiri, kuti munthu amuvomereze kuyendetsa galimoto pamsewu, amayamba amuchititsa kaye mayeso a pamsewu. N’chifukwa chiyani amatero? Chifukwa chakuti kuyendetsa galimoto ndi ntchito yoopsa. Munthu akamayendetsa galimoto, ndiye kuti moyo wake ndiponso wa anthu amene wanyamula m’galimotomo uli m’manja mwake. Choncho, nalonso banja ndi ntchito yoopsatu! Monga mnyamata kapena mtsikana amene simunakwanitse zaka 20, n’kutheka kuti simunakonzeke kwenikweni kuti muloŵe m’banja. Motero, mungachite bwino kupeŵa chiyeso chakuti mupeze chibwenzi, chifukwa chakuti kukhala n’chibwenzi n’chiyambi chopezera munthu amene mudzakwatirane naye. Kunena mwatchutchutchu, tingoti: Ngati simuli wokonzeka kukwatira kapena kukwatiwa, musachite zibwenzi.

Kuti muchite za nzeru pankhani imeneyi, mukufunikira zimene Baibulo limati “kudziŵa ndi kulingalira.” (Miyambo 1:4) Choncho, nzeru yabwino ndiyo kufunsa munthu wina wachikulire amene akudziŵa bwino zimenezi. Makolo achikristu ndiwo makamaka amene angakuthandizeni kuona ngati mulidi woyenera kukwatira kapena kukwatiwa. Ndiponso mungakonde kupempha nzeru kwa anthu achikulire mumpingo wachikristu. Ngati makolo anu sakufuna kuti mukhale ndi chibwenzi, mungachite bwino kuwamvera. Zimene akufuna n’kukuthandizani inuyo kupeŵa zoipa.—Mlaliki 11:10.

Ngati akuona kuti simunafike pokhala n’chibwenzi, angakulangizeni kuti pakali pano mmalo moti muzingochita chidwi ndi munthu mmodzi yekha, muzichitanso chidwi ndi anzanu ena ndi ena. Mukamacheza ndi mbeta ndiponso a m’banja, anthu achikulire ndiponso achichepere, komanso amsinkhu wanu, zingakuthandizeni kudziŵa bwinobwino umunthu wanu ndiponso kuona bwinobwino mmene moyo komanso banja limakhalira.

N’zovuta kwambiri kudikirira mpaka mutafikadi msinkhu wokhala pachibwenzi. Koma kuteroko n’kothandiza kwambiri. Mukadzisunga “pa unamwali” kuti mukule n’kukhala munthu wachikulire wotha kusamalira udindo, ndiye kuti mudzipulumutsa pamavuto ambiri. Mungadzipatse nthaŵi yokwanira kuti mukule n’kukhala munthu amene mavuto ndiponso maudindo a m’banja angathe kuwakwanitsa. Mungadzipatsenso nthaŵi yakuti mukule kukhala munthu wokonda zinthu zauzimu. Mukatero, n’kufikadi poti muyenera kupeza chibwenzi, anthu ena angakuoneni kuti ndinudi munthu woyenera kupalana naye chibwenzi.

Ngati mungafune kudziŵa zambiri kapena kuti wina aziphunzira nanu Baibulo panyumba panu kwaulere, lemberani kwa Mboni za Yehova, Box 30749, Lilongwe 3, Malawi, kapena ku adiresi yoyenera pa maadiresi osonyezedwa patsamba 5.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 31]

Nthaŵi zambiri chikondi cha chibwanabwana chimabweretsa mavuto