Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

N’chifukwa Chiyani Ndimafuna Kumangochita Chilichonse Mosalakwitsa?

“Bambo anga anali mphunzitsi, choncho aliyense ankangoti ndiyenera kumakhoza ma A okhaokha. Nthaŵi zina ndinkangolira mpakana pamene ndigonere.”—Anatero Leah. *

“Sindifuna kuti kena kalikonse kalakwike ngakhale pang’ono. Ndimafuna kuti chinthu chimene ndingapange chikhale chambambande kapena kuti ndichipange mosiyaniratu ndi cha wina aliyense, apo ayi ndiye bola kungoleka.”—Anatero Caleb.

KODI mumaona kuti nthaŵi zonse mumafuna kumangochita zinthu mosalakwitsa? Nthaŵi zonse pochita zinazake, ngakhale mutayesetsa bwanji, kodi mumaona kuti simukhutira nazobe? Kodi nthawi zonse mumavutika kuvomereza ngati wina wakuuzani kuti penapake simunachitepo bwino? Kodi zinthu zikalakwika mumadziimba mlandu n’kuyamba kumadziona kuti ndinu wopusa, wopereŵera nzeru, kapena kuti wachabechabe? Mukafuna kuti chinthu chinachake chichitidwe bwinobwino, kodi mumaona kuti ndi bwino kuchichita nokha? Kodi nthaŵi zina mumaopa kulakwitsa zinthu moti mumayamba kuzengereza kuti muzichite kapena kungokhala womangika?

Nanga bwanji zankhani yokhala ndi anzanu? Kodi mulibe anzanu chifukwa chakuti mumaona kuti anthu onse sangachite zinthu zakupsa ngati inuyo? Kodi ena akalakwitsa kapena kuphonyetsa zinazake zimakukhudzani mopitirira muyeso? Ngati yankho lanu pafunso lina lililonse pamenepa n’lakuti inde, ndiye kuti mwina muli ndi vuto lofuna kuti chilichonse chizichitika mosalakwitsako n’komwe. Ndipo ngati zili choncho, dziŵani kuti mulipo ambiri. Khalidweli limapezeka kwambiri ndi achinyamata, makamaka amene ali aluso kapena anzeru kwambiri. *

Kodi n’chiyani chimene chimachititsa kuti munthu akhale wotere? Ofufuza amangonena zinthu zosatsimikizika kwenikweni pankhaniyi. Buku lonena za khalidweli lotchedwa Perfectionism—What’s Bad About Being Too Good? limati: “Kufuna kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa si matenda ayi, sikuti winawake anachita kukupatsirani. Si khalidwe lochita kutengera kumtundu; simunabadwe nalo. Ndiye zinatheka bwanji kuti mukhale munthu wofuna kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa? Akatswiri ena amakhulupirira kuti khalidweli limayamba munthu ali mwana. Zochitika zakwawo, zofuna zawo, zochitika za anthu amene amacheza nawo, zochitika za anthu a m’nkhani zosiyanasiyana, ndiponso za anthu onse okhumbirika, zonsezi zimayendera limodzi pochititsa anthu ena kuti m’moyo wawo wonse azingokhala ndi nkhaŵa, kumangodziimba mlandu, ndiponso kugwira ntchito modzipanikiza.”

Kaya khalidweli lingayambe pazifukwa zotani, mtima womangofuna kukhala wosalakwitsa zinthu nthaŵi ina iliyonse ukhoza kukupweteketsani. Tiyeni tione bwinobwino za khalidweli ndiponso chifukwa chake lingakuwonongeni.

Kodi Anthu Akhalidweli Amatani?

Munthu wofuna kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa amachita zambiri kuphatikiza pa kuyesetsa kuchita zinthu bwino kwambiri kapena kunyadira  ntchito zimene wachita. Ndipotu Baibulo palemba la Miyambo 22:29, NW, limatama munthu “waluso pantchito yake.” Baibulo limafotokozanso moyamikira anthu amene ankayesetsa kuchita zinthu zosiyanasiyana zaluso kwambiri. (1 Samueli 16:18; 1 Mafumu 7:13, 14) Choncho n’zabwino ndithu kuti munthu aziyesetsa kuchita zinthu zaluso, kapenanso kuganizira kuchita zinthu zovuta koma zoti angazikwanitse. Motero munthu ‘angaonetse moyo wake zabwino m’ntchito yake.’—Mlaliki 2:24.

Komano munthu wofuna kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa amalephera kukhala wokhutira choncho. Zimene amafuna kukwaniritsa zimakhala zoti sizingatheke n’komwe. Akatswiri ena anati munthu wakhalidweli “amakhala ndi zolinga zosatheka, (kutanthauza kuti amangofuna kuti zonse zikhale mwangwiro), ndipo nthaŵi zonse sakhutira ndi zimene wachita ngakhale atayesetsa bwanji.” Mapeto ake, khalidweli “limaputira munthu vuto losatherapo la maganizo, ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri limapangitsa munthuyo kumangoona kuti ndi munthu wokanika.” Motero buku lina limati kukhala ndi khalidwe lotere ndiko “kukhala ndi maganizo olakwika akuti kaya munthuwe pawekha, kapena anzako okha, kayanso nonse pamodzi muzichita chilichonse mwangwiro.” Ndiko kukhala ndi “mtima wofuna kuti chilichonse chimene mungachite chikhale changwiro basi, chopanda pena paliponse polakwika ngakhale pang’ono chabe, kapena kumangofuna kuti nthaŵi ina iliyonse muzingochichita popanda kuchisiyanitsa penapake.”

Koma tili pamfundo imeneyi, suja Yesu anati: “Mukhale angwiro, monga Atate wanu wa Kumwamba ali wangwiro”? (Mateyu 5:48) Inde, Yesu ananenadi zimenezo, koma sanatanthauze kuti munthu angakhaledi wangwiro m’zonse. Ndipotu Baibulo limatiphunzitsa kuti “[anthu] onse anachimwa, napereŵera pa ulemelero wa Mulungu.” (Aroma 3:23) Nangano Yesu ankatanthauzanji pamenepa? M’Baibulo mawu akuti “ngwiro” alinso ndi tanthauzo la kukwanira. (Mateyu 19:21) Pamene Yesu ananena kuti tiyenera kukhala angwiro, ankakamba za chikondi ndipo ankalimbikitsa ophunzira ake kuti azikhala okwanira pa chikondi chawo. Azikhala okwanira motani? Posonyeza chikondi chawocho ndi kwa adani awo omwe. Luka, yemwe analemba nawo Baibulo analemba zimene Yesu ananenazo kuti: “Khalani inu achifundo monga Atate wanu ali wachifundo.”—Luka 6:36.

Komano anthu akhalidweli amadzinamiza pomaganiza kuti n’zotheka kumangochita zinthu mwangwiro kwenikweni. Choncho akhoza kumafuna kuti anthu ena azichita zinthu zoti sizingatheke n’komwe. Malinga n’kunena kwa buku lonena za khalidweli lakuti Never Good Enough—Freeing Yourself From the Chains of Perfectionism, akuti anthu otere ndi “anthu amene amanyinyirika ndi ntchito zimene anzawo achita. . . . Iwowo amaganiza kuti anzawo safuna kugwira ntchito yambambande, kapena kunyadira ntchito imene agwira.”

Chitsanzo ndi Carly, yemwe ndi wanzeru kwambiri kusukulu, ndipo anamuika m’gulu la ana ena anzeru kwambiri. Komabe, iye sadziŵa kukhala bwino ndi anzake. Chifukwa chakuti iye amafuna kuti chilichonse chikhale changwiro kapena kuti chosalakwika ngakhale pang’ono, anzake ambiri anasiyana naye. Iye anati: “Ndikukhulupirira kuti iwowo anali ochita kunyanyira kupanda ungwiro kwake.”

Anthu ena otere sadandaula anthu ena akachita zinthu molakwika, komano zikakhala kuti iwowo ndiwo alakwitsa m’pamene imakhala nkhani. Buku lija lakuti Never Good Enough linafotokoza kuti anthu otereŵa amaona kuti “iwowo kapena kuti zimene amachita sizabwino kwenikweni . . . , ndipo amakhala ndi nkhaŵa makamaka yakuti kaya ena amawaona bwanji.”

Vuto Limene Limakhalapo Chifukwa Chofuna Kusalakwitsa Chilichonse

Kaŵirikaŵiri kufunitsitsa kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa sikwabwino ndiponso sikuthandiza, koma m’malo mwake kumangowononga munthu. Ndipo m’malo moti munthu wamaganizo otere azichita zinthu zakupsa, kaŵirikaŵiri zimangom’kanika. Mkristu wina  dzina lake Daniel amakumbukira kuti nthaŵi inayake anakhala maola ambiri akukonzekera nkhani yam’sukulu yoti akakambe ku Nyumba yawo ya Ufumu ya Mboni za Yehova. Anthu ambiri amene anamvera nkhani yakeyo anam’yamikira kuti wakamba bwino kwambiri. Kenaka mlangizi wasukulu anauza Daniel mwaluso mfundo zina zothandiza. Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kuti ‘tizimvera uphungu, ndiponso kulandira mwambo.’ (Miyambo 19:20) Koma m’malo momvera uphungu wothandizawo, Daniel anaona ngati ndi munthu wokanika. “Ndinalakalaka kuloŵa pansi,” iye anatero. Anakhala masabata angapo akusoŵa nazo tulo.

Choncho m’malo moti munthu aphunzire zinthu, khalidweli likhoza kum’bweza m’mbuyo. M’nkhani ina imene ili pa Intaneti pamene amakambapo za achinyamata, akuti mtsikana wina wotchedwa Rachel analemba kuti: “Nditayamba kuphunzira kusekondale mtima wanga wonse unali woti ndizingokhoza bwino kwambiri. Nthaŵi zonse ndinkangokhoza ma A ndipo sindinkafuna n’komwe kuti zimenezi zisinthe.” Koma posakhalitsa Rachel anaona kuti masamu a ajebula ayamba kumuvuta ndipo nthaŵi inayake anakhoza B pulasi. Iye anati: “Wina aliyense ankaona kuti kumeneko n’kukhoza bwino ndithu, koma mwini wakene . . . zimenezo zinali zondichititsa manyazi. Ndinayamba kusoŵa nazo mtendere . . . Sindinkafunanso kufunsa aphunzitsi kuti andithandize chifukwa ndinkaganiza kuti ndikavomereza kuti ndikufuna kuti andithandize homuweki, ndiye kuti zidziŵika kuti masamuwo sindinawamve. . . . Moti nthaŵi zina ndinkangoti kuli bwino kufa kusiyana n’kulakwa.”

Chifukwa choopa kunenedwa kuti ndi olephera, achinyamata ena afika mpaka pofuna kudzipha. Ubwino wake ngwakuti achinyamata ambiri saganizira zoterozo. Komabe monga mmene ananenera Sylvia Rimm, yemwe ndi dokotala wodziŵa bwino za kusokonekera kwa mutu, akuti achinyamatawo akhoza kuyesetsa kuti asaoneke kuti ndi okanika posalemba n’komwe zimene anafunika kulemba. Rimm ananenanso kuti achinyamata ena akhalidweli “sachongetsa zimene alemba, amaona ngati zimene alemba n’zopanda pake, amaiŵala dala homuweki, amangochulutsa zonena basi.”

Ndiye pali achinyamata ena amene amachita zinthu mopitirira muyeso n’cholinga chofunitsitsa kuti zinthu ziwayendere bwino. Daniel anaulula kuti: “Ndinkatha kugona mochedwa kwambiri polemba zakusukulu n’cholinga choti ndisalakwitse ngakhale pang’ono.” Vuto n’lakuti, kuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso choncho, kaŵirikaŵiri sikuthandiza. Mwana wosinza m’kalasi ndiye amene nthaŵi zambiri sakhoza.

Ndiye n’zosadabwitsa kuti munthu wakhalidweli amatha kukhala wolusa nthaŵi zambiri, wodziona ngati ndi wosanunkha kanthu, wodziimba mlandu, wotaya mtima, wovutika kuti adye bwinobwino, ndiponso wovutika maganizo. Komano choopsa kwambiri n’chakuti khalidweli lingawonongere munthu moyo wake wauzimu. Mwachitsanzo, Baibulo limalamula Akristu kuti aziuza ena zimene amakhulupirira. (Aroma 10:10; Ahebri 10:24, 25) Koma mtsikana wina dzina lake Vivian ankachita mantha kuyankhula pamisonkhano yachikristu chifukwa choopa kuti mwina sangathe kuyankhula bwinobwino. Mkazi wina wotchedwa Leah nayenso anafotokoza kuti ankachita mantha. Iye anati: “Ndikayankhula zinthu zolakwika, ndiye kuti anthu ena azindiganizira molakwikanso. Choncho ndimangokhala osayankhula.”

Apa n’zoonekeratu kuti kulakalaka kumangochita chilichonse mosalakwitsa n’koopsa ndiponso sikwabwino. Motero ngati china chilichonse chimene tafotokoza m’nkhani ino chimakuchitikirani, mwina mungaone ubwino woti musinthe maganizo amenewo. Nkhani imene tidzalembe m’tsogolomu idzafotokoza mmene mungachitire zimenezo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 28]

Ana ena poopa kulephera salemba zonse zimene auzidwa

[Chithunzi patsamba 29]

Khalidweli limatha kudwalitsa munthu maganizo ndiponso amatha kumadzikayikira