Kupeza Anzathu Omwe Timalakalaka

BUKU lotchedwa In Search of Intimacy linati: “Kusungulumwa si nthenda ayi. Kusungulumwa ndi chilakolako chabwinobwino . . . , chizindikiro choti tikusowa wocheza naye.” Monga momwe timadyera chakudya chopatsa thanzi tikamva njala, tiyeneranso kupeza anzathu abwino tikasungulumwa.

Komabe, monga momwe Yaël, mtsikana wina wa ku France ananenera, “anthu ena amapewa kuonana ndi munthu aliyense.” Koma kudzipatula, kaya pachifukwa chotani, sikutithandiza m’njira iliyonse, ndipo pamapeto pake timakhala osungulumwa kwambiri kuposa mmene tinalili. Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umati: “Amene amakhala pa yekha, angofuna kudzaza zilakolako zake, napsa mtima pakumva malangizo abwino alionse.” (Miyambo 18:1, Malembo Oyera) Choncho, choyamba tiyenera kuzindikira kuti tikufunika kukhala ndi anzathu, kenaka tiyesetse kuchitapo kanthu.

Chitanipo Kanthu Kuti Mupeze Anzanu

M’malo modzimvera chisoni kapena kuchitira nsanje anthu amene amaoneka kuti ali ndi anzawo ambiri kapena abwino, bwanji osaganizira zinthu zokuthandizani zomwe mungachite, monga momwe anachitira Manuela wa ku Italy? Iye anati: “Ndinkaona ngati anthu ena sankafuna kucheza nane, makamaka panthawi imene ndinali ndisanakwanitse zaka 20. Kuti ndithetse vuto limeneli, ndinayamba kuyang’anitsitsa zochita za anthu amene anali ndi anzawo abwino. Ndiyeno ndinayesera kutsatira makhalidwe awo abwino kuti ndikhale munthu wosangalatsa kucheza naye.”

Chinthu china chothandiza chomwe mungachite ndicho kusamalira thupi lanu komanso kudzisamalira m’njira zina. Kudya moyenera, kugona mokwanira, ndi kuchita zinthu zolimbitsa thupi kumakuthandizani kuti muzioneka bwino ndiponso kumva bwino. Mukavala molongosoka, kuvala zovala zoyera, ndiponso mukasamba ndi kupesa bwino, zimachititsa anthu ena kufuna kukhala nanu pafupi ndiponso zimakuthandizani kuti musamadzikayikire pochita zinthu. Komabe, pewani kukhala ndi maganizo oti maonekedwe ndiwo chinthu chofunika kwambiri kuposa zonse. Gaëlle wa ku France anati: “Kuvala zovala zomwe zili m’fasho si kofunika kwenikweni kuti munthu apeze anzake enieni. Anthu oganiza bwino amakhala ndi chidwi makamaka ndi khalidwe la munthuyo.”

Zili choncho chifukwa maganizo athu ndiponso mmene tikumvera zimakhudza zimene timalankhula ndiponso ngakhale mmene timaonekera. Kodi mumachita zinthu mosadzikayikira? Zimenezi zingakuthandizeni kuti muzioneka osangalala. Mukamamwetulira kuchokera mumtima mumaoneka okongola. Ndipo katswiri wa mmene kaonekedwe ka munthu kamasonyezera maganizo ake, dzina lake Roger E. Axtell, anati: “Padziko lonse lapansi kumwetulira n’kodziwika,” ndipo “nthawi zambiri palibe amene angakuganizireni zolakwika mukamumwetulira.” * Mukakhala kuti ndinunso munthu wanthabwala kuwonjezera pa kukonda kumwetulira, anthu ambiri adzafuna kuti azicheza nanu.

Kumbukirani kuti makhalidwe abwino ngati amenewo amayambira mumtima. Choncho muzidzaza maganizo ndi mtima wanu ndi zinthu zolimbikitsa ndi zothandiza. Muziwerenga zinthu zosangalatsa ndi zaphindu, monga nkhani zomwe zangochitika kumene, zikhalidwe zosiyanasiyana za anthu, ndi zochitika zachilengedwe. Muzimvera nyimbo zotsitsimula. Koma musalole kuti zomwe amazionetsa pa TV, m’mafilimu, ndi kuzilemba m’mabuku, zikuchititseni kumangoganizira zinthu zosatheka. Zochitika zimene amazionetsa pa TV kapena m’mafilimu nthawi zambiri zimakhala  zoti si zenizenidi, ndipo anthuwo si mabwenzi enienidi, koma ndi zomwe winawake anapeka.

Muziululira Ena Zakukhosi

Zuleica, amene amakhala ku Italy, akukumbukira kuti: “Pamene ndinali wamng’onopo, ndinali wamanyazi ndipo ndinkavutika kuti ndipeze anzanga. Koma ndinadziwa kuti ngati munthu akufuna kukhala ndi anzake, ayenera kuyamba ndi iyeyo kuchitapo kanthu, kulankhula momasuka, ndi kudziwana ndi anthu ena.” Indedi, kuti tikhale ndi anzathu enieni, tiyenera kuwaululira zakukhosi, ndipo tiziwamasukira kuti athe kutidziwa bwino. Kuululirana zakukhosi koteroko n’kofunika kwambiri kuti mupeze anzanu enieni, kuposa kukhala wooneka bwino kapena wodziwa kulankhula pagulu. Mlangizi wina dzina lake Dr. Alan Loy McGinnis anati: “Anthu amene ali ndi anzawo apamtima ndiponso okhalitsa angakhale anthu amanyazi, olankhulalankhula, achinyamata, achikulire, opusa, anzeru, osaoneka bwino, okongola; koma chinthu chimodzi chimene onsewo amachita ndicho kusabisa maganizo awo. Amaululira ena zimene zili mu mtima mwawo.”

Zimenezi sizikutanthauza kuti muzingouza aliyense zakukhosi kwanu kapena muziulula zinsinsi zanu kwa anthu amene simukuwadziwa bwinobwino. Koma zimatanthauza kuti muzisankha anthu oti muziwaululira zakukhosi ndipo muzitero pang’ono ndi pang’ono. Michela, wa ku Italy, anati: “Poyamba, ndinali ndi vuto lobisa mmene ndikumvera. Ndinafunika kusintha, kuyesetsa kusonyeza mmene ndikumvera kuposa mmene ndinkachitira kale, kuti anzanga ayambe kundimvetsa ndi kundikonda.”

Ngakhale ngati ndinu munthu wochezeka mwachibadwa, pamafunikabe nthawi ndiponso kuchitira zinthu zinazake limodzi kuti muyambe kukhulupirirana ndi anzanu. Mukamachita zimenezi, musamade nkhawa kwambiri ndi zimene ena angaganize za inuyo. Elisa, wa ku Italy, anati: “Vuto langa linali loti nthawi iliyonse yomwe ndikufuna kunena chinachake, ndinkaopa kuti mwina sindilankhula bwinobwino. Kenaka ndinaganiza kuti, ‘Ngati anthuwo alidi anzanga, ndiye kuti andimvetsa.’ Choncho ndikakhala kuti sindinanene chinachake bwinobwino, ndinkangodziseka basi, ndipo anthu ena onsewo ankaseka nane limodzi.”

Choncho musade nkhawa. Ingokhalani ngati mmene mumakhalira masiku onse. Kuyesera kukhala ngati munthu wina sikuthandiza. Mlangizi wina wa mabanja dzina lake F. Alexander Magoun analemba kuti: “Munthu amasangalatsa kwambiri akakhala kuti sakunamizira kukhala ngati munthu wina koma akuchita zinthu moona mtima ndiponso akusonyeza khalidwe lake labwino.” Kuti munthu akhaledi wachimwemwe safunikira kunamizira kukhala ngati munthu wina kapena kuyesera kugometsa anthu. Ngati sitikunamizira kukhala ngati munthu wina m’pamene tingakhale ndi anzathu enieni. Mofanana ndi zimenezo, tiyenera kulola anthu ena kukhala mmene amakhalira masiku onse. Anthu achimwemwe amalolera kuti anthu ena akhale monga momwe amakhalira masiku onse, ndipo sadandaula ndi zophophonya zawo zing’onozing’ono. Saona ngati akufunika kuwasintha anzawowo kuti akhale mmene iwowo akufunira. Yesetsani kukhala munthu woteroyo, wachimwemwe ndiponso wosatola ena zifukwa.

Kuti Mupeze Mnzanu, Khalani Wochezeka

Palinso chinthu china chofunika kwambiri kuposa zonse. Pafupifupi zaka 2,000 zapitazo, Yesu anasonyeza kuti chinsinsi choti zinthu zikuyendereni bwino pa maubwenzi anu onse ndicho kusadzikonda. Iye anaphunzitsa kuti: “Muzichitira anthu ena monga momwe mufuna kuti iwo azikuchitirani inu.” (Luka 6:31, Chipangano Chatsopano Cholembedwa m’Chicheŵa Chamakono) Indedi, njira yabwino kwambiri yopezera anzanu enieni ndiyo kukhala munthu wosadzikonda, wopatsa. Kunena kwina tingati, kuti mupeze mnzanu, khalani wochezeka. Kuti ubwenzi wanu uyende bwino, muyenera kuganizira kwambiri zokhala wopatsa  osati wongolandira. Tiyenera kukhala okonzeka kuchita zinthu zimene zimakondweretsa mnzathuyo tisanachite zimene zimakondweretsa ifeyo.

Manuela, amene tamutchula kale uja, anati: “Monga momwe Yesu ananenera, chimwemwe chenicheni chimabwera chifukwa chopatsa. Munthu wolandirayo amasangalala, koma wopatsayo ndi amene amasangalala kwambiri. Kupatsa kwake kungakhale monga, kufunsa mmene anzathu alili mosonyeza kuti tikufunadi kudziwa yankho lake, kuyesetsa kumvetsa mavuto awo, ndi kuwachitira zonse zomwe tingathe osachita kudikira kuti atipemphe.” Choncho sonyezani kuti muli ndi chidwi ndi anthu ena, kuphatikizapo anzanu omwe muli nawo kale. Limbitsani maubwenzi anu. Musalole kuti ubwenzi wanu uthe chifukwa chotanganidwa ndi zinthu zina zosathandiza kwenikweni. M’pofunika kuti muzipeza nthawi yocheza ndi anzanu. Ruben, wa ku Italy, anati: “Kupatula nthawi n’kofunika kwambiri kuti mupeze anzanu ndiponso kuti ubwenzi wanu upitirirebe. Choyamba, pamafunika nthawi kuti mumvetsere bwino wina akamakulankhulani. Tonsefe tingawongolere pa nkhani yomvetsera bwino ndi kusonyeza kuti tili ndi chidwi ndi zimene ena akunena posawadula mawu.”

Muzilemekeza Anthu Ena

Chinthu china chimene chimathandiza kuti munthu akhale ndi anzake okhalitsa amene amasangalala nawo ndicho kulemekezana. Zimenezi zimaphatikizapo kuwaganizira anthu enawo. N’zoona kuti inuyo mumafuna kuti anzanu azikulankhulani mwaulemu ndiponso mosamala akakhala kuti zimene akufuna n’zosiyana ndi zimene inuyo mukufuna, si choncho? Kodi inuyo simuyeneranso kuwalankhula m’njira yomweyo?—Aroma 12:10.

Njira ina imene timalemekezera anzathu ndiyo kuwapatsako mpata wokhala okha nthaŵi zina. Anthu akakhala pa ubwenzi weniweni sachitirana nsanje kapena kuipidwa mnzawoyo akamachezanso ndi anthu ena. Pa 1 Akorinto 13:4, Baibulo limati: “Chikondi sichidukidwa.” Choncho pewani mtima wofuna kuti anzanu asamachezenso ndi anthu ena. Akaululira munthu wina zakukhosi kwawo, musamawakwiyire kapena kusiya kulankhula nawo. Phunzirani kuti tonsefe timafunika kucheza ndi anthu osiyanasiyana. Aloleni anzanuwo kupezanso anzawo ena.

Muzikumbukiranso kuti anzanu amafunika kukhala okha nthawi zina. Munthu aliyense, kuphatikizapo anthu okwatirana, amafunika kukhala paokha nthawi zina. Ngakhale kuti mufunika kucheza ndi anthu ena, muzichita zinthu mowaganizira anthu enawo, ndipo musamakhalitse kwambiri anzanuwo akakuitanani kuti mucheze nawo. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Phazi lako lilowe m’nyumba ya mnzako kamodzikamodzi; kuti angatope nawe ndi kukuda.”—Miyambo 25:17.

Musamafune Kuti Anzanuwo Asamalakwitse

Zimene zimachitika n’zoti anthu akadziwana kwambiri, amadziwanso bwino zofooka za munthu  winayo, kuphatikizapo zinthu zimene amachita bwino. Koma sitiyenera kulola kuti zimenezi zitilepheretse kupeza anzathu. Pacôme, wa ku France, anati: “Anthu ena amayembekezera munthu amene akufuna kuti akhale mnzawo kuchita zinthu zoposa zomwe angakwanitse. Amafuna kuti akhale ndi makhalidwe abwino okhaokha, koma zimenezo n’zosatheka.” Palibe aliyense wa ife amene salakwa, ndipo sitiyenera kuyembekezera ena kuchita zinthu bwino nthawi zonse. Timafuna kuti anzathu azitimvetsa ngakhale kuti nthawi zina timalakwitsa. Kodi ifenso sitikuyenera kuwamvetsa anzathu ngakhale kuti nawonso amalakwitsa zina ndi zina, m’malo mokokomeza zophophonya zawozo? Wolemba nkhani wina dzina lake Dennis Prager akutikumbutsa kuti: “Ndi ziweto zokha zomwe tingati ndi anzathu amene salakwa, kutanthauza kuti, anzathu amene sadandaula chilichonse, amatikonda nthawi zonse, sadzuka osasangalala masiku ena, maganizo awo onse amangokhala pa ife, ndipo satikhumudwitsako.” Ngati sitikufuna kuti anzathu apamtima akhale ziweto zathu, tiyenera kumvera malangizo a mtumwi Petro oti tizilola kuti ‘chikondi chizikwirira unyinji wa machimo.’—1 Petro 4:8.

Anthu ena ananenapo kuti anzathu amawonjezera chimwemwe ndipo amachepetsa mavuto. Komabe, zoona zake n’zakuti sitingayembekezere anzathu  kukwaniritsa zosowa zathu zonse kapena kuthetsa mavuto athu onse. Kuteroko ndi kuganiza modzikonda, mosaganizira anzathuwo.

Anzanu Okhulupirika Pamavuto ndi Pamtendere

Tikapeza mnzathu, tisamaiwale kuti ubwenzi wathuwo tiyenera kuusamalira bwino. Anthu ogwirizana akapanda kuonana kwa nthawi yaitali kapenanso akatalikirana, amaganizirana ndiponso kupemphererana. Ngakhale atamaonana mwa apo ndi apo basi, akakumana amacheza bwino kwambiri n’kuuzana zomwe zikuwachitikira pamoyo wawo. M’pofunika kwambiri kuthandiza anzathu makamaka panthawi zovuta kapena pamene akusowa kenakake. Nthawi zambiri, si bwino kuwataya anzathu akakhala pamavuto. Nthawi imeneyo mwina ndi imene angatifune kwambiri. “Bwenzi limakonda nthaŵi zonse; ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize pooneka tsoka.” (Miyambo 17:17) Ndipo mabwenzi enieni akasemphana mawu, amafulumira kukambirana n’kukhululukirana. Mabwenzi enieni sasiya kucheza ndi anzawo chifukwa choti zinazake zavuta.

Mukhoza kupeza anzanu ngati simudzikonda ndiponso ngati mumaganizira ena zabwino. Koma mtundu wa anzanu amene mungapeze ndi wofunikanso kwambiri. Kodi mungasankhe bwanji anzanu abwino? Nkhani yotsatirayi iyankha funso limenelo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi/Zithunzi pamasamba 22, 23]

Kodi Zingatheke Mwamuna ndi Mkazi Kungokhala “Munthu ndi Mnzake Basi”?

Kodi mwamuna ndi mkazi amene si okwatirana angathe kungokhala munthu ndi mnzake? Zimenezo zikudalira pa zimene tikutanthauza tikati “mnzake.” Yesu anali mnzawo wapamtima wa Mariya ndi Marita a ku Betaniya, ndipo akazi onsewa anali osakwatiwa. (Yohane 11:1, 5) Mtumwi Paulo anali mnzake wa Priskila ndi mwamuna wake Akula. (Machitidwe 18:2, 3) Tikukhulupirira kuti anthu amenewa ankagwirizana kwambiri. Komabe, sitingaganize n’komwe kuti Yesu kapena Paulo analola kuti maubwenzi amenewa asanduke zibwenzi.

Chifukwa cha zochitika za masiku ano, amuna ndi akazi amachitira limodzi zinthu zambiri kuposa kale. Ndipo kuposa kale, amuna ndi akazi akufunika kuti azidziwa momwe angakhalire aubwenzi m’njira yoyenera. Anthu okwatirana amapindulanso akapalana ubwenzi ndi anthu okwatirana anzawo ndiponso osakwatira.

Koma magazini yotchedwa Psychology Today inachenjeza kuti: “Kusiyanitsa pakati pa chibwenzi ndi ubwenzi chabe kumavuta kwambiri. . . . Tiyenera kukumbukira nthawi zonse kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi amene ali munthu ndi mnzake chabe, akhoza kuyamba kufunana nthawi ina iliyonse, ngakhale kuti zimenezo si zimene iwowo akufuna. Kukupatirana monga munthu ndi mnzake kukhoza mwadzidzidzi kuchititsa munthu mmodzi kapena awiri onsewo kuyamba kuganizira zofunana.”

Kwa anthu okwatirana, m’pofunika kwambiri kukhala osamala ndi kudziteteza. Dennis Prager analemba m’buku lake lotchedwa Happiness Is a Serious Problem kuti: “Ubwenzi wamtundu wina uliwonse ndi anthu ena ungathe kusokoneza ukwati. Zikhoza kutheka anthu kukhala kuti sakugonana koma n’kumakondana, ndipo mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ali ndi ufulu woyembekezera kuti iye yekhayo ndi amene muyenera kumukonda pa amuna kapena akazi ena onse.” Yesu anati kudzisunga kumayambira mumtima. (Mateyu 5:28) Choncho, palibe cholakwika n’kukhala wochezeka, koma muziteteza mtima wanu ndipo muzipewa kwambiri malo ndi zochitika zimene zingakuyambitseni kuganiza molakwika, kukhala ndi zilakolako zolakwika, kapena kuchita zinthu zolakwika ndi munthu amene si mwamuna wanu kapena mkazi wanu.

[Zithunzi patsamba 23]

Kusamalira thupi ndi maganizo anu kumachititsa ena kufuna kukhala anzanu

[Chithunzi patsamba 24]

Mabwenzi amaululirana zakukhosi