Chifukwa Chake Chikondi Chenicheni N’chovuta Kupeza

Malangizo pankhani zachikondi sasowa, ndipo pali alangizi ndi aphungu osiyanasiyana amene amapereka malangizo amenewa. Masewera a pa wailesi ndi pa TV nthawi zambiri amakhalanso okhudza nkhani zachikondi.

PA INTANETI, anthu ambirimbiri amanena kuti angakupatseni malangizo a mmene mungapezere chikondi. Mwina mungapezepo anthu akukulonjezani kuti mupeza “mfundo zodabwitsa zoti munali musanaziganizirepo,” ndipo muphunzira kwa “akatswiri odziwa kupezera anthu zibwenzi zowayenerera,” komanso “anthu odziwa kuyendetsa zibwenzi ndi maukwati,” ndi “akatswiri pa nkhani zachikondi.” Angalonjezenso kuti muphunzira kwa akatswiri a maganizo ndiponso anthu amene amapereka malangizo pogwiritsa ntchito nyenyezi.

Nkhani zachikondi zimachititsanso anthu kugula mabuku ndi magazini, ndipo ambiri mwa amenewa amakhala ndi malonjezo okokomeza kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, buku lina linati lingakusonyezeni “momwe mungachititsire wina aliyense kuyamba kukukondani.” Lina linati limafotokoza momwe mungapezere “mkazi kapena mwamuna wabwino kwambiri m’mwezi umodzi wokha.” Ngati mukuona kuti mwezi umodzi watalika, pali buku lina limene limafotokoza momwe “mu mphindi 90 kapena zochepera pamenepa,” mungachititsire munthu wina kuyamba kukukondani mpaka muyaya.

Ambiri mwa malangizo amenewa ali ndi malipiro ake. Ndipo anthu ambiri amalipira kawiri. Poyamba, amalipira ndalama kuti alandire malangizowa. Ndiyeno, malangizo aja akapezeka kuti ndi osathandiza, monga momwe amachitira nthawi zambiri, amakhumudwa zinthu zikakhala kuti sizinayende ngati mmene anali kuyembekezera, komwe n’kulipira kwachiwiri.

Komabe, pali buku limodzi limene malangizo ake akatsatiridwa amathandizadi. Komanso, limafotokoza nkhani ya chikondi moona mtima, popanda kunena zinthu zokokomeza ndi malonjezo oti sangakwaniritsidwe. Ngakhale kuti linalembedwa kalekale,  malangizo ake saatha ntchito. Mlembi wake ndi wanzeru zakuya ndiponso wachikondi koposa. Mwina buku limeneli, lomwe ndi mphatso yapadera, inu muli nalo kale. Buku lake ndi Baibulo. Kaya tikhale kuti pamoyo wathu pakuchitika zinthu zotani ndiponso tinakula bwanji, Baibulo limatiphunzitsa zimene tiyenera kudziwa pa nkhani ya chikondi. Ndipo malangizo ake ndi aulere.

Kodi Baibulo lingatithandize kukondana ndi anthu onse? Ayi. Anthu ena sangatikonde, ngakhale tiyesetse bwanji. Ndipo chikondi chenicheni sachita kukakamizana. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 8:4) Komabe, potsatira malangizo a m’Baibulo, zingatithandize kuti tisamavutike kwambiri kuyamba kukondana ndi anthu ena, ngakhale kuti zimenezi zingafunike nthawi ndi khama. Chikondi chamtundu umenewu tichifotokoza mu nkhani yotsatira, koma choyamba, tiyeni tione chifukwa chake chikondi chenicheni chikuvuta kwambiri kupeza masiku ano.

Chikondi “Chidzazirala”

Mu ulosi wake waukulu wokhudza “mathedwe a nthawi ya pansi pano,” Yesu molondola ananeneratu zinthu zomwe zidzachitike m’masiku athu ano. Iye anati padziko padzakhala kusaweruzika ndi nkhondo, zomwe zili zosiyana kwambiri ndi chikondi. Iye ananenanso kuti ‘ambiri . . . adzaperekana wina ndi mnzake,’ ndi kuti “chikondano cha anthu aunyinji chidzazirala.” (Mateyu 24:3-12) Kodi simukuvomereza kuti anthu ambiri masiku ano alibe chikondi, ndi kuti chikondi chenicheni chikusowa, ngakhale m’mabanja?

Kuwonjezera pa mawu a Yesu, mtumwi Paulo anafotokoza mwatsatanetsatane makhalidwe amene anthu adzakhale nawo mu “masiku otsiriza.” Iye analemba kuti anthu adzakhala “odzikonda okha, okonda ndalama, odzitamandira, odzikuza, amwano, osamvera akuwabala, osayamika, osayera mtima, opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe, osayanjanitsika, akudyerekeza, osakhoza kudziletsa, aukali, osakonda abwino, achiwembu, aliuma olimbirira, otukumuka mtima, okonda zokondweretsa munthu, osati okonda Mulungu.” (2 Timoteo 3:1-4) M’madera ambiri, makhalidwe amenewa afala kwabasi.

Taganizirani izi: Kodi mumakopeka ndi anthu onyada, osayamika, osakhulupirika, amene amakunenerani mabodza oipa, ndiponso amene angakuchitireni chiwembu? Kodi mumasangalala kukhala bwenzi la anthu amene amangodzikonda okha, amakonda ndalama, kapena amangokonda zosangalatsa moyo? Chifukwa choti anthu odzikonda amatsogoza dyera ndi zilakolako zawo pa maunansi awo ndi anthu ena, chidwi chilichonse chomwe angasonyeze mwa anthu ena mosakayikira cholinga chake chimakhala choti zinthu zingowayendera iwowo basi. Mwanzeru, Malemba amatilangiza kuti ‘tidzipatule’ kwa anthu otere.—2 Timoteo 3:5.

Taonaninso mfundo yoti m’masiku otsiriza anthu adzakhala “opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe,” kapena, ngati mmene Baibulo lina limafotokozera, kuti “sazidzakonda anthu a m’banja mwawo ngati mmene anthu amachitira mwachibadwa.” N’zomvetsa chisoni kuti ana ambiri masiku ano akukulira m’mabanja otero. Nthawi zambiri, zimene ana amenewa amaphunzira zokhudza chikondi amazimva pa wailesi, pa TV, kapena m’mabuku. Koma kodi mawailesi, ma TV, kapena mabuku amafotokozadi chikondi molondola, m’njira yoti ingathandize munthu kukhaladi ndi mabwenzi abwino?

N’chikondi Chongoganizira Kapena N’chenicheni?

Ambiri a ife timakhulupirira zinthu zina zimene timawerenga, kuonerera, kapena kumva pa wailesi, TV, ndi zina zotero. Munthu wina wochita kafukufuku analemba kuti: “Kuyambira tili ana, timamva nthano zambiri zachikondi ndiponso zinthu zambirimbiri zimene anthu amakhulupirira zokhudza kugonana ndi chikondi, zomwe n’zovuta kusiya kuzikhulupirira. Timazimva m’mafilimu ndi pa TV, m’mabuku ndi m’magazini, pawailesi ndi m’nyimbo, potsatsa malonda, ndiponso ngakhale m’nkhani zoulutsidwa.” Iye anafotokozanso kuti: “Nthawi zambiri, nkhani zokhudza kugonana ndi chikondi zomwe zimafalitsidwa m’mabuku, pa wailesi ndi pa TV zimatichititsa kukhala ndi maganizo olakwika a chikondi, kapena zimawonjezera maganizo amenewa, ndipo ambiri  a ife timalephera kuwaiwaliratu. Zimatichititsa kusakhutira ndi akazi kapena amuna athu ndiponso kusakhutira ndi eni akefe.”

Zoonadi, nthawi zambiri mabuku, mafilimu, ndi nyimbo si kwenikweni kufotokoza molondola momwe chikondi chenicheni chimakhalira. Izi zili choncho chifukwa cholinga chawo chachikulu ndi kusangalatsa anthu, osati kuwaphunzitsa. Choncho, olemba amatulutsa nkhani zambirimbiri zachikondi zokokomeza zimene zingawabweretsere ndalama. Koma chomvetsa chisoni n’chakuti nthawi zambiri zimavuta kusiyanitsa chikondi chokokomeza chimenecho ndi chikondi chenicheni. N’chifukwa chake anthu nthawi zambiri amakhumudwa akaona kuti zibwenzi kapena maukwati awo akusiyana ndi za m’mabuku, za pa wailesi, kapena za pa TV. Choncho, kodi tingasiyanitse bwanji zinthu zongopeka ndi zenizeni, komanso chikondi cha m’mabuku kapena mafilimu ndi chikondi chenicheni? Taonani momwe zayerekezeredwa pansipa.

Kusiyana kwa Chikondi cha M’mabuku ndi Chikondi Chenicheni

Kaya mukhale m’mabuku, mafilimu, kapena masewero, nkhani zachikondi zikhoza kukhala zosiyanasiyana, koma njira yake yozilembera siisintha kwenikweni. Magazini yotchedwa Writer inati: “Nkhani zambiri zachikondi amazilemba motsatira njira inayake. Pali chifukwa chomwe amachitira zimenezi. Njira yakalembedwe yoti mnyamata akumana ndi mtsikana, kenako mnyamatayo alekana ndi mtsikanayo, kenako mnyamata uja n’kupezananso ndi mtsikana uja, ndiyo njira imene yakhala yodalirika ndipo owerenga amaikonda nthawi zonse, kaya nkhani yake ikhale yotani ndiponso ikhale yoti inachitika mu nthawi iti.” Tiyeni tione bwinobwino njira yofala imeneyi yolembera mabuku.

Mnyamata akumana ndi mtsikana: Mwana wa mfumu wooneka bwino akumana ndi mkazi wokongola, basi n’kuyamba kukondana. Munthu wina wotchuka wolemba mabuku amalangiza anthu amene akufuna kumalemba mabuku achikondi kuti “zizichita kuonekeratu kwa owerenga anu kuyambira pamene [mwamuna ndi mkaziyo] angokumana kumene kuti awiriwa ndi oyenereranadi.”

Mfundo ya chikondi choyambika anthu akangokumana kumene imasonyeza kuti chikondi chenicheni n’chimene munthu amamva mumtima mwake, ndiponso kuti ndi maganizo amene amakhala nawo akakumana ndi munthu amene ali womuyenereradi. Imasonyezanso kuti chikondi choterocho chimangochitika pachokha, ndi kuti sichifuna kugwirirapo ntchito kapena kumudziwa bwino munthu winayo. Komatu, chikondi chenicheni chimaphatikizapo zambiri, osati kungomva bwino mumtima basi. N’zoona kuti munthu amamva bwino mumtima, koma chikondi ndi mgwirizano waukulu pakati pa anthu awiri umene umatsatira mfundo za makhalidwe abwino ndipo susiya kukula, bola ngati ukusamaliridwa bwino.—Akolose 3:14.

Komanso, zimatenga nthawi kuti mumudziwe bwinobwino munthu wina. Kuganiza kuti mungapeze mwamuna kapena mkazi wabwino kwambiri mukangokumana naye kamodzi kokha, n’zofanana ndi nkhani zopeka ndipo nthawi zambiri anthu amakhumudwa pamapeto pake. Kuwonjezera apo, mukaganiza msangamsanga kuti mwapeza munthu amene mukumukondadi ndipo iyenso akukukondani, mukhoza kulephera kuona zinthu zina zosonyeza kuti chimenechi si chikondi chenicheni. Kupeza mwamuna kapena mkazi wabwino kumafuna zambiri, osati kungomva bwino mumtima n’kutengeka maganizo basi. Choncho, dekhani. Ndipotu, kafukufuku wochuluka wasonyeza kuti kusankha molakwika mkazi kapena mwamuna kungakusokonezereni ntchito, maganizo, thanzi, ngakhalenso kukufupikitsirani moyo.

Mnyamata alekana ndi mtsikana: Munthu wina wotchuka woipa mtima akuba mkazi wokongolayo n’kuthawa naye ku nyumba yachifumu. Mwana wa mfumu uja akuika moyo wake pachiswe n’kupita  kukafunafuna mkaziyo. Munthu wina woimira bungwe la anthu olemba mabuku achikondi ku United States lotchedwa Romance Writers of America anati: “Nkhani yaikulu iyenera kukhala yokhudza anthu awiri amene ayamba kukondana ndipo akulimbana ndi zopinga zambiri zimene zikufuna kulepheretsa chibwenzi chawocho.” M’mabuku ambiri a nkhani zopeka, chibwenzicho pamapeto pake chimadzayenda bwino, ndipo owerenga amadziwa zimenezo. Zopingazo, zimene nthawi zambiri zimakhala zochokera kwa anthu ena kapena zinthu zina, zimagonjetsedwa.

Koma m’moyo weniweni, nthawi zambiri pamakhala mavuto ochokera kwa anthu kapena zinthu zina, komanso ochokera kwa eni akewo. Mwina angakhale okhudza ndalama, ntchito, achibale, ndi anzawo. Pamakhalanso mavuto munthu mmodzi akamapanda kuchita zinthu mogwirizana ndi mmene winayo anali kuyembekezera. Mu nkhani zopeka, zophophonya nthawi zambiri zimakhala zazing’ono, koma m’moyo weniweni zinthu sizikhala choncho nthawi zonse. Komanso, chikondi chenicheni sikuti chimatithandiza kuthana mosavuta ndi mayesero kapena kusiyana pa kaonedwe ka zinthu, kakulidwe, zofuna, ndi maumunthu. M’malo mwake, chikondi chimafuna kugwirizana, kudzichepetsa, kufatsa, kuleza mtima, ndi kupirira, ndipo makhalidwe amenewa sikuti nthawi zonse amangobwera mwachibadwa popanda kugwirirapo ntchito.—1 Akorinto 13:4-7.

Mnyamata apezananso ndi mtsikana: Mwana wa mfumu apulumutsa mkazi wokongola uja n’kuthamangitsa munthu wotchuka uja. Mwamuna ndi mkaziyo akwatirana n’kukhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale. Mkonzi wa mabuku a nkhani zachikondi analangiza anthu amene akufuna kumalemba mabuku achikondi kuti: “Mumafunika kusonyeza pamapeto pa nkhaniyo kuti anakhala mosangalala mpaka kalekale. . . . Wowerengayo ayenera kukhutira kuti mwamuna ndi mkaziyo ali limodzi ndipo akusangalala.” Mabuku achikondi si kwenikweni kusonyeza mwamuna ndi mkazi ali limodzi patatha zaka zambiri ali m’banja. Pa zaka zimenezo, kusemphana maganizo ndi mavuto ena ambiri zikhoza kukhala zitagwedeza ukwatiwo. Monga momwe ziwerengero za anthu osudzulana zikusonyezera, pakapita nthawi maukwati ambiri amatha chifukwa cha mavuto.

Zoonadi, chikondi cha m’mabuku n’chosavuta, koma chikondi chenicheni chimafuna khama. Mukamvetsa kusiyana kwa mitundu iwiri imeneyi ya chikondi zingakuthandizeni kuti musamayembekezere zinthu zoti sizingachitike. Zingakuthandizeninso kupewa kulonjeza kapena kuchita zinthu mopupuluma n’kudzanong’oneza bondo pamapeto pake. Nkhani yotsatirayi ifotokoza momwe mungakhalire ndi chikondi chenicheni ndi mmene mungakhalire munthu wosavuta kumukonda.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 5]

Anthu amene sakonda anzawo kwambiri nawonso sakondedwa kwambiri

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 7]

Chikondi cha m’mabuku n’chosavuta, koma chikondi chenicheni chimafuna khama

[Bokosi/Chithunzi patsamba 6]

Amuna ndi Akazi Otchuka a M’nkhani Zachikondi

Ku United States, mabuku achikondi amapanga ndalama zokwana madola mabiliyoni ambiri pachaka akawagulitsa. Pafupifupi theka la mabuku onse a nkhani zopeka amene amagulitsidwa m’dziko limenelo ndi achikondi. Malinga ndi zomwe linafalitsa bungwe lotchedwa Romance Writers of America, zinthu zitatu zofunika kwambiri zimene anthu owerenga mabuku achikondi amakonda mwa amuna otchuka ndizo dzitho, kuoneka bwino, ndi nzeru. Zimene amakonda kwambiri mwa akazi otchuka ndizo nzeru, kusadzikayikira, ndi kukongola. Pa anthu 100 alionse amene amawerenga mabuku achikondi, 90 amakhala akazi.

[Zithunzi pamasamba 6, 7]

Nkhani zachikondi m’mabuku, mafilimu, mawailesi, ndi zina zotero nthawi zambiri sizisonyeza chikondi monga momwe chimayeneradi kukhalira