Zimene Achinyamata Amadzifunsa

Kodi Ndingayambe Chibwenzi Nditafika Msinkhu Wotani?

“Kusukulu, umadzimva woperewera ngati ulibe chibwenzi, kaya chikhale chotani, bola chibwenzi basi!”—Anatero Britanny.

“Pali zinthu zambiri zondikakamiza kukhala ndi chibwenzi. Komanso pali anyamata ambiri amene amandisangalatsa kwabasi.”—Anatero Whitney.

▪ Panthawi imene simuli m’kalasi, mukuona mnyamata ndi mtsikana atagwirana manja kwinaku akuyenda pang’onopang’ono kusukulu kwanu. Kodi mungamve bwanji?

□ Ndilibe nazo ntchito

□ Ndingachite nsanje pang’ono

□ Ndingachite nsanje kwambiri

▪ Mukuonera filimu pamodzi ndi anzanu ndipo mukuzindikira kuti onse alipo awiriawiri, kupatulapo inuyo basi. Kodi mungamve bwanji?

□ Ndilibe nazo ntchito

□ Ndingachite nsanje pang’ono

□ Ndingachite nsanje kwambiri

▪ Mnzanu wapamtima posachedwapa wayamba kukondana kwambiri ndi mnyamata kapena mtsikana winawake ndipo chibwenzi chayambika. Kodi mungamve bwanji?

□ Ndilibe nazo ntchito

□ Ndingachite nsanje pang’ono

□ Ndingachite nsanje kwambiri

Ngati mwachonga mawu akuti “ndingachite nsanje pang’ono” kapena “ndingachite nsanje kwambiri” pa mafunso ali pamwambapo, musaone ngati ndinu nokha. Kumayiko kumene nkhani ya zibwenzi n’njofala, achinyamata ambiri angayankhe chimodzimodzi. Yvette, yemwe ali ndi zaka 14 anati: “Nthawi zina umamva kuti ukumanidwa zabwino ukaona kuti anzako onse ali ndi zibwenzi, koma iwe wekha ulibe.”

Nthawi zina munthu ungalakelake kwambiri kukhala ndi munthu winawake wapamtima pako, komanso kukhala ndi munthu amene akamakuona amati ndiwe wapamtima pake. Mnyamata wina wa zaka 16 anati: “Tsiku lililonse chikhumbo chofuna kukhala ndi chibwenzi chimawonjezeka, ndipo n’zovuta kwambiri kuchiletsa.” Ndipotu ena amapeza chibwenzi adakali aang’ono kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, magazini ya Time inachita kafukufuku pakati pa ana a zaka 13 ndipo inapeza kuti ana 25 pa ana 100 alionse anali atayamba kale “kuyenda ndi anyamata kapena atsikana kapenanso kuchita zibwenzi.” Kodi inuyo mukuganiza kuti anawa anafika pa msinkhu woyenera kuchita zimenezi? Nanga kodi inuyo mwafika msinkhu woti n’kukhala ndi chibwenzi? Tisanayankhe mafunso amenewa, tiyeni tiyambe n’kuyankha funso lotsatirali.

Kodi “Kukhala ndi Chibwenzi” N’kutani?

▪ Mumakonda kuyenda ndi winawake amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu.

Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi? □ Inde □ Ayi

 ▪ Nthawi zingapo patsiku, mumalankhula kapena kutumizirana mauthenga pafoni ndi mnzanu winawake amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu.

Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi? □ Inde □ Ayi

▪ Mumagwirizana mwachinsinsi ndi munthu wina amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu. Makolo anu sadziwa. Simunawauze chifukwa mukudziwa kuti sangasangalale nazo.

Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi? □ Inde □ Ayi

▪ Nthawi zonse mukakhala pagulu ndi anzanu, mumakhala pamodzi ndi munthu yemweyemweyo amene si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu.

Kodi ndiye kuti muli pachibwenzi? □ Inde □ Ayi

N’zosakayikitsa kuti simunavutike kuyankha funso loyambalo, koma mwina munaimapo ndithu pa mafunso enawo musanawayankhe. Kodi kukhala ndi chibwenzi n’kutani kwenikweni? M’nkhani ino, tikati kukhala ndi chibwenzi tikutanthauza kucheza m’njira ina iliyonse ndi munthu mmodzi amene mukukopeka naye ndipo nayenso akukopeka nanu. Mukamachita zimenezi ndiye kuti muli ndi chibwenzi, kaya mukutero muli pagulu kaya panokha, kaya pafoni kapena pamasom’pamaso, kaya poyera kapena mobisa. Chachikulu n’chakuti inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mumadziwa kuti mukukondana m’njira yodziwa awiri.

Koma kodi ndinu wokonzeka kuyamba zimenezi? Kuganizira mafunso atatu otsatirawa kukuthandizani kudziwa yankho la funsoli.

Kodi Cholinga Chanu N’chiyani?

M’madera ambiri anthu amaona kukhala ndi chibwenzi monga njira yovomerezeka yodziwana bwino. Komatu cholinga chokhalira ndi chibwenzi chiyenera kukhala cholinga choyenerera, chofuna kudziwa ngati muli anthu oyenererana kumanga banja. N’chifukwa chiyani zili choncho?

Baibulo limatchula mawu akuti “pachimake pa unyamata” ponena za msinkhu umene munthu amakhala ndi chikhumbo chachikulu chofuna kugonana ndipo amadololoka mtima kwambiri ndi anyamata kapena atsikana. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Panthawi imene mukanali “pachimake pa unyamata,” kukonda kucheza kwambiri ndi munthu amene si mnyamata kapena mtsikana mnzanu kungathe kukulitsa kwambiri chikhumbo chofuna chogonana n’kudzanong’oneza bondo poganizira mawu anzeru a pa Agalatiya 6:7, akuti: “Chilichonse chimene munthu wafesa, adzakololanso chomwecho.”

N’zoona kuti anzanu ena amachita zibwenzi alibe cholinga chokwatira. Chibwenzi chawocho amangochiona  ngati chikho chimene apambana pampikisano kapena chinthu chinachake chodzitamira. Kuseweretsa maganizo a mnzanu m’njira imeneyi ndi nkhanza, ndipo n’zosadabwitsa kuti nthawi zambiri ubwenzi woterewu sukhalitsa. Mtsikana wina, dzina lake Heather, anati: “Achinyamata ambiri amene amakhala ndi zibwenzi amathetsa zibwenzizo pakangotha mlungu umodzi kapena iwiri. Motero amayamba kuona ubwenzi ngati chinthu chosakhalitsa, ndipo zimenezi tingati zimawapatsa mtima wokonzekera kusudzulana osati mtima wofuna kumanga banja.”

Kukhala ndi chibwenzi chongosewera nacho kungasokoneze maganizo a wina mosavuta. Taonani chitsanzo cha Eric. Pamene anali ndi zaka 18, iyeyu ankakonda kucheza ndi mtsikana winawake ndipo ankaona kuti akungocheza naye bwino basi. Kenaka, anazindikira kuti mtsikanayo ankamufuna chibwenzi. Eric anati: “Ndinadabwa bwanji! Chikondi cha mtsikanayu chinakula zedi pa kanthawi kochepa chabe. Kunena zoona, ine ndinkaona kuti tikungogwirizana basi.”

N’zoona kuti sikulakwa kucheza ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzanu ngati muli pagulu loyang’aniridwa bwino. Komabe, pankhani ya kukhala ndi chibwenzi, ndibwino kudikirira kuti mudutse kaye pachimake pa unyamata n’kufika poti mungathe kuganizira mwachikulu nkhani yokwatirana ndi winawake. Zimenezi n’zimene mtsikana wina dzina lake Chelsea anazindikira. Iye anati: “Nthawi zina ndimaganiza kuti kuchita chibwenzi ndi njira yongosangalala basi,” ndiyeno yekha anavomereza kuti, “koma kumeneku sikusangalala chifukwa mnzakoyo amazitenga kuti n’zenizeni.”

Paja Muli ndi Zaka Zingati?

▪ Kodi mukuona kuti wachinyamata aziyamba kukhala ndi chibwenzi ali ndi zaka zingati? ․․․․․․․․․․

▪ Ndiyeno funsani bambo anu kapena mayi anu kapenanso onse pamodzi, kenaka lembani yankho limene akupatseni. ․․․․․․․․․․

N’zosakayikitsa kuti zaka zimene inuyo munalemba n’zochepa kusiyana ndi zaka zimene makolo anu atchula. Ngati sichoncho ndiye n’zodabwitsa bwanji! Chifukwatu zikusonyeza kuti ndinu mmodzi wa achinyamata ambiri amene akuchita mwanzeru podikirira kuti adzayambe kukhala ndi chibwenzi akadzakula n’kufika pozidziwa bwinobwino. Izi n’zimene mtsikana wina wachikristu dzina lake Sondra waganiza kuchita, ngakhale kuti anakwanitsa kale zaka zoti angathe kukwatiwa mwalamulo. Sondra anati: “Ukakhala pachibwenzi umafuna kuti munthu wina akudziwe. Koma ngati pawekha suzidziwa bwinobwino, ungaganize bwanji kuti munthu wina angathe kukumvetsa?”

Danielle, amene ali ndi zaka 17, akuonanso chimodzimodzi. Iye akuti: “Ndikakumbukira za mmene ndinkaganizira zaka ziwiri zapitazo ndimaona kuti zinthu zimene ndikanakonda mwa mwamuna woti ndikwatirane naye n’zosiyana ndi zimene ndingakonde panopo. Kwenikweni, ngakhale panopo sindikhulupirira kuti ndingathe kusankha  bwino pankhani imeneyi. Ndikadzafika poona kuti ndasiya kusinthasintha maganizo kwa zaka zingapo, m’pamene ndidzayambe kuganiza zokhala pachibwenzi.”

Kodi Ndinu Wokonzeka Kulowa M’banja?

Popeza kuti chibwenzi chimathera muukwati, ndibwino kudzifunsa ngati mungakwanitse udindo wokhala mwamuna kapena mkazi wapabanja, kapenanso udindo wokhala bambo kapena mayi. Nanga mungadziwe bwanji kuti ndinu wokonzeka kutero? Taganizirani izi.

▪ Achibale anu Kodi makolo anu ndiponso azibale anu mumawasonyeza khalidwe lotani? Kodi mumakonda kuwakwiyira, mwina kuwalankhulira mawu okhadzula kapena achipongwe kuti amvetse mfundo yanu? Kodi iwowo anganene chiyani za inu pankhaniyi? Mmene mumakhalira ndi achibale anu ndi mmenenso mungadzakhalire ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.—Aefeso 4:31, 32.

▪ Ndalama Kodi mumasamalira bwanji ndalama? Kodi mumakhala ndi ngongole nthawi zonse? Kodi mungathe kukhalitsa pantchito? Ngati simungathe n’chifukwa chiyani? Kodi n’chifukwa cha ntchito yakeyo? Bwana wake? Kapena n’chifukwa cha khalidwe linalake loipa limene muli nalo? Ngati mungalephere kusamalira ndalama zanu zokha, kodi mudzakwanitsa bwanji kusamalira ndalama za banja lanu?—1 Timoteyo 5:8.

▪ Moyo Wauzimu Ngati muli wa Mboni za Yehova, kodi muli ndi makhalidwe otani auzimu? Kodi mumayesetsa panokha kuwerenga Mawu a Mulungu, kuchita utumiki, ndi kutenga nawo mbali pa misonkhano yachikristu? Ngati mukulephera kudzisamalira nokha mwauzimu, kodi mudzatha bwanji kulimbikitsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kutero?—2 Akorinto 13:5.

Izi ndi zina chabe mwa zinthu zambiri zimene muyenera kuziona bwino ngati mukuganizira zolowa m’banja. Koma pakali pano mungathe kumacheza ndi atsikana kapena anyamata m’njira yoyenerera pagulu. Ndiyeno m’tsogolo, mukadzaganiza zoti mupeze chibwenzi, mudzakhala mukuzidziwa bwino panokha ndipo mudzakhala mukudziwa zimene mukufuna mwa munthu woti mudzakhale naye moyo wonse.

Chinsinsi cha Chimwemwe cha Banja

Mungathe kupeza zambiri pa nkhaniyi kuyambira patsamba 13 mpaka 26 m’buku ili, lofalitsidwa ndi Mboni za Yehova.

Nkhani zina zakuti “Zimene Achinyamata Amafunsa,“ mungazipeze pa adiresi yathu ya pa Intaneti ya www.pr418.com.

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE

▪ Kodi ndi m’malo kapena m’zochitika zotani zimene palibe vuto kukhala ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzanu?

▪ Kodi ndi khalidwe lotani limene inuyo muyenera kulimbana nalo kwambiri kuti mukhale mkazi kapena mwamuna woyenerera kumanga naye banja?

[Bokosi/Zithunzi patsamba 28]

Zimene Anzanu Ena Amanena

“Nthawi zina ndimasirira ndikaganizira za anthu amene ali pachibwenzi, ngakhale anthu amene ali pabanja. Koma si zoyenera kukhala ndi chibwenzi pofuna kungosangalala basi. Kutero n’kusaganizira mnzakoyo. Ineyo ndimaona kuti cholinga chokhalira ndi chibwenzi ndicho kufuna kudziwa ngati mnzakoyo alidi munthu amene ukufuna kudzamanga naye banja.”—Anatero Blaine, yemwe ali ndi zaka 17.

“Ineyo ndimaona kuti sibwino kukhala ndi zibwenzi n’cholinga choyeserera mmene udzachitire m’tsogolo chibwenzi chenicheni chikadzapezeka. Kuchita zimenezi kungathe kungokusokonezani maganizo.”—Anatero Chelsea, yemwe ali ndi zaka 17.

“Ine ndimaona kuti munthu uzipeza chibwenzi utafika pa msinkhu woti ungathe kulowa m’banja. Chifukwa kupanda kutero, n’chimodzimodzi ndi kukafunsira ntchito udakali pasukulu pamene ulibe maganizo alionse woyambadi ntchitoyo.”—Anatero Sondra, yemwe ali ndi zaka 21.

[Bokosi patsamba 30]

MAWU KWA MAKOLO

Dziwani kuti nkhani yoyamba chibwenzi si yoti ana anu angaizembe ayi. Phillip anati: “Sindiwayamba n’komwe ayi. Atsikana amangondifunsira okha basi, ndiye ndimangoti kukamwa yasaa, n’kumadzifunsa kuti ‘Abale, nditani pamenepa?’ Kukana kumavuta chifukwa osanama ayi, atsikana enawo ndi okongola kwambiri.”

Chinthu chofunikira kwambiri chimene inuyo mungachite monga makolo ndicho kukambirana ndi ana anuwo za nkhani yokhala ndi chibwenzi. Bwanji osagwiritsa ntchito nkhani inoyi ngati maziko a zokambirana zanuzo? M’funseni mwana wanu kuti mudziwe mmene akumvera pa mavuto amene akukumana nawo kusukulu ngakhalenso mu mpingo wachikristu. Nthawi zina mungathe kukambirana zimenezi pocheza monga “pokhala pansi m’nyumba zanu, ndi poyenda inu panjira.” (Deuteronomo 6:6, 7) Koma mulimonsemo, kumbukirani kukhala “wofulumira kumva, wodekha polankhula.”—Yakobe 1:19.

Ngati mwana wanu wayamba kukonda mnyamata kapena mtsikana winawake, musapupulume. Mtsikana wina anati: “Bambo anga atadziwa zoti ndili ndi chibwenzi, anakwiya kwabasi. Ndiyeno pofuna kundiopseza, anandifunsa zimafunso zambirimbiri, zoti ndione ngati ndakonzeka kukwatiwa. Komatu ukakhala mwana, mafunso ngati amenewa amakupangitsa kuganiza zopitiriza chibwenzicho kuti patsogolo pake makolo ako adzaone kuti anali olakwa.”

Mwana wanu akadziwa kuti nkhani yokhala ndi chibwenzi si yoti mungakambirane n’komwe, pangachitike zoopsa. Mwanayo angathe kubisa za chibwenzicho n’kumachiyendetsa mwachinsinsi. Mtsikana wina anati: Makolo akachita zinthu mothamanga magazi, ana amangoganiza zobisa chibwenzi chawocho basi. Sasiya ayi, koma amangoyamba kubisa kwambiri zoti ali pachibwenzi.”

Njira imene ingakuthandizeni kwambiri ndiyo kukambirana moona mtima ndi ana anu. Mtsikana wina wa zaka 20, anati: “Nthawi zonse makolo anga akhala omasuka kwambiri kukambirana nane nkhani yokhala ndi chibwenzi. Kwa iwowo n’zofunika kudziwa ngati ndikukondana ndi munthu winawake, ndipo ineyo ndimaona kuti ndibwino kuti amatero. Bambo anga amapita kwa munthuyo n’kumulankhulitsa. Ngati pali zinazake zimene makolo angawo akuda nazo nkhawa, amandiuza. Nthawi zambiri ndimakaniratu zoyamba kukondana ndi mnyamata winawake zinthu zisanafike n’komwe ponena kuti tayamba chibwenzi.”

[Chithunzi patsamba 29]

Kucheza ndi anthu amene si amuna kapena akazi anzanu m’njira yoyenerera pagulu kungathe kukhala kosangalatsa ndi kopindulitsa