Zimene Achinyamata Amadzifunsa

Kodi Ndingapewe Bwanji Miseche?

“Nthawi inayake tinapita kokasangalala, ndipo mawa lake mbiri inali buu yakuti ndinagonana ndi mnyamata wina kumeneko. Komatu limeneli linali bodza lamkunkhuniza.”—Anatero Linda. *

“Nthawi zina ndimamva manong’onong’o akuti ndinagwira mtsikana winawake, koma woti sindim’dziwa n’komwe. Anthu ambiri okonda miseche sayamba atsimikizira kaye zimene akufalitsazo.”—Anatero Mike.

NKHANI zamiseche zimachititsa chidwi kwambiri mwina ngakhale kuposa filimu. Taganizirani zimene ananena mtsikana wina wa zaka 19, dzina lake Amber. Iye anati: “Anthu akhala akundinena kwa nthawi yaitali. Panamveka mphekesera yakuti ndinali ndi mimba, ndipo panamvekanso zoti ndakhala ndikuchotsa mimba, ndiponso kuti ndinkagula, kugulitsa, ndi kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo. Sindikudziwa chifukwa chake anthu amafalitsa miseche yotereyi. Ndithu, sindikudziwa ngakhale pang’ono!”

Miseche Yamakono

M’nthawi ya makolo anu, miseche inkafalitsidwa ndi pakamwa basi. Koma pano zinthu zinasintha. Mtsikana kapena mnyamata amene akufuna kufalitsa miseche angathe kukuwonongerani mbiri yanu popanda kutsegula n’komwe pakamwa. Angatero mwina potumiza uthenga pafoni kapena pakompyuta. Pamangofunika kudina mabatani angapo chabe basi kuti munthu atumize nkhani yabodza yoipa kwambiri kwa anthu ambirimbiri okonda zamiseche.

Anthu ena akuti Intaneti yalanda malo a foni pankhani yofalitsa miseche. Nthawi zina pa Intaneti pamakhala malo ena amene amakonzedwa n’cholinga chongoyalutsa munthu winawake basi. Zimene zafala kwambiri pa Intaneti masiku ano ndizo malo amene anthu amalembapo zimene akufuna ndipo malo amenewa amadzaza ndi miseche yoopsa, yoti anthu sangauzane pamasom’pamaso. Inde, ofufuza anapeza kuti achinyamata 58 pa 100 aliwonse ananena kuti panthawi ina anthu analemba pa Intaneti zinthu zoipitsa dzina lawo.

Komano kodi kunena za ena n’koipa nthawi zonse? Ndipo kodi pali nkhani zina zomwe tingati ndi miseche yabwino?

 Kodi Pali Miseche Yabwino?

Yankhani kuti zoona kapena zabodza.

Miseche ndi yoipa nthawi zonse. □ Zoona □ Zabodza

Kodi pamenepa yankho lolondola ndi liti? Kwenikweni yankho lake lagona pa zimene inuyo mumaganiza mukamva mawu akuti miseche. Ngati kwa inuyo miseche imangotanthauza kulankhula za munthu winawake basi, ndiye kuti nthawi zina siyolakwika. Ndipotu Baibulo limati “tizichita chidwi ndi anzathu.” (Afilipi 2:4, New Century Version) Inde, pamenepa sakutanthauza kuti tizilowerera nkhani zoti sizikutikhudza ayi. (1 Petulo 4:15) Komano nthawi zambiri kucheza kumathandiza kuti tidziwe zinthu zofunikira, monga kuti enaake akuchita ukwati, kaya ali ndi mwana, kapena akufunikira thandizo linalake. Ndipotu kunena chilungamo, sitinganene kuti timaganizira anzathu ngati sitilankhula nkhani zinazake zokhudza iwowo.

Komabe, m’posavuta kuyamba miseche pamene mukucheza nkhani zonena za munthu winawake. Mwachitsanzo, mawu abwinobwino monga akuti “Kondwani ndi Suzana angayenerane kwambiri” angasinthe n’kukhala “Kondwani ndi Suzana ali pachibwenzi,” ngakhale kuti Kondwani ndi Suzana sanaganizeko n’komwe zokhala pachibwenzi. Mwina munganene kuti ‘Imeneyo si nkhani ayi,’ komano ngati Kondwani kapena Suzanayo atakhala inuyo m’pamene mungamvetse mmene zimapwetekera.

Julie, yemwe ali ndi zaka 18 anapwetekedwa mtima kwambiri chifukwa choti anatchuka ndi zoti ali pachibwenzi. Iye anati: “Ndinakwiya kwambiri ndipo ndinayamba kusakhulupirira anthu ena.” Jane, yemwe ali ndi zaka 19 anakumananso ndi zoterezi. Iye anati: “Ndinafika pomapewa kucheza ndi mnyamata yemwe anthu ankati ndi chibwenzi changayo. Komabe ndinkaona kuti n’kulakwa kutero chifukwa mphekesera zimenezi zisanayambe, ndinkacheza naye bwinobwino mnyamatayo.”

Apatu n’zoonekeratu kuti miseche imawononga zinthu kwambiri. Komatu anthu ambiri amene mbiri yawo yaipitsidwapo chifukwa cha miseche, angavomereze kuti nawonso afalitsapo nkhani zonena anthu ena. Chimachitika n’chakuti anzanu akamanena munthu wina, n’zosavuta kuti nanunso mulowererepo. Chifukwa chiyani? Phillip, yemwe ali ndi zaka 18 anati: “N’chifukwa choti miseche imaiwalitsa zina n’zina. Anthu amakonda kumakamba za vuto limene winawake ali nalo m’malo moganizira za mavuto awo.” Komano kodi mungatani ngati nkhani yabwinobwino yasanduka miseche?

Sinthani Nkhaniyo Mwaluso

Taganizirani luso limene dalaivala amayenera kusonyeza pa msewu wa magalimoto ambiri. Pamsewu wotere pamatha kuchitika zinthu zamwadzidzidzi zofunika kuti dalaivalayo asinthe mbali imene akuyenda, kuchepetsa liwiro kuti ena amupitirire, kapena kuimiratu. Ngati dalaivalayo ali watcheru ndipo ngati amaganizira zopewa ngozi, amaona zapatsogolo n’kuchitapo kanthu.

N’chimodzimodzinso ndi macheza. Nthawi zambiri mumatha kuona kuti nkhaniyi ikulowera ku miseche. Zimenezo zikachitika, kodi mungathe kusintha nkhaniyo n’kuyamba ina ngati mmene dalaivala amasinthira mbali ya msewu? Mukapandatu kutero, dziwani kuti muli pangozi, chifukwa miseche n’njoopsa. Mike anati: “Ndinanena zinazake zokhudza mtsikana winawake zimene sanasangalale nazo atazimva kwa anthu ena. Ndinanena kuti mtsikanayo n’ngokonda anyamata. Sindidzaiwala mawu amene anandiuza mokhumudwa kwambiri pamene ankandifunsa nkhaniyi. Inde, tinathetsa nkhaniyo koma ndinamva chisoni kwambiri kuti ndinam’khumudwitsa kwambiri chonchi!”

N’zoona kuti pamafunika kulimba mtima kuti muimitse nkhani imene yakhotera ku miseche. Komabe, monga mmene mtsikana wina wa zaka 17 dzina lake Carolyn ananenera: “Muzisamala ndi zonena zanu. Ngati nkhaniyo ili yopanda umboni weniweni, n’kutheka kuti mukayamba kuifalitsa, kwenikweni mukhala mukufalitsa zabodza.”

Kuti mupewe miseche, tsatirani malangizo a m’malemba otsatirawa:

“Pochuluka mawu zolakwa sizisoweka; koma wokhala chete achita mwanzeru.” (Miyambo 10:19) Mukamakonda zonenanena, m’posavuta kunena zinthu zimene pambuyo pake munganong’oneze nazo bondo. Mfundo yaikulu n’njakuti ndibwino kutchuka ndi mbiri yakuti ndinu wofatsa kusiyana n’kutchuka ndi pakamwa.

“Mtima wa wolungama uganizira za mayankhidwe; koma m’kamwa mwa ochimwa mutsanulira zoipa.” (Miyambo 15:28) Muziganiza kaye musanalankhule.

“Aliyense wa inu alankhule zoona kwa mnansi wake.” (Aefeso 4:25) Musanayambe kufalitsa nkhani inayake, tsimikizirani kuti ndi yoona.

“Zimene mukufuna kuti anthu akuchitireni, inuyo muwachitire zimenezo.” (Luka 6:31) Musanauze munthu wina nkhani yonena za munthu  winawake imene mwamva, ngakhale itakhala yoona, muzidzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi ndingamve bwanji nditakhala munthu ameneyoyo n’kupezeka kuti wina akufalitsa nkhani yotereyi ponena za ineyo?’

“Tiyeni titsatire zinthu zodzetsa mtendere ndi zinthu zolimbikitsana wina ndi mnzake.” (Aroma 14:19) Ngakhale nkhani yoona ingathe kuwononga zinthu ngati ili yosalimbikitsa.

“Muyesetse kukhala moyo wabata, kusamala zanuzanu, ndi kugwira ntchito ndi manja anu.” (1 Atesalonika 4:11) Musamakonde kulowerera nkhani za anthu ena. Pali njira zina zabwino zimene mungagwiritsire ntchito nthawi yanu.

Ngati Ena Akufalitsa Miseche Yonena za Inuyo

N’kutheka kuti mumavomereza kuti ndibwino kuletsa lilime lanu ndi kupewa miseche. Komano ngati misecheyo ili yonena za inuyo mungasokonezeke maganizo kwambiri. Mtsikana wina wa zaka 16, dzina lake Joanne, yemwe mbiri yake inaipitsidwa kwambiri chifukwa cha miseche, ananena kuti: “Ndinkaona kuti basi sindidzapezanso anzanga ayi. Nthawi zina pogona, ndinkangokhalira kulira mpaka tulo kubwera. Ndinkangoona kuti mbiri yanga yonse yawonongekeratu.”

Kodi mungatani ngati enaake afalitsa mphekesera zabodza zokunenani?

▪ Onani chatsitsa dzaye. Yesani kumvetsa zifukwa zimene zimachititsa anthu kunena miseche. Ena amangofuna potchukira basi, kuti adziwike kuti akudziwa zinthu. Mtsikana wina wa zaka 14, dzina lake Karen, anati: “Anthu otere amafuna kuti anthu ena aziwaona kuti n’ngodziwa zinthu chifukwa choti akudziwa zimene ena akuchita. Ena amanyoza anzawo chifukwa chodziderera ndipo amatero pofuna kuti azidziona ngati ofunika. Mtsikana wina wa zaka 17, dzina lake Renee, ananena chifukwa china. Iye anati: “Anthu ena amasowa chochita. Ndiye amafuna kuyambitsa mphekesera inayake kuti papezeke chinachake chosangalatsa.”

▪ Ugwireni mtima. Munthu amene mbiri yake yaipitsidwa ndi miseche akalephera kuugwira mtima chifukwa choona kuti wayalutsidwa kapena chifukwa chokhumudwa, akhoza kuchita zinthu zoti pambuyo pake angathe kunong’oneza nazo bondo. Lemba la Miyambo 14:17 limati: “Wokangaza kukwiya adzachita utsiru; ndipo munthu wa ziwembu adzadedwa.” Ngakhale kuti n’zovuta kuchita, dziwani kuti nthawi imeneyi ndiyo yofunika kudziletsa kwambiri. Mukatero, mumapewa kugwa mumsampha umene munthu amakujedaniyo anagweramo.

▪ Ganizirani cholinga chake chenicheni. Dzifunseni kuti: ‘Kodi ndili ndi umboni wokwanira wakuti munthuyo amanenadi za ineyo? Kodi imeneyi ndi miseche kapena n’kusamvetsa chabe nkhaniyo? Kodi mwina ineyo ndi amene ndangokokomeza nkhaniyo?’ Inde, n’zoona kuti palibe chifukwa chomveka chowonongera mbiri ya ena powajeda. Komano kukokomeza nkhaniyo kungaipitse mbiri yanu kwambiri kuposa misecheyo. Motero bwanji osakhala ngati Renee. Iye anati: “Nthawi zambiri munthu akanena zondiipira ndimakhumudwa, koma ndimayesetsa kusakokomeza nkhaniyo. Ndimatero chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti mwina pakangodutsa mlungu umodzi adzaiwalako za ineyo n’kuyamba kunena za munthu wina.” *

Njira Yabwino Yodzitetezera

Baibulo limavomereza kuti “tonsefe timapunthwa nthawi zambiri.” Ndipo limapitiriza kuti: “Ngati wina sapunthwa pa mawu, ameneyo ndi munthu wangwiro, ndipo akhoza kulamuliranso thupi lake lonse.” (Yakobe 3:2) Motero n’kupanda nzeru kuzitengera kumtima zilizonse zimene anthu akutinena. Lemba la Mlaliki 7:22 limati: “Pakuti kawirikawiritu mtima wako udziwa kuti nawenso unatemberera ena.”

Anthu akamatinena miseche, njira yabwino kwambiri yodzitetezera ndiyo kusonyeza khalidwe labwino. Yesu anati: “Nzeru imatsimikizirika kukhala yolungama mwa ntchito zake.” (Mateyo 11:19) Motero yesetsani kukhalabe osangalala ndi kusonyeza chikondi. Mungadabwe kuona kuti mukachita zimenezi, anthu amasiya kukujedani mwamsanga, apo ayi zingakuthandizeni ndithu kuti musavutike mtima kwambiri ndi misecheyo.

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[Mawu a M’munsi]

ZOTI MUGANIZIRE

▪ Kodi mungatani kuti mupewe kufalitsa miseche?

▪ Kodi mungatani munthu wina akamafalitsa miseche yonena za inuyo?