• “Ndinkangomva ngati mwamuna wanga wakhala akuchita chigololo mobwerezabwereza.”

• “Ndinkadziona ngati wosaoneka bwino, wachabechabe komanso ndinkachita manyazi.”

• “Sindikanatha kuuza aliyense zimenezi ndipo zinkangondipweteka mumtima.”

• “Ndinkangomva ngati Yehova sandiganizira.”

Zimene zanenedwa pamwambazi zikusonyeza mmene mkazi amavutikira ngati mwamuna wake amaonera zolaula. Ndipo ngati mwamunayo wakhala akuchita zimenezi mobisa, mwina kwa miyezi kapena kwa zaka zambiri, mkaziyo angamaone kuti sangamukhulupirirenso mwamunayo. Mkazi wina wapabanja ananena kuti, “Ndinkadzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi mwamuna wangayu ndi munthu wotani kwenikweni? Kodi pali zinanso zimene amandibisira?’”

Nkhaniyi yalembedwa kuti ithandize mkazi amene mwamuna wake amaonera zolaula. a Ifotokoza mfundo za m’Baibulo zomwe zingamutonthoze komanso kumutsimikizira kuti Yehova amamukonda ndiponso ndi wofunitsitsa kumuthandiza. Mfundozi zingamuthandizenso kukhala ndi mtendere wa mumtima komanso kupitiriza kukhala pa ubwenzi wabwino ndi Yehova. b

Ngakhale kuti simungaletse chilichonse chimene mwamuna wanu amachita, mungathe kuchita zinthu zomwe zingachepetse ululu umene mukumva n’kumakhala ndi mtendere wa mumtima. Taganizirani mfundo zotsatirazi.

Muzipewa kudziimba mlandu. Nthawi zina mkazi angamaone kuti mwanjira inayake iyeyo ndi amene akuchititsa kuti mwamuna wake azionera zolaula. Alice c ankadziona kuti ndi mkazi woperewera. Iye ankadzifunsa kuti, ‘N’chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wanga amasankha kumayang’ana akazi ena m’malo mwa ine?’ Akazi ena amadziimba mlandu nʼkumaganiza kuti iwowo ndi amene akuchititsa kuti nkhaniyo iipe kwambiri. Danielle ananena kuti, “Chifukwa chakuti ndinkakwiya, ndinkadziona ngati mkazi woipa amene akuwononga banja lake.”

Ngati inunso mumamva choncho, dziwani kuti Yehova saona kuti vuto ndi inuyo pa zimene mwamuna wanu amachitazo. Lemba la Yakobo 1:14 limati: “Munthu aliyense amayesedwa mwa kukopedwa ndi kukodwa  m’chilakolako chake.” (Aroma 14:12; Afil. 2:12) M’malo mokuimbani mlandu, Yehova amaona kuti ndinu wamtengo wapatali chifukwa chakuti ndinu wokhulupirika kwa iye.​—2 Mbiri 16:9.

N’zofunikanso kumvetsa kuti mwamuna akamaonera zolaula sizitanthauza kuti mkazi wake ndi woperewera kapena wosaoneka bwino. Akatswiri amanena kuti kuonera zolaula kumangochititsa mwamuna kukhala ndi chilakolako chimene palibe mkazi amene angachikhutiritse.

Muzipewa kuda nkhawa mopitirira malire. Catherine ananena kuti ankangokhalira kuganizira zoti mwamuna wake amaonera zolaula. Frances anati: “Nthawi zonse ndikakhala kuti sindikudziwa kumene mwamuna wanga ali, ndimada nkhawa. Ndimakhala ndi nkhawa yaikulu tsiku lonse.” Akazi ena anafotokoza kuti amachita manyazi kwambiri akakhala pamaso pa Akhristu ena omwe angakhale kuti akudziwa zimene amuna awo amachita. Enanso anavomereza kuti amadziona kuti ali okhaokha chifukwa amaganiza kuti palibe amene amamvetsa zimene akukumana nazo.

Si zachilendo kumva choncho. Koma kumangokhala ndi maganizo amenewa kumangowonjezera nkhawa. M’malomwake, muziyesa kuganizira kwambiri zokhudza ubwenzi wanu ndi Yehova. Kuchita zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kuti muthe kupirira.​—Sal. 62:2; Aef. 6:10.

Kuwerenga komanso kuganizira nkhani za m’Baibulo za akazi omwe anatonthozedwa atapemphera kwa Yehova kungakuthandizeni. Si nthawi zonse pamene Yehova anawathetsera mavuto awo koma anawapatsa mtendere wa mumtima. Mwachitsanzo, “Hana anali wokhumudwa kwabasi” chifukwa cha mavuto omwe anakumana nawo. Koma ‘atapemphera kwa Yehova kwa nthawi yaitali,’ iye anapeza mtendere wa mumtima, ngakhale kuti sankadziwa kuti zimuthera bwanji.—1 Sam. 1:10, 12, 18; 2 Akor. 1:3, 4.

Muzipempha akulu kuti akuthandizeni. Iwo akhoza kukhala ngati “malo obisalirapo mphepo” ndi malo “ousapo mvula yamkuntho.” (Yes. 32:2) Angathenso kukuuzani za mlongo amene mungamumasukire komanso angakutonthozeni.​—Miy. 17:17.

Kodi mukuona kuti mungathandize mwamuna wanu kuti athe kulimbana ndi chizolowezi chake choonera zolaula? Mwina mungatero. Baibulo limati “awiri amaposa mmodzi.” Izi zikusonyeza kuti n’zotheka kulimbana ndi vuto kapena kugonjetsa mdani wamphamvu. (Mlal. 4:9-12) Akatswiri apeza kuti zinthu zimayenda bwino ngati anthu okwatirana amachita zinthu mogwirizana pofuna kuthetsa chizolowezi choonera zolaula komanso kuti ayambirenso kukhulupirirana m’banja lawo.

 Komabe, kuti zinthu ziyende bwino zingadalire ngati mwamuna wanu akuchita khama komanso ndi wotsimikiza mtima kuti asiye kuonera zolaula. Kodi wapempha Yehova mochokera pansi pa mtima kuti amupatse mphamvu ndiponso kupempha kuti akulu amuthandize? (2 Akor. 4:7; Yak. 5:14, 15) Kodi wayesetsa kupeza njira zimene zingamuthandize kupewa mayesero, monga kudziikira malire pa nkhani yogwiritsa ntchito zipangizo zamakono ndiponso kupewa zinthu zomwe zingamugwetsere m’mavuto? (Miy. 27:12) Kodi akufunitsitsa kuti mumuthandize? Nanga akufunitsitsa kuti azichita nanu zinthu moona mtima pachilichonse? Ngati ndi choncho, mukhoza kumuthandiza.

Kodi zimenezi zingatheke bwanji? Taganizirani chitsanzo cha Felicia. Iye anakwatiwa ndi Ethan, yemwe ali wamng’ono anali ndi chizolowezi choonera zolaula. Felicia amamuthandiza mwamuna wakeyu kuti asamavutike kumuuza ngati wayambiranso kulakalaka kuonera zolaula. Ethan anafotokoza kuti: “Ndimalankhula ndi mkazi wanga moona mtima komanso momasuka. Iye amandithandiza mwachikondi kuti ndizipewa mayesero komanso kumandifunsa pafupipafupi mmene zikuyendera. Amandithandizanso kuti ndizidziikira malire pa nkhani yogwiritsa ntchito intaneti.” N’zomveka kuti Felicia amakhumudwa Ethan akayambiranso kulakalaka kuonera zolaula. Mlongoyu anati: “Komabe kukhumudwa kwanga sikumamuthandiza kuti asiye chizolowezi choipachi. Tikakambirana zomwe zamuchitikira, iye amakhala wokonzeka kundithandiza kuti ndipirire.”

Sikuti kukambirana pa nkhani zimenezi kumangothandiza kuti mwamuna asiye kuonera zolaula, koma kumathandizanso kuti mkazi wake ayambirenso kumukhulupirira. Ndipotu mwamuna akakhala wofunitsitsa kumauza mkazi wake zokhudza zizolowezi zake, zimene amachita tsiku lililonse ndiponso kumene amapita, sangamachite zinthu momubisira.

Kodi inunso mukuona kuti mungathe kuthandiza mwamuna wanu pogwiritsa ntchito mfundo zimenezi? Ngati ndi choncho, mungachite bwino kuwerenga komanso kukambirana nkhaniyi limodzi ndi mwamuna wanuyo. Iye ayenera kukhala ndi cholinga choti asiye kuonera zolaula n’kumachita zinthu zimene zingakuthandizeni kuti muzimukhulupirira. M’malo mokhumudwa chifukwa cha mmene inuyo mukumvera, ayenera kuyesetsa kuti azimvetsa mmene vutolo likukukhudzirani. Cholinga chanu chiyenera kukhala kumuthandiza pamene akuyesetsa kuti asiye chizolowezichi komanso kumupatsa mwayi woti azichita zinthu zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuti muyambirenso kumukhulupirira. Nonse muyenera kuphunzira zimene zimachititsa kuti munthu ayambe kuonera zolaula komanso zimene mungachite kuti muthane ndi vutoli. d

 Ngati mukuopa kuti mwina pokambiranapo mukhoza kukangana, mungachite bwino kupempha mkulu yemwe nonse mungamasuke naye kuti adzakhale nanu pa nthawiyo. Dziwani kuti ngakhale mwamuna wanu atasiya chizolowezi choonera zolaula, mwina pangatenge nthawi kuti muyambirenso kumukhulupirira. Komabe simuyenera kutaya mtima. Muzifufuza zinthu zing’onozing’ono zosonyeza kuti pali kusintha m’banja lanu. Muziyembekezera kuti banja lanu lidzakhalanso lolimba pakapita nthawi komanso nonse mukakhalabe oleza mtima.​—Mlal. 7:8; 1 Akor. 13:4.

Ngati mwamuna wanu atayambiranso kuonera zolaula, kodi zikutanthauza kuti ndi wosalapa komanso palibe chiyembekezo? Ayi si choncho. Makamaka ngati chinali chizolowezi chake, iye angavutike kwa moyo wake wonse. Chilakolako chikhoza kudzayambiranso ngakhale patapita zaka zambiri kuchokera pamene munthu anasiya kuonera zolaula. Kuti apewe mavuto omwe angadzakhaleponso m’tsogolo, iye ayenera kudziletsa kwambiri, mwinanso kupitirizabe kuchita zomwe ankachita kuti asiye kuonera zolaula, ngakhale zitaoneka kuti vutolo latha. (Miy. 28:14; Mat. 5:29; 1 Akor. 10:12) Ayenera kuyesetsa kuti akhale watsopano “mu mphamvu yoyendetsa maganizo.” Ayeneranso kuphunzira ‘kudana ndi zoipa,’ zomwe zikuphatikizapo zolaula komanso makhalidwe ena alionse odetsa monga kuseweretsa maliseche. (Aef. 4:23; Sal. 97:10; Aroma 12:9) Kodi iye ndi wofunitsitsa kuchita zimenezi? Ngati zili choncho, ndiye kuti m’kupita kwa nthawi angakwanitse kusiyiratu chizolowezichi. e

Koma bwanji ngati mwamuna wanu akuoneka kuti sakufuna kuthetsa vutolo? N’zomveka kuti nthawi zambiri mungamakhumudwe komanso kumaona kuti mnzanuyo ndi wosakhulupirika. Mungapeze mtendere wa mumtima posiya nkhaniyo m’manja mwa Yehova. (1 Pet. 5:7) Muzipitirizabe kulimbitsa ubwenzi wanu ndi Yehova pophunzira mawu ake, kupemphera komanso kuganizira mozama zimene mukuphunzira. Mukamatero, mungakhale otsimikiza kuti nayenso adzakhala nanu pa ubwenzi. Lemba la Yesaya 57:15 limasonyeza kuti iye amakhala pafupi ndi munthu “wopsinjika ndi wa mtima wodzichepetsa,” kuti amuthandize kuyambiranso kukhala wosangalala. Muziyesetsa kuti mukhale Mkhristu wabwino. Muzipempha akulu kuti akuthandizeni. Muzikhalanso ndi chiyembekezo kuti nthawi ina m’tsogolo, mwamuna wanu adzasintha mochokera pansi pa mtima.​—Aroma 2:4; 2 Pet. 3:9.