Kukhala Wokhulupirika N’kwaphindu

M’MAYIKO ena, ana amakonda kuseweretsa mnzawo pomamata ku juzi la mnzawoyo tinthu tangati chisoso. Chisosocho chimakanirira ku juzilo, ndipo kaya mnzawoyo aziyenda, kuthamanga, kudzigwedeza, kapena kulumphalumpha, chisosocho sichichoka. Kuchichotsa kwake ndi kuthothola kamodzikamodzi basi. Kwa ana, amenewa ndi masewera osangalatsa kwambiri.

N’zoona kuti si aliyense amene amasangalala zovala zake zikakhala ndi chisoso, koma aliyense amachita chidwi ndi mmene chisoso chimakaniririra ku zinthu. Munthu wokhulupirika naye amakanirira mofananamo. Munthu wokhulupirika salekana naye mnzake zivute zitani. Amagwirabe mokhulupirika ntchito zimene ayenera kuchitira mnzakeyo ndiponso amakwaniritsa maudindo ake kwa mnzakeyo ngakhale patakhala zovuta zina. Tikamva mawu akuti “kukhulupirika” timaganiza za makhalidwe ena abwino monga kukhala woona mtima, kuchitira limodzi zinthu zivute zitani, ndi kudzipereka. Mosakayikira inu mungayamikire kwambiri ngati anthu ena ali okhulupirika kwa inu, koma kodi inuyo ndinu wotsimikiza mtima kukhala wokhulupirika kwa ena? Ngati mukuti inde, kodi muyenera kukhala wokhulupirika kwa ndani?

Kukhala Wokhulupirika M’banja N’kofunika Kwambiri

Malo amodzi amene kukhulupirika ndi kofunika kwambiri ndi m’banja, koma n’zomvetsa chisoni kuti nthawi zambiri zinthu sizikhala choncho. Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amene amakwaniritsa mokhulupirika zimene analumbira pokwatirana, kutanthauza kuti amene salekana ndipo aliyense amachitira mnzake zinthu zabwino, amakhala akuchita chinthu chofunika kwambiri kuti azikhala mwachimwemwe ndi motetezeka. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chakuti anthu analengedwa m’njira yakuti amafuna kukhala okhulupirika kwa ena ndiponso amafuna kuti ena azikhala okhulupirika kwa iwo. Pa ukwati wa Adamu ndi Hava m’munda wa Edene, Mulungu anati: “Mwamuna adzasiya atate wake ndi amake nadzadziphatika kwa mkazi wake.” N’zimenenso mkazi anayenera kuchita, anayenera kudziphatika kwa mwamuna wake. Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake anayenera kukhala okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake ndi kumachita zinthu mogwirizana.​—Genesis 2:24; Mateyu 19:3-9.

Zoonadi, limenelo linali kale kwambiri, zaka masauzande angapo zapitazo. Ndiye kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti masiku ano kukhala wokhulupirika m’banja n’kwachikale? Ambiri angayankhe kuti ayi si kwachikale. Ochita kafukufuku pa nkhaniyi ku Germany anapeza kuti anthu 80 mwa anthu 100 alionse anali kunena kuti kukhala wokhulupirika m’banja n’kofunika kwambiri. Anachitanso kafukufuku wina wachiwiri n’cholinga chopeza khalidwe lofunika kwambiri mwa amuna ndi akazi. Gulu la amuna analiuza kuti lilembe makhalidwe asanu amene amalisangalatsa kwambiri mwa akazi. Nalo gulu la akazi linalemba makhalidwe asanu amene amalisangalatsa kwambiri mwa amuna. Khalidwe limene onse, amuna ndi akazi, analitamanda kwambiri linali kukhulupirika.

Inde, kukhala wokhulupirika ndi mbali imodzi ya maziko olimba a ukwati wabwino. Komatu monga nkhani yoyamba ija yanenera, kukhulupirika ndi khalidwe limene anthu ambiri amati n’labwino koma ndi ochepa amene amakhala nalo. Mwachitsanzo, kuchuluka kwa okwatirana amene amasudzulana m’mayiko ambiri ndi umboni  wakuti kusakhulupirika kuli ponseponse. Kodi okwatirana angapewe bwanji zimenezi ndi kukhalabe okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake?

Kukhala Wokhulupirika Kumalimbitsa Banja

Okwatirana amasonyeza kuti ndi okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake mwa kufunafuna mipata yotsimikizira kudzipereka kwawo kwa mnzawoyo. Mwachitsanzo, nthawi zambiri ndi bwino kumanena kuti “zathu” m’malo monena kuti “zanga.” Mungati “mabwenzi athu,” “ana athu,” “nyumba yathu,” “zimene zinatichitikira,” ndi zinanso. Pokonzekera ndiponso posankha zochita, kaya zikhale zokhudza nyumba yokhalamo, ntchito, kulera ana, zosangalatsa, kupita ku tchuthi, kapena zochitika zachipembedzo, ndi bwino kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake aziganizira malingaliro a mnzake ndi mmenenso mnzakeyo akumvera mumtima mwake ndi nkhaniyo.​—Miyambo 11:14; 15:22.

Anthu okwatirana amasonyeza kuti ndi okhulupirika pamene aliyense achita zinthu zimene zimachititsa mnzakeyo kuona kuti ndi wofunikira. Munthu wa pabanja amakhala mwamantha mwamuna kapena mkazi wake akamachita zinthu mozolowerana kwambiri ndi mkazi kapena mwamuna wina. Baibulo limalangiza amuna kusalekana ndi ‘mkazi wokula naye.’ Mwamuna sayenera kulola mtima wake kukhala pa mkazi wina yemwe si mkazi wake, chabe chifukwa chakuti mkazi winayo amamuyang’ana mwachikondi. Ndithudi iye sayenera kugona ndi mkazi wina. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Wochita chigololo ndi mkazi alibe nzeru; wofuna kuwononga moyo wakewake ndiye amatero.” Mkazi naye ayenera kukhala wokhulupirika mogwirizana ndi muyezo wapamwamba umenewu.​—Miyambo 5:18; 6:32.

Kodi n’koyenereradi kuchita khama kuti ukhale wokhulupirika m’banja? Inde n’koyenerera. Kumapangitsa banja kuyenda bwino ndi kukhala lolimba, ndipo aliyense wa okwatiranawo amapindula payekha. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna akakhala wokhulupirika ndi wodzipereka pochitira mkazi wake zabwino, mkaziyo amamva kuti ndi wotetezeka ndipo zimenezi zimamuthandiza kuonetsa makhalidwe ake abwino kwambiri. Zimachitikanso chimodzimodzi ndi mwamuna. Kukhala kwake wotsimikiza mtima kuti adzakhala wokhulupirika kwa mkazi wake kumamuthandiza kuti pa mbali ina iliyonse ya moyo wake azitsatirabe mfundo zolungama.

Mwamuna ndi mkazi wake akamakumana ndi zokhoma pa moyo wawo, amamva kukhala otetezeka ngati ali okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake. Koma m’banja la anthu osakhulupirika, nthawi zambiri pakakhala mavuto anthuwo amapatukana kapena amasudzulana kumene. Komatu kuchita zimenezi kumangobweretsa mavuto ena m’malo mothetsa vuto lomwe linalipolo. Kalelo mu 1980, katswiri wina wotchuka wokonza maonekedwe a zovala analekana ndi mkazi wake ndi ana ake. Kodi anayamba kukhala mwachimwemwe pokhala yekha wopanda banja? Patatha zaka makumi awiri, anavomereza kuti kulekana ndi banja lake kunamuchititsa kukhala “wosungulumwa ndi wosokonezeka maganizo ndi kumalephera kugona usiku chifukwa cholakalaka kuuza ana [ake] kuti agone bwino.”

Kukhulupirika Pakati pa Makolo ndi Ana

Makolo akakhala okhulupirika kwa wina ndi mnzake, n’zotheka kwambiri kuti ana awo adzatengere khalidweli. Pamene akula, ana oleredwa m’banja la makolo okhulupirika ndi achikondi savutika kukwaniritsa udindo wawo kwa anzawo a mu ukwati ndiponso kwa makolo awo pamene makolowo akuvutika ndi ukalamba.​—1 Timoteo 5:4, 8.

Zoonadi, sikuti nthawi zonse ndi makolo amene  amayamba kutha mphamvu ndi kufunikira thandizo. Nthawi zina mwana amafunikira kumusamalira mokhulupirika. N’zimene kwa zaka zoposa 40 anachita Herbert ndi Gertrud, omwe ndi Mboni za Yehova. Mwana wawo wamwamuna, dzina lake Dietmar, kwa moyo wake wonse anali kudwala matenda otengera ku makolo amene anali kumufooketsa ndi kumuwondetsa. Kwa zaka zomalizira zisanu ndi ziwiri za moyo wake, asanafe mu November 2002, Dietmar anafunikira kumusamalira ndi kumuyang’anira usana ndi usiku. Makolo ake anachita zimenezi mwachikondi. Iwo mpaka anaikitsa zipangizo zachipatala m’nyumba mwawo ndi kuphunzira zachipatala. Chimenechitu ndi chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha kukhala wokhulupirika kwa anthu a m’banja lako.

Kukhala Wokhulupirika N’kofunika Kwambiri Kuti Tikhale ndi Mabwenzi

“Munthu akhoza kumakhala wosangalala popanda kukhala pabanja, koma n’zovuta kukhala wosangalala popanda bwenzi locheza nalo,” anatero Birgit. Mwinamwake inunso mukuvomereza. Kaya muli pabanja kapena ayi, mtima wanu umasangalala ndipo mumakhala ndi moyo wabwino ngati muli ndi bwenzi lapamtima lokhulupirika. N’zoona kuti ngati muli pabanja, mwamuna wanu kapena mkazi wanu ndiye ayenera kukhala bwenzi lanu lapamtima kwambiri.

Munthu amene ndi bwenzi lathu amasiyana ndi munthu amene timangodziwana naye. Timakhala ndi anthu odziwana nawo ambiri, monga, amene tayandikana nawo nyumba, ogwira nawo ntchito, ndiponso anthu amene timakumana nawo nthawi ndi nthawi. Kukhala pa ubwenzi weniweni ndi munthu wina kumafuna kuti titherepo nthawi yathu, mphamvu zathu, ndiponso kuti tikhale odzipereka m’maganizo. Ndi ulemu waukulu kukhala bwenzi la winawake. N’zoona kuti kukhala pa ubwenzi ndi winawake kumapindulitsa kwambiri, komanso kumatipatsa udindo woti tikwaniritse.

Kulankhulana nthawi zonse ndi mabwenzi athu n’kofunika kwambiri. Nthawi zina kulankhulana kumeneku kungachitike chifukwa cha zimene zabuka. Birgit anati: “Timati wina akakhala ndi vuto, timaimbirana foni ndi mnzanga kamodzi kapena kawiri pa mlungu. Zimalimbikitsa kwambiri kudziwa kuti alipo ndipo ndi wofunitsitsa kumvetsera zimene ukufuna kumuuza.” Anthu sayenera kuthetsa ubwenzi wawo chifukwa chakuti wina ali kutali. Azimayi ena awiri, mayina awo Gerda ndi Helga, amakhala motalikirana makilomita masauzande ambiri, komatu iwo akhala mabwenzi ogwirizana kwa zaka zoposa 35. Gerda anati: “Timalemberana makalata kawirikawiri. Timauzana zimene zatichitikira ndiponso mmene tikumvera mu mtima mwathu, kaya zinatisangalatsa kapena zinatinyansa. Ndimasangalala kwambiri kulandira makalata a Helga. Ndife anthu oti timaganiza mofanana.”

Kukhulupirika n’kofunika kwambiri kuti anthu apitirize kukhala pa ubwenzi. Kukhala wosakhulupirika ngakhale ulendo umodzi wokha kungawononge ubwenzi umene mwakhala nawo kwa nthawi yaitali. Nthawi zambiri mabwenzi amalangizana ngakhale pa nkhani zachinsinsi. Mabwenzi amauzana zapansi pa mtima mosaopa kuti mnzakeyo amuona ngati wopepera kapenanso kuti akhoza kuuza anthu ena zimene akukambiranazo. Baibulo limati: “Bwenzi limakonda nthawi zonse; ndipo mbale anabadwira kuti akuthandize pooneka tsoka.”​—Miyambo 17:17.

Popeza kuti kaganizidwe kathu, mmene timaonera zinthu, ndiponso mmene timachitira zinthu timatengera mabwenzi athu, ndi bwino kuti mabwenzi athu azikhala anthu amene zomwe amachita pa moyo wawo n’zofanana ndi zomwe ife timachita. Mwachitsanzo, onetsetsani kuti mabwenzi anu ndi anthu amene amakhulupirira zinthu zofanana ndi zimene inuyo mumakhulupirira, amene makhalidwe awo ndi ofanana ndi anu, ndiponso amene ali ndi miyezo ya chabwino ndi choipa yofanana ndi yanu. Mabwenzi oterowo adzakuthandizani kukwaniritsa zolinga zanu. Ndiponso, kodi pangakhale chifukwa chanji kuti inu mufunire kugwirizana ndi munthu amene mfundo zimene amatsatira ndiponso makhalidwe ake n’zoti inu simugwirizana nazo? Baibulo limasonyeza kufunika kwa kusankha mabwenzi abwino mwa kunena kuti: “Ukayenda ndi anzeru udzakhala wanzeru: koma mnzawo wa opusa adzapwetekedwa.”​—Miyambo 13:20.

Munthu Angaphunzire Kukhala Wokhulupirika

Mwana akaphunzira kumata chisoso malaya a wina, amafuna kumangochitabe masewera amenewa.  Zingakhalenso choncho ndi munthu wokhulupirika. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chakuti m’kupita kwa nthawi sizivuta kukhala wokhulupirika ngati nthawi zonse timayesa kukhala wokhulupirika. Munthu akaphunzira ali mwana kukhala wokhulupirika m’banja, akakula savutika kupeza mabwenzi okhulupirika. Maubwenzi olimba ndi okhalitsa amenewo angamuthandize kuti m’nthawi yake adzakhale wokhulupirika m’banja. Zimenezi zidzamuthandizanso kukhala wokhulupirika pa ubwenzi wofunika kwambiri pa maubwenzi onse.

Yesu ananena kuti lamulo lalikulu pa onse ndilo kukonda Yehova Mulungu ndi mtima wathu wonse, moyo wathu wonse, nzeru zathu zonse, ndiponso mphamvu zathu zonse. (Marko 12:30) Izi zikutanthauza kuti timafunika kukhala okhulupirika kotheratu kwa Mulungu. Kukhala wokhulupirika kwa Yehova Mulungu kumapindulitsa mosaneneka. Iye sadzatikhumudwitsa ngakhalenso kutigwiritsa fuwa la moto, chifukwa iye amati: “Ndine wokhulupirika.” (Yeremiya 3:12, NW) Ndithudi, kukhala wokhulupirika kwa Mulungu ndi kopindulitsa mpaka muyaya.​—1 Yohane 2:17.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 6]

Mtima wanu umasangalala ngati muli ndi bwenzi lapamtima lokhulupirika

[Chithunzi patsamba 5]

Anthu a m’banja amasamalirana akakhala okhulupirika