ANTHU amakonda kuchita zisudzo zosonyeza munthu akukangana ndi makolo a mkazi kapena mwamuna wake. Iwo amachita zimenezi pofuna kuseketsa anthu, koma kukangana kwenikweni kwa munthu ndi apongozi ake si nkhani yoseketsa. Mkazi wina wa ku India, dzina lake Reena, anati: “Mayi ake a mwamuna wanga akhala akulowerera nkhani za m’banja lathu kwa zaka zambiri. Nthawi zambiri ndimaphwetsera mkwiyo wanga pa mwamuna wanga chifukwa ndimadziwa kuti sindingachitire zimenezi mayi akewo. Mwamuna wanga amasowa chochita chifukwa amafunika kusankha pakati pa kusangalatsa ineyo kapena mayi akewo.”

Kodi n’chifukwa chiyani makolo ena amalowerera nkhani za m’mabanja a ana awo? Jenny, amene ananena mawu ali pamwambawa, anatchula chifukwa chimodzi chimene iye akuganiza kuti chimachititsa zimenezi. Iye anati: “Mwina zimawavuta kuvomereza kuti munthu wina wamng’ono komanso wosadziwa zambiri angakhale ndi udindo wosamalira mwana wawo.” Dilip, yemwe ndi mwamuna wake wa Reena, anawonjezera kuti: “Makolo amene alera ana awo mwachikondi komanso kuwachitira zinthu zina zambiri amaona ngati akulandidwa mwanayo. N’kuthekanso ngati amakhala ndi nkhawa poganiza kuti mwana wawoyo sanakhwime moti n’kuyendetsa bwino banja.”

Koma kunena zoona, nthawi zina zochita za anawo ndi zimene zimachititsa kuti makolo azilowerera za m’banja lawo. Mwachitsanzo, taganizirani za banja la Michael ndi Leanne, amene amakhala ku Australia. Michael anati: “Leanne anachokera m’banja logwirizana kwambiri moti aliyense amafotokoza maganizo ake momasuka. Choncho titakwatirana,  iye ankakafunsa nzeru kwa bambo ake pa nkhani zimene tinkafunika kukambirana tokha. N’zoona kuti bambo akewo ankam’patsa nzeru zothandiza kwambiri, koma zinkandipweteka kwambiri kuona kuti akukafunsa bambo ake m’malo mondifunsa ineyo.”

Zoonadi, kusagwirizana ndi apongozi kumabweretsa mavuto ambiri m’banja. Kodi inuyo mukukumana ndi mavuto ngati amenewa? Kodi mumakhala motani ndi makolo a mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu? Nanga mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu amakhala motani ndi makolo anu? Tiyeni tikambirane mavuto awiri amene mungakumane nawo ndiponso mmene mungawathetsere.

Mukuona kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu amagwirizana kwambiri ndi makolo ake. Mwamuna wina wa ku Spain, dzina lake Luis, anati: “Mkazi wanga ankaona kuti ngati titakakhala kutali ndi makolo ake, iwo angamuone ngati wosakhulupirika. Kuwonjezera pamenepa, mwana wathu atabadwa, makolo anga ankabwera kudzationa pafupifupi tsiku lililonse. Zimenezi sizinkamusangalatsa mkazi wanga ndipo zinkachititsa kuti tizikangana kwambiri.”

Mfundo zofunika

: Pofotokoza mmene banja liyenera kukhalira, Baibulo limanena kuti “mwamuna adzasiya atate wake ndi amake nadzadziphatika kwa mkazi wake: ndipo adzakhala thupi limodzi.” (Genesis 2:24) Kukhala “thupi limodzi” kukutanthauza zambiri, osati kungokhala m’nyumba imodzi basi. Kwenikweni kumatanthauza kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi wake apanga banja latsopano. Iwo ayenera kuganizira kwambiri za banja limeneli kuposa mabanja amene anachokera. (1 Akorinto 11:3) Komabe mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amafunika kupitiriza kulemekeza makolo awo, ndipo nthawi zambiri zimenezi zimaphatikizapo kuwamvera. (Aefeso 6:2) Komano bwanji ngati mukuona kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu amangomvera makolo ake n’kumakunyalanyazani inuyo?

Zimene mungachite:

Muziiona nkhaniyo moyenera. Kodi n’zoonadi kuti mkazi kapena mwamuna wanuyo amagwirizana monyanyira ndi makolo ake, kapena mwina mumangoona choncho chifukwa choti inuyo simugwirizana kwambiri choncho ndi makolo anu? Ngati zili choncho, kodi n’zotheka kuti mukuganiza choncho chifukwa cha mmene munakulira m’banja mwanu? Kodi kapena muli ndi kansanje pang’ono?​—Miyambo 14:30; 1 Akorinto 13:4; Agalatiya 5:26.

M’pofunika kudzifufuza moona mtima kuti muyankhe mafunso amenewa. Ndipotu, ngati mumakonda kukangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chifukwa cha zochita za apongozi anu, dziwani kuti vuto ndi banja lanulo, osati apongozi anuwo ayi.

Mavuto ambiri am’banja amayamba chifukwa chakuti palibe mwamuna ndi mkazi wake amene amaona zinthu mofanana ndendende. Kodi mungayese kuona zinthu mmene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amazionera? (Afilipi 2:4; 4:5) Izi n’zimene Adrián, yemwe amakhala ku Mexico, anachita. Iye anati: “Mkazi wanga anakulira m’banja limene silinkayenda bwino ndipo zimenezi zinamusokoneza maganizo. Choncho poyamba ndinkapewa kuchita zinthu mogwirizana kwambiri ndi makolo ake moti ndinkakana ngakhale kuwayendera. Ndinachita zimenezi kwa zaka zingapo. Zimenezi zinkachititsa kuti ndizikangana ndi mkazi wanga chifukwa iye ankafunabe kuti azigwirizana kwambiri ndi banja lawo, makamaka mayi ake.”

Patapita nthawi Adrián anasintha maganizo ake n’kuyamba kuona nkhaniyi moyenera. Iye anati: “Ndikudziwa kuti mkazi wanga angasokonezeke maganizo tikamapitapita kwa makolo ake, komabe ndikudziwanso kuti kulekeratu kuwayendera kungayambitsenso mavuto ena. Ndayesetsa kuchita zimene ndingathe kuti ndizigwirizana ndi makolo a mkazi wanga.” *

Makolo a mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu amakonda kulowerera za m’banja lanu, moti amangokupatsani malangizo. Mkazi wina wa ku Kazakhstan, dzina lake Nelya, anati: “Titangokwatirana, tinakhala ndi makolo a  mwamuna wanga kwa zaka 7. Nthawi zambiri tinkakangana chifukwa cha mmene tinkalerera ana athu ndiponso pa nkhani zina, monga mmene ndinkaphikira ndiponso kusamalira pakhomo. Ndinakambirana ndi mwamuna wanga ndiponso mayi ake za vutoli, koma zimenezi zinangowonjezera mavuto.”

Mfundo zofunika:

Mukalowa m’banja, simukhalanso pansi pa ulamuliro wa makolo anu. M’malomwake Baibulo limati “mutu wa mwamuna aliyense ndi Khristu; ndi mutu wa mkazi ndi mwamuna.” (1 Akorinto 11:3) Ngakhale zili choncho, mwamuna ndi mkazi wake ayenera kulemekeza makolo awo. Ndipo lemba la Miyambo 23:22 limati: “Tamvera atate wako anakubala, usapeputse amako atakalamba.” Koma kodi mungatani ngati makolo anu kapena apongozi anu akupitirira malire ndipo akufuna kuti muziyendera maganizo awo?

Zimene mungachite:

Yesetsani kumvetsa chifukwa chake makolowo amalowerera zam’banja lanu. Ryan, amene tam’tchula koyambirira uja, anati: “Nthawi zina makolo amafunika kudziwa kuti ndi ofunikabe kwa ana awo.” Ngati makolo akulowerera zam’banja mwanu pa chifukwa chimenechi, si kuti akuchita dala, ndipo mungathetse vutoli potsatira malangizo a m’Baibulo akuti: “Pitirizani kulolerana ndi kukhululukirana wina ndi mnzake ndi mtima wonse, ngati wina ali ndi chifukwa chodandaula za mnzake.” (Akolose 3:13) Koma bwanji ngati apongozi anu akulowerera zam’banja lanu monyanyira moti zikuchititsa kuti muzikangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu?

Amuna ndi akazi ena aona kuti ndi bwino kukambirana ndi makolo awo zinthu za m’banja lawo zimene iwo sayenera kulowerera. Komabe ndi bwino kukambirana nawo zimenezi mwaulemu. * Nthawi zambiri mungathe kuwadziwitsa zimenezi mwa zochita zanu. Zochita zanu zingasonyeze kuti maganizo a mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi amene ali ofunika kwambiri kwa inu. Mwachitsanzo, mwamuna wina wa ku Japan, dzina lake Masayuki, anati: “Ngakhale makolo atafotokoza maganizo awo, musangovomereza nthawi yomweyo. Kumbukirani kuti mukupanga banja latsopano. Choncho, muziyamba mwafunsa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kuti mudziwe maganizo ake pa malangizo amene makolo anu apereka.”

Mungathe kuchepetsa kuvutitsana ndi apongozi anu mukamayesetsa kumvetsa chifukwa chake iwo amalowerera zam’banja mwanu. Komanso yesetsani kupewa kukangana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chifukwa cha zochita za apongozi anuwo. Pa mfundo imeneyi, Jenny anavomereza kuti: “Nthawi zina tinkapsetsana mitima tikamakambirana zochita za makolo athu, ndipo zinkakhala zodziwikiratu kuti tingathe kukhumudwitsana kwambiri tikamakambirana zofooka za makolo athu. Koma patapita nthawi, tinadziwa kuti si bwino kunyozana chifukwa cha zofooka za makolo athu, ndipo ndi bwino kungothetsa vuto limene lagwalo basi. Zimenezi zathandiza kuti ine ndi mwamuna wanga tizikondana kwambiri.”