mera janam canada de kailgri sheher vich hoya si. jado mai aje bahut chhota si, taa mere maapya da talaak ho gaya si. fir asi apne nana-nani ji de ghar chale gaye si. oh mainu te mere mummy ji nu bahut pyaar karde san. mai ohna naal bahut khush si. mainu aje vi apne bachpan diya mithiya yada yaad han.

 par eh khushi ziada der tak nahi rehi. jado mai satta saala da si, taa mere mummy-daddy ji ne dobara viah karaa lya te asi amreeka vich misoori de saint luis sheher vich chale gaye. kujh hi dina vich mainu pata lagg gaya ki mere daddy ji kinne zalam han. ik din di gall hai. mera apne nave school vich pehla din si. school de nyaanya ne mainu bahut tang keeta te kuttya. jado daddy ji nu pata lagga ki mai kutt kha ke ghar aaya ha, taa oh gusse vich lal-peele ho gaye. ohna ne mainu school de nyaanya nalo ziada kuttya. os din mai ik sabak sikhya. fir satt saala di umar vich mai pehli vaar nyaanya naal kutt-maar keeti.

 daddy ji de gusse karke mere mummy ji vi gusse vich aa jande san atey oh dove uchi-uchi larrde san. gyaara saala di umar vich mai nashe karne atey sharaab peeni shuru kar ditti. mai din-badin gussekhor hunda gaya atey galiya vich aksar ladaiya karda si. school di parhayi khatam hon tak mai ik hinsak insaan bann chukka si.

 18 saala di umar vich mai amreeka di jal saina vich bharti ho gaya. uthe mainu lokaa nu jano maaran di sikhlayi ditti gayi. panj saal saina vich rehen to baad mai manovigiaan di parhayi karan lagga kyoki mai federal bureau of investigation layi kamm karna chahunda si. mai amreeka vich apni parhayi shuru kar ditti atey baaki parhayi canada ja ke poori keeti.

 university vich parhayi kardya mai dekhya ki lok kinne suaarthi han, duniya di koi cheez da faida nahi hai atey koi vi manukhjati diya mushkla nu hal nahi kar sakda. eh dekh ke mai nirash ho gaya atey samajh gaya ki insaan is duniya nu vadiya nahi banaa sakda.

 jado mai dekhya ki zindagi da koi maksad nahi hai, taa mai bahut ziada sharaab peen te nashe karan lagg pya. nale paise te aurta de pichhe bhajjan lagg pya. mai hamesha ehi sochda si ki kehrri party ’te java te kehrri aurat naal sareerak sambandh banava. saina vich mainu jo sikhlayi mili si, os karke mai kise naal vi larr sakda si. sahi-galat bare mere apne hi asool san. je mainu laggda si ki koi kise naal beinsaafi kar reha si, taa mai os nu kutt dinda si. par sach taa eh si ki mai kise nu insaaf nahi diva reha si, mera subhaa hi gusse vala si.

 ik din mai apne dost de naal apne ghar vich gair-kanooni tareeke naal bhang vechan di tyaari kar reha si. asi dove nashe vich si. mere dost ne mainu puchhya, “kee tu rab nu mannda hai?” mai keha, “je rab karke duniya vich dukh-takleefa han, taa mai os nu nahi mannda te na hi os bare jaan-na chahunda ha.” agle din mai apne nave kamm ’te gaya. uthe kamm karan vale ne mere to ik savaal puchhya. oh yahovah da gavah si. os ne puchhya, “kee tuhanu laggda hai ki rab karke duniya vich dukh-takleefa han?” mai bahut hairan reh gaya kyoki os ne ohi vishe bare savaal puchhya jis bare mai apne dost naal gall keeti si. is savaal karke mere mann vich hor jaanan di ichha jagi. fir agle chhe mahineya dauran asi bible de alag-alag vishya ’te charcha keeti atey os ne kayi aukhe savaala de javab ditte.

 mai apni mangetar naal rehnda si. os nu bible vich koi dilchaspi nahi si. oh nahi chahundi si ki mai os naal bible bare gall karaa. aetvaar vale din mai os nu dassya ki mai gavaha nu bible study karan layi ghare bulaya hai. agle din jado mai kamm to vapas aaya, taa oh ghar da sara samaan lai ke chali gayi si. mai bahar aa ke bahut roya. mai rab nu prarthna keeti. os din pehli vaar mai yahovah da naa lai ke prarthna keeti si.—zaboor 83:18.

 os de jaan to do din baad mai gavaha naal study karni shuru kar ditti. ik jorra tusi sadaa de layi dharti utte paradees vich jeeunde reh sakde ho kitab to meri study karaun aaya. * os din ohna de jaan to baad mai oh kitab parhda reha atey mai os raat poori kitab parh layi. oh kitab parh ke mainu pata lagga ki yahovah kinna dyaalu hai atey sadde dukh dekh ke os nu dukh laggda hai. (yasayah 63:9) mainu pata lagga ki oh mainu kinna pyaar karda hai. os ne mere layi apna iklauta puttar kurban kar ditta. is gall ne mere dil nu chhooh lya. (1 yuhanna 4:10) mai eh vi jaanya ki yahovah ne mere naal dheeraj rakhya hai “kyoki oh nahi chahunda ki kise da naash hove, sago chahunda hai ki sarya nu toba karan da mauka mile.” (2 patras 3:9) mai samajh gaya ki yahovah chahunda hai ki mai os da dost bana.—yuhanna 6:44.

 mai ose hafte sabhava ’te jaan lagg pya. mere lambe vaal san atey mai kanna vich valiya paiya san. mai dekhan nu daravna jeha laggda si, par yahovah de gavaha ne bahut pyaar naal mera suaagat keeta. oh mainu idda mile jidda mai ohna de parivar da hissa hova. ohna vich sache masihi gunn san. mainu idda lagga jidda mai apne nana-nani de ghar aa gaya hova, par ithe da mahaul hor vi ziada vadiya si.

 mai bible to jo sikh reha si, os da meri zindagi ’te asar pain lagga. mai apne vaal kata laye, anaitik kamm karne chhadd ditte atey nashe karne te sharaab peeni chhadd ditti. (1 kurinthiya 6:9, 10; 11:14) mai yahovah nu khush karna chahunda si. is layi je mainu pata laggda si ki yahovah nu meri koi aadat pasand nahi si, taa mai bahane nahi banaunda si. is di bajaye, mai khud nu kehnda si ‘ajj to baad mai eh kamm nahi karanga.’ mai bina der keetya apni soch te kamm badlan di koshish karda si. hauli-hauli mai dekhya ki yahovah di gall mann ke meri zindagi vadiya hon lagg payi hai. study shuru karan to chhe mahineya baad mai 29 julaayi 1989 vich baptisma lai lya atey yahovah da gavah bann gaya.

 bible di madad naal mai apna subhaa badal sakya. pehla jado koi mere naal larrda si, taa mainu bahut gussa charh janda si te mai maar-kutt karan lagg painda si. par hun mai “sarya naal shanti banayi rakhan di poori koshish” karda ha. (romiya 12:18) mai is gall da sehra apne sir nahi lainda, par yahovah nu dinda ha kyoki os ne apni pavittar shakti atey apna bachan ditta hai jo ik viakti nu badal sakda hai.—galatiya 5:22, 23; ibraniya 4:12.

 hun mai apne aap nu khush karan layi nashe te maar-kutt nahi karda te na hi anaitik kamm karda ha. is di bajaye, mai yahovah nu khush karan di koshish karda ha. os nu khush karan layi mai doojya nu os bare dassda ha. apne baptisme to kujh saala baad mai ajehe desh gaya jithe pracharka di ziada lorr si. mainu kayi lokaa nu bible bare sikhaun da mauka milya. jado mai dekhya ki bible di salah mannan karke ohna di zindagi badal gayi hai, taa mainu bahut khushi hoi. mere andar bahut sariya tabdeeliya dekh ke mere mummy ji vi yahovah de gavah bann gaye.

 1999 vich mai ael salvador vich os school to graduate hoya ha jis nu ajj raj de pracharka layi school keha janda hai. os school vich mai prachar karna, mandli vich bhena-bhrava nu sikhauna atey mandli di dekh-bhaal karni sikhi. ose saal mai yohonia naal viah karaa lya. odo to asi guatemala vich poore same di seva kar rahe ha.

 hun mai apni zindagi to nirash nahi, sago khush ha. bible diya sikhyaava mannan karke mai anaitik zindagi atey kutt-maar karni chhaddi. hun meri zindagi vich pyaar atey shanti di koi kami nahi hai.