WANFALA man wea dadi bilong hem dae, hem raet olsem: “Taem mi smol pikinini long England, olketa lanem mi for no showimaot feeling front long pipol. Mi rememberim dadi bilong mi, wanfala army man bifor, tok strong long mi olsem, ‘Iu mas nating krae!’ taem wanfala samting hem mekem mi feel pain. Mi no remember enitaem wea mami kissim or holem mifala (mifala fofala pikinini). Mi 56 year old taem mi lukim dadi hem dae. Mi barava feel sorre fogud. Bat firstaem, mi hard for krae.”

Long samfala kantri, pipol savve showimaot feeling. Nomata olketa hapi or sorre, pipol savve long feeling bilong olketa. Bat, long samfala part long world, olsem long north Europe and Britain, pipol, especially olketa man, tingse olketa mas haedem feeling, no showimaot feeling bilong olketa. Bat taem samwan wea iu lovem hem dae, waswe, hem rong for showimaot sorre? Wanem nao Bible talem?

Olketa Hebrew long Mediterranean wea raetem Bible, olketa pipol wea showimaot feeling. Bible garem planti example bilong pipol wea showimaot sorre front long pipol. King David krae for son bilong hem Amnon wea olketa killim dae. Tru nao, hem “krae bigfala.” (2 Samuel 13:28-39) Hem sorre tu taem nogud son bilong hem Absalom, wea trae for stealim rul bilong hem olsem king, hem dae. Bible talem iumi olsem: “Then king [David] hem start for feel nogud and hem go ap long rum antap long haos wea ovarem gate and hem start for krae; and hem sei olsem taem hem wakabaot: ‘Son bilong mi Absalom, son bilong mi, son bilong mi Absalom, O mi nao shud dae, miseleva, and no iu, Absalom son bilong mi, son bilong mi!’” (2 Samuel 18:33) David krae olsem eni dadi bae duim. Planti taem olketa dadi and mami feel olsem hem moabeta for olketa dae and no pikinini bilong olketa! Hem no fitim for lukim pikinini dae firstaem long dadi and mami.

Hao nao feeling bilong Jesus taem fren bilong hem Lazarus dae? Hem krae taem hem kam klosap long grev. (John 11:30-38) Bihaen, Mary Magdalene krae taem hem kam klosap long grev bilong Jesus. (John 20:11-16) Hem tru, Christian wea savve long resurrection hope bilong Bible no savve krae olowe, olsem samfala duim  wea no garem stretfala savve long Bible abaotem biliv bilong olketa long pipol wea dae finis. Bat olsem man wea garem feeling, trufala Christian, nomata hem garem hope long resurrection, savve sorre and krae taem samwan wea hem lovem hem dae.—1 Thessalonians 4:13, 14.

Waswe long feeling bilong iumi distaem? Iu faendem hard, or iu shame for showimaot feeling bilong iu? Wanem nao olketa savveman sei? Tingting bilong olketa distaem hem saportim wisdom bilong God long Bible. Olketa sei iumi mas showimaot sorre, no holem bak. Diswan mekem iumi tingim olketa faithful man bifor, olsem Job, David, and Jeremiah, wea toktok sorre bilong olketa hem stap long Bible. Olketa nating holem bak feeling bilong olketa. Dastawe, hem no wise for stap seleva from nara pipol. (Proverbs 18:1) Hem tru, long olketa difren  kantri pipol showimaot sorre long planti difren wei, wea depend tu long religion bilong olketa. *

Waswe sapos iu laek for krae? Hem fasin bilong man for krae. Tingim moa samting wea happen taem Lazarus hem dae, taem Jesus “barava feel pain long spirit and . . . hem krae.” (John 11:33, 35) Hem showim hao fasin for krae hem feeling wea man garem taem samwan wea hem lovem hem dae.

Samting wea happen long wanfala mami, Anne, hem pruvim diswan, taem baby bilong hem Rachel hem dae from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Hasband bilong hem sei: “Samting wea mifala sapraes long hem, hem hao mitufala Anne nating krae long funeral. Evriwan go ahed for krae.” So Anne sei olsem: “Hem tru, bat mi krae for mitufala. Mi barava feelim diswan samfala week bihaen, taem mi stap seleva long haos wantaem. Mi krae full day. Bat mi savve diswan hem helpem mi. Mi feel moabeta taem mi duim olsem. Mi mas krae from baby bilong mi hem dae. Mi barava biliv hao iu mas letem pipol wea sorre for krae. Nomata hem fasin bilong pipol for sei, ‘Iu no krae,’ datwan hem no helpem olketa.”

Wanem nao feeling bilong samfala taem samwan wea olketa lovem hem dae? For example, tingim Juanita. Hem savve long feeling wea woman garem taem hem lusim wanfala baby. Faevfala taem nao hem babule bat baby hem nogud. Distaem hem babule moa. So taem hem accident long trak and mas go long hospital, hem wari fogud. Bihaen long tufala week hem deliver—bat baby no redy. Bihaen long datwan Vanessa hem born—weight bilong hem just winim tu pound nomoa. “Mi hapi fogud,” Juanita hem sei. “Distaem nao mi wanfala mami!”

Bat hapi bilong hem for short taem nomoa. Fofala day bihaen, Vanessa hem dae. Juanita sei: “Mi feel olsem no eni samting stap insaed long mi. Wei wea mi kamap mami hem finis nao. Mi feel olsem mi missim wanfala samting. Mi feel  nogud tumas taem mi kam long haos and long rum wea mifala redyim for Vanessa and lukim olketa smolfala shirt mi baem for hem. For next tufala month, mi tingim moa day wea mi bornem hem. Mi nating laek for kaban witim eniwan.”

Waswe, hem ova tumas long feeling? Maet hem hard for nara pipol minim diswan, bat olketa wea kasem sem samting olsem Juanita, talem hao olketa sorre for baby bilong olketa olsem wei for sorre for samwan wea laef longtaem. Longtaem bifor pikinini hem born, dadi and mami bilong hem lovem hem finis. Hem garem spesol kaen wei for fren witim mami. Taem datfala baby hem dae, mami hem feelim olsem wanfala really man hem lus. And datwan hem samting wea nara pipol need for minim.

Nara mami hem showimaot feeling bilong hem taem olketa talem hem son bilong hem wea six year hem dae from problem long heart. “Mi kasem planti difren kaen feeling—olsem no feelim eniting, hard for bilivim, feel guilty, and feel kros long hasband bilong mi and disfala doctor for no luksavve hao hem garem wanfala bigfala problem.”

Fasin for feel kros hem wanfala saen bilong sorre. Maet man feel kros long olketa doctor and nurse, and feel olsem olketa shud duim moa samting for lukaftarem datwan wea dae. Or maet hem feel kros long olketa fren and relative wea, luk olsem, olketa talem or duim rong samting. Samfala feel kros long datwan wea dae from hem no lukaftarem gud health bilong hem. Stella hem sei: “Mi rememberim wei wea mi feel kros long hasband bilong mi from mi savve diswan no need for happen. Hem bin sik fogud, bat hem no lisin long olketa warning bilong doctor.” And samfala taem man hem feel kros long datwan wea dae from hevi wea dae bilong hem putim long olketa wea laef yet.

Samfala feel guilty from olketa feel kros—wea minim, maet olketa daonem olketa seleva from olketa feel kros. Samfala blamem olketa seleva taem samwan wea olketa lovem hem dae. “Hem bae no dae,” olketa sei, “sapos mi bin forcem hem for go lukim doctor kwiktaem” or “forcem hem for lukim narafala doctor” or “forcem hem for lukaftarem gud health bilong hem.”

 For olketa narawan, wei wea olketa feel guilty hem moa big, and hem moa tru sapos datwan wea olketa lovem hem dae kwiktaem nomoa. Olketa start for tingim moa olketa taem wea olketa feel kros long datwan wea dae or raoa witim hem. Or maet olketa feel olsem olketa no bin duim planti samting for datwan wea dae.

Wei wea mami hem sorre for longtaem pruvim samting wea planti savveman sei, hao taem pikinini dae, hem olsem dadi and mami lusim wanfala part long laef bilong olketa, and hem moa tru for mami.

Dae bilong wanfala marit partner savve givim narakaen pain, and hem moa tru sapos tufala bin garem gudfala laef tugeta. Hem minim full living bilong tufala wea olketa sharem tugeta hem finis nao, gogo bilong olketa, waka, hapitaem, and wei wea olketa depend long each other.

Eunice hem talem samting wea happen taem hasband bilong hem dae kwiktaem nomoa from wanfala heart attak. “Long firstfala week, mi feel olsem evri feeling bilong mi hem dae, olsem mi kanduit for duim samting. Mi no teistim or smelem samting tu. Tingting bilong mi hem  olabaot lelebet. From mi bin stap witim hasband bilong mi taem olketa iusim CPR and medicine for helpem hem, kaen wei for no acceptim wanem hem happen no affectim mi. Nomata olsem, mi barava feel iusles nao, olsem mi lukim wanfala car hem kapsaet long saed bilong maunten and mi nating savve duim eni samting abaotem.”

Waswe, hem krae? “Yes, mi krae, and hem tru taem mi readim olketa card wea olketa givim mi. Each taem mi readim wanfala, mi krae. Hem helpem mi for go ahed long full day. Bat no eni samting savve helpem mi taem pipol ask abaotem feeling bilong mi. Hem tru, mi feel nogud tumas.”

Wanem nao helpem Eunice for deal witim sorre bilong hem? “Mi no tingim, bat mi disaed for go ahed witim laef bilong mi,” hem sei. “Bat, samting wea still mekem mi sorre hem taem mi remember hao hasband bilong mi, wea lovem tumas laef, hem no stap for enjoyim diswan.”

Pipol wea raetem buk Leavetaking—When and How to Say Goodbye, sei olsem: “No letem nara pipol talem iu wanem for duim or hao iu mas feel. Wei wea each man feel sorre hem difren. Nara pipol maet ting olsem—and talem iu hao olketa ting—iu sorre tumas or iu nating sorre nomoa. Forgivim olketa and forget abaotem. Sapos iu trae for forcem iuseleva for followim tingting bilong nara pipol, bae hem hard for feeling bilong iu kamap gud moa.”

Hem tru, difren kaen pipol deal witim sorre long olketa difren wei. Mifala no trae for sei wanfala wei hem moabeta winim narawan for evri man. Bat, danger savve kamap taem man wea sorre no acceptim really samting wea happen. Then maet hem needim help bilong olketa fren wea kea for hem. Bible sei: “Wanfala trufala fren hem showimaot love evritaem, and hem wanfala brata wea born for taem bilong trabol.” So iu mas no fraet for lukaotem help, for toktok, and for krae.—Proverbs 17:17.

Hem fasin bilong man for sorre taem samwan dae, and hem no rong for pipol for lukim iu sorre. Bat, samfala moa kwestin needim ansa: ‘Hao nao mi savve live witim sorre bilong mi? Hem stret for feel guilty and kros? Hao nao mi mas deal witim olketa feeling olsem? Wanem samting nao savve helpem mi for stand strong taem samwan dae and mi sorre?’ Next sekson bae ansarem olketa kwestin hia and samfala kwestin moa.