Samfala savveman sei taem samwan iumi lovem hem dae datwan bae affectim iumi evriwan long sem wei. Bat iumi evriwan difren. Olsem example, maet samwan hem no showimaot feeling for sorre. Waswe, datwan minim hem no sorre, or hem haedem feeling bilong hem? Maet nomoa. Hem tru, wei for showimaot feeling savve helpem iumi for deal witim samting wea happen, bat iumi evriwan no semsem. Hao iumi deal witim samting wea happen savve depend long culture, wei bilong iumi, and hao man hem dae.

Taem samwan wea iumi lovem hem dae, maet iumi no savve hao datwan bae affectim iumi. Bat samfala samting wea happen hem semsem for staka pipol, olsem:

Sorre tumas. Samfala savve gohed krae, misstim tumas man wea dae, or kwiktaem for feel nogud. Olketa savve dream abaotem and tingim tumas man wea dae. Maet stretawe bihaen hem dae olketa no savve bilivim datwan. Tiina storyim feeling bilong hem taem seknomoa hasband bilong hem dae. Hem sei: “Firstaem mi seke and mi no savve tingting gud. Mi no savve krae tu. Samfala taem mi faendem hem hard for brith. Mi no savve bilivim hem dae.”

Samfala taem man bae wari, kros, and feel guilty. Ivan sei: “Mitufala lusim son bilong mitufala, Eric, taem hem 24 year nomoa. For longfala taem bihaen datwan, mi and waef bilong mi, Yolanda, feel kros tumas. Mitufala sapraes long datfala feeling bikos mitufala evriwan no man for kros. And tu, mitufala feel guilty, bikos mitufala tingse mifala savve duim moa samting for helpem Eric.” Alejandro, wea waef bilong hem sik for longtaem then hem dae, hem tu feel guilty. Hem sei: “Firstaem mi tingse sapos God hem letem nogud samting olsem for kasem mi, masbi mi nogud man nao. Then mi feel guilty, bikos hem olsem mi blamem God for wanem hem happen long waef bilong mi.” And Kostas, wea iumi storyim long firstfala article, sei: “Samfala taem mi savve feel kros long Sophia from hem dae. Then mi feel guilty from mi garem tingting olsem. Mi savve hem no rong bilong Sophia.”

No savve tingting gud. Samfala maet faendem olketa no savve tingting stret samfala taem. Olsem example, maet samfala tingse olketa savve herem, feelim, or lukim man wea dae finis. Or samfala savve forgetim staka samting. Tiina sei: “Samfala taem samwan story long mi, bat mi no savve lisin gud long wanem hem storyim! Mi tingim nomoa olketa samting wea happen taem Timo dae. Mi wari from mi no savve tingting gud.”

No laek stap witim olketa narawan. Maet samfala savve kwiktaem for kros or feel shame taem olketa stap witim nara pipol. Kostas sei: “Mi no laek for hipap witim olketa wea marit. And mi no hapi taem mi hipap witim olketa wea singol tu.” Yolanda, waef bilong Ivan sei: “Samfala taem mi savve feel nogud long pipol wea komplenim problem bilong olketa. Mi tingse wanem mitufala deal witim hem big winim samting wea kasem olketa. And tu, taem samfala storyim gud samting wea pikinini bilong olketa duim, mi savve hapi long datwan, bat long semtaem hem no isi for lisin long olketa. Mitufala luksavve hem fitim for olketa narawan storyim kaen samting olsem, bat mifala no laek herem wanem olketa storyim.”

Problem saed long health. Samfala no laek kaikai, olketa lus weight, or no savve sleep gud. Aaron tingim wanem hem happen insaed year bihaen  dadi bilong hem dae. Hem sei: “Mi no savve sleep gud. Evri naet mi savve wekap long sem taem and tingim dadi bilong mi.”

Alejandro sei hem savve feel sik, bat hem no savve why. Hem sei: “Tu-thri taem nao mi go long doctor and doctor sei mi healthy nomoa. Mi tingse mi feel olsem from mi sorre tumas.” Gogo Alejandro kamap gud. Nomata olsem, hem stret samting for hem go lukim doctor. Taem man sorre datwan savve mekem hem isi for kasem sik, or mekem sik wea hem garem for kamap worse.

No savve duim samfala important samting. Ivan sei: “Bihaen Eric hem lus mitufala mas storyim datwan long olketa relative and fren bilong mifala, and tu, mifala mas talem boss bilong hem and man wea ownim haos wea hem rentim. Mitufala mas fulimap staka legal form tu. And mifala mas wakemaot wanem for duim witim olketa samting wea Eric ownim. Hem no isi for duim olketa samting hia bikos mitufala stress and taed.

For samfala narawan, samting wea hard tumas long olketa hem taem olketa mas duim samting wea man wea dae finis savve duim bifor. Hem nao samting wea happen long Tiina. Hem sei: “Long bifor, Timo nao savve lukaftarem selen bilong mitufala and olketa nara samting saed long bisnis. Bihaen hem lus mi nao mas duim olketa samting hia and datwan mekem mi barava stress. Mi wari nogud mi no fit for duim datwan.”

Olsem iumi storyim finis, taem samwan iumi lovem hem dae iumi savve sorre tumas and hem no isi for iumi deal witim datwan. Nomata olsem, sapos iumi savve hem no rong for feel olsem, datwan savve helpem iumi for deal witim samting wea kasem iumi. Tingim tu, feeling for sorre bae no affectim iumi evriwan long sem wei. And tu, samfala maet kasem comfort from olketa savve wei for feel sorre tumas bihaen samwan hem dae hem normal samting nomoa.

Iu savve hapi moa: Iumi barava sorre taem samwan iumi lovem hem dae. Nomata olsem, datfala feeling bae isisi katdaon. Datwan no minim iu bae forgetim man wea dae. Samfala taem bae iu feel sorre taem iu tingim hem. Maet seknomoa iu rememberim samting wea kasem iutufala, or maet long anniversary bae iu barava tingim hem. Bat isisi bae iu no feel sorre tumas. Staka wea lusim samwan wea olketa lovem, gogo, olketa start for hapi and enjoyim laef moa. Samting wea helpem olketa hia hem sapot wea olketa kasem from olketa famili member and fren, and wei wea olketa traem best for deal witim samting wea happen.

Wanem taem nao bae sorre hem finis? Samfala start for feel gud lelebet bihaen tu-thri month. Bat for olketa narawan, hem maet tek wan or tufala year for olketa start for kamap gud. And samfala maet needim moa taem. * Alejandro sei: “Mi sorre tumas for samting olsem thrifala year.”

Iu mas patient. Duim nomoa wanem iu fit for duim, and tu, luksavve feeling for sorre bae no gohed for olowe. Bat waswe, eni samting iu savve duim wea bae helpem iu for deal witim feeling for sorre and no gohed sorre for longfala taem?