IBIJANYE n’amahera birashobora kuba kimwe mu bintu bigorana cane gusumba ibindi vyose ko umugabo n’umugore babiganirako batekanye. Ntibitangaje kuba akenshi amahera ari yo aza mu kibanza ca mbere mu bintu bikunze gutuma abubakanye bahazuka.

Abubakanye badafise uburimbane mu bijanye n’ukuntu babona ivy’amahera boshobora kugira imikazo, bagacanamwo, bakagira umubabaro mu mutima, eka mbere bagatosekaza ubucuti bafitaniye n’Imana. (1 Timoteyo 6:9, 10) Abavyeyi badashoboye gutorera umuti ibibazo bijanye n’amahera boshobora guca babona ko babwirizwa kurushiriza gukora, ivyo bigatuma badashigikira abana babo, na bo ubwabo ntibaremeshanye mu bijanye n’ubucuti bafitaniye n’Imana. Baba kandi bariko bigisha abana babo kudakora ibitegereka mu bijanye n’amahera.

Bibiliya iriyemerera iti: “Amahera a[ra]kingira umuntu.” (Umusiguzi 7:12, NW) Ariko amahera azokingira umubano wanyu w’abubatse be n’umuryango wanyu igihe gusa muzokwiga, atari ukuntu mwoyacungera vyonyene, ariko kandi mukiga n’ukuntu mwoganira n’uwo mwubakanye ibijanye na yo. b Nkako, aho kuba ibitera amahane, ibiyago bijanye n’ivy’amahera birashobora vy’ukuri gukomeza ubucuti buri hagati y’abubakanye.

Ariko none, ni kubera iki amahera atera ingorane nyinshi cane mu mubano w’ababiranye? Vyongeye, ni intambwe ngirakamaro izihe mushobora gutera kugira ngo mutume amahera aba ikintu cubaka mwoganirako aho kuba igitera amahane?

Akenshi, ukudahuza mu bijanye n’amahera ntikuba vy’ukuri guhagaze ku yo umuntu aba arishe canke ayo afashe ideni, ahubwo kuba guhagaze ku kutizigirana canke ku kugira ubwoba. Nk’akarorero, umunega yama igihe cose abaza umukenyezi wiwe ukuntu yakoresheje amahera naho aba yaguze akantu gatoyi yoshobora kuba vy’ukuri ariko yerekana ko atizigiye ko umukenyezi wiwe ashoboye gukoresha neza amahera y’umuryango. Umukenyezi na we aguma yidoga ngo umunega wiwe aziganya amahera make cane, yoshobora mu vy’ukuri kuba ariko aserura ko afise ubwoba bw’uko ibintu vyoshobora gushika muri kazoza bizotuma umuryango umererwa nabi mu vy’ubutunzi.

Vyongeye, imibano y’abubatse irahangana n’iyindi ntambamyi, iyo na yo ikaba ijanye n’ivyo umuntu yakuriyemwo. Uwitwa Matthew, uno akaba amaze imyaka umunani yubatse, avuga ati: “Umukenyezi wanje ava mu muryango wakoresha neza amahera. Ntahagarika umutima nk’uko jewe ndawuhagarika. Dawe yari yariziziwe n’inzoga hamwe n’itabi kandi  yama amara igihe kirekire ata kazi afise. Akenshi ntitwashobora kuronka ibintu vya nkenerwa, kandi ivyo vyatumye mba umuntu atinya cane kuja mw’ideni. Rimwe na rimwe, ubwo bwoba buratuma ntatahura umukenyezi wanje ku bijanye n’amahera.” Imvo ituma mudahuza yaba iyihe, ni ibiki mwokora kugira ngo amahera mufise agire ico aterereye mu mubano wanyu aho kuwusambura?

Bibiliya si igitabu kigenewe gutanga ubuyobozi mu bijanye no gukoresha amahera. Ariko rero, irimwo ubukerebutsi ngirakamaro bushobora gufasha umugabo n’umugore kwirinda ingorane zishingiye ku mahera. Mubona gute murimbuye impanuro itanga maze mukagerageza gukoresha izo nama mugirwa aho hepfo?

1. Nimwige kuganira ibijanye n’amahera mutekanye.

“Mu baja inama hari ubukerebutsi.” (Imigani 13:10, NW) Bivanye n’ivyo wakuriyemwo, woshobora kwumva ubuyega igihe uriko uragisha inama abandi bantu ku bijanye n’amahera, na canecane igihe ari uwo mwubakanye. Naho ari ukwo, biraranga ubukerebutsi wize kuganira n’abandi kuri ico kibazo gihambaye. Nk’akarorero, ni kubera iki utodondorera uwo mwubakanye ukuntu wibaza ko ingene abavyeyi bawe babona ivy’amahera kwoshobora kuba kwaragize ico kugukozeko? Ikindi kandi, nugerageze gutahura ukuntu ivyo uwo mwubakanye yakuriyemwo vyagize ico bikora ku kuntu abona ivy’amahera.

Ntimukwiye kurindira ko ingorane yaduka kugira ngo muganire ivy’amahera. Umwanditsi umwe wa Bibiliya yabajije ati: “Mbega babiri bojana bataraganye?” (Amosi 3:3) None iyo ngingo ngenderwako yoshirwa mu ngiro gute? Igihe muraganye umwanya munaka muzoza muraganira ibijanye n’ivy’amahera, bituma mugabanya amahane yoshobora kuvyuka aturutse ku gutahurana ukutari kwo.

2. Nimwemeranye ku kuntu amahera umuryango uronka akwiye kubonwa.

“Mu vyo guterana iteka mube aba mbere.” (Abaroma 12:10) Niba ari wewe wenyene uronka umushahara, urashobora gutera iteka uwo mwubakanye mu kubona ko amahera winjiza ari ay’umuryango, aho kuyabona nk’ayawe bwite.​—1 Timoteyo 5:8.

Nimba wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mwempi muhembwa, murashobora guterana iteka mu kubwirana amahera muhembwa uko angana be n’ibintu nyamukuru muyakoresha ivyo ari vyo. Uhishije uwo mwubakanye ikintu na kimwe muri ivyo, woshobora gutuma ukwizigirana mufitaniye kugabanuka, ugatuma ubucuti bwanyu butosekara. Si ngombwa ngo urinde kugisha inama uwo mwubakanye imbere yo kugura akantu ako ari ko kose. Ariko igihe muganira imbere yo kugura ibintu bizimvye, uba werekanye ko uha agaciro iciyumviro c’uwo mwubakanye.

3. Nimwandike ivyo mutegekanya gukora.

“Niwategekanya ibintu kandi ugakora ukobeje, uzoronka vyinshi.” (Imigani 21:5, Contemporary English Version) Uburyo bumwe bwo gutegekaniriza kazoza maze mukirinda gupfisha ubusa ubutame bwanyu, ni ugutegekanya amahera umuryango uzokoresha. Uwitwa Nina, uno akaba amaze imyaka itanu yubatse, avuga ati: “Kwandika ku rupapuro amahera umuryango uronka be n’ayo ukoresha, birugurura amaso vy’ukuri. Biratuma ata guharira kubaho kubera muba mwibonera ingene ibintu bimeze vy’ukuri.”

Uburyo mwikorako mu gutegekanya amahera muzokoresha ntibikenewe ko buba ubuhanitse. Uwitwa Darren, uno akaba amaze imyaka 26 yubatse kandi akaba ari se w’abahungu babiri, avuga ati: “Ubwa mbere twakoresha amabahasha mu gukoresha amahera. Twarashira mu mabahasha atandukanye amahera tuzokoresha mu ndwi twaba dutanguye. Nk’akarorero, twari dufise ibahasha ryajamwo amahera y’ibifungurwa, iryajamwo ayo tuzokoresha mu kwisamaza, eka mbere n’iryajamwo ayo kwimwesha. Igihe amahera yo mw’ibahasha rimwe yaba akeshe, twaca twigurana mu rindi mugabo tukama nantaryo turaba neza ko twasubije ayo mahera  muri iryo bahasha vuba bishoboka.” Nimba ari gake uriha amahera abona, ukaba uhora ukoresha isheki, birahambaye cane ko utegekanya ingene uzokoresha amahera kandi ukaguma usuzuma ingene uyakoresha.

4. Nimwemeranye ku kintu umwe wese azokora.

“Babiri baruta umwe, kuko baronka impēra kubg’ubutame bgabo.” (Umusiguzi 4:9, 10) Mu miryango imwimwe, umunega ni we yitwararika ivy’amahera. Mu yindi na ho, umukenyezi ni we yitwararika iryo banga. (Imigani 31:10-28) Ariko rero imiryango myinshi, ihitamwo gufadikanya iryo banga. Uwitwa Mario, uno akaba amaze imyaka 21 yubatse, avuga ati: “Umukenyezi wanje yitwararika ivy’amahera aba akeneye kurihwa be n’ivy’ibintu bitobito tuba dukeneye kugura. Jewe nitwararika ivy’amakori, ivy’amasezerano ajanye n’ivy’amahera, be n’ivyo kuriha amahera y’inzu. Tuguma duhanahana amakuru y’ukuntu ibintu vyifashe kandi dukora dufatanye mu nda.” Uburyo mukoresha bwaba ubuhe, igihambaye ni uko mukora musenyera ku mugozi umwe.

Ibiganiro mugira ku bijanye n’amahera ntibikwiye kugabanya urukundo mufitaniye. Uwitwa Leah, uno akaba amaze imyaka itanu yubatse, yasanze ico kintu ari ic’ukuri. Avuga ati: “Jewe n’umunega wanje twarize kuganira ku bijanye n’amahera ata kwitinya kandi ata guhishanya. Ivyo vyatumye dukora dufatanye mu nda, kandi urukundo dukundana rwarongerekanye.”

Igihe umugabo n’umugore baganira ku bijanye n’ingene bipfuza gukoresha amahera, barasangira ivyizigiro be n’ivyipfuzo bafise maze bakaba berekanye ko biyemeje kuzigama indagano bagiraniye. Igihe umwe agisha inama uwundi imbere yo kugura ibintu bizimvye, baba berekanye ko umwumwe wese yubahiriza ivyiyumviro n’inyiyumvo vy’uwundi. Igihe umwe ahaye uwundi akaryo ko gukoresha igitigiri kinaka c’amahera atarinze kumugisha inama, baba berekanye ko bizigirana. Ivyo ni ibintu vyerekana ubucuti burangwa urukundo vy’ukuri. Nta gukeka ko mwene ubwo bucuti buzimvye kurusha amahera ahera; ni kubera iki none mwohazuka muyapfa?