IBIJANYE n’umubano w’ababiranye birashobora kuba ari urugamba, mugabo iyo umwe mu bubakanye arwaye indwara iteba gukira mu gihe uwundi afise amagara meza, ibintu bitesha umutwe birashobora kwongerekana. b Woba uriko uritwararika uwo mwubakanye afise amagara make? Nimba ari ukwo bimeze, hoba hari ikibazo na kimwe mu bikurikira coba kikuraje ishinga: ‘Mbega nzovyifatamwo gute uwo twubakanye niyaguma asinzikara? Mbega nzokwitwararika gushika ryari uwo twubakanye nongera nkora ibikorwa vyose bijanye no guteka, kugira isuku be no kuja ku kazi? Kubera iki kuba ari jewe nkomeye bituma niyagiriza?’

Yamara rero, nimba ari wewe urwaye mu bubakanye, woshobora kwibaza uti: ‘Noshobora gute kwumva ko hari ico maze igihe ntashoboye gushitsa amabanga njejwe? Uwo twubakanye yoba amfitiye agashavu kubera yuko ndwaye? Mbega ivy’agahimbare kacu k’ababiranye vyoba birangiye?’

Ikibabaje ni uko imibano imwimwe yasambutse bivuye ku kuba umwe mu bubakanye arwaye indwara iteba gukira. Ariko rero, ivyo ntibisobanura ko umubano wanyu ubwirizwa gusambuka.

Abubakanye benshi baguma babana mbere bakanarushiriza guhimbarwa naho haba harimwo uwurwaye indwara iteba gukira. Rimbura nk’akarorero ivyerekeye Yoshiaki na Kazuko. Indwara y’uruti rw’umugongo yatumye Yoshiaki adashobora no kwiyegura ata muntu amufashije. Kazuko asigura ati: “Umunega wanje akenera gufashwa mu kantu kose. Kubera ukumwitwararika, vyatumye mbabara izosi, ibitugu be n’amaboko, kandi nama nja kwivuza mu bitaro bivura abantu bafise ingorane mu ngingo z’umubiri. Akenshi numva ko kumwitwararika bindengera.” Ariko rero naho Kazuko afise izo ngorane, avuga ati: “Ubucuti dufitaniye n’uwo twubakanye bwararushirije gukomera.”

None ni ikintu nyamukuru ikihe gituma haba agahimbare mu bihe mwene ivyo? Kimwe coco, abantu baguma bafise agahimbare n’ugushira akanyota ku rugero runaka mu mubano wabo, babona ko iyo ndwara atari ingorane ishikiye nyene kuyirwara gusa, ariko ko ari iyo basangiye bompi uko bubakanye. Nakare, iyo umwe mu bubakanye arwaye, bompi  biragira ico bibakozeko cane, naho ivyo biba mu buryo butandukanye. Ubwo bucuti bw’ukuba magiriranire buri hagati y’umugabo n’umugore wiwe buradondorwa mw’​Itanguriro 2:24, ahagira hati: “Umuntu azosiga se na nyina, [abane] n’umugore wiwe akaramata, ba[be] umubiri umwe.” (Ni twe dushimitse) Ku bw’ivyo, igihe umwe mu bubakanye arwaye indwara imara igihe kirekire, birahambaye cane ko umunega n’umukenyezi bompi basenyera ku mugozi umwe kugira ngo batsinde iyo ngorane.

Vyongeye, ubushakashatsi bwerekana ko abubakanye baguma bafitaniye ubucuti bwiza igihe bahanganye n’indwara iteba gukira usanga baba bemera uko ivyabo vyifashe maze bakiga uburyo ngirakamaro bwo guhuza na vyo. Bwinshi mu buhinga bize bwo kuvyifatamwo neza burahuza n’impanuro zidata igihe dusanga muri Bibiliya. Rimbura inama zitatu zikurikira tugirwa.

Mu Musiguzi 4:9 havuga hati: “Babiri baruta umwe.” Uti kubera iki? Umurongo wa 10 urasigura igituma uti: “Umwe ni yatemba mugenzi we azomuvyura.” None woba ‘uvyura mugenzawe’ mu kumubwira ko umushima?

Mwoba mushobora kurondera inzira zitandukanye zo gufashanya mu buryo ngirakamaro? Uwitwa Yong, uno akaba afise umukenyezi amugaye igice kimwe c’umubiri, avuga ati: “Ndagerageza kwitwararika umukenyezi wanje igihe cose. Igihe cose mba numva nyotewe, nca mbona ko na we nyene yoshobora kuba anyotewe. Igihe nipfuje kuja gufata akayaga ngo mbe nditegereza ukuntu hanze haryoheye ijisho, ndamubaza nimba yokwipfuza ko tujana. Turasangira umubabaro kandi turafatana mu mugongo mu kwihanganira uko ibintu vyifashe.”

Ku rundi ruhande, nimba uriko uritwararikwa n’uwo mwubakanye, hoba hariho ibintu bimwebimwe ushobora kwikorera utarinze gutuma amagara yawe abangamirwa? Nimba bishoboka, ivyo birashobora gutuma urushiriza kwumva ko hari ico umaze kandi vyoshobora kugira ico biterereye kugira ngo uwo mwubakanye ashobore kubandanya akwitwararika.

Aho kwiyumvira yuko uzi uburyo bwiza kuruta ubundi bwose bwo kugaragaza ko witwararika uwo mwubakanye, ni kubera iki utomubaza icomushimisha kuruta ibindi vyose? Nancy, umwe twavuga mu ntangamarara, yahavuye abwira umunega wiwe ukuntu kutamenya ingene ubutunzi bw’umuryango bwifashe vyagira ico bimukozeko. Ubu umunega wiwe arakora uko ashoboye kwose kugira ngo arushirize kumumenyesha ingene ibintu vyifashe muri uwo muce.

Wa Mwami w’inkerebutsi Salomo yanditse ati: “Ikintu cose cashingiwe igihe caco.” (Umusiguzi 3:1) Ariko rero, kugumana urutonde rurimwo uburimbane vyoshobora gusa n’ibidashoboka, bivuye ku ngaruka zibabaje indwara iteba gukira ishobora kugira ku vyo umuryango umenyereye gukora. Ni ibiki none mwokora kugira ngo mushobore kugira uburimbane n’imiburiburi ku rugero runaka?

Mwoshobora kuza muracishamwo mudahorereza mukiyumvira ibindi atari imyitwarariko ikomeye y’ivy’amagara. Mwoba mugishobora kwinovora ibintu bimwebimwe mwahora mukorera hamwe imbere yuko iyo ndwara yaduka? Nimba bidashoboka, ni ibikorwa bishasha ibihe mwoshobora kugerageza gukora? Vyoshobora kuba ari ibintu bisanzwe nko kuza umwumwe asomera uwundi canke bikaba ibintu bitoroshe nko kwiga urundi rurimi. Gukorera hamwe ibintu iyo ndwara itababuza gukora bizokomeza ubucuti mufitaniye bwo kuba muri “umubiri umwe” maze vyongereze agahimbare mufise.

Ikindi kintu gifasha kugumana uburimbane ni ukwifatanya n’abandi. Bibiliya ivuga mu Migani 18:1, iti: “Uwigungira ukwiwe aba arondera ivyo yiharije gusa, kand’arwanya inama nziza zose.” Woba wabonye yuko uwo murongo werekana ko ukwigungira ukwa wenyene bishobora kugira ingaruka mbi ku muzirikanyi? Igitandukanye n’ivyo, kuza muracishamwo mukifatanya n’abandi birashobora gutuma mwumva mumerewe neza maze bigafasha kugira ngo mugarure ubwenge. Ni kubera iki none mutokwibwiriza gutumira umuntu munaka ngo aze kubatemberera?

Rimwe na rimwe, kugira uburimbane biragora abantu baba bariko baritwararika abo bubakanye. Bamwebamwe barakora ibintu vyinshi cane, ugasanga bukebuke barasanzaye, maze bigashira mu kaga amagara yabo bwite. Mu nyuma, vyoshobora mbere gutuma  batagishobora kubandanya kwitwararika uwo bubakanye bikundira. Ku bw’ivyo, nimba uriko uritwararika uwo mwubakanye arwaye indwara iteba gukira, ntiwirengagize ivyo wewe ubwawe ukeneye. Niwame utegekanya akanya umara utekanye kugira ngo wigarurire udutege. c Hari abasanze bifasha kuza rimwe na rimwe baraganirira imyitwarariko bafise umugenzi w’umwizigirwa baba basangiye igitsina.

Bibiliya igabisha iti: “Ntukavuge, uti Ni ku ki imisi ya kera iruta iy’ubu?” (Umusiguzi 7:10) Ku bw’ivyo, niwirinde kuguma wiyumvira uko ubuzima bwoshoboye kuba bumeze iyaba ata ndwara mufise. Niwibuke yuko muri iyi si, agahimbare kose kama kari n’aho kagarukira mu buryo bunaka. Ikintu nyamukuru cogufasha ng’aha, ni ukwemera uko ivyawe vyifashe maze ukavyifatamwo neza uko bishoboka kwose.

Ni igiki gishobora kugufasha n’uwo mwubakanye mu bijanye n’ivyo? Nimuganire ku bijanye n’imihezagiro mufise. Nimuhimbarwe n’utuntu muba muryohoye mu bijanye n’amagara yanyu naho twoba ari dutoya gute. Nimugerageze kubona ibintu mushobora kwitegana umushasharo, mwongere mushingire hamwe imigambi mushobora gushikako.

Umugabo yitwa Shoji n’umugore wiwe Akiko barashize mu ngiro iyo nama iri aho haruguru maze biravamwo ivyiza. Vyarashitse, inyuma y’aho Akiko bamutoreye indwara yo mu mitsi no mu ngingo yitwa fibromyalgie, babwirizwa guhagarika igikorwa kidasanzwe barangura mu murimo wa gikirisu w’igihe cose. Boba none baravunitse umutima? Birumvikana ko ari ukwo vyagenze. Ariko rero, Shoji arahanura umuntu wese ivyiwe vyoba vyifashe nk’ukwo, ati: “Ntiwice intege mu kwiyumvira ibintu utagishoboye gukora. Nugume ubona ibintu mu buryo bwiza. N’igihe nyene mwempi mwoba mufise icizigiro c’uko umusi uri izina muzosubira gukora ibintu nk’uko mwari musanzwe, ubu niwihatire kubona ubuzima bwawe nk’uko buri. Kuri jewe, ivyo bisobanura kwitwararika cane umukenyezi wanje be no kumufasha.” Iyo mpanuro ngirakamaro irashobora kugufasha na wewe nimba uwo mwubakanye akeneye kwitwararikwa mu buryo budasanzwe.