ABANTU benshi ntibohakana yuko kuronka abana ari kimwe mu bintu biteye umunezero kuruta ibindi mu buzima. Bibiliya ivuga ko abana ari “impera” iva ku Mana. (Zaburi 127:3) Abaheruka kwibaruka umwana wa mbere nka Charles na Mary barazi kandi ko abana bashobora gutuma haba ibihinduka mu mubano mu buryo batari biteze. Nk’akarorero, umukenyezi aheruka kwibaruka umwana wa mbere yoshobora gutwarwa no kwitwararika uruyoya rwiwe, agatangazwa n’ukuntu umubiri wiwe n’umutima wiwe bitihangana na gato igihe cose urwo ruyoya ruba ruri n’ico rukeneye, naho kaba ari akantu gatoyi. Umunega aheruka kuronka umwana wa mbere na we yoshobora gutangazwa n’ubucuti bukomeye buri hagati y’umukenyezi wiwe n’urwo ruyoya. Ariko yoshobora kandi kurazwa ishinga n’ukuntu bukwi na bukwi asa n’uwahebwe.

Kukaba nkako, iyo umwana wa mbere avutse vyoshobora gutera ingorane mu mubano. Ibibazo abavyeyi baba batatoreye umuti be n’ukuba umwe muri bo yari asanzwe yumva umengo ntiyitwararikwa vyoshobora kuzukuruka, ya myitwarariko ijanye n’ibanga ry’ubuvyeyi ikaba ari yo ituma bija ahabona kandi bikarushiriza kuba ibikomeye.

None abavyeyi baheruka kwibaruka umwana wa mbere bashobora gute kumenyera ayo mezi makeyi ya mbere arimwo ibikorwa vyinshi, aho usanga uruyoya rukeneye ko barwitwararika cane? Abubakanye bokora iki kugira ngo bazigame ubucuti somambike bafitaniye? Bashobora gute gutorera umuti ibintu badahurizako bijanye n’ibanga ry’ubuvyeyi? Reka twihweze imwimwe muri izo ngorane, duce turimbura ukuntu ingingo ngenderwako  zo muri Bibiliya zishobora gufasha abubatse kuzitorera umuti.

Uruyoya ruratwara umwanya wose n’ivyiyumviro vyose vya nyina. Umukenyezi arashobora kwumva ahimbawe cane no kwitwararika urwo ruyoya rwiwe. Muri ico gihe, umunega wiwe ashobora kwumva umenga ntiyitwararikwa. Manuel, uwuba muri Berezile, avuga ati: “Kuba umukenyezi wanje yararetse kunyitwararika akitwararika uruyoya rwacu ni ryo hinduka ryangoye kwihanganira gusumba ayandi yose. Kare yari jewe n’umukenyezi wanje gusa, ariko bukwi na bukwi bari basigaye ari umukenyezi wanje n’urwo ruyoya.” Ushobora gute none guhangana n’iryo hinduka rikomeye?

Icobafasha: Nube umuntu yihangana.

Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Urukundo ruriyumanganya kandi rugira ubuntu.” Urukundo “ntirurondera inyungu zarwo bwite, ntirukaza ishavu.” (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5) Igihe uruyoya ruvutse, umunega n’umukenyezi bashobora gute gushira mu ngiro iyo mpanuro?

Umunega w’inkerebutsi arerekana ko akunda umukenyezi wiwe mu kurondera kumenya inkurikizi ivuka ry’umwana rigira ku mugore haba ku mubiri canke mu bwenge. Ivyo abigize, azotahura igituma uko umukenyezi yiyumva gushobora kuza kurahindagurika bukwi na bukwi. * Adam, uwuba mu Bufaransa akaba na se w’agakobwa k’amezi 11, ubwiwe avuga ati: “Kuba ukuntu umukenyezi wanje yiyumva kuza kurahindagurika, rimwe na rimwe biragoye kwihanganira. Ariko ndagerageza kwibuka ko iyo ashavuye ataba vy’ukuri ari jewe ashavuriye. Ahubwo, biba bitewe n’imyitwarariko atari amenyereye ijanye n’ibihe bishasha turimwo.”

Vyoba bishika umukenyezi wawe agatahura ukutari ko utwigoro ugira urondera kumufasha? Nimba bishika, ntiwihutire kubabara. (Umusiguzi 7:9) Ahubwo, aho gushira imbere ivyo wewe ukeneye, nugerageze gushira imbere ivyo we akeneye ubigiranye ukwihangana, gutyo uzokwirinda gushavura.​—Imigani 14:29.

Ku rundi ruhande, umukenyezi atahura ibintu azogerageza kuremesha umunega wiwe muri iryo banga ryiwe rishasha. Azomushiramwo mu vyo kwitwararika umwana, amwereke yihanganye ingene bahindurira umwana ivyahi canke ingene bategura amata y’umwana, naho mu ntango yosa n’uwutabikora neza.

Inabibondo umwe w’imyaka 26 yitwa Ellen yariyemereye ko vyabaye ngombwa ko agira ivyo ahinduye mu kuntu yafata umunega wiwe. Avuga ati: “Nategerezwa kutihariza uruyoya. Kandi nategerezwa kwiyibutsa ko ntakwiye kuba intashima igihe umunega wanje yaba agerageje gukurikiza inama namugiriye ku bijanye no kwitaho umwana.”

Abavyeyi benshi baheruka kwibaruka umwana wa mbere, kubera ko baba baruhijwe n’ukudasinzira neza be n’ingorane batari biteze, birababera urugamba kuguma bafitaniye ubucuti somambike. Inabibondo umwe wo mu Bufaransa afise abana babiri yitwa Vivianne yiyemerera ibi: “Mu ntango nibanda kw’ibanga ryo kuba inabibondo ku buryo nahakwa gusanga nibagiye rwose ibanga mfise ryo kuba umukenyezi.”

Ku rundi ruhande, umunega arashobora kudatahura ko hari ico imbanyi yakoze ku mukenyezi  wiwe, ku mubiri no mu kuntu yiyumva. Uruyoya rurashobora gutwara umwanya wose n’inguvu zose mwempi mwahora mukoresha kugira ngo mugume mufitaniye igishika kandi mugumane ubucuti somambike mu vy’amabanga y’abubatse. None abubakanye bashobora gukora iki kugira ngo ako kayoya kabo ata co kishoboje bikundira ntikabe ikintu kibatandukanya?

Icobafasha: Nimukurane amazinda yuko mukundana.

Mu kudondora umubano w’ababiranye, Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Umugabo azosiga se na nyina [yifatanye] n’umugore wiwe maze ba[be] umubiri umwe.” * (Itanguriro 2:24) Yehova Imana yategekanije ko amaherezo umwana yosize abavyeyi biwe. Ariko Imana yiteze ko umunega n’umukenyezi wiwe baguma ari umubiri umwe igihe cose baba bakiriho. (Matayo 19:3-9) Gutahura ico kintu bishobora gute gufasha abubakanye bafise uruyoya kuguma bashira imbere ibibereye kuja imbere?

Umwe Vivianne twavuga agira ati: “Narazirikanye ku majambo ari mw’⁠Itanguriro 2:24, kandi uwo murongo waramfashije gutahura ko nabaye ‘umubiri umwe’ n’umunega wanje, ko ntabaye ‘umubiri umwe’ n’umwana wanje. Narabonye ko bikenewe gukomeza umubano wacu.” Theresa nyina w’agakobwa k’imyaka ibiri avuga ati: “Iyo ntanguye kwumva umengo ntitukiri kumwe n’umunega wanje, ubwo nyene nca nigora nkamwitwararika rwose, naho koba ari akanya gato gusa buri musi.”

Nimba uri umunega, ushobora gukora iki kugira ukomeze umubano wanyu? Nubwire umukenyezi wawe ko umukunda. Ayo majambo umubwira nuyashigikize ibikorwa biranga ikibabarwe. Nugire akigoro kavuye ku mutima kugira ngo umukenyezi wawe umukure amazinda yoba afise. Inabibondo umwe w’imyaka 30 yitwa Sarah avuga ati: “Umukenyezi arakeneye kumenya ko agifise agaciro kandi ko agikundwa, naho umubiri wiwe uba utakimeze nk’uko wari imbere y’uko yibungenga.” Alan, uwuba mu Budagi akaba na se w’uduhungu tubiri, arabona ko abakenyezi bakeneye kuremeshwa. Avuga ati: “Namye ngerageza kubera umukenyezi wanje uruhoza.”

Birumvikana ko iyo umwana avutse bihungabanya imigenderanire y’abavyeyi biwe mu bijanye n’amabanga y’abubatse. Rero umunega n’umukenyezi barakeneye kuganira ku vyo umwumwe wese akeneye. Bibiliya ivuga ko kugira ngo abubatse bagire ivyo bahinduye ku bijanye n’amabanga y’abubatse bobanza ‘kuvyumvikana.’ (1 Abakorinto 7:1-5) Ivyo bisaba kuyaga. Bivanye n’ukuntu warezwe canke imico kama wakuriyemwo, vyoshobora kutakworohera kuvugana n’uwo mwubakanye ivy’amabanga y’abubatse. Ariko ivyo biganiro birahambaye kugira ngo abubakanye bamenyere ibanga ry’ubuvyeyi. Nube umuntu w’umunyempuhwe, yihangana kandi w’imvugakuri. (1 Abakorinto 10:24) Gutyo muzokwirinda gutahurana nabi mwongere mukomeze urukundo mufitaniye.​—1 Petero 3:7, 8.

Abubakanye barashobora kandi gukomeza urukundo bafitaniye mu gukengurukiranira. Umunega w’inkerebutsi azomenya ko vyinshi mu bikorwa uwo inabibondo mushasha akora bidashoka vyibonekeza. Vivianne avuga ati: “Umusi urangiye, kenshi numva umenga nta co nakoze, naho mba nakoze vyinshi mu kwitwararika  umwana umwanya wose!” Umukenyezi atahura ibintu, naho yoba akora vyinshi, azokwirinda gufatira mu rwara intererano umunega atanga mu muryango.​—Imigani 17:17.

Abubakanye boshobora gusanga ivyo bakuriyemwo bituma badahuza. Inabibondo umwe w’Umuyapanikazi yitwa Asami n’umunega wiwe Katsuro, baragize iyo ngorane. Asami avuga ati: “Nabona ko Katsuro afyinisha cane agakobwa kacu, na we akabona ko jewe ndagakarira.” Woshobora gute kwirinda gusanga uriko urarwanya uwo mwubakanye?

Icobafasha: Nimuganire n’uwo mwubakanye kandi mushigikirane.

Wa Mwami w’inkerebutsi Salomo yanditse ati: “Kubera ukwita imbere, umuntu atera intambara gusa, mugabo mu baja inama hari ubukerebutsi.” (Imigani 13:10) Uzi ibingana iki ku bijanye n’ukuntu uwo mwubakanye abona ibijanye no kurera abana? Murindiriye gushika umwana avutse ngo abe ari ho muganira ibibazo binaka ku bijanye no kurera abana, mwoshobora gusanga muriko muranyinyurana n’uwo mwubakanye aho gutorera umuti ingorane.

Nk’akarorero, ni inyishu izihe mwumvikanyeko ku bibazo bikurikira: “Twokwigisha gute umwana wacu utumenyero twiza mu vyo gufungura no mu vyo kuryama? Twoba twokwama duterura umwana igihe cose arize mu mwanya wo kuryama? Twomenyereza gute umwana ingene yovyifatamwo ashatse kwituma?” Birumvikana ko ingingo muzofata zishobora kuba zitandukanye n’izo abandi bavyeyi bofata. Se w’abana babiri yitwa Ethan avuga ati: “Murakeneye kuganira kugira ngo mubone ibintu kumwe. Gutyo muzoshobora kuronsa umwana wanyu ivyo aba akeneye mufatanye mu nda.”

Nk’uko nyene abantu babiri bataramenyera kuvuza ingoma usanga bakeneye umwanya n’ukwihangana kugira ngo bashobore kuzivuza bajana neza, murakeneye umwanya kugira ngo mumenyere amabanga mashasha ajanye n’ubuvyeyi. Ariko muzogera aho mwumva ko mwamenyereye.

Kurera abana bizokwerekana nimba ufatana agaciro umubano wawe vyongere bihindure gushika ibihe bidahera ubucuti mufitaniye. Ariko kandi, bizoguha akaryo ko gutsimbataza kamere z’agaciro. Niwashira mu ngiro impanuro ziranga ubukerebutsi ziri muri Bibiliya, bizokugendera nk’uko vyagendeye sebibondo umwe yitwa Kenneth. Avuga ati: “Kurera abana vyaragize ikintu ciza bikoze kuri jewe no ku mukenyezi wanje. Ubu umwe wese ntakibabaye ivyiwe gusa, kandi twararushirije gukundana no gutahurana.” Amahinduka nk’ayo nta wobura kuyakiriza yompi mu mubano.