VYOBA bimaze kukugendera nk’ukwo kwa Will canke Rachel? Bompi barashaka guseruranira akari ku mutima, mugabo akenshi baca bavunika umutima. Kubera iki?

Abagabo n’abagore ntibaserura akari ku mutima kumwe, kandi umwe wese arafise inkenero yisangije. Umugore yoshobora kwipfuza cane guserura kenshi ukuntu yiyumva. Abagabo benshi bo usanga bagerageza kuzigama amahoro mu gutorera umuti ingorane ningoga na ningoga no mu kwirinda ibibazo bitoroshe. None worengera gute ivyo bintu abagabo n’abagore batandukaniyeko ugaserurira akari ku mutima uwo mwubakanye? Mu kumufatana icubahiro.

Umuntu yubaha abandi arabaha agaciro kandi akagerageza gutahura ukuntu biyumva. Kuva ukiri umwana, ushobora kuba warize kwubaha abantu bagusumvya ubukuru canke bakuboneye izuba. Ariko mu mubano urugamba utegerezwa kurwana ni urwo kwubaha umuntu musa n’abari ku rugero rumwe, ni ukuvuga uwo mwubakanye. Uwitwa Linda, akaba amaze imyaka umunani yubatse, avuga ati: “Nari nzi ko Phil yumviriza yihanganye uwundi muntu wese amuyagiye kandi akagerageza kumutahura. Nashaka ko nanje antahura nk’uko atahura abandi.” Ushobora kuba wumviriza wihanganye abagenzi eka mbere n’abo mubonanye ari ryo rya mbere kandi ukabavugisha n’icubahiro. Yamara none, woba ugira gutyo nyene no ku wo mwubakanye?

Kutubaha bituma mu rugo imitsi iranda maze hakaba indyane zikomeye. Umutegetsi umwe w’inkerebutsi yavuze ati: “Indumange irimw’amahoro iruta ibinoboye vyuzuye inzu birimw’imitongano.” (Imigani 17:1, Bibiliya Yera) Bibiliya ibwira umugabo ngo atere iteka umugore wiwe, ari kwo kumwubaha. (1 Petero 3:7) “Umugore” na we nyene “ategerezwa kugirira umugabo  wiwe icubahiro kigera kure.”​—Abanyefeso 5:33.

None woserurira gute akari ku mutima uwo mwubakanye ubigiranye icubahiro? Ng’izi impanuro zimwezimwe Bibiliya itanga.

Ingorane:

Abantu benshi bakunda kuvuga kuruta uko bakunda kwumviriza. Woba nawe ari ukwo umeze? Bibiliya ivuga ko “[uwishura] ku kintu ataracumva” ari igipfu. (Imigani 18:13) Banza rero wumvirize imbere y’uko uvuga. Kubera iki? Uwitwa Kara, akaba amaze imyaka 26 yubatse, avuga ati: “Nshima ko umugabo wanje adaca ubwo nyene agerageza gutorera umuti ingorane zanje. Si ngombwa ngo tubone ibintu kumwe canke ngo abone icateye iyo ngorane. Nshaka gusa ko antega ugutwi, akanyereka ko atahura ukuntu niyumva.”

Ku rundi ruhande, hari abagabo n’abagore usanga bagonanwa guserura iryo bagona kandi bakumva ubuyega igihe uwo bubakanye abahase ngo bavuge ukuntu biyumva. Umukenyezi umwe aherutse kwubaka yitwa Lorrie yasanze umugabo wiwe bimusaba umwanya munini kugira aserure ukuntu yiyumva. Avuga ati: “Bisaba ko nihangana, nkarindira ko atangura guserura akari ku mutima.”

Umuti:

Nimba wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mukeneye kuyaga ikintu gishobora gutuma mucanamwo, nuvyure ico kibazo igihe mwempi mutekanye kandi mworohewe. None wokora iki igihe uwo mwubakanye asa n’uwudashaka kuyaga? Numenye iki kintu: “Ivyiyumviro vy’umuntu bimeze nk’amazi ari mw’iriba rirerire, mugabo umuntu afise ugutahura kwimbitse arashobora kubivoma.” (Imigani 20:5, Today’s English Version) Udugije ningoga na ningoga indobo uyikura mw’iriba, amazi menshi araseseka. Muri ubwo buryo nyene, hamwe wovugisha uwo mwubakanye umuhata rwose, yoshobora guca arondera kwisigura, akaryo ko kuvoma ibiri mu mutima wiwe kakaba kaguciye mu myanya y’intoke. Aho kubigenza gutyo, numubaze ibibazo wengenga kandi n’icubahiro, kandi wihangane nimba adaserura ukuntu yiyumva ningoga nk’uko uvyipfuza.

Uwo mwubakanye aramutse avuze, ‘nutebuke kwumva, utebe kuvuga, utebe kuraka.’ (Yakobo 1:19) Umuntu azi kwumviriza ntiyumviriza gusa akoresheje ugutwi, ariko kandi arumviriza akoresheje umutima. Igihe uwo mwubakanye ariko aravuga, gerageza gutahura ukuntu yiyumva. Azobona ko umwubaha canke utamwubaha aravye ukuntu umwumviriza.

Yezu yaratwigishije ukuntu twokwumviriza. Nk’akarorero, igihe umugabo umwe arwaye yamwegera ashaka ko amufasha, Yezu ntiyaciye atorera umuti nya ngorane ubwo nyene. Yabanje kwumviriza ico asaba, aca arakorwa ku mutima cane n’ivyo yumvise, hanyuma aramukiza. (Mariko 1:40-42) Igihe uwo mwubakanye ariko aravuga, nugire nk’ukwo nyene. Niwibuke iki kintu: Ico ashobora kuba arondera si uko uca ubwo nyene utorera umuti ingorane yiwe, ahubwo ni uko werekana yuko umutahura koko. Numutege yompi rero, maze umwumvire impuhwe, hanyuma ubone kugira ico ukoze ku vyo akeneye. Gutyo, uzoba werekanye ko wubaha uwo mwubakanye.

Ingorane:

Umwe Linda twavuga agira ati: “Ibikino bitwenza vyo ku mboneshakure bituma abantu babona ko kuvuga nabi uwo mwubakanye, gutukana no guhemana ari ibisanzwe.” Bamwebamwe bakurira mu ngo aho usanga imvugo itarimwo icubahiro ari yo iharangwa. Mu nyuma igihe bubatse izabo, birabagora kwirinda ako kamenyero mu ngo zabo. Umugore umwe aba muri Kanada yitwa Ivy yigana ati: “Nakuriye ahantu wasanga agahemo, ugukankama n’ukwitana amazina y’ugutukana ari bwo buzima.”

Umuti:

Igihe uyagira abandi ivyerekeye uwo mwubakanye, nuvuge “ijambo ryose ryiza ryo kwubaka uko bikenewe, kugira ngo rihe ivyiza abaryumva.” (Abanyefeso 4:29) Nutume abandi  babona neza uwo mwubakanye mu kuntu umuvuga.

N’igihe muri mwenyene, niwirinde agahemo n’amazina yo gutukana. Muri Isirayeli ya kera, Mikali yarashavuriye umugabo wiwe, ari we Mwami Dawidi. Yavuganye agahemo, avuga yuko Dawidi yabaye nk’“umwe mu bagabo b’ibijuju.” Ivyo yavuze vyarababaje Dawidi, ariko kandi ntivyahimbaye Imana. (2 Samweli 6:20-23) Icigwa none ni ikihe? Igihe uyaga n’uwo mwubakanye, nuhitemwo witonze amajambo ukoresha. (Abakolosayi 4:6) Phil, akaba amaze imyaka umunani yubatse, yiyemerera ko we n’umugore wiwe n’ubu bishika hakagira ivyo badahurizako. Aramaze kubona yuko hari igihe avuga ibintu maze bigasongera isibe. Avuga ati: “Nahavuye ntahura yuko igihe mba nitwa ko natsinze mu mpari, mu vy’ukuri mba natsinzwe. Mbona ko ikiryoshe kuruta kandi c’ingirakamaro ari ugukomeza ubucuti bwacu.”

Umupfakazi umwe ageze mu zabukuru wo mu bihe vya kera yaremesheje abakazana biwe “[kuronka] ahantu h’ukuruhukira, umwe wese mu nzu y’umugabo wiwe.” (Rusi 1:9) Igihe umugabo n’umugore baterana iteka, baratuma mu rugo rwabo haba “ahantu h’ukuruhukira.”

Ingorane:

Bamwebamwe mu baherutse kwubaka barihenda bakiyumvira yuko ico Bibiliya yita kuba “umubiri umwe” bisobanura yuko umugabo n’umugore bategerezwa kubona ibintu kumwe no kugira kamere imwe. (Matayo 19:5) Ariko rero, ntibateba kubona ko kwiyumvira gutyo ari ukurota. Bamaze igihe bubakanye, kenshi ivyo badahurizako bivamwo impari. Linda avuga ati: “Kimwe mu bintu bihambaye je na Phil dutandukaniyeko ni uko adahagarika umutima cane nkanje. Hari igihe aba atekanye ariko jeho nkaba mpagaritse umutima, bigaca bintera ishavu kubera mba mbona umengo ntavyitayeho nkanje.”

Umuti:

Umwe wese niyemere mugenziwe uko ari kandi yubahirize ivyo atandukaniyeko na we. Tubitangire akarorero: Amaso yawe ntakora cokimwe n’amatwi yawe; ariko birakorana ku buryo ushobora kujabuka ibarabara ata ngorane. Adrienne, akaba amaze hafi imyaka 30 yubatse, avuga ati: “Mu gihe ivyiyumviro vyacu bitaba biteye kubiri n’Ijambo ry’Imana, twe n’umugabo wanje turemera ko umwe wese agira ivyiyumviro bitandukanye n’ivy’uwundi. Nakare, naho twubakanye turi abantu babiri batandukanye.”

Bishitse uwo mwubakanye akagira iciyumviro gitandukanye n’icawe canke ntiyakire ibintu cokimwe nawe, ntiwibande ku vyawe gusa. Niwitwararike ukuntu abona ibintu. (Abafilipi 2:4) Kyle umugabo wa Adrienne, yiyemerera ati: “Si imisi yose ntahura ivyiyumviro vy’umugore wanje canke ngo tubihurizeko. Mugabo nca niyibutsa yuko ndamukunda cane kurusha uko nkunda iciyumviro canje. Iyo anezerewe nanje vy’ukuri ndanezerwa.”

Kwubahana ni kimwe mu bintu bituma urugo rurama kandi rukarangwamwo agahimbare. Linda agira ati: “Kwubahana bituma abubakanye bagira agahimbare kandi bakumva batekaniwe. Emwe, ni ikintu umuntu akwiye gutsimbataza.”