Ingo z’abubakanye badasangiye abana zirahangana n’ingorane zidasanzwe zijanye n’imigenderanire hagati y’abazigize n’abo hanze yazo. * Abavyeyi batari bake bo muri mwene iyo miryango bategerezwa kuvugana n’umuvyeyi w’abo bana atabana na bo, ku bijanye n’ibibazo vyerekeye kuja kuramukanya, indero y’abana be no kubaronsa ivyo bakeneye. Incuti n’abagenzi na bo nyene vyoshobora kubagora kumenyera abantu bashasha baje mu muryango. Raba ingene impanuro zo muri Bibiliya zishobora gufasha mwene iyo miryango guhangana n’izo ngorane.

Inabibondo wo muri Namibiya yitwa Judith areze abana b’umugabo wiwe avuga ati: “Nyina wabo yababwiye yuko ata kindi dupfana, ko ndi mukase wabo gusa, kandi ko abana bose tuzovyarana na se wabo batazoba bavukana na bo. Ayo majambo yarambabaje cane kubera ko nakunda abo bana nk’aho ari abo nivyariye.”

Abahinga baremera yuko mu rugo rw’abubakanye badasangiye abana hashobora kuba ingorane zikomeye, no  gucanamwo bagacanamwo, bivuye ku migenderanire iri hagati y’abagize urwo rugo hamwe n’umuvyeyi avyara abo bana mugabo atabana na bo. Akenshi, nyina w’umwana na mukase ni bo bakunda kugiranira ingorane. Ni igiki none cofasha?

Icobafasha: Nushinge uturimbi tutarenze urugero. Ugerageje kwigizayo umuvyeyi mwavyaranye abana, vyoshobora gutuma nya bana bagira umubabaro mu mutima. * Abavyeyi b’umwana, ni ukuvuga ‘abamuvyaye,’ barafise ikibanza kidasanzwe mu buzima bwiwe. (Imigani 23:22, 25) Ku rundi ruhande, uretse uwo mwahoze mwubakanye akagira akosho kanini ku rugo rwawe, birashobora kubabaza uwo mwubakanye ubu, canke mbere bikamushavuza. Nugerageze rero kugira uburimbane, ushinge uturimbi tutarenze urugero kugira ngo ukingire umubano wawe, ariko kandi ugume ukorana neza n’uwo wundi muvyeyi uko bishoboka kwose.

IMPANURO ZIHAWE ABAVYEYI

• Igihe uvugana n’uwo mwahoze mwubakanye, nimuganire canecane ivy’abana banyu, aho kuganira cane ibindi bintu. Nk’akarorero, ubigiranye ukwigengesera, numubaze nimba vyoshoboka ko mushinga umwanya yoza araterefonerako. Kenshi ivyo biraba vyiza cane kuruta gupfa gutelefona umwanya uwo ari wo wose canke gutelefona bwije rwose.

• Nimba atari wewe amategeko yahaye uburenganzira bwo kugumana abana, kumbure urashobora kuza urabatelefona, ubandikira amakete, ubarungikira ubutumwa biciye kuri telefone canke kuri Internet, kugira ngo mugume muhanahana amakuru. (Gusubira mu vyagezwe 6:6, 7) Hari n’abakoresha ubuhinga butuma bashobora kuganira babonana. Ivyo birashobora gutuma urushiriza kumenya vyinshi ku bijanye n’abana bawe, kandi ukabagirako akosho keza, mbere kuruta uko wavyiyumvira.

IMPANURO ZIHAWE INABIBONDO AREZE ABANA B’UMUGABO WIWE

• Nugaragarize “impuhwe” nyina w’abana b’uwo mwubakanye mu kumusigurira neza yuko udashaka gufata ikibanza ciwe. (1 Petero 3:8) Mu kiringo abo bana baba bari iwawe, niwame umumenyesha amakuru yabo, ushimike canecane ku vyiza. (Imigani 16:24) Numusabe ivyiyumviro, kandi umushimire igihe abiguhaye.

• Niwirinde kugaragariza abo bana igishika cinshi igihe muri kumwe na nyina wabo. Inabibondo yitwa Beverly wo muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe za Amerika areze abana b’umugabo biwe, avuga ati: “Narabonye ko abana batoyi b’umugabo wanje bipfuza kunyita mawe. Twarumvikanye yuko bashobora kunyita mawe igihe turi i muhira, ariko ko batobigira igihe bari kumwe na nyina wabo Jane canke bari kumwe n’abo mu muryango wa nyina. Inyuma y’aho, nararushirije kugiranira imigenderanire myiza na Jane. N’ikivyemeza ni uko twahavuye tuza turabafashiriza hamwe mu bijanye no kwitegurira udukino two kw’ishure be n’ingendo ziringanizwa n’ishure.”

IMPANURO ZOFASHA SE CANKE NYINA W’UMWANA KWUMVIKANA N’UMUVYEYI-MUREZI

• Niwirinde abana ntibakwumve uvuga nabi uwo mwahoze mwubakanye. Nimba uri umuvyeyi-murezi, niwirinde ntibakwumve uvuga nabi nyina canke se wabo atabana na bo. Nimba na ho utabana n’abana bawe, niwirinde kuvuga nabi umugabo canke umugore w’uwo mwahoze mwubakanye. Biroroshe ko umuntu asanga yavuze nabi gutyo, ariko rero ivyo birababaza cane  umwana. Kandi ntushobora kumenya igihe uwo mwana azovuga ivyo wavuze canke ukuntu azobivuga. (Umusiguzi 10:20) Bishitse umwana akakubwira yuko umwe mu bavyeyi yakuvuze nabi, niwibande ku kuntu uwo mwana yiyumva. Nk’akarorero, womubwira uti: “Birambabaje kubona wumvise ivyo bintu. Mama wawe aramfitiye ishavu, kandi rimwe na rimwe iyo abantu bashavuye, baravuga ibintu bitameze neza.”

• Nimugerageze gushinga amategeko amwe no kubatoza indero mu buryo bumwe naho mutari mu rugo rumwe. Nimba ivyo bidashoboka, nubasigurire igituma ivyo mu rugo rwanyu bitandukanye n’ivyo mu rugo rw’uwundi muvyeyi, utiriwe urashira hasi uwo muvyeyi. Raba nk’akarorero iki kintu gishobora gushika:

  Umuvyeyi-murezi: Timo, ubona wokwanikira iyo swime itose?

  Timo: Kwa mama tuzisiga hasi, akazitwanikirira.

  Umuvyeyi-murezi (ashavuye): Ngw’iki? Ukwo ni ko abigisha kuba ibinebwe?

  Vyorushiriza kuba vyiza uwo muvyeyi yishuye mu buryo nk’ubu:

  Umuvyeyi-murezi (aturuye): Ndabitahura. Ariko rero ng’aha uwukoresheje iswime ni we ayanikira.

• Niwirinde guha abana ibikorwa mu mwanya bategerezwa kuba bari kumwe n’umuvyeyi wabo atabana na bo. (Matayo 7:12) Nimba vy’ukuri ubona ata kundi vyogenda, nuyage n’uwo muvyeyi wabo imbere y’uko ubwira abana ivyo bazokora.

Igitabu kimwe (Step Wars) kirasubiramwo amajambo umukenyezi umwe yavuze yidoga yuko umugabo wiwe asa n’uwuja ku ruhande rw’abana biwe bageze mu bigero, agahakana ko abo bana bafata nabi uwo mukenyezi. Avuga ati: “Nca numva ishavu rigeze i mutwe.” None wokora iki kugira ngo imigenderanire ufitaniye n’abana b’uwo mwubakanye bageze mu bigero ntiyonone umubano wanyu?

Icobafasha: Nugerageze gutahura. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Umuntu wese ntagume arondera akarusho kiwe bwite, ahubwo arondere ak’uwundi.” (1 Abakorinto 10:24) Nugerageze kumenya no gutahura ukuntu abandi biyumva. Abo bana bashobora kuba batinya gutakaza igishika abavyeyi babo babafitiye. Canke hari aho bokwumva umengo gukunda umuvyeyi mushasha kwoba ari uguhemukira abavyeyi babavyaye be n’abo bavukana. Abavyeyi na bo boshobora kuba batinya ko bahambariye abo bana babo vyotuma basigara batakibiyumvamwo.

Aho kugerageza guhata ubucuti hagati yawe n’abo bana, nureke bwizane. Mu bisanzwe, ntibiranga ubukerebutsi guhatira umuntu gukunda uwundi. (Indirimbo ya Salomo 8:4) Igihe rero urondera kugiranira ubucuti n’abana b’uwo mwubakanye, nugerageze kwitega ibintu vyumvikana kandi bishoboka.

Ntupfe kuvuga ikintu cose kiri mu mutima wawe canke ico wiyumviriye cose, naho woba ufashwe nabi. (Imigani 29:11) Igihe wumva yuko bikugoye cane kwigumya mu majambo, nusenge nk’uko Dawidi umwami wa Isirayeli yabigize, ati: “Ewe Yehova, nushirireho umurinzi akanwa kanje; nushire umucunzi ku muryango w’iminwa yanje.”​—Zaburi 141:3.

 Igihe mwohitamwo kuba mu nzu abo bana bakuriyemwo, hari aho wosanga abo bana bakihiyumvamwo cane kuruta uko wavyibaza. Gerageza uhindure ibintu bike bibaho muri iyo nzu, canecane ahahoze ari uburyamo bwabo. Mwoshobora no kwiyumvira ivyo kwimukira mu yindi nzu.

Inabibondo yitwa Marion wo muri Kanada areze abana b’umugabo wiwe, avuga ati: “Abavyeyi banje kenshi wasanga baha utuntu umuhungu wanje, ariko ntihagire ico baha abana b’umugabo wanje. Twaragerageza guca turondera ivyo duha abo bana, ariko hari aho bitakunda.”

Icobafasha: Nushire imbere urugo rwawe rushasha. Nubwire incuti zawe n’abagenzi yuko wiyemeje kwitwararika urugo rwawe rushasha. (1 Timoteyo 5:8) Naho utokwitega ko incuti zawe n’abagenzi baca buno nyene bakunda abo baherutse kwinjira mu muryango wawe, urashobora gusaba ko babubaha kandi bakabafata neza. Nubasigurire yuko abana bazokwumva bababaye nibabirengagiza ntibabitwararike canke ngo babakorere ibindi bintu biranga umutima mwiza.

Nugerageze gutuma abavyeyi b’uwahoze ari umugabo wawe canke umugore wawe bagira ikibanza mu buzima bw’abuzukuru babo. Inabibondo umwe wo mu Bwongereza yitwa Susan yigana ati: “Haciye amezi 18 mpfakaye, narubakanye n’uwundi mugabo, ariko abavyeyi b’umuhisi vyarabagoye kwiyumvamwo uwo mugabo wanje wa kabiri. Mugabo ibintu vyaragenze neza igihe twarushiriza kubaha ikibanza mu muryango, abana bakaza barabatelefona, natwe tukabakengurukira ku kuntu badufata mu mugongo.”

Mu rugo rurimwo abavyeyi badasangiye abana, kugiranira imigenderanire myiza n’abatari abo mu rugo rwabo birashobora kuba urugamba. Ariko niwashira mu ngiro impanuro zo mw’Ijambo ry’Imana, urugo rwanyu bizorugendera nk’uko Bibiliya ibisezerana, iti: “Ubukerebutsi ni bwo bwubaka urugo, kandi ugutahura ni kwo kurushimangira.”​—Imigani 24:3.