Linda yarahukanye n’umugabo bahoze bubakanye. We na Herman barahimbarwa kubona barubakanye. Naho ari ukwo, baratahura yuko igihe umuntu asubiye kwubaka urwiwe ashobora kugira ingorane atigeze agira mu mubano wiwe wa mbere.

Nimba warasubiye kwubaka urwawe, ubona gute umubano wawe mushasha? Umukenyezi yitwa Tamara, uwasubiye kwubaka haheze imyaka itatu yahukanye, avuga ati: “Iyo wubatse urwawe ari ryo rya mbere, hari ukuntu wiyumvamwo yuko umubano wawe uzoba uw’ibihe vyose. Ariko iyo usubiye kwubaka, hari aho utokwiyumva gutyo kubera ko uguma wibuka yuko umubano wawe wa mbere utabandanije.”

Naho ari ukwo, abatari bake barashoboye kuronka agahimbare nyakuri kandi karamba mu mubano wabo mushasha. Ko baroraniwe, nawe urashobora kuroranirwa!  Uti gute? Rimbura ingorane zitatu zikunze gushika be n’ukuntu ingingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya zogufasha guhangana n’izo ngorane.

Umukenyezi yitwa Ellen wo muri Afrika y’Epfo avuga ati: “Biragoye ko ndeka kwiyumvira umubano wanje wa mbere, na canecane igihe tuba dufashe urugendo tukaja ahantu twakunda kuja kuruhukira n’umugabo wanje wa mbere. Hari igihe nsanga ndiko ndagereranya umugabo wanje n’uwo twahoze twubakanye.” Ku rundi ruhande, nimba uwo mwubakanye yahoze yubakanye n’uwundi, hari aho vyokubabaza mu gihe yoba akunda kuvuga ivyerekeye uwo bahoze bubakanye.

INAMA TWOKUGIRA: Nutahure yuko udakwiye kwitega ko wewe canke uwo mwubakanye muzoshoka mwibagira umubano wanyu wa mbere, na canecane nimba waramaze imyaka itari mike. Mbere bamwebamwe bavuga ko bimaze gushika bagakoresha izina ry’uwo bahoze bubakanye mu guhamagara uwo bubakanye ubu! None wovyifatamwo gute nimba ufise iyo ngorane canke iyindi isa n’iyo? Bibiliya iduhanura iti: “Nimugerageze gutahurana.”​—1 Petero 3:8, New Century Version.

Ntureke ngo agashari gatume ubuza uwo mwubakanye gucisha mu kanwa ivy’umubano wiwe wa mbere. Bishitse uwo mwubakanye akumva yipfuza kukuyagira ibijanye n’umugabo canke umugore wiwe wa mbere, numutege yompi ubigiranye impuhwe n’ikibabarwe. Kandi ntuce wihutira kwiyumvira yuko ariko arakugereranya na we. Umugabo yitwa Ian, akaba amaze imyaka cumi asubiye kwubaka, avuga ati: “Umukenyezi wanje ntiyigeze abona ko kizira kuyaga ibijanye n’umukenyezi wanje atakiriho. Ahubwo yabona ko ari akaryo ko kumenya ivyatumye mba uko ndi ubu.” Hari igihe mbere wosanga ibiyago nk’ivyo vyokomeza ubucuti ufitaniye n’uwo mwubakanye ubu.

Niwibande kuri kamere nziza uwo mwubakanye ubu yisangije. Ni ivy’ukuri yuko ashobora kuba adafise kamere zinaka uwo mwahoze mwubakanye yari afise canke akaba adashoboye ibintu kanaka uwo wundi yari ashoboye. Mugabo na we arashobora kuba afise ivyo arushije uwo mwahoze mwubakanye. Ku bw’ivyo rero, nukomeze ubucuti ufitaniye n’uwo mwubakanye ubu mu kwiyumvira no mu gushima ivyo ukunda kuri we, aho ‘kumugereranya n’uwundi.’ (Abagalatiya 6:4) Umugabo umwe yasubiye kwubaka urwiwe yitwa Edmond abivuga muri aya majambo, ati: “Nk’uko nyene ubugenzi ufitaniye n’umuntu kanaka budasa n’ubwo ufitaniye n’uwundi, ni ko n’umubano umwe udasa n’uwundi.”

Wokora iki ngo ibintu vyiza wibuka vyo mu mubano wawe wa mbere ntibihungabanye umubano wawe mushasha? Uwitwa Jared avuga ati: “Narigeze gusigurira umukenyezi wanje yuko umubano wanje wa mbere wari umeze nk’igitabu ciza jewe n’umukenyezi wanje wa mbere twanditse. Vyoshika nkakizingurura nkagisoma, nkongera nkiyumvira ibintu vyiza twaciyemwo. Mugabo simbaho nisunga ico gitabu. Ahubwo riho, jewe n’umukenyezi wanje w’ubu ni nk’aho turiko turandika igitabu cacu, kikaba ari co mbaho nisunga kandi mpimbawe.”

Umugabo umwe yitwa Javier yasubiye kwubaka haciye imyaka itandatu yahukanye, avuga ati: “Haciye igihe twubakanye, umukenyezi wanje yabona umengo abagenzi banje bamwebamwe bariko baramusuzuma, bamwiga.” Uwundi mugabo yitwa Leo wewe yari ahanzwe n’ingorane itandukanye n’iyo. Avuga ati: “Hari abantu vyashika bakabwira umukenyezi wanje ingene bakunda cane umugabo wiwe wa mbere be n’ingene bamukumbuye, kandi bakabimubwirira imbere yanje!”

INAMA TWOKUGIRA: Gerageza gutahura abagenzi bawe. Umwe Ian twavuga agira ati: “Nibaza ko hari igihe abagenzi b’umuntu bibagora cane, bikanabababaza cane, igihe bifatanije na we atari kumwe n’uwo bahoze bubakanye bari bamenyereye.” Nube rero umuntu ‘agira ibitegereka, yerekana ubwitonzi bwose ku bantu bose.’ (Tito 3:2) Incuti zawe n’abagenzi bawe nubahe umwanya wo kumenyera umubano wawe mushasha. Kubera ko umubano wawe wahindutse, hari aho n’abagenzi bohinduka. Umwe Javier twavuga, avuga yuko we n’umukenyezi wiwe bagiye buhorobuhoro barasubira kugenderanira n’abagenzi babo ba kera. Yongerako ati: “Ariko kandi turagerageza kurondera abagenzi bashasha duhurizako.”

 Igihe uri kumwe n’abagenzi bawe ba kera, niwitwararike ukuntu uwo mwubakanye yiyumva. Nk’akarorero, bishitse mugatangura kuvuga ibijanye n’umubano wawe wa mbere, nuce ukoresha ubukerebutsi n’ukwigengesera kugira ngo uwo mwubakanye ubu ntiyumve umengo mwamukumiriye. Umugani umwe wo muri Bibiliya uvuga uti: “Iyo umuntu avuze amajambo atabanje kwiyumvira, ayo majambo arashobora gukomeretsa nka kurya kw’inkota. Mugabo umuntu w’inkerebutsi ariyubara mu vyo avuga. Amajambo avuga arashobora kuvura ivyo bikomere.”​—Imigani 12:18, Holy Bible—​Easy-to-Read Version.

Umugabo umwe yitwa Andrew, umukenyezi wiwe wa mbere akaba yaramutaye, avuga ati: “Nahora mfise ubwoba bw’uko nzosubira guhemukirwa.” Yahavuye yubakana n’uwitwa Riley, akaba ari we mukenyezi babana ubu. Avuga ati: “Narakunda kwibaza nimba nzokwigera ndamubera umunega mwiza nk’uwo bahoze bubakanye. Hari n’igihe nahagarika umutima niyumvira yuko azohava asanga ntari umunega mwiza, agaca agenda kwibanira n’uwundi.”

INAMA TWOKUGIRA: Nubwire uwo mwubakanye akakubakiye. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Imigambi irapfa ahatagira ikiyago c’akabanga.” (Imigani 15:22) Ikiyago c’akabanga carafashije Andrew na Riley kwizigirana. Andrew avuga ati: “Narabwiye Riley yuko ntazokwigera nahukana kugira ngo gusa nikize ingorane, Riley na we aransubiriza umutima mu nda ko na we ari ukwo nyene. Nahavuye ndamwizigira ndaherezako.”

Nimba uwo mwubakanye yarahemukiwe n’uwo bari bubakanye, nugire ivyo ukoze kugira ngo akwizigire. Nk’akarorero, Michel na Sabine, bompi bakaba barahukanye n’abo bari bubakanye, basezeranye yuko nivyashika bakavugana canke bakabonana n’abo bahoze bubakanye, bazobibwirana. Sabine avuga ati: “Ico kintu twasezeranye catumye twumva dutekaniwe, dufise amahoro.”​—Abanyefeso 4:25.

Abenshi basubiye kwubaka izabo bararoraniwe; nawe urashobora kuroranirwa. Kanatsinda, ubu ushobora kuba wiyizi neza kuruta uko wari wiyizi igihe wubaka ari bwo bwa mbere. Umwe Andrew twavuga, agira ati: “Kubana na Riley ntiworaba ukuntu vyampojeje! Tumaranye imyaka 13, tukaba dufitaniye ubucuti bukomeye cane tutipfuza ko bwopfa buheze.”