Umuhungu wawe arimo kurira, agira ati: “Sinshobora kubikora. Birakomeye. Sinabyiga ngo mbimenye.” Ntajya yihanganira gukora ibintu bimukomereye, kandi nawe ntujya wishimira kubona umwana wawe ahangayikishijwe n’ikintu yananiwe gukora. Ariko nanone urifuza ko yamenya uko yahangana n’ibibazo. Ese wakwihutira kumufasha cyangwa wamureka akarwana na byo kugira ngo bimutoze kwihangana?

 Kwihangana ni iby’ingenzi cyane. Iyo ababyeyi batoje umwana wabo gukorana umwete, bituma agaragaza ubushobozi bwe mu bintu bitandukanye. Urugero, bimufasha kugira amanota meza ku ishuri, akagira ubuzima bwiza kandi akabana neza n’abandi. Ibinyuranye n’ibyo, iyo ababyeyi barinze umwana wabo ingorane no gutsindwa, bishobora kumutera kwiheba, akumva ntacyo ashoboye, kandi bikazamugora igihe azaba amaze gukura.

 Ushobora gutoza umwana wawe kwihangana. Ndetse n’abana bato cyane na bo bashobora kwiyemeza gukora ibintu bigoye kandi bakiga gukemura ibibazo. Hari ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko iyo abana bafite nk’umwaka n’amezi atatu babonye abantu bakuru bakorana umwete kugira ngo bagere ku bintu runaka, babigana kuko babona ko kugira ngo ugire icyo ugeraho bisaba gushyiraho imihati.

 “Ndibuka igihe nigishaga abakobwa banjye gufunga imishumi y’inkweto zabo. Ibyo si ibintu bari kwiga mu munsi umwe. Buri gihe iyo bageragezaga kuyifunga bashoboraga kumara hagati y’iminota 10 na 15, bigana uko nabiberetse. Icyakora nyuma narabafashaga. Nubwo hari igihe byabananiraga bakarira, amaherezo nyuma y’amezi make barabimenye. Nashoboraga kubyoroshya nkagura inkweto zitagira imishumi, ariko burya ni byiza ko natwe ababyeyi twitoza umuco wo kwihangana kugira ngo dufashe abana bacu kwihangana.”—Colleen.

 Ushobora gutuma umwana wawe atihangana. Hari ababyeyi bashobora gutuma umwana wabo atagira umuco wo kwihangana nubwo atari byo baba bamwifuriza. Mu buhe buryo? Hari ababyeyi baba badashaka kwivunira umwana, bigatuma bumva bamufasha buri kantu kose, kugira ngo hatagira ikintu kimutesha umutwe. Icyakora ubwo si bwo buryo bwiza bwo gufasha umwana. Umwanditsi witwa Jessica Lahey yaravuze ati: “Iyo turinda abana bacu gukora imirimo ikomeye ni nk’aho tuba tubabwira tuti: ‘nta kintu ushoboye, ntitwiringiye ko hari ikintu wageraho tutagufashije.’” a Ingaruka zabyo ni izihe? Ibyo bishobora gutuma abana batitoza gukemura ibibazo bahura na byo, kuko baba bibwira ko bakeneye umuntu mukuru ubafasha kubikemura.

 Jya ubigisha gukorana umwete. Ababyeyi bashobora gutoza abana babo kwihangana, babaha imirimo yo mu rugo ikwiranye n’imyaka yabo. Urugero, abana bataratangira ishuri bashobora kubika neza imyenda no kubika ibikinisho byabo. Abatangiye ishuri bo bashobora gufasha mu kubika ibiribwa, gutegura ameza, kumena imyanda no guhanagura ahantu banduje. Ingimbi n’abangavu bashobora gukora imirimo ikomeye irimo gukora isuku, kwita ku bikoresho no gusana ibyangiritse. Abana ntibakunda gukora imirimo yo mu rugo, ariko biba byiza iyo ababyeyi babo babatoje imirimo bakiri bato kugira ngo bajye babafasha. Ibyo bimarira iki abana? Bibafasha gukunda umurimo, ku buryo no mu gihe bazaba bamaze gukura bazashobora gukora imirimo ikomeye.

 Ihame rya Bibiliya: “Umurimo wose ukoranywe umwete uzana inyungu.”—Imigani 14:23.

 “Ntugahe abana ibintu bituma bahuga gusa ahubwo ujye ubaha akazi bagufashe. Niba umwana wawe ari muto, mushakire igikoresho kitamugora. Niba urimo koza imodoka, mubwire yoze ahantu ashobora kugera. Ujye uhita umushimira ibyo yakoze.”—Chris.

 Ujye uba hafi y’umwana wawe mu gihe akora imirimo igoye. Rimwe na rimwe, abana bacika intege vuba kubera ko baba batazi uko akazi bahawe gakorwa. Ubwo rero mu gihe wigisha umwana wawe ibintu bishya, ujye ukoresha uburyo bukurikira. Mbere na mbere, jya wereka umwana wawe uko ibintu bikorwa. Nyuma yaho, mujye mukorera hamwe. Nimubirangiza, ujye uha umwana wawe ibyo akora kandi umuhe inama zamufasha kubikora neza. Ibyo nibirangira, uzasabe umwana wawe abikore wenyine.

 Ihame rya Bibiliya: “Mbahaye icyitegererezo kugira ngo ibyo mbakoreye namwe muzajye mubikora.”—Yohana 13:15.

 “Nkurikije ibyo niboneye, twebwe ababyeyi niba dushaka ko abana bacu bagira umuco wo kwihangana, tugomba kubaha urugero rwiza. Tugomba kugaragaza imico twifuza ko na bo bagira.”—Doug.

 Jya ufasha umwana wawe kumenya ko gutsinda no gutsindwa bibaho. Jya ubwira umwana wawe inkuru z’ibintu wagezeho kubera ko wihanganye, ntucike intege. Jya umusobanurira ko ari ibisanzwe gutinya gukora ibintu bishya kandi bigoye. Nanone ujye umwereka ko iyo ukoze amakosa, ubivanamo isomo maze ubutaha ugakora neza. Jya uhumuriza umwana wawe umubwire ko niyo yatsindwa bitagabanya urukundo umukunda. Nk’uko imitsi igira imbaraga bitewe no kuyikoresha, ubushobozi bwo kwihangana bw’umwana wawe buziyongera numureka agahangana n’ibibazo. Ubwo rero umwana wawe nahura n’ikibazo, aho kugira ngo wihutire guhita umufasha, jya umuha umwanya wo guhangana n’ikibazo yahuye na cyo. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti: “Uburyo bwiza bwo gufasha umwana kugira ngo azabe umuntu mukuru uzi gufata ibyemezo, ni ukumureka agakora ibintu yumva ko bikomeye, atashobora kugeraho.”

 Ihame rya Bibiliya: “Ni byiza ko umugabo ahangana n’ibibazo akiri umusore.”—Amaganya 3:27.

 “Iyo ababyeyi baretse abana bagahangana n’ikibazo mu gihe runaka ariko bakababa hafi kugira ngo baze kubafasha, bibagirira akamaro. Nyuma y’igihe runaka, ibibazo birashira umwana akamenyera kwirwanaho kandi ibyo akora akabikora yifitiye icyizere.”—Jordan.

 Ujye ubashimira imihati bagaragaza, aho kubashimira ubuhanga bafite. Urugero, aho kuvuga ngo: “Wakoze neza kiriya kizami, uri umuhanga,” ushobora kuvuga uti: “Ndagushimira ko wize cyane ugatsinda kiriya kizami.” Kuki ari ngombwa gushimira umwana imihati yashyizeho, aho kumushimira ko azi ubwenge? Dr. Carol Dweck yaravuze ati: “Gushima abana kubera ko bazi ubwenge bituma batigirira icyizere mu gihe bakoze ibintu bikabananira cyangwa ntibigende neza.” Yakomeje agira ati: “Niba hari ikintu cyiza ababyeyi baha abana babo ni ukubareka bagahangana n’ibibazo, bakigira ku makosa bakora, bakiga gukorana umwete kandi bakiga ibintu bishya. Nibabigenza batyo abana babo ntibazitega ko bahora bashimwa gusa. b

 Ihame rya Bibiliya: “Iyo umuntu ashimiwe bigaragaza uwo ari we.”—Imigani 27:21.