BURI munsi, abantu babona uburyo bwinshi bwo kugirira abandi neza. Icyakora, usanga abantu benshi barangwa n’ubwikunde, kandi nta ho utabasanga. Hari abariganya bagenzi babo mu buryo buteye isoni, naho abandi bagatwara imodoka nabi babangamira abandi. Hari n’ababwira bagenzi babo amagambo atameshe, cyangwa bakabuka inabi bitewe n’umujinya.

Nanone ingeso y’ubwikunde uyisanga mu ngo nyinshi. Urugero, hari umugabo cyangwa umugore utana n’uwo bashakanye bitewe gusa no kumva ko badakwiranye. Hari n’ababyeyi batoza abana babo ingeso y’ubwikunde batabizi. Mu buhe buryo? Ibyo bibaho mu gihe baha umwana icyo asabye cyose cyangwa ugasanga badashaka kumuhana.

Ariko kandi, hari ababyeyi benshi barimo batoza abana babo kwita ku bandi, kandi byagiye bigirira abo bana akamaro. Abana barangwa n’ikinyabupfura babona incuti bitabagoye, kandi ubwo bucuti buraramba. Nanone usanga abana nk’abo banyuzwe. Ibyo biterwa n’iki? Nk’uko Bibiliya ibivuga, “gutanga bihesha ibyishimo kuruta guhabwa.”—Ibyakozwe 20:35.

None se niba uri umubyeyi, watoza ute umwana umuco wo kugira neza, kugira ngo bizamugirire akamaro kandi bimurinde ingeso y’ubwikunde yogeye mu bantu bamukikije? Reka dusuzume ibintu bitatu bishobora gutuma umwana wawe atora ingeso y’ubwikunde n’uko wabimurinda.

Aho ikibazo kiri. Abashakashatsi bagaragaje ko hari ingeso yogeye mu bantu. Abenshi mu rubyiruko batangira akazi bumva ko bazahita babona ibyo bari biteze byose. Baba biteze kugera kuri byinshi batavunitse cyangwa nta n’icyo bakoze. Hari ababa bumva ko bazahita bazamurwa mu ntera nubwo baba bataraba inararibonye mu kazi kabo. Abandi bo bumva ko ari ibitangaza kandi ko n’abandi ari uko bagomba kubafata, maze babona bitagenze bityo bikabababaza.

Ingaruka bigira. Iyo umuntu afite ingeso yo kwiyemera, usanga rimwe na rimwe biba byaratewe n’uko yarezwe. Urugero, imitekerereze igamije gufasha abantu kwigirira icyizere imaze imyaka mirongo yogeye, yashinze imizi mu babyeyi bamwe na bamwe. Iyo mitekerereze ivuga ko umwana yagombye gushimagizwa cyane, kuko iyo ashimagijwe bimugirira akamaro, kabone n’iyo byaba ari mu rugero ruto. Ku rundi ruhande, iyo mitekerereze yumvikanisha ko kunenga umwana mu buryo ubwo ari bwo bwose, bituma acika intege. Kandi muri iyi si aho usanga iyo mitekerereze yogeye, umubyeyi utabigenje atyo abonwa ko ari umubyeyi gito. Ababyeyi babwirwa ko batagomba gutuma abana bumva ko nta cyo bamaze.

Ibyo byatumye ababyeyi benshi batangira gushimagiza abana babo, ndetse no mu gihe nta kintu cyihariye abana bakoze cyatuma bashimirwa. Ikintu cyose bakoze, nubwo kaba ari akantu gato, barabashimagiza, ariko byagera ku ikosa, bakaryirengagiza nubwo ryaba riremereye rite. Abo babyeyi batekereza ko kugira ngo umwana yumve ko hari icyo ari cyo, bagomba kumushimagiza ku kantu kose akoze bakirengagiza ibibi akora. Abo babyeyi bashyize imbere ibituma umwana yumva ko ari igitangaza, aho kumwigisha gukora ikintu cyatuma yumva ko afite agaciro.

Icyo Bibiliya ibivugaho. Bibiliya ivuga ko umuntu yagombye gushimwa ari uko gusa abikwiriye (Matayo 25:19-21). Ariko gushimagiza abana ugamije kubashimisha gusa, bishobora gutuma biyumva uko batari. Bibiliya ibivuga neza igira iti “umuntu natekereza ko hari icyo ari cyo kandi ari nta cyo ari cyo, aba yishuka” (Abagalatiya 6:3). Iyo ni yo mpamvu Bibiliya ibwira ababyeyi iti “ntukareke guhana umwana, kuko numukubita inkoni atazapfa.”—Imigani 23:13. *

Icyo wakora. Iyemeze kujya uhana umwana mu gihe bikenewe, no kumushimira mu gihe abikwiriye koko. Ntugashimagize umwana wawe ugamije gusa gutuma yumva ko hari icyo ari cyo. Ibyo bishobora kutagira icyo bimara. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “uburyo bwiza butuma umuntu yigirira icyizere ni ukunonosora ubuhanga bwe buhoro buhoro no kwiga ibintu bishya; si uguhora abwirwa ko kuba ariho ubwabyo ari ishema [ku babyeyi].”—Generation Me.

“Ntimukitekerezeho ibirenze ibyo mugomba gutekereza. Ahubwo mwiyoroshye.” —Abaroma 12:3, Good News Translation

Aho ikibazo kiri. Abenshi mu bakiri bato batangira akazi batiteguye guhangana n’ingorane bahura na zo. Bamwe muri bo ntibihanganira ko hagira ubakosora, kabone nubwo kaba ari akantu gato. Abandi bo usanga batanyurwa, ku buryo baba bumva ko nta kandi kazi bakora uretse agahuje n’ibyo baba biteze. Urugero, mu gitabo cyanditswe na Dogiteri Joseph Allen, yasubiyemo amagambo yavuzwe n’umusore washakaga akazi. Uwo musore yaravuze ati “hari imirimo imwe n’imwe indambira, kandi simba nshaka ibindushya.” Dogiteri Allen yaranditse ati “ntiyiyumvishaga ko akazi ako ari ko kose gashobora kurambirana. Sinumva ukuntu umuntu agira imyaka 23 atarasobanukirwa ibyo bintu.”—Escaping the Endless Adolescence.

Ingaruka bigira. Mu myaka ibarirwa muri za mirongo ishize, ababyeyi bishyizemo ko bagomba kurinda abana babo imihangayiko iyo ari yo yose. Tuvuge ko umukobwa wawe atsinzwe ikizamini. Ese wajya gusaba mwarimu ngo amwongerere amanota? Naho se umuhungu wawe arenze ku mategeko y’umuhanda? Ese wamwishyurira amande yaciwe? Tuvuge ko bamubenze. Ese wamurengera, ukagereka amakosa kuri mugenzi we?

Nubwo kurinda abana bawe ari ibisanzwe, gukabya kubarinda bishobora gutuma bumva ko batagomba kwirengera ibyo bakora. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “aho kugira ngo abana nk’abo bitegure guhangana n’imibabaro bashobora guhura na yo kandi bamenye uko bakwitwara mu gihe ibintu bitagenze nk’uko bari babyiteze bityo babivanemo isomo, bakura bikunda, bumva ko hari icyo ababyeyi babo n’abandi bantu babagomba.”—Positive Discipline for Teenagers.

Icyo Bibiliya ibivugaho. Ingorane nta we zitageraho. Bibiliya ivuga ko “ibibi bigera kuri buri wese” (Umubwiriza 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version). Muri bo harimo n’abantu beza. Urugero, igihe intumwa Pawulo yakoraga umurimo wo kubwiriza, yahuye n’ingorane z’uburyo bwose. Nyamara guhangana na zo byamugiriye akamaro. Yaranditse ati “nitoje kunyurwa mu mimerere yose naba ndimo. . . . Namenye ibanga ry’ukuntu umuntu ahaga n’uko asonza, uko agira byinshi n’uko aba mu bukene.”—Abafilipi 4:11, 12.

Icyo wakora. Ihatire gukurikiza ihame rigira riti “buri muntu wese aziyikorerera uwe mutwaro,” ariko ubikore uzirikana ikigero buri mwana wawe agezemo (Abagalatiya 6:5). Niba umuhungu wawe yarenze ku mategeko y’umuhanda bakamuca amande, byaba byiza umuretse akayishyura mu mushahara we, cyangwa mu mafaranga ye. Niba umukobwa wawe atsinzwe ikizamini, icyo cyaba ari igihe cyiza cyo kumucyaha kugira ngo ubutaha azige neza. Niba umuhungu wawe abenzwe, muhumurize. Ariko mu gihe gikwiriye uzamufashe no kwibaza ikibazo kigira kiti “ese iyo ushubije amaso inyuma, usanga nta cyo ukwiriye kunonosora?” Iyo abana bahuye n’ibibazo bakabyikuramo, bibatoza kudahungabanywa n’ikintu icyo ari cyo cyose no kwigirira icyizere, iyo mico bakaba badashobora kuyigira mu gihe hari umuntu uhora abakorera byose.

“Buri wese agaragaze agaciro k’imirimo ye, ni bwo azabona impamvu yo kwishima ku bwe wenyine.”—Abagalatiya 6:4

Ikibazo. Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe ku bakiri bato, bwagaragaje ko 81 ku ijana muri bo bafite intego yo “gukira.” Ibyo bituma bumva ko gukira ari byo by’ingenzi kuruta gufasha abandi. Ariko kandi, guhatanira gukira ntibituma umuntu anyurwa. Ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko abantu bakunda ubutunzi babura ibyishimo kandi bakiheba. Nanone bishobora gutuma barwara kandi bagahungabana.

Ingaruka bigira. Hari abana barererwa mu miryango ikunda ubutunzi. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “ababyeyi baba bifuza gushimisha abana babo, abana na bo bakifuza guhabwa ibintu. Ibyo bituma ababyeyi babagurira ibyo bashaka byose. Icyakora nubwo bishimisha abana, ibyishimo byabo biba ari iby’akanya gato, kuko bituma bifuza byinshi kurushaho.”—The Narcissism Epidemic.

Birumvikana ko abamamaza ibicuruzwa na bo baba bifuza kuririra ku byifuzo by’abo bakiriya babo, baba bashaka kugura byinshi. Abo bantu bamamaza bakwirakwiza mu bakiri bato igitekerezo cy’uko niba ibyiza bihari bakwiriye kubihabwa. Abakiri bato benshi batwawe n’ayo magambo, bituma bafata amadeni badashobora kwishyura.

Icyo Bibiliya ibivugaho. Bibiliya ntihakana ko dukenera amafaranga (Umubwiriza 7:12). Ariko nanone, itubwira ko “gukunda amafaranga ari umuzi w’ibibi by’ubwoko bwose.” Yongeraho iti “hari abantu bayararikiye . . . maze bihandisha imibabaro myinshi ahantu hose” (1 Timoteyo 6:10). Bibiliya ntidutera inkunga yo gushaka ubutunzi, ahubwo idutera inkunga yo kunyurwa n’ibintu by’ibanze dukenera mu buzima.—1 Timoteyo 6:7, 8.

“Abamaramaje kuba abakire bagwa mu bishuko no mu mutego no mu irari ryinshi ry’ubupfu ryangiza.”—1 Timoteyo 6:9

Icyo wakora. Mubyeyi, isuzume umenye uko ubona amafaranga n’ibyo ushobora kuyagura. Jya ugaragaza ibyo ushyira mu mwanya wa mbere, kandi utoze abana bawe kukwigana. Cya gitabo twigeze kuvuga, cyagize kiti “abana n’ababyeyi bashobora kwitoza kuganira ku ngingo zikurikira: ni ryari guhaha ibintu byagabanyirijwe igiciro biba byiza? Ni ryari biba ari bibi? Nihagira icyo ngura mfashe ideni, nzabungukira angahe? Ese wigeze ugura ikintu bitewe n’uko hari uwakubwiye ko wagombye kukigura?”—The Narcissism Epidemic.

Ntukagure ibintu byinshi ngo ubirunde mu rugo ugamije gupfukirana ibibazo biri mu muryango bikeneye gukemurwa. Hari igitabo cyagize kiti “kurunda ibintu byinshi mu rugo ugamije gupfukirana ibibazo biri mu muryango, nta cyo bimara. Ibibazo bikemurwa no kungurana ibitekerezo, ubushishozi no kwishyira mu mwanya w’abandi; ntibikemurwa no kugura inkweto n’amasakoshi.”—The Price of Privilege.